Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang

What happens when being the “good friend” or the “easygoing one” starts costing you your own peace? In this episode, we unpack people-pleasing, over-accommodating and the pressure to keep everyone happy, using Kourtney and Khloé as a pop-culture lens for the very different ways people respond to family dynamics, friendship changes and conflict.

In this episode Phi discusses with Rio Weerasinghe, founder of Gotchu.

We explore what happens when relationships evolve, when you stop playing the role people are used to, and why setting boundaries can make you feel like the difficult one. Because sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is disappoint someone, let a friendship change, or accept that you’ve simply outgrown a dynamic. This episode is about choosing self-respect without becoming emotionally unavailable, and learning that you can love people deeply without abandoning yourself to keep the relationship intact.

Disclaimer: This episode uses pop culture and public figures as a vehicle to explore broader conversations around people-pleasing, boundaries, relationship dynamics and personal growth. It is not intended as a diagnosis or definitive commentary on anyone’s private life.

Work with Phi

Modern dating has never been more connected, yet so many people have never felt more confused. In this episode prompted by Lorenzo and Julia from Love Island’s appearance on This Morning, I’m joined by cultural commentator Jaz Melody for an unfiltered conversation about the realities of dating today, from exclusivity and commitment to why becoming “official” suddenly feels like such a big milestone.

We unpack attachment styles, the pressure women feel to be the “cool girl,” why so many people claim they’re “too busy” despite having full lives, and whether that’s genuine or emotional avoidance. We also explore emotional safety, love bombing, the ways men can unconsciously put women into boxes, and why so many people are outsourcing their self-worth to someone’s attention, effort or validation.

We dive into the rise of the “high value woman” and sugar baby narratives, whether they’re empowering or limiting, before sharing our hot take on the current state of the dating economy and why dating feels more exhausting than ever. Finally, we ask one simple but powerful question that could save you months of confusion: Have you actually dated this man, or have you just been talking to him?

If you’ve ever questioned where dating is headed, wondered why commitment feels so complicated, or wanted practical insights into building healthier relationships, this episode is for you.

Work with Phi

In this episode, we unpack why “influencer” has become a dirty word and explore the hidden psychology behind influencer hate, online criticism, and the way women’s success is judged in the digital age. We discuss whether society holds female creators to a different standard, the connection between visibility and misogyny, why women with platforms often become targets, and how we can separate valid accountability from unfair judgement.

Phi dives into social media culture, female entrepreneurship, beauty and lifestyle industries, jealousy, authenticity, ambition, and why women who build careers from their voice, personality, creativity, and communities can provoke such strong reactions. Is influencer criticism really about the content, or does it reveal something deeper about how we view successful women?

Work with Phi

I saw a post recently that said something that genuinely made me stop and think:

“Sometimes hating influencers is actually a socially acceptable form of subtle misogyny.”

And I know that sentence is going to trigger people.

Because “influencer” has become one of those words that people love to hate.

It’s almost become an insult.

Someone says, “She’s an influencer,” and there’s often an assumption attached:

She’s fake.

She’s shallow.

She has no real skills.

She’s obsessed with herself.

She just takes photos and gets free things.

And I want to unpack this because I think there is a much bigger cultural conversation happening underneath the influencer hate.

Now, before anyone thinks this episode is “defending all influencers,” that’s not what I’m saying.

There are absolutely valid criticisms of influencer culture.

There are conversations around authenticity, consumerism, advertising transparency, privilege, overconsumption, unrealistic beauty standards, and people selling lifestyles that may not reflect reality.

Those conversations matter.

But I think we also need to ask ourselves:

Why has “influencer” become such a specifically loaded word?

And why are so many of the people who receive the most intense criticism women?

Let’s go back.

The word influencer didn’t always exist in the way it does today.

Before social media, we already had people influencing culture.

Celebrities influenced fashion.

Athletes influenced brands.

Actors sold products.

Musicians created trends.

Magazines told us what beauty looked like.

Advertising executives literally built entire careers around influencing consumer behaviour.

But when everyday people, especially women, started building businesses online through their personalities, suddenly the conversation changed.

A woman creating content from her bedroom, building a community, monetising her knowledge, selling products, creating businesses, or making money through her personal brand was often dismissed.

“She just posts online.”

But that sentence is interesting.

Because historically, women’s work has often been minimised when it exists in spaces traditionally associated with femininity.

Beauty.

Fashion.

Lifestyle.

Relationships.

Wellness.

Community.

Emotional labour.

Things that women have always been doing, but society often doesn’t assign the same value to.

think one of the reasons the word influencer has become so controversial is because it challenges traditional ideas of what “real work” looks like.

There is still a belief that if you are not exhausted, struggling, or hidden behind a corporate title, then somehow your success is less legitimate.

There is this idea that work only counts if it looks like suffering.

And I think influencers disrupted that.

They said:

What if my creativity is my job?

What if my personality is part of my business?

What if building trust and community is valuable?

And that makes some people uncomfortable.

Because suddenly the person who was considered “ordinary” can create wealth, influence culture, and build a career without needing traditional approval.

