Healthy Love & Money: Financial Therapy, Intimacy, Conflict & Communication for Couples

In this episode of the Healthy Love and Money Podcast, I sit down with Adam Kol, a financial coach, mediator, and author of the newly released book Financial Intimacy for Couples. Adam is passionate about helping couples bridge the gap between money and relationships, teaching them how to talk openly about finances, resolve conflicts, and make empowered financial decisions together. If you and your partner have ever struggled with different financial habits or expectations, this episode is for you!

Quotes:

Key Moments:

⏳ [1:00] Adam shares his journey into couples financial coaching and why financial intimacy is critical

⏳ [4:30] The debate over separate vs. joint finances—why the conversation matters more than the account structure

⏳ [6:50] Money agreements evolve over time—your financial setup isn’t permanent!

⏳ [8:20] How childhood money beliefs and personal experiences shape our financial behaviors in relationships

⏳ [10:00] Why most couples don’t start off as a financial team—and how to get there

⏳ [12:40] The importance of financial empathy in marriage and partnerships

⏳ [14:20] How to navigate financial conflicts without blame or shame

⏳ [16:50] The power of interactive repair—how couples can heal from money disagreements

⏳ [18:30] How Adam’s book, Financial Intimacy for Couples, helps partners create healthy, open, and honest financial communication

⏳ [22:00] Why giving your partner Adam’s book without context is NOT the best approach (and what to do instead!)

⏳ [27:10] Overcoming financial anxiety, shame, and past money wounds

⏳ [32:40] How savers and spenders can learn to understand and appreciate each other

Resources & Links:

🔗 Connect with Adam Kol:

• Website: Couple’s Financial Coach
• Instagram & Socials: @CouplesFinancialCoach
• Email: [email protected]
• 📖 Book: Financial Intimacy for Couples (Amazon)

📖 Recommended Resources:

• Financial Intimacy for Couples by Adam Kol
• The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel
• Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (for understanding relationship dynamics)

💡 Connect with Ed Coambs:

• Website: Healthy Love and Money
• Instagram: @HealthyLoveAndMoney
• LinkedIn: Ed Coambs

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Podcast Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and reflects my experiences as a financial therapist and Certified Financial Planner™. It is not a substitute for professional financial, legal, or mental health advice. Every individual’s situation is unique, and I encourage seeking personalized guidance from a qualified professional.

Thank you for listening—your journey to financial intimacy starts here!

“I think people who are retiring now are first-generation retirement rebels.”

Dan Haylett joins our host Ed Coambs from across the pond in today’s episode. A sports enthusiast turned investment expert, Dan’s sharing a treasure trove of insights about the power of empathy in the world of financial planning.

Dan kicks things off talking about his unique journey from the cricket fields to navigating the complex emotional and psychological aspects of retirement planning. As the host of the top 50 podcast, Humans vs Retirement, Dan explains the need for a human-first approach in financial planning. He’s a big believer in looking past traditional methods to address the deep-rooted emotions tied to money management.

Dan also discusses the evolving role of financial planners as holistic advisors who go beyond spreadsheets and how great strides have been made to simplify complex retirement decisions for the average person. He talks about the nuances of financial therapy and how subtle shifts in language can profoundly impact client perceptions for the better!

Finally, Dan gives his thoughts on the impact of the UK's healthcare system and inheritance tax on people’s financial decision-making. With the full belief that retirement needs a rebrand, he’s sharing how we can thrive in today’s world as "first-generation retirement rebels!”

Key Topics:

• Dan’s Journey From Sportsman to Retirement Specialist (00:00)
• First-Generation Retirement Rebels (10:56)
• Financial Planning Beyond Spreadsheets! (16:45)
• Framing the Money Conversation in Today’s World (25:05)
• The Two Questions You Need to Answer Before Retiring (33:48)
• The Impact of the UK’s Healthcare System on People’s Financial Decisions (36:48)
• What to Know About the UK’s Inheritance Tax System (41:16)

Resources:

• HumansvsRetirement.com
• Dan Haylett on LinkedIn

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Healthy Love and Money Discovery Call Today.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“And I think one of the opportunities in having a close relationship with someone, it doesn't have to be marriage, is they’re sort of a mirror for your relationship with money.”

