Wasn't there something we were supposed to talk about this week? I can't remember...

Other discussion topics may include:

- GAME OF CONES V: Indiana Cones and the Swirl of Density

- Gulf War cannibalism...technically

- Music that makes you want to go home

- Why your 4-year old is dumber than some birds

- Celebrating the emus who sacrifice their lives so you can soothe your bug bites

There's allegedly time travel. There's supposedly quality poetry. There's definitely ball sweat scented things.

But what's most important is THERE ARE STILL NO FRIGGIN BIRDS!!!

Other discussion topics may include:

- A celebration of crime murder game persons

- Who needs zippers when you can just sew everything shut?

- Hot take: Virginia Vietnamese food just isn't as good as Indiana Vietnamese food

- Is origami paper size too big for a quality cheese cracker?

- A taboo celebration of eating ash

We celebrate a very special birthday today! And goats! And God. And Lake Bell, who honestly should be the voice of God.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Elusive noodles (wink)

- Music that jams, rocks, slaps, and is, most assuredly, bussin'

- Peach passes (wink wink)

- Louisiana social workers and the stars who loved them

- Sexy baby voices (...wink?)

Alice and Doug are gearing up for next month's annual ice cream crawl while lamenting their failure to bring other unholy food events to fruition (YET). There's also an impromptu and accidentally cruel game of 20 Questions.

Other discussion topics may include:

- A satisfying drip

- The unfortunate discovery that both George Michael AND George Orwell are dead

- Introducing a young child to graphic hip hop music, out of respect for the art

- It is completely okay to refuse to accept sucky homemade gifts

- Children's show characters that don't have hands up their butts

Boy, does Alice have a tale for you. Travel, mystery, sex, and, for whatever reason, an iPhone 7. Everything you could want from a modern thriller. Well, except the iPhone 7.

Meanwhile, Doug can draw Barney Rubble. You'll have to take his word for it.

Other discussion topics may include:

- How can you tell if you're in your own Fight Club scenario?

- Is art magic?*

- Some really clever jokes about how Mormons have multiple partners

- The compulsive need to watch Titanic anytime it's on television

- Pranks vs. Crimes, and when they can overlap

*Yes

Alice is still mysteriously coming atcha from afar through the radio airwaves, and Doug is thinking of joining a pasta cult. But oh wait, maybe he already has....

Other discussion topics may include:

- Virginia adventures, featuring both reefer and bird poop madness

- 30-year old mattresses

- Waiting for technology to catch up so society can finally enjoy singing billboards

- Chasing delicious, delicious waterfalls

- How often do you burst out wrestling in real life?

Was Maya Angelou married to Daniel Tosh? Was the Notorious B.I.G. a big Billy Idol fan? Is a kiwi just a flying kangaroo?

It really went terribly this week.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Opossums of all sort: Epiphany, Insurrection, and, of course, Awesome

- How to (not?) use a corn cob as toilet paper

- An introduction to biblical rapper Lil' Viticus

- Crash Test Moose

- Is removing your tampon before dying the polite thing to do?

Naz Reid.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The epic (and exhausting) adventures of Sir Yawn-a-Lot

- Midnight ice cream bans

- All the incredible benefits of having your Business Insider

- Gluttonous Mermaids

- The most accurate Bluey impression you'll ever hear

Alice is about to leave town for a bit. But the episode won't stop, because of magic.

While she's still here, she and Doug discuss compulsions. They also discuss eating worms and making love to a potato's eye. These are not some of the compulsions. But they could be.

Elsewhere, Alice offers a disappointing Momofukuing story and Doug once again tries to be Steve Harvey.

Other discussion topics may include:

- How can you tell if you were an imp or a bully as a child?

- When your paramour becomes your paranomour

- Another new, addictive phone game - but make it fashion!

- An examination of birding complexes

- What is the butt, if not a corn dispenser?

Alice and Doug are different people now. They yard saled away (yard saled away) and will gladly take your trash for the right price. Join them as they celebrate hidden treasures and completely amateur burger grillers in this fresh-as-a-daisy, banana pepisode!