Healthy Love & Money: Financial Therapy, Intimacy, Conflict & Communication for Couples

“We try to fix the financial vehicle without fixing the driver. So that's why, to me, mindset, behavior is so important. Until we change as individuals, giving ourselves a faster portfolio is not going to work, so we as investors have to become better investors, and then worry about finding better investments.”

Our host Ed Coambs welcomes Chad Hufford of Veritas Alaska to the Healthy Love and Money Podcast. Ed and Chad shed light on why you must become a savvy investor before chasing the next big opportunity. They underscore that financial success stems from disciplined habits and effective coaching.

Reflecting on Chad's homeschooling experience in the eighties, they illustrate the critical balance between education and execution. By drawing parallels between physical fitness and financial health, the discussion highlights the virtues of discipline, patience, and continuous effort. You'll discover why having a robust financial blueprint is essential for connecting your current actions with future goals, steering clear of the pitfalls of hasty decisions and overambitious plans.

Tackling the often-overlooked issue of financial stress and shame, Chad's insights normalize open money conversations. Ed and Chad discuss the significance of attaching meaning and purpose to financial goals, introducing Chad’s book, "Forging Financial Freedom," which champions mindset shifts in wealth building. This episode will guide you to foster healthier financial attitudes and build a life of meaningful wealth.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Chad Hufford! (01:35)
• Lifelong Learning and the Connection between Physical Fitness and Financial Discipline (02:19)
• Balancing Education and Execution in Financial Planning (07:21)
• Personal Finance and Future Planning (12:57)
• How Shame and Fear Impact Financial Decisions (17:46)
• Normalizing Conversations about Money and Personal Finance (19:52)
• Regaining Control of Finances for a Better Life (25:25)
• The Importance of Mindset in Wealth-Building and Financial Independence (29:49)
• Wealth, Relationships, and Mindset with a Financial Advisor (34:57)

Resources:

• VeritasAlaska.com
• @veritas.alaska on IG
• Forging Financial Freedom (book)

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Let me get curious instead of furious. Help me understand.”

What if your financial habits were not just personal quirks but reflections of deep-seated family imprints? Our host Ed Coambs sits down with Johanna Lynn, founder of the Family Imprint Institute, as they uncover the profound connection between financial behaviors and familial and cultural backgrounds. Johanna's expertise in epigenetics offers a unique lens to understand how early childhood experiences and unresolved family issues shape our money habits and partner choices. Her mantra of "getting curious rather than furious" provides a powerful tool for maintaining open and productive financial dialogues within relationships.

Ed and Johanna explore how family imprints can unconsciously influence our financial decisions and how recognizing these patterns can lead to healthier relationship dynamics. Johanna shares practical insights into how unmet needs and emotional deficits from childhood translate into our financial self-worth as adults. The conversation illuminates the importance of self-awareness and reflective practices in transitioning from reactive to intentional financial behaviors.

Navigating financial values in relationships can be a complex journey, but Johanna offers practical solutions and communication strategies to address these differences. This episode invites you to reflect on your own financial journey and embrace the concept of financial intimacy, offering valuable insights for personal growth and healthier relationships.

Key Topics:

• Welcome Johanna Lynn! (01:32)
• Epigenetics and its Impact on Financial Patterns and Relationships (04:09)
• How Family Dynamics Shape Financial Behaviors and Decisions (09:37)
• How Childhood Experiences Shape One’s Relationship with Money (14:34)
• Managing Money Differences in Relationships (29:34)
• Understanding Money DNA and its Impact on Relationships (36:31)

Resources:

• Johanna Lynn Online

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“It can be simultaneously true that our parents did the best they could with what they had, and that we inherited insecure attachment patterns from them because that's what they had, and that those inherited patterns have caused us some pain, dysregulation, grief, loss in our lives, and so the blame is not on the parent. It’s on the pattern.”

When life gives you unresolved traumas and childhood emotional wounds, how can you rebuild your capacity for love and financial intimacy? Our host Ed Coambs sits down with Eli Harwood, affectionately known as the "Attachment Nerd,” who shares her personal expedition from discovering attachment theory through her own therapy sessions to becoming a sought-after therapist and social media educator. Eli provides a candid account of how understanding our inherited attachment patterns can be a pivotal step toward emotional healing and making sense of our default emotional settings.

Eli and Ed take us on a journey through the long and transformative process of healing attachment patterns. They reflect on the impact of childhood experiences and parental influence on our emotional and relational lives. By exploring these foundational aspects, they uncover how these early attachments shape our future relationships, coping mechanisms, and even our approach to money.

