Healthy Love & Money: Financial Therapy, Intimacy, Conflict & Communication for Couples

“Money can feel like this thing that we just can’t touch because it causes too much distress. I like to point out how their thinking might be causing some of those distressful feelings.”

What if reframing your beliefs about money could transform your relationships and well-being? Our host Ed Coambs chats with fellow Financial Therapist Jennifer Calder. From her early career in international development to her vital work in domestic violence support, Jennifer's journey is a testament to the power of addressing money-related stress in therapy. She uncovers how financial intimacy can be a cornerstone of healthier relationships and shares personal anecdotes from her childhood in a wealthy community that reveal how financial issues can touch anyone, regardless of economic status.

Money, shame, and empowerment are deeply connected. Jennifer provides actionable strategies to reduce money-related shame by understanding the psychological underpinnings of financial decisions. She also discusses common money scripts, especially among those in helping professions, and how these scripts influence attitudes toward wealth and self-worth.

Ed and Jennifer reveal the intricate skills therapists use, such as active listening and pacing, to foster effective financial communication. They examine how cultural and religious beliefs shape our financial behaviors and the impact of family dynamics on money conversations. Jennifer emphasizes the critical role of self-awareness for both clients and financial professionals in creating meaningful financial plans. All this and much more in this episode of Healthy Love and Money!

Key Topics:

• Jennifer’s Professional Journey (01:57)
• Money Shame, Financial Therapy, and How it Helps People Make Better Decisions (09:17)
• Pacing, Silence, and Feedback in Therapy Sessions and the Impact on Client Outcomes (19:43)
• Money Scripts, Genograms, and Their Impact on Financial Planning and Therapy (34:53)
• Money Mindset and its Impact on Financial Well-being (41:45)

Resources:

• MoneyMindsetConsulting.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Boundaries are an important part of budgeting, but so is flexibility. And the more humans you have in your family, or the more dynamics you have in your financial life, the more flexibility you need.”

What if there were a way to make budgeting less stressful and more sustainable? On this episode of Healthy Love and Money, our host Ed Coambs welcomes Natalie Taylor, a seasoned financial planner with over 20 years of experience, to share her unique insights on balancing boundaries and flexibility in family finances. Natalie’s innovative approach to budgeting emphasizes flexible boundaries, aiming to make financial planning adaptable and less burdensome for families with fluctuating incomes.

Ever wondered how to categorize and manage your household expenses without getting overwhelmed? Ed and Natalie break down the concepts of fixed and flex expenses, offering practical advice on maintaining control over your finances. From using dedicated credit cards for variable spending to handling kids' sports costs, Natalie provides a structured yet flexible framework that keeps financial surprises at bay.

Ed and Natalie then explore the often-overlooked concept of non-monthly expenses and how to plan for them effectively. Natalie shares actionable tips on setting up a dedicated account to manage these irregular costs, ensuring a steady cash flow throughout the year. They also touch on optimizing credit card points within a budgeting system and the value of financial intimacy. Take a moment to reflect on these insights and consider how they can be integrated into your life for better financial health.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Natalie Taylor! (01:40)
• Budgeting and Managing Finances to Avoid Shame and Judgement (06:31)
• #1: Fixed Expenses (10:09)
• #2: Flex Expenses (15:20)
• #3: Non-Monthly Expenses (23:58)
• Potential Resistance to the Flow Perspective (30:54)
• Wrap-Up (37:50)

Resources:

• Natalie Taylor on LinkedIn
• The Goodland Group

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Because we can’t avoid money, money is going to resurface [past trauma]. As grownups, we can predict, if not guarantee that money will surface or trigger these past associations.”

Unlock the hidden pathways between your financial decisions and emotional well-being with our host Ed Coambs and returning guest Amanda Clayman. In this enlightening discussion, Ed and Amanda look into the often-unspoken world of financial trauma, where seemingly unrelated spending patterns reveal deep-seated emotional connections. They bring to light the physiological similarities between financial and sexual arousal and the mysterious nature of dissociative splurges that often go unnoticed in our day-to-day lives.

Step into the complex dance of family dynamics, where childhood scarcity meets adult fiscal success, and emotions run high. Whether it's a simple family dinner or confronting parental expectations, you'll see how these experiences shape our financial narrative and the intricate web of feelings that emerge when money intertwines with our most intimate relationships.

The journey toward financial intimacy is not a straight line but a series of steps, each offering a deeper understanding of love and money. The episode concludes with an affirmation of growth and the therapeutic power of humor, when appropriate, to navigate life's complexities.

