youtube episode: https://youtu.be/DhFmgfKp73Q?si=D7aWmgHwrbQueGq3

outlining some ideas around different types of connection and social circles - this is just a starting point and i actually found out about aristotle's 'types of friendship' (pleasure, utility, virtue) after filming this video and there's a lot of parallels between what is discussed in the video, so i would say its kind of like an expansion pack to his original idea. i think even though being social is inherent to human nature, there are so many factors that can complicate how we relate to ourselves and others, it doesn't hurt to take the time to reflect on our friendships and relationships generally so that we can ensure we are showing up with intention and authenticity! please share your thoughts and experiences too so we can continue the conversation!!

03:08 - being hot & having fun revision

04:47 - give yourself time to grow and evolve

05:50 - categories of friendship/connection

08:18 - social circles

09:17 - your relationship with yourself

10:37 - social circles

11:14 - inner circle

11:43 - acquaintance circle

11:56 - balancing online and offline relationships

13:27 - beware of performative values

14:29 - realistic pacing

14:46 - adjusting focus

15:45 - moving between circles

16:38 - don’t take change personally

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The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises

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siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

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my thoughts on the people pleasing dynamic. i think healthy, balanced relationships take more work that we are willing to admit and it starts with your relationship with yourself first :') more thoughts to come!!!! let me know yours too!!!

01:10 1. people pleasing dynamic

02:29 2. connotations of people pleasing

03:46 3. re-defining love

04:07 4. underlying mindset

04:42 5. being questioned/dismissed

05:10 6. the habit of people pleasing

05:39 7. non-negotiable hobbies to create boundaries

06:59 8. consistency is key

07:17 9. living to your full potential is the priority

08:28 10. resentment and self-abandonment/disappointment

08:51 11. other people’s problems actually aren’t your problem

09:16 12. redirect the energy into something constructive/creative/for yourself

10:04 13. accept that you’ve underestimated your ability/capacity/potential

10:21 14. people pleasing creates an inauthentic dynamic

10:41 15. make a note of incompatibilities as they arise

11:10 16. notice the reflex of taking it personally

11:31 17. you feel like a bitch compared to the people-pleasing version of you

12:31 18. who cares

12:51 19. the price of being hot and having fun

13:18 20. learn to discern

13:38 21. don’t let people guilt you into a lose-win situation

14:00 22. pay me to care

14:58 23. boundaries are self-responsibility for your energy and attention

15:42 24. allow space to process your own emotions and triggers too

17:06 25. people pleasing in group dynamics

18:03 26. write down your priorities

18:58 27. accept the consequences & take responsibility, are you willing to pay the price

19:15 29. your integrity is compromised if you are always looking to assign blame to others

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The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises

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youtube episode: https://youtu.be/e4hrPViYKK8

using an analogy about food to talk about transactional relationships and energy exchange. often times we are too externally focused on how other people behave and guessing their intentions. in reality, i feel like when you are locked in on what YOUR intentions are and contributing/giving/showing up from an authentic place, you take everything less personally and which relationships are mutually beneficial and reciprocal will naturally present themselves. your ability to discern who you do and don't want to be around will improve over time as well! let me know your thoughts and any other analogy ideas you have!

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siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

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slay habit trackers ☆ free download

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The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises

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youtube episode: https://youtu.be/boT5swEW5vs

if you've been following me for a while, you'll probably have heard me reference and recommend this book over and over. the six pillars of self-esteem by nathaniel branden literally changed my life, it put so much of what i was struggling to put into practice, into words and actionable steps. i can't recommend this book enough!!!

rather than just repeating what is already in the book - because i recommend you read it for yourself - this video approaches the pillars of self-esteem through the lens of being hot & having fun.

let me know if you've read the book and please keep me posted if you do!

i've made a summary and sentence completion worksheet that is available for purchase and download. you can use it as additional journal prompts in your journalling or thought-dumping practice!

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises

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The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

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this is the first video in the 'hot girl book club' series where i discuss books that have been directly or indirectly influential on me and the philosophy of being hot & having fun.

05:06 - being hot & having fun revision

05:54 - pillar i: the practice of living consciously

07:00 - pillar ii: the practice of self-acceptance

09:06 - pillar iii: the practice of self-responsibility

10:55 - pillar iv: the practice of self-assertiveness

12:57 - pillar v: the practice of living purposefully

14:38 - pillar vi: the practice of personal integrity

21:57 - the principle of reciprocal causation

i’ve been going on about the importance of a non-negotiable hobby for ages and i’ve also had a lot of questions about pole dance so this is a video that covers both!!

01:05 - non-negotiable hobby: defined

05:40 - my journey with pole dance

08:39 - dance & sexuality/sexuality

10:36 - the power of consistency & practice

11:06 - static vs spin pole

11:39 - tricks vs choreo

13:16 - buying heels

14:39 - body types

15:20 - pain tolerance

15:49 - types of grip

16:37 - knee pads & clothing

17:20 - prepping for class

17:27 - embrace the learning curve

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autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270

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youtube episode: https://youtu.be/fCgEU8hkT2A

i get a lot of questions about how to handle conflict with parents. while i can't speak to the nuances of every relationship, here are some thoughts and feelings that i hope might be applicable or helpful. i know the holiday season can be really overwhelming for some people and i think there are ways we can prepare so that we aren't wasting too much energy on being ugly & having a bad time so we can focus on being hot & having fun, duh!!!

