Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Eps 185: How to be fiercely committed and lovingly detached

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Today is solo show – woohoo!! I’ve been missing you all.

 I am so excited to have been interviewed by some amazing gals out there in the Podcast world. Anna Seewald of the Authentic Parenting Podcast – www.authenticparenting.com/podcast had me on and we talked about building trust – both in ourselves and our kids. Loved every minute of it and can’t WAIT to meet Anna in person at her conference in May, the Authentic Parenting Conference – www.authenticparenting.com/conference.

 

Today I want to talk about a mantra that I have found useful time and time again. I learned it from a friend and mentor of mine – shout out to Denise Yost! – we saw each other for the first time in a while and when I asked her how she was, she responded with “fiercely committed, and lovingly detached”

 

Fiercely committed, lovingly detached.

 What it means to be fiercely committed?

  • Creating the environment
  • Meeting their needs
  • Advocating for them
  • Being kind and firm
  • Encouraging them

    •  

    What does it mean to be lovingly detached?

    • Allowing them to be who they are
    • Allowing for them to build resiliency through navigating natural consequences
    • Allowing them to be uncomfortable
    • Trusting that they are on THEIR journey
    • Letting go
    • Giving them responsibility over their lives

      •  

      What gets in the way?

      • Our dreams/vision for them
      • Our past/failures/mistakes
      • Our assumptions
      • Our addiction to what other people think
      • Our insecurity about “doing it wrong”
      • Our emotional regulation (or lack of)
      • Our lens of the “right/wrong” way

        •  

        What will help us move towards “fiercely committed, lovingly detached”?

         

        Two list exercise.

        • Challenges
        • Everyone probably has a really similar list – YAY!
        • Gifts
        • Doubt that you have any particular job description…
        • What about “happy”?
        • Can we hope for content?
        • Can we hope for healthy coping skills and resiliency?
        • Can we hope for grounded and empowered?
        • Remember the challenges are at the tip of the iceberg – and anything we “do” with the challenges should somehow, someway, teach/model/or allow our kids to PRACTICE the life skills we want them to embody.

          •  

          A bit about DO.

          • So often parents want to know WHAT DO I DO??
          • In the moment tools
          • This is a narrow mindset
          • PD is a broader lens than in the moment.
          • TRSUT in developing relationship
          • TRUST that kids do better when they feel batter
          • TRUST that all humans what to be connected and know that they matter and have influence
          • In the moment?
          • Keep everyone SAFE
          • Acknowledge your child’s experience
          • Look for solutions and/or ways of making things right

            •  

            They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment.

            • Just because they can tell you what they will do better next time during a calm moment does NOT mean they will access that when they are flipped
            • Not about being naughty/bad – its about relationship, tools and practice

              •  

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              Joyful Courage for Parenting TeensBy Casey O'Roarty
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