I think the misogyny conversation becomes interesting.

Because when we look at who gets targeted most heavily, it is often women.

Women who post beauty content.

Women who share motherhood content.

Women who talk about relationships.

Women who create lifestyle content.

Women who are visible.

And visibility has always been something women are punished for.

A woman who is too quiet is ignored.

A woman who is too confident is arrogant.

A woman who shares herself is attention seeking.

A woman who monetises herself is fake.

There is this impossible standard where women are expected to be visible enough to inspire others, but not so visible that people accuse them of wanting attention.

And I think that contradiction is worth examining.

Because sometimes the criticism is not actually about what someone is doing.

Sometimes it is about discomfort with a woman taking up space.

Now, I want to be really clear.

Not all criticism of influencers is misogyny.

That would be an unfair argument.

Women can absolutely be criticised.

People with platforms should be held accountable.

If someone promotes harmful products, lies to their audience, exploits vulnerable people, or creates unrealistic expectations, those are important conversations.

Influence comes with responsibility.

But the question is:

Are we criticising the behaviour?

Or are we criticising the identity?

Because there is a difference.

Saying:

“I disagree with this person promoting this product”

is different from:

“She’s just an influencer, what do you expect?”

The second one dismisses an entire category of work.

Another thing I think is fascinating is how often influencer criticism is tied to resentment.

People will say:

“She doesn’t deserve that.”

“She just got lucky.”

“She just takes photos.”

And sometimes there is a deeper question underneath:

Why does she get to have that?

Why does she get paid for something I don’t value?

Why does she have freedom I don’t have?

And I think it’s important to acknowledge that jealousy is human.

But sometimes society has a strange way of expressing discomfort with women’s success.

We rarely say:

“That male CEO is annoying because he posts about his lifestyle.”

We rarely question whether a famous male athlete “deserves” their platform because people enjoy watching them.

But when a woman builds a career around her image, personality, taste, or community, suddenly there is a different level of suspicion.

I also think there is a fascinating double standard around authenticity.

Influencers are often accused of being fake.

But every profession involves presentation.

A lawyer presents themselves professionally.

A CEO manages their public image.

A politician carefully crafts their messaging.

A celebrity has a public persona.

The difference is influencers often blur the line between personal and professional.

They are selling trust.

Their audience feels like they know them.

And that creates a unique responsibility.

But it also creates a unique vulnerability.

Because people feel entitled to judge them as if they are a friend.

Maybe the question isn’t:

“Are influencers good or bad?”

Maybe the question is:

“Why does a woman making money from her personality provoke such a strong reaction?”

Why do we celebrate someone becoming famous through traditional channels, but question someone who builds an audience directly?

Why do we respect certain forms of influence but dismiss others?

And why does being visible as a woman still come with so much punishment?

I think the healthiest place to land is nuance.

Influencers are not above criticism.

They are people with platforms, and platforms come with responsibility.

But criticism becomes dangerous when we stop looking at actions and start attacking entire categories of people.

Because sometimes what looks like criticism of an industry can reveal deeper beliefs about whose work we value.

And maybe the reason “influencer” became such a dirty word is because it represents something bigger:

Women creating their own opportunities.

Women building businesses from their voices.

Women deciding they don’t need traditional permission to be successful.

And that is a conversation worth having.

Because maybe the question isn’t just:

“Why do we hate influencers?”

Maybe it’s:

“Why do we struggle so much with women who influence?”

In this episode, I chat with cultural commentator Jasmine Melody after we connected over her viral TikTok unpacking Love Island UK. What started as conversations about Jasmine, Kavan and the villa quickly became a much bigger discussion about modern dating, feminism and the way we relate to one another outside reality TV.

Together we explore why some men struggle to date a feminist, why women are often expected to prioritise empathy over accountability, how family upbringing and culture shape our beliefs about relationships, and what dating as feminists actually looks like in the real world. We also discuss emotional maturity, masculinity, online discourse, and why Love Island has become such a fascinating reflection of modern relationships.

Whether you’re a reality TV fan or simply navigating today’s dating landscape, this conversation will challenge the assumptions you’ve been taught about love, gender and healthy relationships.

Work with Phi

Why is a woman’s absence of a father used to explain her “behaviour,” while a man’s absence from his own child is barely questioned at all?

In this episode, we’re unpacking the exhausting double standard where women are held responsible not just for what happens to them, but for how they respond to it.

Inspired by Jasmine Gaziza Müller’s essay “Gateway Misogyny & Red Pill Microdosing,” we dig into how small comments, jokes, and stereotypes act as a gateway to bigger beliefs about women and how the phrase “fatherless behaviour” shifts blame onto the woman carrying the wound instead of the person who left it.

We talk about absence in all its forms: physical, emotional, and the quiet refusal to take accountability and why someone else always seems to pick up the slack.

We also get into the strange double standard around softness: how “soft” is used to mock men for showing empathy, yet somehow becomes an insult when thrown at women too. Plus the tired “feminist vs. relationship material” myth, why gold digger accusations don’t add up, and a few real tangents on friendship, independence, and the Oscar Pistorius case – Reeva Steenkamp that still sits with us.

