Hello there, I'm Siobhan Daniels, and I'm delighted to welcome you to another episode of Retirement Rebel. Today, we're diving into a topic that's close to my heart and, I'm sure, a subject you might have found yourself pondering over as time goes by: grief and how we can better navigate the complexities it brings, especially as we age.

In today's conversation, we have Nicola Marshall, a remarkable grief-certified educator, joining us. Nicola shares her deeply personal journey, having faced the unimaginable loss of her son Lucas. She brings to the table not just her experiences but also her insights from her professional path in helping others through grief. As we journey into the later stages of life, we increasingly face the reality of losing loved ones. Nicola’s story and guidance shed light on how we can open up conversations around death, make those inevitable life transitions a bit more navigable, and perhaps help us prepare our loved ones for when we may not be around.

We’ll also talk about the incredible work Nicola does with her Meet and Grief Cafe. This is not just any space—it’s a sanctuary for those working through their grief where they can share stories, find comfort, and most importantly, talk openly about the loved ones they miss. It's about reshaping how we, as a society, manage grief, moving past our traditional English stoicism to a place where vulnerability becomes our strength and where talking about death doesn't have to be taboo.

I know that as a member of our Retirement Rebel community, you're someone who is seeking to live boldly, embrace the realities of life, and discover new ways to navigate your later years with joy and curiosity. I promise you today's episode will inspire you to think differently about grief, recognise its place in our lives, and maybe even begin planning how to make those tough conversations just a little bit easier with your own loved ones. So grab a cuppa, settle in, and let's dive into this heartfelt discussion.

Key Points

02:30 - Nicola's Journey with Grief Nicola shares her personal experiences with grief, including the loss of her son, Lucas. She provides insights into how her journey led her to create a meet and grief cafe, offering a safe space for those coping with loss.

03:10 - Importance of Discussing Death We emphasise the necessity of discussing death with loved ones to ease the grieving process. Preparing for the inevitable can help reduce the fear associated with death and improve understanding.

04:51 - Childhood Memories of Grief Nicola recounts her early experiences with grief, reflecting on how children were historically excluded from funerals. She believes in involving children in grief processes to help them understand and cope with loss.

06:44 - Unresolved Childhood and Ancestral Grief Nicola tells the story of meeting Maoyan healers who helped her release unresolved childhood and ancestral grief, highlighting the importance of addressing deep-seated trauma.

07:39 - Coping with Major Losses Nicola reflects on the loss of her best friend, her brother, and the complicated dynamics of grieving while experiencing other life changes, such as becoming a new mother.

09:16 - Facing Unimaginable Grief with Lucas Nicola shares the heartbreaking account of losing her son, Lucas, and the impact it had on her life. This tragedy propelled her to help others through their own grieving processes.

11:41 - Supporting the Bereaved We discuss how people can struggle to support those who are grieving and the vital role of just being present and providing a listening ear, rather than trying to fix things.

13:56 - Children's Role in Grieving Nicola advocates for children's participation in funerals and discussions about grief, underscoring the need to normalise these conversations to help them process emotions.

15:27 - Cultural Perspectives on Grieving We explore how different cultures handle grief, with some celebrating life and engaging the entire community, presenting an opportunity for us to rethink our own approaches.

20:39 - Creating a Safe Space to Grieve Nicola describes her Meet and Grief Cafe, a safe environment where people can freely express their grief, anger, and other emotions without judgement.

23:15 - Preparing for a Loved One’s Passing We discuss strategies to initiate conversations with loved ones about their end-of-life wishes, highlighting the importance of being prepared.

25:12 - Allowing Emotions to Flow Nicola encourages allowing emotions to flow naturally, acknowledging that bottling up sadness and grief can lead to further emotional pain and physical manifestations.

29:24 - Embracing Grieving Processes Nicola emphasises the importance of trusting one's own grieving process and recognising it as an expression of love, leading to personal growth and healing.

34:18 - Impact of the Meet and Grief Cafe Nicola reflects on the positive changes she’s observed in individuals who attend her cafe, noting significant transformations and the development of supportive communities.

37:09 - TED Talk and Advocacy Nicola shares her journey of delivering a TED Talk on the power of grieving as a tribe and advocates for creating supportive networks to help in the grieving process.

41:34 - Wrapping up with a Call to Action I encourage listeners to share their stories and engage with our Retirement Rebel community, aiming to challenge and redefine societal norms about ageing and grieving positively.

Guest Info

Nicola Marshall is a skilled Hypnotherapist and Grief Counsellor whose path to helping others was shaped by her own experience with profound loss. After navigating the complex journey of grief following the death of a close family member, she discovered the invaluable role of having compassionate guidance during the bereavement process.

Drawing from her personal experience, Nicola has dedicated herself to supporting others through their grief journeys. She combines multiple therapeutic approaches, including Hypnotherapy, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and Havening Techniques, to help clients process their emotions and find their way forward after loss.

As a qualified practitioner, she offers a holistic approach to grief support, utilizing her extensive training to provide personalized guidance for those experiencing bereavement and loss. Her practice focuses on creating a safe, understanding space where clients can work through their grief journey with professional support.

Links and Resources

• Nicola Marshall's Meet and Grief Cafe
• David Kessler, grief educator
• The Center For Ageing Better
• Nicola Marshall's TED Talk: Nicola Marshall, TEDxnorthwich
• Nicola Marshall's website: nichola-marshall.com
• Nicola Marshall's Instagram: nicholimarshall.griefandgrace

Quotes

The Body Keeps Score: 

"The body does keep score, and we we hold on to that trauma inside our body. And if we don't allow it to flow through, it comes out in different things like arthritis or, you know, pain or something like this."

Coping with Unexpected Loss: 

"Everyone's grief is different, and you cannot prepare because you don't know how you're going to feel once that person is no longer here."

Finding Solace in Nature 

"I meet them where they are with their grief. And I just allow people the space and the time to talk."

Website: www.retirementrebel.co.uk

Instagram: Siobhan - Host

Instagram: Matt - Producer

Podcast Production: www.kult.media

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