December 19, 2017

Eps 123: Solo Show - Navigating Big Emotions From Grownups and Kids

31 minutes

SOLO SHOW

Context – we all have the power and the skills to be the parent we want to be

A recent post from the Live and Love with Joyful Courage community:

Can we talk about sharing our big feelings with our kids?

My kids are 2.5 and 4.5yo, and I don't know how to share my big feelings in front of them without freaking them out. I want to be able to be my full and authentic self with them, in an age appropriate way. And I realize, the fact that they are upset when I am upset means that they are afraid of my big feelings and may be afraid of their own big feelings. We try to welcome their big feelings (tantrums, disappointment, etc.) but I think we do a miserable job at it.

Compounding this, I am someone with explosive emotions. I tend to feel things very deeply and it takes me time to calm down. I have worked hard to make sure I don't express those emotions in a negative or scary way. But instead I most often bottle them up, which isn't good either.

Celebrating awareness. Celebrating emotional intelligence. Celebrating authenticity. Celebrating personal responsibility.

Misconceptions (in general):

not ok for our children to see us upset

not ok for our children to FEEL upset

they’re being naughty

they’re manipulating

they’re learning “bad behavior”

welcoming big feelings is the same as condoning hurtful behavior

This is a POWERFUL example of what I think is the PURPOSE of parenting:

to grow into our best selves

Children are mirrors

not mimics

instead, provide a reflection of how we effect the world, what our impact is, what we are inviting

Children/parenting journey is an invitation

recognizing conditioning

recognizing what our “driver” is

recognize commitment vs attachment

Committed to being a connected parent vs attachment to what that looks like (slippery, perfectionism, comparison)

Children/parenting journey is unrelenting

The lessons come every day, moment to moment

The growth is like peeling an onion

There is no where to ARRIVE

Child/parenting journey is an opportunity to grow

I can’t say this enough

Where are your hard edges?

Where is there room for self growth?

Where can flexibility show up inside of rigidity

“I am someone with explosive emotions.”

We are ALWAYS evolving

What can we learn about ourselves?

What can we practice that will be more helpful and less hurtful?

How can we deliver our experiences and be heard?

How can we create a PRACTICE that honors us and our experience while also models the life skills we want our children to one day embody?

Practices are UNIQUE and INDIVIDUAL

The myth of “balance”

Assumptions about our “roles”

Taking care of ourselves and our own self-regulation, in the end, will do more to teach our children and influence their behavior than any tool you can find in a book or the internet.

You’ve got this!

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By Casey O'Roarty

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