Healthy Love & Money: Financial Therapy, Intimacy, Conflict & Communication for Couples

Our host, Ed Coambs sits down with fellow Financial Therapist Jillian Knight of Her Financial Therapy to talk about her eye-opening journey to financial freedom. The challenges she faced on her road to being debt-free offer a ton of insights into the power of open communication between spouses and the dark truth about mainstream money management programs.

"Navigating student loans without a financial roadmap was daunting, but it ultimately led me to discover the transformative power of combining therapy with financial guidance."

As with many people, Jillian's financial awakening began when she realized the gravity of her student loan burden and her lack of financial education after getting married. With nowhere to go but up, she talks about how she fought through the sense of isolation and overwhelm she felt while paying down her debt, with the guidance of financial expert Dave Ramsey.

"Rigid financial systems can impose moral judgments and hierarchies that hinder personal growth; recognizing these barriers is essential for fostering a healthier relationship with money."

Over time, she and her husband became disillusioned with Ramsey and the shame-based culture prevalent in many similar overly rigid financial programs.

"Evolving social dynamics, like the pandemic and movements for racial justice, have reshaped my approach to money management, underscoring the need to balance financial goals with self-care and emotional health."

But it was really when significant recent events, particularly the pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement, that led Jillian and her husband to break away entirely from Dave Ramsey and chart their own road to being debt-free–a road that values tolerance and flexibility above all else.

She hopes that her unique path to redefining financial therapy inspires others to walk their own journey with intention and empathy!

Key Topics:

• From Performing Arts to Financial Therapy (03:07)
• Why Most People Don’t Realize How Extensive Their Student Loans Are (08:30)
• Spending Dynamics in the Household (10:12)
• Why the Saver/Spender Stereotypes Are Harmful (15:14)
• The Danger of Rigid Financial Programs (21:43)

Resources:

• Her Financial Therapy

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

"We think we need more money to be happy, but in reality, we just need those people to talk with and count on and feel connected with."

Did you know that money-related arguments between married couples are the most predictive of divorce compared to any other type of conflict?

Our host Ed Coambs sits down with financial therapist Dr. Sonya Lutter to unpack this uncomfortable truth and how couples can take steps to masterfully navigate financial challenges of all kinds. Sonya draws from over two decades of research and marriage counseling. When she’s not speaking onstage or working with clients, she’s teaching at Texas Tech University as the Director of the Financial Health and Wellness program.

"If I'm more stressed, the people around me become more stressed. Our brains are wired to pick up on each other's emotional states."

Ed and Sonya kick things off talking about the power of open communication regarding money and role expectations as early as possible in a relationship. Sonya shares how unspoken assumptions and unmet expectations can silently brew conflict, even without overt arguments. She explains why it’s so important not just to have regular conversations with your spouse, but also to seek professional support on your financial wellness journey.

"While we might believe we're in complete control of ourselves, much of our behavior is instinctive and triggered by external stimuli."

They also explore the connection between financial anxiety and family dynamics. Sonya discusses how the fight-or-flight response influences our interactions and responsibilities as adults and parents. Finally, she and Ed touch on the magic of co-regulation (versus codependency), through which partners can support each other in managing stress.

Key Topics:

• Why Couples Get Stuck Around Money (02:37)
• Why Conflict is Not Restricted to Yelling at Each Other (06:27)
• Focusing on the Thing and Not the Person (10:32)
• Defining “Physiological Stress” and the Power of “Co-Regulation” (14:18)
• What Triggers Financial Anxiety? (19:37)
• Why Relationships Matter (22:57)
• Attachment Theory and Meeting Needs (29:10)
• Scheduling Financial Conversations with Your Spouse (32:10)

Resources:

• SonyaLutter.com
• Sonya on LinkedIn

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“If we allow ourselves that place of full expression, I have it that more goodness happens in the world because people are not bound, and we actually continue that interdependence long term.”

Imagine a mother on the cusp of gifting money to her daughter, grappling with the emotional and financial strings that come attached. That’s just one example in our host Ed Coambs’ conversation with Liz Hand from Pleasant Wealth. Together, they navigate the murky waters of financial decision-making and the profound concept of financial intimacy. They challenge the notion of right or wrong in financial choices, urging listeners to embrace a mindset that fosters personal freedom.

