Many adults today say they weren’t taught to make and maintain friendships. I’m often asked how we might break this cycle and model something different for the next generation.

What I keep coming back to is that we all need to start making small changes. What if we said hi to people walking by? What if we stayed off our phones while on the train or waiting in line? What if we allowed children to teach us how to put ourselves out there

Today’s guest is Annmarie Beatty, who is a therapeutic life coach and a leader in her local home school community. So many people think homeschooled kids don’t get enough socialization, but her experience is the opposite – families who homeschool their kids have to be intentional about socialization.

In this episode, we talk a great deal about being intentional in connecting with the people around us. There are so many societal structures that make friendship difficult, but here, I hope you get the message, loud and clear, that it’s worth the effort!

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The importance of socializing with all ages and giving kids the opportunity to make intentional friendships 
• The cultural shifts and structural hurdles that cause making and maintaining friendships difficult
• Third Places, the Liking Gap, the decline in social trust (including thick and thin trust), and weak ties vs. strong ties
• Small changes that can facilitate more social trust, which can be as easy as staying off your phone while in line or on the train
• The extreme loneliness epidemic in the U.S., and seeing children as examples of how you can make friends and put yourself out there

Resources & Links:

Check out Episodes 38 and 39, which are about third places, and Episode 41, which is about the Liking Gap. Another good resource is Bowling Alone: the Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert D. Putnam.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

From happy hours to bottomless mimosa brunches, many friendships are held together by activities that involve alcohol.

Consequently, these friendships are often affected when one party stops drinking. I personally have experienced some big friend group culture shifts when it comes to alcohol. In the beginning, alcohol was the norm, but it’s not anymore.

Today’s guest is Hitha Palepu, the CEO of Rhoshan Pharmaceuticals and the author of How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris. Recently, Hitha posted on Instagram about the impact drinking less has made on her friendships, and today, we talk about this shift.

No matter what, it’s helpful to find activities with your friends that do not center around alcohol, so be proactive and find new ways to spend time together. It will only strengthen your friendship in the long run.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The normalization and glamorization of alcohol consumption and the reality of what regular drinking does to our bodies and our relationships
• How many people use alcohol as a social crutch – plus, the barrier it actually creates between friendships
• Hitha’s decision to cut back on alcohol, especially at networking events or parties, and the impact that’s made on her home life and overall well-being
• How Hitha has transitioned with her friends into doing other activities together that don’t involve alcohol, from Dry January to coffee walks in the park
• Tips if you are reevaluating your relationship with alcohol, from creating rules for yourself to finding delicious delicious alcohol-free alternatives

Resources & Links:

I can’t tell you enough how much I enjoy Hitha’s Five Smart Reads; sign up for her newsletter! I also highly recommend both her books: How to Pack: Travel Smart for Any Trip and We’re Speaking: The Life Lessons of Kamala Harris.

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How close do you live to your friends? Next door? Down the street? Or do many of your friends live on the other side of the country? 

Today’s guest, Jenna Myhre Deyle, actually made a cross-country trip in order to be closer to friends. Before the move, she’d been married, was climbing the corporate ladder, but after her divorce, she couldn’t shake a certain level of unhappiness. 

Linked in our show notes is an article that cites some amazing statistics – that a person is 8 percent happier living with a spouse, 14 percent happier living within a mile of your siblings, and 25 PERCENT happier a mile from your friend.

Jenna’s move to the midwest to be closer to friends is an out-of-the-box decision – and it’s one of the reasons I’m so excited to have her on the podcast today. Whether we realize it or not, our proximity to friends can tremendously impact our happiness.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Jenna’s story about “checking off the boxes” – getting married, moving up the corporate ladder, etc. – only to realize she was deeply unhappy
• The major decision Jenna made, calling her company’s VP about her wish to move back home to Kansas City, not matter what that meant for her future employment
• Society’s understanding of what success is and the idea that if you’re unhappy you should self-care your way out of it
• Jenna’s intentional work to make new friends/communities besides the friends she already had in Kansas City – and the impact this made on her perspective and career

Resources & Links:

The Wheel of Connection Framework, it’s the cumulative impact of everyone in your life.

Check out “You’d Be Happier Living Closer to Friends. Why Don’t You?” by Anne Helen Petersen.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Are low-maintenance friendships all they’re made out to be?

