I'm kind of sick of the doom and gloom chat's about perimenopause, so I decided I'd find someone I could ask this question of: "What is good about perimenopause?" Enter Amelia Stafford - an amazing women's health expert who knows her stuff when it comes to hormones and nutrition and the realities of making our health a priority in our busy lives. This is such a refreshing chat! We talk about: - What she eats (the question I just so often wish people cut to with health gurus!) - What she's enjoying about her 40s - Perimenopause - Vaginal health - Periods - Kids - Busy life Amelia is an absolute treat - I hope you love this episode. It's the right mix of realistic and inspiring!

If you struggle with overthinking, this episode is for you.

Maybe your brain replays conversations on a loop.
Maybe you catastrophise about the future.
Maybe decision-making feels exhausting because you’ve already run 47 scenarios in your head.

Overthinking is incredibly common. Research suggests up to 80% of our thoughts are negative and 95% are repetitive. That means most of us are swimming in the same mental loops on repeat.

In this episode, I break down:

• What overthinking actually is (and how it’s different from healthy reflection)
• The two main types: rumination and worry
• Why overthinking feels productive but actually reduces control
• The cognitive distortions driving it, including catastrophising, mind-reading, black and white thinking, and perfectionism
• Why overthinking is often about avoiding an “unbearable” feeling
• The nervous system patterns behind it

And most importantly, I give you practical strategies you can use immediately:

• The powerful question: “What now?”
• How to give your brain a container
• Why getting back into your body is essential
• How to use cognitive defusion from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• Making good enough decisions instead of perfect ones
• Treating life like an experiment
• Building tolerance for uncertainty
• Replacing self-criticism with compassionate self-talk

If you’re tired of living in your head, if your thoughts feel loud and relentless, or if overthinking is impacting your sleep, relationships, or confidence, this episode will give you tools to interrupt the cycle.

You are bigger than your thoughts.
They don’t get to run the show.

For more resources, visit charlottecummings.nz
Come and connect with me on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor

If this episode helped you, please follow the podcast and share it with someone who needs it.

If you’re someone who keeps saying
“I’m just bad at boundaries” or
“I’m the kind of person who overworks”

this episode is for you.

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m answering a listener question about how to maintain work boundaries differently, especially when you’re high-functioning, committed, and genuinely care about doing a good job.

We unpack why willpower isn’t the answer, and why the stories you tell yourself about who you are might actually be keeping you stuck.

In this episode, I cover:
• Why fixed identity stories like “I’m just bad at boundaries” block change
• How to pre-decide work limits so you’re not relying on motivation at the end of a long day
• Practical ways to contain work overflow without letting it take over your life
• How to prepare pushbacks so boundaries don’t feel awkward or personal
• When overwork is actually a resourcing problem, not a you problem
• Why holding boundaries often feels uncomfortable and why that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong
• The confronting question of whether your personal life is inviting enough to pull you away from work
• How workaholism can be a trauma response and what to do if this pattern keeps repeating

If you’re burnt out, exhausted, or quietly worried that your work life is crowding out everything else, this episode will help you think differently and start doing things differently.

This is about building boundaries that are sustainable, realistic, and protective of the life you actually want to live.

Listen now on the Feel Better Podcast.

Hard conversations don’t ruin relationships.
Avoiding them does.

If you keep putting things off because you don’t want to rock the boat, this episode is for you.

In How to Have Hard Conversations Faster (Without Damaging Your Relationship), I unpack why even capable, high-functioning people struggle to raise difficult topics at home and how to do it in a way that actually builds connection.

Inside the episode:
• Why your brain treats hard conversations like a threat
• How avoidance quietly turns into resentment
• What to stop doing when you finally speak up
• How to raise one issue at a time without blowing things up
• The skills that make hard conversations safer, faster, and more productive

Being able to have difficult conversations is not a sign your relationship is failing.
It’s a sign it’s healthy.

🎧 Listen to Feel Better Ep 114 now.
And if this is something you want to work on together, share the episode with your partner and listen at the same time.

Self-care is one of your goals this year.
But when life gets busy, it’s the first thing you drop.

In this episode, I answer a listener question about how to plan self-care in a way that actually holds up in a full, demanding year.

If you already know this year is going to be busy with work pressure, family demands, deadlines or big goals, this episode will help you build self-care that supports you rather than disappearing when you need it most.

In this episode, I talk about:
• How to plan self-care for a busy schedule
• Why increased pressure requires increased self-care
• How to map high-pressure seasons across the year
• What to add when stress rises and what to take off your plate
• Why consistent, “boring” self-care works better than dramatic efforts
• How routines, rituals and pre-booking protect your wellbeing
• How accountability makes self-care more sustainable

This episode is about practical self-care for real life. The kind that supports emotional regulation, clearer thinking and burnout prevention when life is full.

If you don’t want self-care to be the thing you sacrifice in a busy year, this episode will help you create a plan that actually lasts.

🎙️ Ask Charlotte is part of the Feel Better Podcast, where I share practical tools for emotional wellbeing, resilience and living well under pressure.

High-performing people don’t need more motivation. They need safety.

In this episode, I’m joined by coach Cara Calvin to talk identity shifts, nervous system patterns, and why so many capable people freeze in the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

We cover:

• Why rest can feel unsafe (and what to do about it)

• Micro-actions that build momentum when you feel stuck

• Lack mindset and the “I want to… but I can’t” trap

• Leadership, burnout, and the cost of living in hustle mode

• Systems that reduce chaos (shared calendars, weekly planning, morning routines)

• How personal growth can pressure relationships, and how to bring your partner with you

  
  

If you’re a high-functioning person who looks fine on the outside but feels wired, tired, or numb on the inside, this episode will land.