Ed and Eli also address the crucial role of parenting in fostering secure attachments and emotional resilience in children. Eli shares practical parenting strategies that don't project our own coping mechanisms onto our kids but instead empower them to handle life's challenges with confidence. Connecting these insights to financial stress, they demonstrate how our early attachment patterns influence our financial behaviors and attitudes. All this and much more inside this special episode of Healthy Love and Money!

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Eli Harwood! (01:21)
• Attachment Theory and Personal Growth through Reflection and Action (06:00)
• Blame Lies with the Pattern, not the Parent(s) (12:09)
• How Childhood Experiences Shape Adult Emotional Coping Mechanisms (18:19)
• Attachment Theory and its Impact on Money Experiences and Behaviors (24:50)
• Introversion and Attachment Patterns (30:35)
• Parenting and Attachment Theory, Showing Up, Listening, and Lighting Up (37:02)
• How Family Dynamics Impact End-Of-Life Care and Estate Planning (42:02)
• Secure Attachment and its Impact on Financial Intimacy (46:39)

Resources:

• Attachment Nerd
• Books from Eli Hardwood
• Attachment Nerd Podcast

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Nobody goes into these conversations looking forward to them, but at the end, there is a reduction in fear. There is a reduction in anxiety. 100% of the time, my clients and their families have said, This is not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.”

Have you ever considered how embracing impermanence can lead to a more fulfilling life and a peaceful end-of-life experience? Our host Ed Coambs has a conversation with Catherine Durkin Robinson of Anitya Doula Services, a compassionate death doula who guides individuals through their final journey with grace and dignity.

Ed and Catherine discuss the importance of preparing for end-of-life conversations to alleviate emotional and financial burdens on loved ones. Catherine shares invaluable advice on pre-planning post-death arrangements and documenting medical care preferences. Catherine says, “Our aim is to help families focus on what truly matters during times of grief, reducing stress and avoiding costly mistakes.”

Ed and Catherine also explore the intricate relationship between mortality and financial planning. Catherine offers her wisdom on navigating discomfort around death, emphasizing that acknowledgment is the first step toward acceptance. They discuss how previous experiences with loss shape our financial decisions and the importance of open discussions to prevent tragic outcomes. Don't miss this heartfelt discussion that promises to reshape your perspective on life, death, and money.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Catherine Durkin Robinson! (01:35)
• Death Planning and Financial Implications (07:09)
• Death, Dying, Fears, and Ways to Cope (14:08)
• Mortality and Financial Planning, the Fear of Not Having Enough (21:49)
• End-of-Life Options (26:11)
• Death and Money, Acknowledging Grief (36:56)

Resources:

• Anitya Doula Services

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“So in that moment, we discovered, wow, we have different thoughts and beliefs about money, and we were raised very differently around money, and we also can have humor around this. So that was the first time we started to act like a team.”

Breaking the silence on money could transform your relationships forever. Our host Ed Coambs sits down with Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, a former banking professional turned money psychology counselor, to explore the profound impact of financial conversations on personal connections. Kathleen shares her inspiring journey and the hurdles she overcame, including her struggle with an eating disorder, to help others navigate their financial lives. This episode emphasizes the importance of financial intimacy and unveils practical strategies for fostering healthy money conversations with your partner.

Discover how personal histories and money personalities shape our financial behaviors, as Ed and Kathleen recount personal experiences and the varying ways individuals cope with financial loss. Kathleen's poignant insights shine a light on the crucial role of validating personal pain and understanding one's money personality to build stronger, more compassionate financial relationships.

From addressing traditional gender roles to empowering women in corporate environments, this episode tackles mixed messages around financial motivations. Through compelling anecdotes and professional wisdom, learn how to recognize and nurture different money personalities within a marriage, transforming potential conflicts into opportunities for growth. This episode is packed with essential tips and heartfelt stories designed to empower you on your journey to financial well-being.

Key Topics:

• Breaking Money Silence (01:53)
• Kathleen’s Journey from Banking to Counseling Psychology to Financial Psychology (03:50)
• Money Trauma, Financial Psychology, and Personal Growth (07:43)
• Eating Disorders and Their Connection to Money Issues (13:56)
• Money Management and Empowerment for Women (19:09)
• Gender Roles and Money Management (23:00)
• Understanding and Empathy in Personal Finance and Relationships (28:29)
• Financial Planning and Coaching for Women (35:36)
• Money Psychology and Financial Therapy with a Professional Coach (40:04)
• Wrap-Up and Reaching Out (47:15)

Resources:

• KBKWealthConnection.com
• Kathleen on LinkedIn

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“We're saying, all right, how about you go follow your dreams. How about you quit that job you hate, even though you're going to make less money at another job. Go make the change. It is very rewarding. It is also very hard, because the standard of mental models fight against it.”