02:19 - 1. your parents want what’s best for you

03:50 - 2. your parents are random people

06:17 - 3. practice gratitude

09:46 - 4. avoid overcommunicating

12:53 - 5. embrace the way your relationship changes over time

14:27 - 6. come up with a game plan

15:23 - 7. cultivate the habit of creating your own safe space

17:07 - 8. financial independence

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autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270

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youtube episode: https://youtu.be/l2Fnj9WalcU

trying is cool !!!!!!

01:26 - nonchalant definitions & connotations

02:46 - the opposite of nonchalant

04:13 - what being “chalant” requires of you

05:22 - don’t compare their end result to your first step

06:05 - familiarize yourself with the discomfort of progress

06:51 - what is the value you want in the process vs the outcome 07:37 - the only person accountable for your time is you

08:38 - being nonchalant is the reward, not the motivator

08:55 - focus on how you want to FEEL not just how it will look

09:27 - pick your hard

10:16 - everyone’s full capacity if unique to them

11:59 - don’t waste energy making assumptions about other people

13:16 - regulate your emotions

14:13 - looking good is expensive - materially & energetically

16:02 - focus on yourself!!!!

16:35 - am i really working to my full capacity?

17:25 - have a real purpose behind what you do

17:48 - you will be out-chalanted

18:04 - the real competition is between you and your former self

18:19 - imagine yourself in the past and in the future

18:43 - don’t die waiting for other people’s permission

20:04 - GET OVER YOURSELF

follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/

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an intro to how i think about and practice awareness around patriarchal conditioning, internalised misogyny and de-centering men. a very complex topic which i hope we can further explore together. for many women the only thing between them and their next slay is a man or the imagined gaze of a man........ let's de-condition together!!

i have a patreon only video about recent encounters that made me reflect on the nuances of misandry and hating men as well ~ come join us on patreon!!!

00:57 - 1. the patriarchy

03:35 - 2. the “pick-me” seed

09:45 - 3. the 4 A’s of realizing things - awareness - anger - acceptance - action

10:41 - 4. how is the seed activated

12:09 - 5. challenging your ego

12:54 - 6. integration not avoidance

13:40 - 7. lean into your insecurities & reclaim your skills

14:57 - 8. beauty

15:55 - 9. domestic labour

17:04 - 10. desirability

19:46 - 11. emotional labour

20:40 - 12. radically accept & stay woke

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youtube episode: https://youtu.be/vOWAI0hOp-M

hi baddies ~ here are some thoughts for anyone feeling overwhelmed about their job and how it fits into their identity or feel like there's something wrong with them that they don't feel 'passionate' about their job. obviously this is a very nuanced topic and this is just one perspective. let me know what you think, share your experiences and let me know which other angles we can discuss from! love ya xx

02:34 - 02:56 - don’t make assumptions about other people’s work

02:58 - 04:00 - aspire for a full life & identity, not one just consumed by work

04:02 - 04:27 - detach from your job

04:27 - 04:48 - how can your job facilitate a life with passion

04:51 - 06:18 - hustle culture

06:27 - 07:01 - the privilege of awareness

07:02 - 07:36 - disrespect is not a prerequesite to success

07:39 - 11:25 - reverse engineer the vibe of success for you

11:28 - 11:43 - micro-dosing risk

11:45 - 12:05 - do an audit of your life

12:05 - 13:01 - don’t assume that all hobbies need to be monetized

13:04 - 14:02 - figure out your balance between compensation & creativity

14:10 - 14:18 - this is a chapter not the whole book

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autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270

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youtube episode: https://youtu.be/8Opz3x8ws48

be mindful of who you give vibe donations to!!!!

01:57 - 1. low vs high vibrations

05:09 - 2. self-awareness

06:12 - 3. superficial connections

07:16 - 4. vibe donation

10:44 - 5. check for blindspots

13:37 - 6. define the vibe you want for your life

16:06 - 7. negging

17:58 - 8. emotional voids

18:52 - 9. protect yourself

19:47 - 10. what is being exchanged in the relationship

20:27 - 11. there’s no prize for “best people pleaser”

21:00 - 12. break the cycle, re-direct energy

21:30 - 13. conversations can open you up to manipulation

22:13 - 14. quiet withdrawal

22:32 - 15. let people feel your absence

22:49 - 16. focus on yourself

23:31 - 17. having a conversation

24:04 - 18. price of re-entry

25:19 - 19. personal responsibility to keep adjusting

26:06 - 20. the hard cut off/ no contact

27:14 - 21. be ok with being a b*tch

follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/

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siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2

autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270

slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle

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