Gay Men Going Deeper

Eroticizing Shame – Turning Pain Into Pleasure


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In this episode, Matt speaks with Psychotherapist, Merle Yost, about how shame may influence sexual desire and arousal by eroticizing shame as a way of coping with it. Merle shares his story about being sexually molested by his father and the impact this had on his sexual development. Join us for this interesting topic that is often not talked about but deeply impacts many of us. 

The concepts and questions we explore in this episode are:

  • What does it mean to eroticize shame?
  • How do shame and desire become intertwined?
  • What is dissociation, and how can someone overcome it?
  • Why is there so much sexual compulsivity in the gay community?
  • What are some common ways people turn shame into pleasure in BDSM, kink, or other erotic practices?
  • How can someone safely explore these dynamics without reinforcing negative self-perceptions?
  • Can eroticizing shame be a healing experience? If so, how?
  • How can someone tell if they are using this exploration in a healthy or unhealthy way?
  • Today's Guest: Merle Yost

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