In this episode of Healthy Love and Money, our host Ed Coambs welcomes Dr. Jay Zigmont of Childfree Wealth. Jay shares his fascinating journey from healthcare and academia into the world of financial planning, specifically catering to the unique needs of childfree individuals. Ed and Jay explore how traditional financial advice often overlooks this significant portion of the population and discuss the importance of reprogramming financial strategies to align with a childfree lifestyle.

Ed and Jay highlight the concept of the "life script" and the importance of helping clients design their lives first, then aligning their finances to support those personal goals. This conversation emphasizes prioritizing meaningful life experiences over traditional financial goals that may not resonate with childfree individuals.

They also explore the critical aspects of long-term care planning for childfree individuals, the importance of having power of attorney and a will, and the significant financial impact of being single. This episode is packed with valuable information for anyone interested in understanding the unique financial planning needs of the childfree community and encourages listeners to reflect on their own financial and life decisions.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Dr. Jay Zigmont! (01:45)
• Financial Planning for Childfree Individuals, Challenges, and Reprogramming Standard Models (02:33)
• Alternative Family Structures and Societal Pressures to Conform to the Traditional Life Script (08:13)
• Personalized Financial Planning for Childfree Individuals and Couples (12:53)
• Community Building for Childfree People (14:58)
• Common Mistakes and Challenges in Financial Planning for Childfree People (19:07)
• Long-term Care Planning for Childfree People (29:33)
• Wrap-Up and Jay’s Parting Advice (35:48)

Resources:

• ChildFreeWealth.com
• Portraits of ChildFree Wealth (book)
• ChildFree Wealth Podcast

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“I can’t emphasize enough with blended families, you are going to have differences and you’re going to have things that you work through, and there’s a healthy way to work through it, and there’s an unhealthy way.”

What happens when you blend two families, each with its unique dynamics and histories? Our host Ed Coambs sits down with Mikel Van Cleve, a PhD student at Texas Tech University who focuses on blended families and financial planning. Mikel shares both his academic insights and personal journey of merging his family with his wife Heather, each bringing two children from previous relationships. They discuss the essential role of communication and explore strategies for managing different parenting styles and co-parenting with exes.

Ever thought about the financial complexities of blended families? Marrying someone often means factoring in their financial history, including obligations like alimony or child support. Mikel’s real-life anecdotes illuminate how ongoing changes, like an ex-spouse's remarriage, can impact the family system, making the need for clear communication and adaptable strategies all the more critical.

From setting boundaries to navigating favoritism and conflicts, Ed and Mikel’s conversation offers a roadmap for creating harmonious relationships. They touch on the vital need for tailored estate planning to ensure fair inheritance and explore the emotional landscape that accompanies these financial decisions. Whether you're part of a blended family or just curious, this episode provides invaluable insights into fostering a nurturing environment for everyone involved.

Key Topics:

• Mikel’s Blended Family Story (02:27)
• Financial Management in Blended Families (04:20)
• Challenges and Strategies for Blended Families (10:49)
• Legal Rights around Blended Families (15:57)
• Estate Planning for Blended Families (20:47)
• Understanding Blended Families’ Unique Dynamics with Your Financial Planner (26:35)
• Blended Families and the Dangers of Favoritism (31:34)
• The Importance of Open Communication in Blended Families (37:05)
• Strategies for Growth in Blended Families (43:58)

Resources:

• Mikel Van Cleve on LinkedIn

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Perfection is not a standard that can be met, but improvement absolutely is. Know that the IRS doesn't expect you to be perfect. The IRS mandate is to collect the substantially correct amount of tax, not the exact amount.”

Managing taxes can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when one partner is self-employed. In this part 2 episode, Hannah Cole from Sunlight Tax joins again to share her journey, filled with stressful moments and heated arguments, all stemming from her initial lack of tax knowledge. She and Ed debunk the myth of tax perfection and focus on the importance of continual learning and improvement, particularly for freelancers who grapple with tracking profits and losses. Discover how couples can achieve financial harmony by understanding each other's financial responsibilities and the unique pressures faced by the primary breadwinner.

Freelancers and sole proprietors often find themselves lost in a maze of tax complexities. Many stumble into freelancing and are suddenly expected to master bookkeeping and tax management. Hannah reveals practical tips on the appropriate levels of bookkeeping and the tools to use based on the scale of one's business. This conversation empowers freelancers to manage their finances with confidence and avoid common pitfalls.

Financial transparency between spouses is critical, especially when dealing with joint tax returns and the nuances of self-employment taxes. Hannah and Ed dive into the different fee structures of financial advisors and the necessity of estimated quarterly taxes for freelancers. Hannah’s insights demystify the tax process and provide actionable advice for alleviating tax-related anxiety. Listen in for a revealing discussion that will help you take control of your financial well-being and foster a healthier financial relationship with your partner.