Our host, Ed Coambs, welcomes Dr. Brad Klontz, a pioneer in financial psychology and therapy, for an engaging discussion on navigating money matters in relationships. They explore the common challenges couples face when aligning their financial perspectives and emphasize the importance of honest communication. Reflecting on personal experiences and societal attitudes, they debunk the myth that a conflict-free financial discussion equals a healthy relationship, highlighting how disagreements can foster growth. They also challenge the notion that marriage is a poor financial decision by presenting statistics that show married individuals often have higher net worth.

Ed and Brad examine the complex relationship between emotions and money. Personal anecdotes reveal how financial fears often originate from childhood experiences, creating subconscious scripts that influence adult relationships. Listen in as they explore how partners can act as mirrors, reflecting financial behaviors and beliefs, leading to personal growth and healing when approached openly. This episode underscores the potential for mutual understanding and development through shared financial insights and experiences.

Ed and Dr. Klontz also discuss the intricacies of money dynamics within relationships, including how financial anxieties and different spending habits can impact partnerships. They encourage couples to confront financial realities together, taking ownership of their financial destinies. By understanding each partner's financial background and emotional experiences with money, couples can transform conflicts into opportunities for connection and healing. Don't miss this insightful conversation that offers practical guidance for achieving healthy love and money.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Dr. Brad Klontz! (00:00)
• Harsh Truths About Money and Relationships (03:27)
• The Importance of Communicating About Money in Relationships (05:19)
• Understanding Normative Male Alexithymia (07:59)
• The Emotional Connection between Money and Relationships (11:43)
• The Role of Partners in Financial Well-being and the Concept of Locus of Control (19:31)
• Practical Exercises for Improving Financial Communication in Relationships (35:56)
• The Impact of Empathy and Compassion in Financial Discussions (36:49)
• The Role of Interdependence in Financial Success (40:47)
• Wrap-Up and Reminder to Check out Brad’s New Book (42:27)

Resources:

• Brad’s New Book: Start Thinking Rich!

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Healthy Love and Money Discovery Call Today.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Sometimes, ‘good enough’ is good enough. You don’t have to be extreme. In fact, extreme is so confining. Those things that are the most rigid are most susceptible to complete collapse. Building in flexibility can sometimes make things sustainable over time.”

New Healthy Love and Money team member Dr. Christine Hargrove joins our host Ed Coambs to share her unique approach to financial therapy through the lens of neurodiversity.

Walking us through her unique journey from religious studies to becoming a pioneer in financial therapy, Dr. Hargrove walks us through her experiences working with individuals and families affected by ADHD.

Achieving breakthroughs in people’s financial lives requires an understanding of diverse money mindsets and a willingness to get personal, in order to navigate financial stress more effectively. She contrasts the often rigid advice of mainstream financial influencers with the adaptable strategies of empathy-focused financial therapists like herself.

Christine and Ed also get into the emotional impact of financial trauma, using her personal experiences from the 2008 financial crash to illustrate how economic events can shape your personal identity and family dynamics, for better or worse. Recognizing and bridging the gap between financial intentions and behaviors between your relationships, she says, promotes not only understanding, but also positive reinforcement within yourself.

Finally, Dr. Hargrove speaks on the concept of proactive relationship wellness. She encourages couples to seek guidance early to manage financial stress more effectively, which of course allows them–and even their kids–to enjoy healthier, more fulfilling relationships with money.

