EXIT INTERVIEW

!! special holiday episode !!

Midnight strikes. Revelry ensues. Confetti floats like diamonds in the night sky. Oh, the pleasures of another revolution round the ol' sun. Oh, the simplicity of celebration. Yep. That's usually how it goes on New Years Eve.

But this year, when all the clocks in the world stop just before the midnight hour, things get a little bit complicated for God and the Devil...

Join our incompetent banter-filled semi-powerful loser-heroes as they get forced to watch two other deities take over their show, host an episode, and potentially alter the decisions made by one very influential mortal: saving a life in the process, saving a world about to party, and saving a cache of beautiful vlogs just waitin' to be filmed - all in a New Year's Eve's work.

Thanks for listening the past few weeks - we'll see your eardrums in 2021.

HANNAH ALBERTINE - Betty / Cupid

JONAH - Timestopper / Dean Dean / Jack the Valet

TRICIA CRIMMINS - Mother Nature / PGVG / PBCG

WILL KOLLER - Tooth Fairy / Father to J

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Donovan Kass

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Mothers

theme song by AARON SHAPIRO

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No death this week - just a tape cassette filled with the story of a missing Santa. Happy Holidays, all.

ft. SAM MYERS - Dorothy / David Burtka

JONAH - NPH / Santa Claus / Bagel Elf

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Marc Chagall

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Rudolph

theme song by Aaron Shapiro

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(1999 - 2020) Good lord I’m sick of writing these - but this one's a doozy: Franklin Frankie, executive assistant for famed newspaper boss Rick Rickerson, was killed by the digital last night in the city that never sleeps. Known by multiple storeowners for his frantic picking-up of items, Frankie's name has been entered in Britannica's next edition as a synonym for "unpaid intern". He will be buried with his phone on Wednesday, along with his newly-minted JanitorUnion™ card and six robots - four of which shall barrage his afterlife with a series of disconnected nouns and adjectives.

This episode is sponsored by: JACK ENCYCLOPEDIA

ft. IAN ERICKSON - Franklin Frankie

TRICIA CRIMMINS - Rick Rickerson / Jessica / Journica

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Tom / Niece Sandra / NVR1 / NVR2

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Sister Lisa / NVR3 / NVR4

theme song by Aaron Shapiro

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(1973 - 2019) Jealousy did this one in. Lust. Greed. A humble obituary writer like myself would have fallen for it, too. Ebenezer Xanderstein was found dead last night next alongside American movie star Jonah Hill, leaving his wife and daughter to fend for themselves in the oddly affluent town of Long Island. Xanderstein, a well-known rabbi, will be remembered for his tear jerkin’ sermons, for his reading of the WhitePages, and for his inability to make any kind of substantial living during his lifetime. Funeral procession will begin at Kishka Hut in the dead of night, with an erratic helicopter flyover and a premiere screening of Moneyball 6. Y’all be pleasant out there.

This episode is sponsored by: TREEHOUSE AUCTIONEER & HELICOPTER GUY

ft. ALON ELIAN - Ebenezer Xanderstein / Ms. Foxtrot

WILL KOLLER - Keisha Xanderstein / Bryce / sponsorships

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Raul / Jonah Hill

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Daniel Elijah Foxtrot / Brad Pitt

theme song by Aaron Shapiro

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( 1991 - 2020) Ashley Vanderbilt, former bank employee and famed artist, died last night pasta Exit 5 in Boise, Idaho. Crafting herself a spot in the food-based art world, Vanderbilt will no doubt go down in the history cookbooks as significant, creating a lifetime of controversial works in the likeness of various political leaders. She will be remembered by her work wife Sarah, her work wife's wife Angelina, her worker Robert, and her work which has dried out the world's pasta market. Funeral rescheduled from a Monday to a Tuesday. Safe weekend, everyone.

This episode is sponsored by: MAGIC BATTERIES & TONY CASPANZA

ft. NEYSA LOZANO - Ashley Vanderbilt / Putin

JONAH - Sarah Martinstin / sponsorships

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Angelina / KremlinMan

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Robert / Mrs. Putin

theme music by Aaron Shapiro

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Editor's Note: obituary translated from 21st century English to 29th century English.

