Facing the unimaginable pain of losing a child, Anna Ratnathicam Diab opens her heart to share the story of her daughter Carolina, who passed away suddenly at age 11 during a family trip to Uganda in 2019. What unfolds is a raw, honest conversation about navigating grief's unpredictable terrain and finding meaningful ways to honor a child's memory.

Anna vividly recalls Carolina's vibrant personality—her love of bright colors, her notorious sweet tooth, and her habit of wearing "pattern on pattern on pattern" that made her mother chuckle. When describing the day Carolina died after complaining of a headache, Anna doesn't shy away from the brutal reality of those moments in a remote hospital, making impossible decisions no parent should face. The scene of local women gathering outside the hospital in the dark early morning hours, standing silent vigil with Anna in her grief, creates an unforgettable image of human connection transcending language and culture.

Rather than following predictable stages, Anna describes grief as waves—initially constant and overwhelming, gradually becoming smaller and more predictable over time. "There's still moments that suddenly trip me up," she shares. "Now I know you just have to sit in it and it will pass and you'll put yourself back together again." 

Five years after Carolina's death, Anna has discovered unexpected pathways to healing: maintaining relationships with Carolina's friends, finding places to honor her memory (including a street intersection named for Carolina outside her elementary school), and remaining open to spiritual connections.

Perhaps the most powerful moment comes when Anna recalls experiencing genuine joy again while watching a UCLA basketball game—something she and Carolina had enjoyed together. "It felt foreign...but in a good way," she explains. "Like oh yeah, I will feel this again." Her message to other bereaved parents cuts through platitudes to offer the one truth she could have absorbed in early grief: "You will feel joy again."

Whether you're navigating your own grief journey or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers profound insights into how we carry both our losses and our capacity for joy forward. 

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