So many of us are trying to live in this impossible zone of wanting friendship to be little effort but not neglectful. The effort of staying in this bubble can make maintaining a friendship more difficult, and it also denies many of our inherent needs.

Today I’m going to talk about why this mainstream current definition of “low maintenance” friendship is not serving us. How can we think about low maintenance friendship differently and make it work for us?

Friendship should be a reprieve, not a burden; let’s make it easier on ourselves by focusing on consistent, simple connections. Think breadcrumbs, not bread loaves.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The language we use about “low-maintenance” friendship and the fine line that defines them – you want “low attention” but can’t be neglectful
• How so much of low-maintenance friendships is denying that we matter, that we want to be seen, that we have needs
• The amount of energy we spend staying in the exact right zone of a low maintenance friendship – which in the end isn’t very low maintenance!
• The importance of having conversations about how we each are able to show up in friendships
• How to leave “breadcrumbs” instead of bread loaves through scheduling hacks, reoccurring meet-ups/texts/calls, voice messages, etc.

Resources & Links:

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

If you could go back and advise your 20-year-old self about friendship, what would you say?

Personally, I always had the worst social anxiety hangover, worrying about the things I said or did after hanging out with people. I know now I should have asked my friends about it instead of ruminating and worrying.

This is the underlying theme of today’s episode – lessons we’ve learned about friendship since our 20s – which features Arpita Mehta, a brand strategist and host of The Modern Millennial podcast. She’s also the creator of the Little Brown Diary, a Facebook group of 38,000 South Asian millennial women.

This episode is full of so many gems, and I walked away with so much appreciation for all the work my friends and I have done as we’ve grown and changed. It truly is a never-ending journey.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Limiting beliefs about friendships and how it’s not something we’re taught – making and maintaining friendship is something you have to learn through life experience
• Ever-evolving friendships – we won’t necessarily be the same friends we are now ten or twenty years down the line
• Male friendship groups vs. female friendship groups, and the effort required to keep a group together (hint: we sometimes make it more difficult than it has to be!)
• The downside of being the “connector” in a group who makes the plans and gets along with everyone (and the importance of getting other people to do this work too)
• Folding time with friends into things we were going to do anyway – like go shopping or pick up coffee, etc.

Resources & Links:

I can’t suggest The Modern Millennial podcast enough. It’s like hanging out with a friend – a mix of serious conversations, lifestyle, and beauty.

Listen to Episode 42 to hear about the dynamics of friend trios and friend groups.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Need something to light you up today? Maybe some profound advice? Look no further!

Today’s episode features Mark Delaney, host of the podcast The Purpose Mastermind. He and his wife Andrea are purpose dealers, which means they spend their lives helping people clarify their purpose into one simple sentence.

He says that having something in life that moves us and compels us is at the core of what it is to be human; that we should all be purpose-focused instead of problem-focused; that so many of us don’t live with full expression because of the walls between us and others.

He brings so much thought-provoking wisdom in this episode, wisdom that has me analyzing my day-to-day interactions, and he presents the great reminder that friendship is not extracurricular. It’s not only for “people-people.” We are all made for people.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Focusing on your past and trying to fix it vs. discovering your purpose and using this to move forward
• Powerful, positive relationships vs. negative relationships (as opposed to “positive” or “negative” people)
• Tweaking the simple things and auditing yourself: are you showing up as yourself or are you putting on a show?
• The impact of tiny, consistent steps in the right direction instead of big grand gestures
• Tapping into the people around us to help us with our self-reflection and the clarity that comes with vocalization

Resources & Links

Learn more about Mark Delaney and his podcast, The Purpose Mastermind.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

My friends and I talk about money all the time.

It’s a great way to crowdsource information from people in the same season of life. I also think it helps us be more open with one another.

But money can be a taboo topic and difficult to navigate with friends. To help us through these sometimes tricky conversations, we have Sarah Roller, a financial coach who helps clients create personalized money management plans. In this episode, we cover the different levels in which you can talk about money. When is it valuable to talk numbers, and what are easy gateways into these conversations?

Remember: the way you or I manage money isn’t right or wrong. It can be different but right for each of us in the current moment. How can we approach these conversations with respect and curiosity?

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Reasons to talk with friends about money, from gathering ideas on how to manage your own finances to understanding how friends will want to spend time together
• The different levels of money conversations you can have with friends and non-threatening ways to start these conversations
• Sharing financial goals with friends, which can alleviate discomfort when deciding how you want to spend time together and understand each other’s thought processes
• Approaching these topics with curiosity and respect, and knowing that everyone has different feelings about the actual numbers
• Asking yourself: WHY are you asking? What will you both get out of it? And when is it actually useful to share numbers and details?

