[CW: Partial nudity]

I'm a straight man. If you're a straight man who befriends other straight men, you will be occasionally have conversations that sound like this:

• A: I hate how Hollywood is pushing all of these unattractive actors lately. I want to see more people like [Celebrity Name].
• B: God, [Celebrity Name] is so bad. I would let [Celebrity Name] choke me to death with her thighs.
• C: Dude, I would shave my face off with a cheese grater just to sniff the feet of [Celebrity Name].
• D: [Celebrity Name] is kinda mid. But I would do that for [Celebrity Name 2] though.
• C: You're full of it. [Celebrity Name 2] is the one that's mid.

These conversations are fun, but I've always found them a bit weird. Not because I have different picks, or because I'm unfamiliar with the level of horny that would compel a [...]

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