In this podcast episode, we explore the experience of being unable to move on from a past relationship. The lingering feelings of love and constant thoughts about the person indicate a level of relational trauma. Our attraction to people is often based on what they bring out in us, tapping into deep emotions and patterns. These patterns are often formed during childhood based on our experiences with caregivers and shape our beliefs about adult relationships.

For example, if our parents constantly fought and criticized each other, we may have internalized the belief that acceptance in a relationship requires constant effort to avoid criticism. As adults, we may find ourselves in similar toxic patterns where there are extreme highs and lows. We may be attracted to individuals who evoke this criticism and approval cycle within us, as we seek resolution for our unresolved childhood needs.

Similarly, if we had emotionally or physically absent parents, we may be drawn to emotionally unavailable partners who replicate that familiar dynamic. The attraction lies in fulfilling our subconscious expectations of emotional unavailability or the need to constantly seek attention.

It's important to recognize that the attachment is not necessarily to the person we miss, but to the unresolved needs and patterns they evoke within us. To move forward, we must reflect on the reasons the relationship ended and the challenging aspects we experienced. By examining the emotions triggered by those experiences, we can identify earlier memories and the origins of our programming.

Taking the perspective of our younger selves, we can determine what we truly needed in those moments—for instance, to feel safe, accepted, loved, or important. Finally, we can offer ourselves the compassion and care we needed back then, acknowledging our worthiness and providing the love we sought.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.