Key Topics:

• Taxes, Financial Intimacy, and Couples’ Knowledge Gaps (02:18)
• Financial Management for Small Businesses: Profits and Losses, Owner’s Compensation, and Equity (04:42)
• Accounting for Freelancers and Small Businesses (11:59)
• Financial Literacy, Bookkeeping, and Gender Dynamics in Personal Finance (16:42)
• Financial Advisor Fees and Transparency (25:54)
• Joint Tax Returns and Financial Transparency in Marriage (29:22)
• Quarterly Tax Payments (34:04)
• Wrap-Up and Parting Wisdom: Aim for Improvement, Not Perfection (39:02)

Resources:

• Sunlight Tax
• Sunlight Podcast

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“I think you need to hold space and have empathy for yourself, about looking at it [taxes] and attempt to look at it as information and as neutral, even though you're probably going to have these stories that swirl in your head.”

How can understanding taxes strengthen your marriage? Our host Ed Coambs tackles this intriguing question alongside Hannah Cole, an artist turned tax educator. Hannah's journey from shying away from the business and taxes side of things to becoming a beacon of support for self-employed individuals is nothing short of inspiring. You’ll find yourself nodding along as Ed and Hannah discuss the common feelings of judgment from tax professionals and the vital role empathy plays in making money conversations less awkward and more productive.

Facing the emotional turbulence of tax season can be daunting, especially within the context of a marriage. Hannah helps us navigate this rocky terrain by shedding light on the vulnerability and shame many feel when revealing personal financial details. Ed and Hannah reflect on the need for a more human-centered design. By emphasizing the importance of relational support and empathy, the aim is to alleviate the anxiety often accompanying financial discussions and improve mutual understanding between partners.

Hannah and Ed also explore the concept of financial innocence and the idea of money as a neutral tool. They discuss practical advice on understanding self-employment tax, paying estimated quarterly taxes, and the consequences of neglecting these responsibilities. The discussion touches on the psychological and moral development necessary for a balanced perspective on money and the importance of confronting deep-seated fears about feeling broken or flawed. Tune in next week for a continuation of this rich, informative discussion designed to make financial conversations more approachable, empathetic, and productive.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Hannah! Taxes, Artistry, and Financial Intimacy (02:03)
• Importance of True Understanding for Personal and Business Growth (04:27)
• Design Flaws in the Tax System (12:40)
• Taxes, Representation, and Financial Literacy (16:50)
• Tax Responsibility and Challenges for Married Couples (22:01)
• Money Agency and its Impact on Financial Decision-Making (27:49)
• Psychological and Moral Factors Behind Money (32:28)
• Tax Debt, Empathy in Accounting, and Avoiding Scams (37:31)
• Tax Fears, Comfort, and Growth with a Tax Professional (43:27)

Resources:

• Sunlight Tax
• Sunlight Podcast

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Financial intimacy is as important as physical, romantic intimacy. It is as important and it takes a lot of vulnerability being able to trust another person to see what you have and what you don't have, and to still accept you and love you for that. That requires so much vulnerability.”

Get ready to transform your understanding of financial harmony in relationships! Our host, Ed Coambs, and fellow Financial Therapist Dr. Traci Williams share their wealth of knowledge on addressing financial conflicts within couples. You'll be equipped with actionable insights on why it’s crucial to understand each other's financial backgrounds and experiences before diving into budgeting. Traci explains how emotional and psychological factors play a pivotal role in financial decision-making, and why empathy and open communication are essential in resolving conflicts.

Ever wondered how your past trauma might be affecting your ability to plan for the future? Dr. Williams enlightens us on the importance of connecting with our future selves and the profound impact childhood trauma can have on this ability. Discover various therapeutic approaches to healing past wounds and why there's no one-size-fits-all solution. From envisioning future stages of life to focusing on personal growth, you'll find strategies to aid in your journey toward a healthier financial and emotional future.

Learn the critical importance of discussing finances early in relationships and identifying red flags that could jeopardize financial harmony. Dive into practical ways to align family values with financial decisions, and how to engage family members, even young children, in meaningful conversations about values and priorities. This episode is packed with essential advice to foster stronger family bonds and financial well-being.

Key Topics:

• Understanding Each Other’s Money Perspectives (01:17)
• Manage Conflict by Taking Breaks, Remembering Positive Aspects of Each Other (05:36)
• Connecting with Future Self, Healing Childhood Trauma, and Taking Action toward Your Desired Future (16:09)
• Financial Intimacy and Vulnerability in Relationships (22:27)
• Financial Therapy and the Connection to Personal Finance, Relationships, and Trauma (29:23)
• Navigating Hard Financial Decisions in Relationships (34:32)
• The Values Around a Financial Therapist (41:35)

Resources:

• Healthy Wealthy Roots on IG and TikTok
• Poui Consulting

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-Minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.