Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Eps 185: How to be fiercely committed and lovingly detached

Listen Later

Today is solo show – woohoo!! I’ve been missing you all.

 I am so excited to have been interviewed by some amazing gals out there in the Podcast world. Anna Seewald of the Authentic Parenting Podcast – www.authenticparenting.com/podcast had me on and we talked about building trust – both in ourselves and our kids. Loved every minute of it and can’t WAIT to meet Anna in person at her conference in May, the Authentic Parenting Conference – www.authenticparenting.com/conference.

 

Today I want to talk about a mantra that I have found useful time and time again. I learned it from a friend and mentor of mine – shout out to Denise Yost! – we saw each other for the first time in a while and when I asked her how she was, she responded with “fiercely committed, and lovingly detached”

 

Fiercely committed, lovingly detached.

 What it means to be fiercely committed?

  • Creating the environment
  • Meeting their needs
  • Advocating for them
  • Being kind and firm
  • Encouraging them

    •  

    What does it mean to be lovingly detached?

    • Allowing them to be who they are
    • Allowing for them to build resiliency through navigating natural consequences
    • Allowing them to be uncomfortable
    • Trusting that they are on THEIR journey
    • Letting go
    • Giving them responsibility over their lives

      •  

      What gets in the way?

      • Our dreams/vision for them
      • Our past/failures/mistakes
      • Our assumptions
      • Our addiction to what other people think
      • Our insecurity about “doing it wrong”
      • Our emotional regulation (or lack of)
      • Our lens of the “right/wrong” way

        •  

        What will help us move towards “fiercely committed, lovingly detached”?

         

        Two list exercise.

        • Challenges
        • Everyone probably has a really similar list – YAY!
        • Gifts
        • Doubt that you have any particular job description…
        • What about “happy”?
        • Can we hope for content?
        • Can we hope for healthy coping skills and resiliency?
        • Can we hope for grounded and empowered?
        • Remember the challenges are at the tip of the iceberg – and anything we “do” with the challenges should somehow, someway, teach/model/or allow our kids to PRACTICE the life skills we want them to embody.

          •  

          A bit about DO.

          • So often parents want to know WHAT DO I DO??
          • In the moment tools
          • This is a narrow mindset
          • PD is a broader lens than in the moment.
          • TRSUT in developing relationship
          • TRUST that kids do better when they feel batter
          • TRUST that all humans what to be connected and know that they matter and have influence
          • In the moment?
          • Keep everyone SAFE
          • Acknowledge your child’s experience
          • Look for solutions and/or ways of making things right

            •  

            They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment.

            • Just because they can tell you what they will do better next time during a calm moment does NOT mean they will access that when they are flipped
            • Not about being naughty/bad – its about relationship, tools and practice

              •  

              Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

              ...more
              View all episodesView all episodes
              Download on the App Store
              Joyful Courage for Parenting TeensBy Casey O'Roarty
              • 4.8
              • 4.8
              • 4.8
              • 4.8
              • 4.8

              4.8

              246 ratings

              More shows like Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

              View all
              Mindful Mama: Raising Kind, Confident Kids Without Losing Your Cool | Parenting Strategies For Big Emotions & More by Hunter Clarke-Fields

              Mindful Mama: Raising Kind, Confident Kids Without Losing Your Cool | Parenting Strategies For Big Emotions & More

              437 Listeners

              Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children by Debbie Reber

              Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

              961 Listeners

              Therapist Uncensored Podcast by Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP & Ann Kelley PhD

              Therapist Uncensored Podcast

              1,387 Listeners

              AT Parenting Survival | Raising Kids with OCD & Anxiety by Natasha Daniels: Child Therapist, Child Anxiety and Child OCD Expert

              AT Parenting Survival | Raising Kids with OCD & Anxiety

              1,196 Listeners

              Beautifully Complex by Penny Williams

              Beautifully Complex

              349 Listeners

              Calm Parenting Podcast by Kirk Martin

              Calm Parenting Podcast

              1,389 Listeners

              Neurodiversity Podcast by Emily Kircher-Morris

              Neurodiversity Podcast

              421 Listeners

              Raising Good Humans by Dear Media, Aliza Pressman

              Raising Good Humans

              1,859 Listeners

              Flusterclux With Lynn Lyons: For Parents Who Worry by Lynn Lyons LICSW, Robin Hutson

              Flusterclux With Lynn Lyons: For Parents Who Worry

              450 Listeners

              Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam by Dr. Cam

              Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

              59 Listeners

              Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting by Dr. Lisa Damour/Reena Ninan

              Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

              121 Listeners

              Good Inside with Dr. Becky by Dr. Becky Kennedy

              Good Inside with Dr. Becky

              4,361 Listeners

              We Can Do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle and Audacy

              We Can Do Hard Things

              41,337 Listeners

              This Is So Awkward by Peoples Media, This Is So Awkward

              This Is So Awkward

              316 Listeners

              Parenting & You With Dr. Shefali by Dr. Shefali / Maia Wisdom

              Parenting & You With Dr. Shefali

              158 Listeners