Relationships and money have always been a tangled web, and Ed and Liz pull back the layers using vivid (and possibly hunger-inducing) metaphors like a seven-layer cake and a burger-burrito analogy. They discuss the intricate dynamics between aging parents and their adult children, diving into the emotional ties that bind financial responsibilities.

Financial planning amidst uncertainty is akin to setting off on a voyage of self-discovery. Ed and Liz explore stories of diligent savers who, despite reaching financial independence, hesitate to embrace the fruits of their labor. Influenced by what Liz calls the "Midwestern money mindset," these tales resonate far beyond regional borders, speaking to a universal struggle with financial security. In wrapping up, Ed extends an invitation to reflect on these insights, encouraging listeners to journal and share their experiences, creating a community where healthy love and financial well-being are cultivated together.

Key Topics:

• Exploring Full Human Expression and Financial Intimacy (00:00)
• The Complexity of Financial Decisions (07:09)
• The Role of Personal Values and Relationships (09:53)
• The Burger and Burrito Analogy (10:42)
• The Importance of Self-Reflection and Experimentation (22:52)
• The “Midwestern Money Mindset” (23:30)
• The Role of Empathy and Personal Growth (29:55)
• The Journey of Writing and Self-Discovery (33:47)
• The Importance of Experiencing Joy with Money (34:03)
• Invitation to Self-Reflection and Personal Growth (34:55)

Resources:

• Pleasant Financial Conversations Private FB Group
• Liz Hand | Pleasant Financial Conversations on YouTube
• Liz Hand on LinkedIn
• Pleasant Wealth

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“In neuromarketing, those companies are smarter than we are. They know how to exploit this stuff, so now they know how to get us to do things. The more that we can understand that the better, and the more that we can understand our own decision-making, the better.”

Curious about how your brain influences financial decisions? Our host Ed Coambs welcomes Dr. Oliver Schnusenberg, a pioneer in the fusion of neuroscience, behavioral finance, and financial therapy. From hospitality management to behavioral finance, Dr. Schnusenberg shares his intriguing journey and provides a fresh perspective on financial planning by emphasizing the importance of empathy and compassion, aiming to create a more holistic approach for clients.

Ed and Dr. Schnusenberg also shed light on the power of neuroplasticity and its role in shaping financial behaviors. Discover how intentional changes in thoughts and actions can transform neural pathways over time. Inspired by the work of Joe Dispenza, they discuss practical grounding techniques and the necessity of repetition in therapy to cultivate new financial mindsets. The conversation challenges conventional financial planning, advocating for more personalized and effective strategies that adapt to the unique needs of each individual.

They unravel the intricate connections between fear, addiction, and relationships, and how these factors can impact financial decisions. Dr. Schnusenberg delves into the concept of neuromarketing and its exploitation of the brain's reward systems, urging the importance of understanding these mechanisms. They also touch on the role of emotional availability in developmental growth, emphasizing the significance of human interaction and awareness in nurturing healthier relationships and decision-making. Tune in for an episode that promises to expand your understanding of the mind's influence on money and love.

Key Topics:

• Understanding Decision-Making and Financial Therapy (00:00)
• Exploring Behavioral Finance and Neuroscience (03:23)
• Neuroplasticity and Financial Therapy (07:42)
• The Role of Neuroscience in Financial Therapy (14:20)
• Understanding Addiction and Marketing (20:07)
• Attachment Theory and Relationships (25:08)
• Neuroception and Theory of Mind (30:22)
• Wrap-Up and Call to Action (34:30)

Resources:

• EquilibriaEvolution.com
• Dr. Oliver Schnusenberg on LinkedIn

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“You have to let go of the anger, and this may be the hardest part of it all, because you have to face your own feelings and accept that you do not want this to eat you alive for the rest of your life.”

How do you reconcile with a sibling who has become a stranger? In this captivating episode, our host Ed Coambs is joined again by Fern Schumer Chapman, the insightful author of "Brothers, Sisters, Strangers." Fern delves into the complex dynamics of sibling estrangement and reconciliation, drawing on her personal experiences with Holocaust trauma. She shares how her mother's harrowing escape from Nazi Germany cast long shadows over their family life. Get ready to learn about the profound healing that comes from sharing these stories and the emotional relief it brings when past traumas are openly acknowledged.

Ed and Fern also unpack the unique parenting patterns within Holocaust survivor families, laying bare the psychological impacts of extreme trauma, favoritism, and memorial children. Fern's poignant anecdotes reveal how children in these families often become parentified, prematurely taking on adult responsibilities. Their discussion sheds light on the intricate interplay between identity and inherited trauma, providing a deeper understanding of how these factors shape subsequent generations.