This isn’t about blaming all men or excusing women’s mistakes. It’s about asking why we keep applying different rules depending on gender and what it would actually look like to hold everyone to the same standard of emotional accountability.

Work with Phi

Emma Whitnall joins us for a thought provoking conversation on modern feminism, feminine rage, social justice, patriarchy, men’s mental health, red pill culture, domestic violence, and critical thinking, challenging the narratives shaping today’s gender and culture wars.

Emma is a dear friend of Phi’s and has a masters in social justice. She was born in Sydney, Australia but is currently based in Canada.

What happens when we stop accepting surface level narratives and start asking harder questions?

In this episode, Emma Whitnall joins us for an unfiltered conversation about the complexities of social justice, feminism, and the cultural forces shaping modern society. Together, we unpack the power of truth, feminine rage, and why women’s anger has historically been feared, dismissed, and weaponised.

From domestic violence and the rise of red pill ideology to men’s mental health, incel culture, and the impacts of patriarchy on everyone, no topic is off limits. We explore the Madonna–Whore Complex, the “damned whores and God’s police” narrative, the glass cliff phenomenon, women in leadership, and how historical witch trials continue to influence the way society treats outspoken women today.

Emma also shares insights on homophobia, racism, sexism, political discourse in Australia, critical thinking in an age of outrage, and why “hurt people hurt people” isn’t an excuse but an opportunity to better understand cycles of harm.

This conversation challenges assumptions, embraces nuance, and will challenges and ask you to think beyond black and white narratives. Whether we’re discussing feminism, power, social justice, or the cultural meaning behind reclaiming language and words like “CVNT,” this episode is an invitation to question, reflect, and engage.

If you’re ready for a conversation that’s honest, challenging and deep… this episode is for you.

Work with Phi

Phi is prompted by a call from the BBC, on the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang this episode unpacks the debate raging around Love Island’s Jasmine: is she a confident modern feminist, or is she showing signs of “pink pill feminism”?

We break down what pink pill actually means (because half the internet is using it wrong), why the same assertive behaviour gets another contestant called a “baddie” and Jasmine called “pink pilled,” and the impossible double bind she’s stuck in: too quiet and she’s a pick me, too vocal and she’s performative.

We also dig into intersectionality, colourism, and implicit bias separating genuine critique from repackaged misogyny and ask the question nobody seems to want to sit with: is this feminism holding itself accountable, or misogyny that finally learned the right words to hide behind?

Work with Phi

This season of Love Island UK has done something reality TV rarely manages  it’s put bias on full display, in real time, with zero editing needed to make the point. Same confidence, same bluntness, same energy… but wildly different verdicts depending on who’s doing it. One woman gets called iconic. Another gets called “too much.” Nothing about the behaviour changed. Something else did.

In this episode, life coach Phi Dang breaks down what’s actually happening underneath the drama: the psychology of the fundamental attribution error, the halo and horn effect, and why our brains sort people into “give them grace” or “hold it against them” long before we’re consciously aware of it.

We’ll unpack the show’s most talked-about moments the double standards, the impossible “be confident but not too confident” trap, the difference between real support and performative feminism and turn all of it into something you can actually use: a framework for catching your own snap judgments before they run the show.

Here’s the truth this season keeps proving: bias doesn’t need your permission to operate. It’s already shaping how you’re read, and how you’re reading everyone else. This episode is about learning to see it before it decides for you.

In this episode:

Work with Phi

Everyone’s talking about Voicemails for Isabelle as a love story but I believe the real reason it’s resonating so deeply has nothing to do with romance.

In this episode, we’re exploring the deeper spiritual message behind the film: emotional safety.

Together, we’ll unpack why so many women have been conditioned to mistake intensity for love, how our nervous systems shape the relationships we attract, and why true healing begins when we stop chasing chaos and start choosing peace.

Whether you’ve seen the movie or not, this conversation is an invitation to reflect on the kind of love you’re creating in your own life… starting with the relationship you have with yourself.

We’ll explore:

If you’re ready to move beyond survival mode and create a life grounded in alignment, self-worth, and authentic connection, this episode is for you.

✨ If this conversation speaks to your heart, I’d love to invite you to continue the journey with me inside one of my transformational retreats or my mastermind community. You’ll find all the details in the show notes or DM me on Instagram.

Work with Phi

My book The Great Unlearning turns three this week and somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like mine and started feeling like yours…

In this solo life-update episode, I’m getting into a little bit of everything: what it’s actually been like watching the book take on a life of its own through your DMs and emails, the rebrand I’m genuinely so proud of (Soul Sister Collective is now The Monthly Reset), an honest dating update after the best stretch I’ve had in years, why I don’t actually think everyone should quit their job and become an entrepreneur, and why after a 2025 spent living overseas across the US, Europe, Bali, Vietnam and India I’m choosing to put down roots.

Grab a tea, this one’s a long, honest catch-up.

Work with Phi