Key Topics:

• Dr. Hargrove’s Inspiring Career Journey (00:00)
• Why We Get Intimidated to Talk About Money (11:43)
• How Dr. Hargrove’s Own Relationship with Money Has Changed Over the Years (16:10)
• Facing Our Shame Around Our Financial Struggles (28:25)
• How Financial Stress Impacts Our Kids in Their Formative Years (32:56)
• Working with Couples as a Financial Therapist (40:17)
• Why We Shouldn’t Overly Focus on Consequence and Accountability (48:50)
• Dr. Hargrove’s Parting Words of Wisdom (53:53)

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Healthy Love and Money Discovery Call Today.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Feelings plus finances equal flourishing. Then, there are stories in your statements, and those stories inform your strategy.”

Our host Ed Coambs sits down with Dr. Preston Cherry, a financial wellness expert, and personal friend whose new book, "Wealth in the Key of Life: Finding Your Financial Harmony," challenges everything you thought you knew about love and money. Ed and Preston share personal stories and practical examples, like travel planning, to demonstrate how aligning financial goals can deepen connections and enhance your partnerships.

Curious about how to transform potentially toxic financial discussions into constructive conversations? They explore this and more, breaking down the barriers often faced when emotions and finances intersect, examining the importance of curiosity and adaptability in dialogue, and ensuring discussions remain open and honest. By fostering an environment that embraces both analytical and metaphorical thinking, the aim is to equip you with the tools to nurture flourishing relationships through healthy financial conversations.

Finally, Ed and Preston contemplate the relationship between religion, faith, and financial prosperity. Is wealth inherently negative, or can it reflect spiritual alignment? Our guest challenges this narrative, urging reflection and gratitude for financial opportunities as divine interventions. All this and more in this episode of Healthy Love and Money!

Key Topics:

• Navigating Financial Intimacy and Communication (00:00)
• Frameworks for Financial Conversations (05:36)
• Overcoming Financial Conflicts and Building Trust (19:16)
• Faith, Religion, and Financial Wellbeing (29:13)
• The Role of Listening and Asking Questions in Financial Conversations (36:53)
• Wrap-Up and Resources (39:29)

Resources:

• Life Money Balance Podcast
• Are Genx Parents Ruining Retirement by Supporting Their Adult Children (episode)
• @drprestoncherry on Socials
• ConcurrentFP.com for Services

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Healthy Love and Money Discovery Call Today.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

Financial planning isn't just about numbers; it’s about understanding the behavioral aspects that come into play.

Welcome to this exciting episode of the Healthy Love and Money Podcast, where our host, Ed Coambs, introduces Mary Lou Daly as a new addition to the team. With over 15 years of experience in technical financial planning and accounting, Mary Lou brings a wealth of knowledge to the table. She joins the podcast today to explore the intersection of financial planning and psychology, highlighting how communication plays a crucial role in managing wealth, especially for couples. Together, Ed and Mary Lou aim to assist individuals who are navigating the complexities of wealth accumulation and financial anxieties by merging technical expertise with an understanding of client psychology.

They discuss the intricate dynamics of money conversations within relationships and their impact on marital satisfaction. The episode underscores the importance of personalized approaches to financial planning, tailored to individual and couple dynamics. The conversation also sheds light on the challenges couples face, from minor irritations to significant control issues, and the crucial role of financial therapy in bridging the gap between sound financial advice and practical implementation.

Listen in as Ed and Mary Lou explore the importance of balancing present and future financial planning, and how envisioning our future selves can motivate effective financial preparation. They discuss the complexities of financial upbringing, family dynamics, and the emotional flashpoints that shape our financial beliefs and behaviors. Mary Lou’s enthusiasm and expertise are the perfect addition to the Healthy Love and Money team!