(1985 - 2899) Kevin Gurburbaby, amateur professional eater ଏବଂ ତିନିଜଣଙ୍କ ପିତା ଗତକାଲି ରାତିରେ ତାଙ୍କ ଘରେ ମୃତ୍ୟୁ ବରଣ କରିଥିଲେ Tempe, Arizona. ସେ ତାଙ୍କ ପତ୍ନୀଙ୍କୁ ଏକ Outback, ସେମାନେ ଏକ Applebees, ସେ ହେଲା food lawyer ଯେତେବେଳେ ସେ ସମସ୍ତ ରୋଜଗାର ଖାଇଲେ - ତାଙ୍କର ଅନେକ ଛୁଟିଦିନ ଏବଂ ଏକାଧିକ ଦ daily ନିକ ଭୋଜନ ଯାତ୍ରା ପାଇଁ ଖର୍ଚ୍ଚ କଲେ. ତାଙ୍କୁ ଅଳ୍ପ ଲୋକ ମନେ ରଖିବେ - ଯେହେତୁ ସେ କେବେବି ରୋଜଗାର କରିନାହାଁନ୍ତି framed picture in a hallway - କିନ୍ତୁ ତାଙ୍କର କଙ୍କାଳଟି ଟେମ୍ପେ ପ୍ରତ୍ନତାତ୍ତ୍ୱିକ ସମାଜ ଦ୍ୱାରା ଆସୁଥିବା ଦଶନ୍ଧି ଧରି ପରୀକ୍ଷା କରାଯିବ. ପାଇଁ ଦାନ କରାଯାଇପାରିବ Arena Football League.

This episode is sponsored by: THE ASTROTURF BOTOX & GOLDEN CAROL

ft. SAM CLARK - Kevin Gurburbaby

TRICIA CRIMMINS - Linda / sponsorships

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Steven / Steven 2.0 / Law Professor

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Kevin 2.0 / Lawyer / Montgomery

theme song by Aaron Shapiro

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(1956 - 2020) Donna Kass, a real lovely just real pleasant woman from Palm Beach, flew with plumage to her death last night on the shores of the Great Salt Lake. A former stewardess for Pennsylvanstralia Airlines in her pre-marriage life, Kass in post-marriage lived vicariously through her flapping memories of the ‘70’s and the frenzied activities of her flock of kids. Revelations of a past relationship with a famed-figure-skater-turned-erotic-novelist have turned Kass’s death into a bit of a zeitgiest black hole, and her funeral - next Tuesday in Florida - is said to have several celebrities RSVP’ed already. Livestream is on Starz Channel @ 8pm.

This episode is sponsored by: CARDINAL SIN & A LADY'S GOTTA TELL

ft. HANNAH ALBERTINE - Donna Kass

TRICIA CRIMMINS - Rachel / Jeffrey Damienson / sponsorships

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Robbie / Margaret Damienson

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Mortician Sec / Damien Damienson

theme music by Aaron Shapiro

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(1972 - 2013) Dean Marmoset, whom you definitely have never heard of, died last night alongside thirty-five others in a high school gym - but at least there was coffee. A delivery man with a penchant for spilling liquids, Marmoset was the protege of famed inventor Mr. Charles, whom you definitely have heard of, and attempted to follow in the footsteps of this vehicular pioneer: a pursuit of Elon Musk-iness that accidentally sped him to his untimely death. He will be buried on Friday with his prototypes, after a brief eulogy and pilates session led by his sister, Stacy.

This episode is sponsored by: ROY’S RED HOT WARM ICE CUBES & SPYWARE EMPLOYEE

ft. JONAH - Dean Marmoset

TRICIA CRIMMINS - Mr. Charles / Stacy / Afternoon Buzzer / sponsorships

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Mr. Loge / Short Guy / Tall Guy / Evening Buzzer

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named / Kid / Morning Buzzer

theme song by Aaron Shapiro

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(1991 - 2018) Peter Sarah Thompson, infamous Orange Squeezer of Villageville, Delaware, died this morning at the ripe age of 27. Known as Peter to friends - but Sarah to others - she was prophesied at birth for this life of squeezing: a seed-y predetermination that Thompson constantly tried to buck, throwing her life into indecisive chaos. She will be missed by all of us townspeople, who will just have to laze around for the next Orange Squeezer to be prophesied - drinking cranberry in the meanwhile to stave off a sugary drought. Oh boy.

This episode is sponsored by: CRUSHED MEAT of LOUISVILLE & UPCOMING FILM: THE SHAMAN GUY

ft. EDEN RICKOLT - Peter Sarah Thompson

WILL KOLLER - Jesus / Matthew / Matthew’s Dad / Martha / sponsorships

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Mark Tony / Frankfurt Frankfurtson

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Peter’s Father

Theme Song produced by Aaron Shapiro

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!! SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE ALERT !!

There’s a ghost down on Earth, haunting the living - on Halloween Night, no less. Follow along as God and the Devil leave the humble confines of their elevator podcast studio and descend in tandem-costume down to the mortal realm to put to bed an undead baseball player: uncovering the secrets of a seventy-year-old “ghost” town, a strangely regenerative brand of Chianti, and a love story spookily suppressed by the boys on the ball-field. Boo. Boo. BOO.

This episode is sponsored by: THE TURTLE RESHELLER

TRICIA CRIMMINS - Babe Tooth / sponsorship

WILL KOLLER - Papa Skeletons / Ernie / Coach

JONAH - Hot Ryan / The School Librarian

JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Leonard / Marshall / Announcer

DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Babe Bluth / Science Teacher / Chianti Owner

Theme Song produced by Aaron Shapiro

an ELEVATOR pod NEW EPISODES THURSDAY! Follow us on Insta @exitinterviewpod