Key Topics:

• Financial Trauma and How it Affects us Today (02:37)
• Financial Dissociation and its Impact on Emotional State (06:41)
• Managing Emotions and Needs in Financial Decision-making (13:08)
• When to (and not to) Use Humor in Coping (19:46)
• Personal Growth, Vulnerability, and Overcoming Fear (23:58)
• Gender Roles, Ambivalence, and Emotional Labor (31:06)
• Money as a Symbol and Tool, with Personal Transformative Potential (38:15)
• Emotional and Symbolic Exploration in Financial Therapy (42:37)
• Healing through Nonlinear Processing (48:53)

Resources:

• AmandaClayman.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“That is how we should be thinking about the role of money in our lives - as a training kind of engagement, around, being able to not unconsciously react to things, but being able to stay in a regulated contextualized state as we're doing financial tasks.”

Have you ever caught yourself in a spiral of financial worry, only to realize that your bank account isn't the real issue, but rather the stories you tell yourself about money? Our host Ed Coambs is joined by fellow financial therapist Amanda Clayman, who guides us through the emotional labyrinth of our fiscal lives. Together, Ed and Amanda dissect the emotional underpinnings and self-regulatory challenges that shape our financial decisions. It's not just about the numbers on your bank statement; it's about the conversations we have with ourselves and within our relationships that often dictate our financial outcomes.

Our journey with Amanda doesn't stop at self-discovery; it's also a deep exploration of the roadblocks that keep us from seeing our true financial behaviors. Ever find yourself wondering why, despite best efforts, your finances seem to be running on a hamster wheel of stress and guilt? Ed and Amanda tackle the tricky business of financial blind spots and the importance of self-awareness, even when it leads to discomfort and a boomerang effect of shame. By understanding the fight-flight responses our bodies conjure up in the face of money woes, the financial therapist duo lay the groundwork for financial health that resonates beyond our wallets.

In a world where financial tension can strain even the strongest of relationships, how do we navigate the choppy waters without capsizing our emotional well-being? Ed and Amanda illustrate this with a candid look into financial trauma, drawing parallels with the delicate dance of arousal in both fiscal and intimate relationships. Listen in next week for part 2 of this conversation in which Ed and Amanda dig deeper into pre-conceived judgments, financial trauma, financial arousal with your partner, and more!

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Amanda Clayman! (01:47)
• Financial Anxiety, Insecurity, and Adaptation in Personal Finance (04:53)
• Financial Blind Spots and Self-Awareness in Therapy (09:44)
• Financial Security and Self-regulation Using Polyvagal Theory (15:51)
• The Importance of Emotional Connection in Financial Decision-making (27:42)
• How Financial Trauma Directly Affects Financial Decision-making (32:21)

Resources:

• AmandaClayman.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“You can foster and deepen financial intimacy in your life, you can do it, it will take effort, and it won’t always feel comfortable in the short run, but it's like learning to dance. It's awkward and then becomes pleasurable.”

The tables turn as Ed Coambs takes the guest chair and Shaun Maslyk of The Most Hated F-Word Podcast steps in as honorary host in this episode of Healthy Love and Money.

Ed brings us on his journey from firefighter to financial advisor, to marriage family therapist, to financial therapist, and ultimately to Healthy Love and Money, which has granted him an unparalleled perspective on the intertwining of emotional well-being and money management. This episode delves into the sensitive dance of financial intimacy, revealing how to create a bond with your partner that turns financial trials into a foundation of trust and understanding.

Ed’s experiences illuminate the societal influences and the legacy of family beliefs that color our financial behaviors. Ed and Shaun confront the psychological underpinnings of spending and saving habits, acknowledging how attachment theory plays a pivotal role in shaping relationships with money. The episode doesn't just acknowledge the struggles—it offers a beacon of hope by showcasing the transformative impact of fostering 'earned secure attachment,’ proving that personal and financial growth are within reach.

It’s not just about achieving financial peace; it's about embracing a new way of being with your finances, one where reflective decision-making leads to an abundance that resonates with your deepest values and aspirations. Listen in as Ed and Shaun chart the course from financial turbulence to tranquil waters, inviting you to begin the first steps on your own path toward a more intimate and prosperous financial future.