Resources & Links

Visit Sarah’s website and download her free tool about how to plan for life’s irregular expenses.

Learn more about my roots framework!

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Today’s episode is about friendship goals. Why set them? What do they look like?

So many people are taking one action after another when it comes to friendship without much thought as to why. They’re repeating old patterns and doing what they “think” they should do instead of focusing on their ideal vision of social wellness.

I say “ideal vision” with a grain of salt. Likely, this vision is a moving target, changing as you change. Here, we talk about the steps to take and offer tips and examples that might help you make these goals for 2024.

Like with anything, making and executing friendship goals will take a LOT of brain power in the beginning, but I hope you push through that uncomfortable phase and get to the place where you’re just fine tuning.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The steps to making friendship goals, from setting aside time to reflect to stepping back and looking at the big picture
• Categories to think about when making the goals, like: How much time do you have? What are your habits? What types of people do you want to meet?
• Assessing friendship problems you’re currently having, like: Are there places where you’re guilting or shaming yourself? What areas are you overwhelmed in?
• Six tips for making great friendship intentions; for example: Lean into interests! Create consistency! Use technology!
• Twenty examples of different friendship goals you could make; for example: Commit to connecting to one friend a month! Set admin friend time on your calendar! 
• Being open to meeting new people and new versions of friends you already have – put your phone down, make small talk, be open, etc.

Resources & Links

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Books are like people – they come into our lives when we most need them.

Today’s guest, Kara Infante, host of the Bookish Flights podcast, shares this quote by Emma Thompson at the end of every podcast episode. 

Community and books are important to Kara, and as a military spouse who moves frequently with her family, she’s learned that, for her, the easiest way to make connections in a new place is through book clubs, both by joining them and creating them.

Talking about books might not involve the biggest, deepest shares, but allows people to see a bit of who you are. The idea seems deceptively simple, but it’s actually genius. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: specificity is a great way to make connections. 

You can apply Kara’s tips and ideas to any interest you might have. If you’re looking to reconnect or deepen some friendships, spend a few minutes thinking about the shared interests you have. It might be a really easy way to open the door to more conversation.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• All about Kara’s podcast, Bookish Flights, which, in each episode, introduces three books that pair well together
• How Kara meets new people by joining or creating book clubs, and why this works so well (recurring schedule, shared passions, easy reason to reach out, etc.)
• Using Kara’s techniques for finding people during other big life changes (new jobs, new life circumstances, etc.) 
• Creating a community you can take with you so that you don’t have to start over every time you move
• How to find a book club or create a book club using Kara’s format, plus, how to stay close to friends through the Sisterhood of the Traveling Books

Resources & Links:

Check out Kara’s podcast, Bookish Flights, and find her on Instagram and Facebook.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

In this episode, we return to one of Friendship IRL’s most quintessential questions: what IS a friend anyway?

Today’s guest is Jeni Holla, who, two and a half years ago, left her conventional job to hit the road with her husband and pups and live the nomad life. They thought this adventure would last six or twelve months but liked it so much they’re still living this lifestyle.

Having a social life on the road is challenging. Jeni doesn’t have many close friends, unlike her husband, who has been close to the same people for decades. When she reached out to Friendship IRL, she said she sometimes felt she wasn’t doing friendship “right.”

The question of what friendship looks like is one I get asked a lot. If you’re like Jeni and her husband, who move frequently, the question is even more pressing. There is no one answer – what works for you might not always be what works for other people, and that’s okay.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The activities or “plugs” we associate with certain people – and how, often, if you just go do the thing you want to do, you’ll meet other people doing that thing
• Connecting to people in a small town vs. a big city and how Jeni “follows the breadcrumbs” in new towns, often meeting people in third places
• The “ride-or-die” friends, which are difficult to maintain when we get older due to people moving to new places or transitioning to new lifestyles
• The power in knowing what you want out of friendship, which allows you to create a filter and meet people with intention
• The patience required for deep connections, and how there are always more layers you can develop

Resources & Links:

In this episode, I refer to Episode 3, “What is a Friend?”; Episode 12, “Digging Into the 3 Kinds of Friendship Roots”; Episode 38, “Third Places,” and Episode 39, “Take Action.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram! 

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!