Key Topics:

• Financial Intimacy and Communication Challenges (00:00)
• Initial Impressions and Financial Planning Approach (02:20)
• Challenges of Financial Communication in Marriage (06:31)
• Financial Planning Tools and Techniques (11:25)
• Behavioral Financial Planning and Financial Therapy (19:51)
• The Role of Financial Planners and CPAs (21:53)
• Financial Planning for Different Life Stages (22:08)
• The Impact of Financial Planning on Relationships (22:25)
• The Importance of Financial Education and Awareness (28:24)
• Final Thoughts and Excitement for the Future of the Healthy Love and Money Team! (45:19)

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Healthy Love and Money Discovery Call Today.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Emotions drive money decisions all day, every day. If we can normalize that for clients and listeners, it resonates deeply for a lot of us.”

Step into the world of financial therapy with our host, Ed Coambs, and Khara Croswaite Brindle, a leading voice in this rapidly growing field. Khara uncovers the emotional undercurrents that shape our financial decisions, urging us to recognize and embrace the "gray" areas where logic often takes a backseat to emotions. Through insights into frameworks like the Enneagram and attachment theory, Ed and Khara explore how understanding our emotional responses can lead to better money management and financial intimacy.

Ed and Khara dig into how money influences everyday decisions, from the mundane to the monumental. Khara shares personal anecdotes that illustrate the complex dance between perceived value and actual quality, especially in the context of therapy and professional services. They also tackle the often tricky territory of setting professional rates, reminding us that the price tag isn't always an indicator of quality, and how financial therapy can aid in untangling these nuanced threads.

Their discussion also shines a light on the personal journey therapists must embark on to serve their clients more effectively. Khara emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and supervision in maintaining a balanced therapeutic stance. To help listeners on their path to financial well-being, she introduces a practical workbook designed to guide you through the complexities of your own financial beliefs. Let's challenge those preconceived notions about wealth and nurture healthier financial mindsets together.

Key Topics:

• The Role of Emotions in Financial Decisions (00:00)
• The Impact of Financial Therapy (08:10)
• The Importance of Values in Financial Decisions (12:41)
• The Framework of Financial Therapy (15:25)
• Emotional Neutrality in Financial Decisions (36:19)
• The Impact of Media and Cultural Influences on Financial Beliefs (38:38)
• Practical Tools and Resources for Financial Therapy (44:46)
• Final Thoughts and Advice for Listeners (46:23)

Resources:

• Croswaite Counseling PLLC

1. Schedule your free 30-minute Healthy Love and Money Discovery Call Today.
2. Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3. Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4. Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Financial trauma is not something that you can take a magic pill for; but, you can certainly become trauma-informed.”

In what ways can childhood experiences predict your financial future? Join our host Ed Coambs as he uncovers the hidden layers of financial trauma with Rahkim Sabree, a pioneering expert in financial therapy!

Rahkim does a deep dive into how early observations of our parents' financial habits profoundly influence our money mindset as adults. Ed and Rahkim navigate the convoluted web of cultural pressures and a culture of consumerism that shape our financial self-worth, and discuss how the mistrust of financial tools, like credit or life insurance, can echo throughout our lives.

Financial trauma, according to Rahkim, is “any instance observed or experienced that has a negative impact on the way you view, interact with, or believe about, money.”

Have you ever felt judged for your financial choices or struggled with the societal expectations tied to your bank account? Rakhim encourages us to become hyper-aware of the different communities in our life—whether religious, familial, or professional—and really see how each shapes our relationship with money.

They also compare the often misleading promises of financial influencers to those of the diet industry, as well as the relationship between financial trauma and generational trauma. Rahkim reminds us that we need a trauma-informed approach to financial healing. He and Ed discuss how bringing the “language” of therapy down the Earth can demystify trauma and help people recognize and overcome deeply ingrained fears, such as the fear of debt.

Ultimately, by aligning personal values with financial goals, Rahkim encourages us to move beyond black-and-white thinking and embrace a nuanced understanding of financial decision-making so we can experience true healing and take back the reins of our financial destiny!