Key Topics:

• Welcome Guest Host, Shaun Maslyk! (0:01:30)
• Empathy in the Field of Financial Planning (0:05:21)
• Human Connection and Inclusivity in Financial Planning (0:16:17)
• Financial Intimacy and its Impact on Relationships (0:21:25)
• Financial Dynamics in Relationships and Cultural Backgrounds (0:25:58)
• Attachment Theory and its Impact on Financial Relationships (0:38:11)
• Mindfulness in Financial Stability, Change and Growth (0:53:41)
• Mind-Body Connection in Financial Therapy (58:59)
• Wrap-Up and Working with Healthy Love and Money (01:01:23)

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Money is a resource that promotes healing. So, what shifts do we need to make so that the story within our budget is in alignment with the things that bring us joy, and the things that reflect our value?”

Embark on an exploration of financial empowerment with the dynamic Jasmine Lopez of The Firehouse Dream, as she unveils her journey to foster economic resilience within BIPOC communities through innovative creative ventures. Our host Ed Coambs along with Jasmine chat about the emotional intricacies of money, and uncover stories laden with guilt and shame. This discussion ventures into the depths of racism and healing, as Jasmine shines a beacon of hope with her groundbreaking nonprofit that champions the creative careers of youth from a historical firehouse turned cultural hub.

When it comes to mental health struggles, the powerful role of community in the healing process comes to the forefront. Ed and Jasmine emphasize the necessity of safe havens that cater to the mental well-being of BIPOC and lower-income groups, where the warmth of shared meals and the richness of storytelling intertwine. These communal traditions, alongside professional services, emerge as vital elements in achieving holistic well-being, rebuilding our sense of self and interconnectedness.

This episode celebrates the presence of mentors and the power of representation, encouraging listeners to join in contemplating how each of us can contribute to fostering a culture of holistic health and prosperity. Share in Jasmine's inspiring work and let it ignite a spark within you to champion change in your own community.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Jasmine Lopez! (01:27)
• Addressing Trauma in Lower-Income Communities and BIPOC Spaces (04:11)
• Healing Through Presence and Relationships (08:30)
• Overcoming Abandonment Issues in Marriage (15:31)
• Money as a Tool for Healing and Self-Discovery (19:03)
• Philanthropy, Wealth, and Community Healing (25:13)
• Creativity and its Value in Various Industries (31:48)
• Healing in the Context of Racial and Socioeconomic Disparities (35:38)
• Personal Agency in the Face of Systemic Oppression (42:40)

Resources:

• TheFirehouseDream.org
• Jasmine on IG

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“If enough of us start moving our money in these ways, we can literally change what matters, we can change where the power is, we can change what the story is.”

Could aligning your portfolio with your conscience actually lead to greater financial returns? Uncover this intriguing possibility as our host Ed Coambs sits down with Janine Firpo, co-founder of Invest for Better and author of "Activate Your Money."

When it comes to love and money, nothing resonates more than the concept of financial intimacy. In this episode, Janine and Ed navigate the sometimes-turbulent waters of aligning investment decisions with a partner's differing ethical compass. They chart a course through the stock market with a values-driven map, putting a spotlight on funds that prove responsible investments can be both morally and financially rewarding.

The conversation turns to actionable steps, like choosing local banks and credit unions, which can support underrepresented groups and bolster community growth, to give one example. As they conclude, we're reminded that every financial stride we take, no matter the size, can contribute to a collective push for a better and more equitable world.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Janine Firpo (01:30)
• Women’s Financial Autonomy (06:16)
• Investing with Values with a Focus on Ethics and Performance (12:36)
• Investing for Women and Minorities, Alternative Investing Options (22:04)
• Questioning Traditional Beliefs and Practices around Wealth (27:05)
• AI, Money, and Aligning Investments with Values (32:34)
• Values-Aligned Investing and Money Management (39:35)

Resources:

• Activate Your Money (book)
• [email protected]
• InvestForBetter.org

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“It's worth the time, the energy, the money, everything to get to that place where you feel like, now I have this intrinsic sense of self-worth, that I feel is absolutely unshakable. It’s something that nobody could ever take away from me.”

Welcome to part two of this interview with special guest and fellow financial therapist Sarah Carr. Our host, Ed Coambs, along with Sarah embark on an emotional voyage as they peel back the layers of life's financial and emotional stages. Sarah opens up about the transformative power of motherhood and its impact on self-worth, entwined with candid tales of financial upheaval and heartache. As they traverse these topics, the conversation reveals the nuanced challenges of blended families, the silent weight of financial guilt post-divorce, and the redefinition of success beyond the confines of a paycheck.

Ed and Sarah dissect the complexities of transitioning from career-oriented ambitions to embracing the profound role of a stay-at-home parent, and the resonance this has with those who seek a deeper connection with their work and personal life.