Subscribe for more conversations on relationships, mental health, and living well.

School goes back soon across New Zealand.
And for many parents, that brings a mix of relief and worry.

Will this year be easier socially?
Will old struggles show up again?
Will my child cope when I’m not there?

In this Ask Charlotte episode, I respond to a parent asking how to set their child up for a resilient start to the school year and unpack what resilience actually looks like for children.

Not toughening up.
Not pushing through.
Not coping quietly.

Real resilience is built when children:

• Can name what they are feeling

• Know what behaviour is and is not okay

• Feel safe to talk about their day

• Learn how to ask for help early

• Understand which problems are adult problems, not theirs to solve alone

  
  

In this episode, I cover:

• How to support your child’s mental health as school starts back

• Why emotional literacy matters

• How bullying can come from friends and why that matters

• How to help your child talk without forcing conversations

• Teaching help-seeking as a life skill

• Small parenting shifts that make a big difference across the year

  
  

If your child struggled last year, feels anxious about going back to school, or you want to set this year up differently, this episode offers clear, practical ways to support them.

This is not about perfect parenting.

It is about helping your child feel safe, supported, and not alone when school life gets hard.

So many couples tell me there’s nothing wrong in their relationship… but it feels flat, distant, or like they’re just co-managing life. The love is there — but the deep conversations aren’t. And, many people have just never been taught how to share on that deeper level - so it feels uncomfortable, awkward and even impossible. In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about how to share more deeply with your partner so you can move beyond “yeah, my day was fine/busy” and back into real intimacy and connection.We’ll talk about:- Why good relationships still drift into shallow, surface-level check-ins- How to set up your time and body language so deeper sharing actually feels possible- My “make like a therapist” approach to asking better questions (without feeling like a weirdo)- Exactly what to ask instead of “How was your day?”- How to have a regular “let me in” chat about the bigger picture of life, goals and stress- Why timing matters (spoiler: 5.40pm over the chopping board is not it)- The difference between listening to fix and listening to understand- A simple gratitude practice that helps you feel more like a teamIf you’ve been feeling like housemates, co-parents, or logistics managers, this episode will give you really practical ways to rebuild emotional closeness — in small, doable moments.And, if you want to take a further step to build better connection in your relationship, I'm ready for ya! Come and join me for Give Me 10 Minutes — a weekly 10-minute audio + discussion guide designed to help you reset communication, understand each other’s triggers, and feel more like you’re on the same team again.✨ Listen in if:You miss the deeper chats you used to have, you’re tired of superficial “we’re fine” conversations, or you want your relationship to feel closer, warmer and more understood again.

As parents, we’re only ever as settled as our least settled child – and kids’ mental health can feel like a minefield to navigate. In this Ask Charlotte episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I answer three listener questions about children’s wellbeing: separation anxiety, supporting kids through the illness or death of a loved one, and how to help kids actually relax (without everything turning into screen time).

You’ll hear gentle, practical strategies for:

• Separation anxiety – how to be a “detective” about what your child is really scared of, using play, stories and concrete goodbye rituals to help them feel safe at kindy or school.

• Illness, ICU and grief – age-appropriate ways to explain serious illness and death, what to say, and creative ideas to include kids when someone they love is very unwell or has died.

• Helping kids relax – creating realistic screen limits, setting up cosy “down-time” spaces, using meditations and audio stories, and modelling rest yourself so kids see what healthy relaxation looks like.

If you’ve ever Googled “how to support my child’s mental health”, “child separation anxiety at school”, “how to talk to kids about death and illness”, or “how to get my kids to relax without screens”, this episode is for you.

🔗 Mentioned in this episode:
My e-book What To Do When Your Child Is Experiencing Anxiety, contains the very best of my advice around children and anxiety, and it's available at charlottecummings.nz

✨ Connect with Charlotte
Website & resources: charlottecummings.nz
Instagram: @charlottecummings.nz
Email your question: [email protected]

Ask Charlotte is part of the Feel Better Podcast, created to make everyday mental health support more accessible for real families.

In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about one of the trickiest parts of modern life: how to decide what to let go of when your plate is just too full. If you’re overwhelmed, overcommitted, or stuck in that endless “should I give this up?” loop, this episode will really help.

I’m sharing the exact questions and frameworks I use with my clients – and the ones I’ve had to painfully learn myself. (Let’s be honest: this is one of the live issues in my own life too.)

In this episode, I walk you through:

• How to figure out whether you actually need to give something up

• How to decide what to even put on the table when everything feels important

• A gentle, practical discernment process if there’s a specific role, commitment or project you’re thinking about letting go of

I also talk about:

• Whether the people you love are paying the price for your schedule

• What your health, wellbeing and relationships are revealing about your load

• How our unbearable feelings (fear of failure, disappointing others, being seen as less capable) keep us stuck

• Seasons of life, evolving identity, and aligning your commitments with your longer-term goals

• What you might gain emotionally—peace, capacity, time—by stepping away from something

You’ll come away with a whole list of reflection questions to help you make clearer, kinder decisions about your time and energy.

✨ Resource: I’ve created detailed show notes and journalling questions for this episode, which you can download at charlottecummings.nz.