Key Topics:

• Defining “Financial Trauma” (02:08)
• Why Many People Are Reluctant to Engage with Financial Institutions (06:15)
• The Financial Tug-of-War Between Different Communities (11:05)
• Generational Trauma and the Road to Financial Healing (20:22)
• Using “Value Audits” and “Financial Boundaries” to Heal Trauma (31:55)
• Attachment Theory and Financial Trauma (40:53)

Resources:

• RahkimSabree.com
• Overcoming Financial Trauma
• Rahkim Sabree on Forbes

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“I had a light bulb come off: why aren't we talking about people's financial strengths and balancing that and not just looking at what they're not good at?”

What if your relationship with money was as significant as any personal relationship in your life? This episode promises to unravel the mysteries of financial intimacy as our host Ed Coambs chats with Ellen Rogin. As a New York Times best-selling author and a former financial advisor, Ellen uncovers how recognizing and nurturing our financial strengths can lead to healthier money management. Together, Ed and Ellen explore the often-overlooked emotional aspects of finances, emphasizing how past experiences and societal influences shape our financial behaviors and beliefs. Ellen shares her unique insights on integrating emotional and psychological perspectives into financial planning, creating a holistic approach emphasizing communication and connection with partners.

Imagine treating money as a dear friend rather than a neglected partner. This episode highlights the metaphorical relationships we have with money, likening it to our personal relationships. Ellen shares an extraordinary experience from a workshop where she discovered her ability to deliver intuitive messages related to money, transforming how participants understand their financial states. They delve into the intriguing dynamics of money mindsets, discussing attachment styles and how they affect financial decision-making. By achieving a relaxed state, individuals can foster better financial relationships, making informed decisions that are in tune with their emotional needs.

This episode is a heartfelt invitation to nurture your relationship with money, embracing love, abundance, and deeper financial intimacy.

Key Topics:

• Financial Strengths and Balancing Skills (00:00)
• The Impact of Family History on Financial Decisions (03:55)
• The Role of Intuition on Financial Decisions (06:26)
• The Four-Square Framework for Understanding People and Money (16:02)
• Communication in Financial Decisions (16:31)
• The Role of Financial Advisors and Self-Advocacy (28:05)
• The Journey to Financial Intimacy (28:22)
• The Practical Benefits of Understanding Financial Personalities (36:39)
• The Role of Intuitive Money Readings (36:53)

Resources:

• Messages From Money (book)
• MessagesFromMoney.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

"Empathy not just opens the door to understanding money behaviors but also transforms financial shame into a powerful tool for healthier decision-making."

Can empathy be the missing link in transforming your relationship with money? Our host Ed Coambs jumps into part two of this conversation with Jillian Knight as she shares her insights on deconstructing your money story to forge a stronger relationship with your spouse!

She’s going beyond traditional financial advice–espoused by the likes of Dave Ramsey–towards a nuanced understanding that marries emotional intelligence with money management. Jillian explains how empathy can dismantle financial shame, paving the way for greater openness and healthier financial choices between spouses.

They also take a closer look at how our personal history shapes our financial decisions. Jillian guides us through the process of crafting a money story and timeline–a powerful tool for individuals and couples to decode their financial behaviors. By visualizing systemic influences on personal financial beliefs, we shift the narrative from self-blame to understanding the broader societal structures at play. It’s an exercise that illustrates how our financial challenges are often rooted in experiences beyond our control.

Finally, Ed and Jillian explore the realm of financial intimacy within relationships, addressing power dynamics and the influences of past experiences. They discuss the importance of creating a safe space for vulnerability, where partners can openly share their financial journeys!

Key Topics:

• Reflections on the Financial Therapy Association Conference (01:50)
• Why Empathy and Curiosity Are Key to Helping Clients Navigate Their Relationship with Money (04:57)
• Exercises to Help Clients Explore Their Relationship with Money (13:26)
• Giving Couples a Safe Space to Share Their Money Story (22:03)
• The Physiology and Psychology of Safety (32:27)
• How Lack in Your Personal Money Story Impacts Family Dynamics (39:34)
• Regulating Your Nervous System (42:06)

Resources:

• Her Financial Therapy

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.