Finally, they wade into the deeper waters of trauma therapy, financial empowerment, and the cathartic release found within somatic yoga practice. Sarah shares her courageous journey through past abuse, utilizing EMDR and IFS therapies as vehicles for recovery. This episode is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, encouraging listeners to find joy and stability within, which in turn radiates outwards, reshaping our relationship with money and self-worth.

Key Topics:

• Welcome Back, Sarah Carr (01:24)
• Navigating Feelings about Blended Family Finances (05:57)
• Power Couples, Personal Growth, and Redefining Success (11:09)
• Financial Therapy and Effects of Past Abuse (18:01)
• Childhood Abuse, Trauma, and Healing Within a Religious Community (21:32)
• Healing from Trauma and PTSD (28:03)
• Claiming Intrinsic Worth, Financial Well-Being, and Options for Dealing with Financial Challenges (33:32)
• Overcoming Financial Trauma through Self-Awareness and Flexible Thinking (40:28)
• Resources for Healing Religious Trauma and Financial Therapy (46:32)

Resources:

• SarahCarrFinancial.com
• Sarah Carr on LinkedIn
• @SarahCarrFP on IG and FB

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“While I did have a career and I did have income, I didn't have much of a say in how that money got spent. And I never questioned it too much either.”

Ever wonder how your beliefs shape your wallet? Fellow Financial Therapist Sarah Carr joins our host Ed Coambs on the Healthy Love and Money Podcast to reveal the complex ties between fundamentalist upbringing, financial intimacy, and emotional well-being. With a history rooted in evangelical Christianity, Sarah sheds light on how deeply ingrained doctrines can entangle with our financial lives, especially within the intimacy of relationships. She shares her personal narrative of an arranged betrothal and shattered expectations, offering a unique perspective on the courage it takes to chart a new course and challenge the status quo.

Navigating the waters of financial independence and cultural expectations can be daunting, yet Sarah's story is a beacon for those in similar straits. Her reflections on breaking free from purity culture and internalized rules provide listeners with a heartfelt understanding of the liberation that comes with taking control of both finances and life choices.

Sarah speaks candidly about the process of deconstructing faith in the wake of personal tragedy, the end of her marriage, and the quest for financial autonomy. As Ed and Sarah close the episode, they contemplate the resilience necessary to rebuild life and love, underscored by financial literacy and empowerment. Tune in next week for part two of this riveting conversation!

Key Topics:

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• Welcome, Sarah Carr! (01:27)
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• Sarah’s Past Influence on Her Work Today (04:42)
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• Religious Upbringing, Marriage, Divine Intervention, and Questioning Authority (10:38)
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• Financial Planning and Anxiety in a Relationship (14:54)
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• Personal Experiences with Purity Culture (20:22)
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• Spiritual Growth after Family Tragedy (25:12)
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• Deconstructing Religious Beliefs and Financial Infidelity (31:43)
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Resources:

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• Sarah Carr on LinkedIn
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Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1. 
   
2.   Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
3. 
   
4. 
   
5.   Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
6. 
   
7. 
   
8.   Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
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11.   Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.
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“A lot of my work is really embracing how messy life is. And that instead of pursuing clarity, what if we really accept the messiness?”

Our host Ed Coambs chats with Rachel Duncan, a therapist who shatters the mold by blending addiction recovery, art therapy, and financial therapy. Her unique approach unveils the rich tapestry of life's messiness, challenging us to find beauty and growth in the unpredictable twists of our personal journeys. Let Rachel guide you through the labyrinth of self-discovery, where embracing the chaos actually leads to a more authentic and joyful existence.

Uncover the profound influence of art therapy intertwined with the intricate world of financial therapy, as Rachel shares her evolutionary practice. Visual expression becomes a language of its own, providing a canvas to confront and interpret our deepest feelings about money and self-worth. Join in as Ed and Rachel traverse the emotional landscape of financial narratives through the therapeutic power of art, peeling back layers to reveal our most genuine selves.

Listen in for an enriching discussion that promises to transform how you perceive therapy, creativity, and the intricate dance between our emotional well-being and financial health.

Key Topics:

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• Welcome, Rachel Duncan! (01:24)
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• How Rachel Found Her Way to this Unique Combination of Work (02:08)
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• Art Therapy and Financial Counseling (09:48)
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• Art Therapy and Somatic Work for Emotional Healing (16:09)
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• Live On-Air Demonstration of Art Therapy (22:01)
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• Wrap-Up and Connecting with Rachel Duncan and Her Services (35:55)
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Resources:

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• MoneyHealingClub.com
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Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1. 
   
2.   Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
3. 
   
4. 
   
5.   Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
6. 
   
7. 
   
8.   Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
9. 
   
10. 
    
11.   Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.
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