Ed and Fern continue their conversation on navigating sibling estrangement and the arduous road to reconciliation. The Hicks Dignity Model offers a pathway through genuine listening and empathy, but they also emphasize the importance of acknowledging when a relationship is beyond repair. Setting boundaries with toxic individuals is crucial, and sometimes walking away is the healthiest option. All this and more in this episode of Healthy Love and Money.

Key Topics:

• Sibling Estrangement and Reconciliation (00:00)
• Impact of Holocaust Trauma on Family Life (02:53)
• Healing Through Storytelling and Witnessing (06:54)
• Memorial Children and Parentified Children (11:16)
• Sibling Estrangement and Parental Responsibilities (29:40)
• Empathy and Listening in Reconciliation (30:04)
• Boundaries and Toxic Relationships (32:38)
• Fern Schumer Chapman’s Work and Resources (35:29)

Resources:

• FernSchumerChapman.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“In many ways, sibling estrangement is like mourning the living.”

After witnessing firsthand the heartache of fractured sibling relationships, journalist Fern Schumer Chapman embarked on a journey to understand and heal family estrangement–in her own life and those of others.

Our host Ed Coambs chats with Fern as she shares her deeply personal experiences and professional insights from her book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation. As the daughter of a Holocaust refugee, her story brings a unique and poignant perspective to this often misunderstood issue, shedding light on how trauma can ripple through generations.

“Sibling estrangement is an expression of a family system.”

Fern guides us through the different types of estrangement, from physical separation to emotionally distant relationships, and brings up the difficult question of whether reconciliation is even possible. Emotions run deep as they address the feelings of unlovability and failure that often accompany estrangement, and talk about the cultural barriers that prevent open discussion of these difficult topics.

“If you shut down the relationship here and now, you’re not just affecting this relationship. You’re affecting this generation and possibly the next.”

Aging and life transitions can also complicate sibling dynamics, often bringing hidden tensions to the surface during moments of crisis, such as parental illness or inheritance disputes. Ed and Fern analyze risk factors like narcissism, mental health challenges, and political differences that can strain sibling bonds.

Fern asks us to never forget the value of strong foundational relationships, offering guidance and hope for those navigating the rocky terrain of sibling estrangement.

Key Topics:

• Why Fern Writes on Sibling Estrangement (02:51)
• Defining “Family System” (05:05)
• Sibling Estrangement Risk Factors (07:11)
• Defining “Sibling Estrangement” (8:26)
• Navigating the Estrangement-Reconciliation Cycle (17:22)
• How Your Children’s Behavior May Trigger Your Own Fears and Insecurities (24:22)
• Other Sibling Estrangement Risk Factors (26:11)

Resources:

• FernSchumerChapman.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“If somebody's emotionally activated, then we can't do the problem-solving and the logical thinking that we know is needed in the financial planning world.”

Can a shift in conversation style transform lives? Our host Ed Coambs sits down with Christine Miles, a licensed clinical social worker, and expert in motivational interviewing (MI). Christine uncovers the incredible power of MI and how this groundbreaking technique helps people stuck or struggling to make pivotal changes. Ed and Christine discuss how MI isn’t just for therapy—it’s a versatile tool used in financial planning, real estate, addiction therapy, and healthcare. Christine shares the fascinating origins of MI, created by Stephen Rollnick and William Miller, and its foundational role in fostering effective and supportive communication.

Have you ever wondered why some expert advice just doesn’t seem to stick? Christine explains the importance of understanding a client's readiness for change and how a supportive communication style can prevent resistance and disengagement. Christine emphasizes the need for promoting autonomy and how a non-confrontational approach can lead to better outcomes. By adopting MI principles such as acceptance, compassion, and curiosity, professionals can create environments that encourage meaningful and thoughtful decision-making.

Ed and Christine explore the emotional complexities in financial decision-making and how moral beliefs and the autonomic nervous system play a role. Christine illustrates how MI can help navigate these emotional responses, making space for logical problem-solving and better financial planning. Take a moment after the episode to reflect on your own journey toward financial intimacy, and don't forget to share this insightful conversation with others who might benefit.

Key Topics:

• Welcome, Christine Miles! (00:00)
• The Origins and Principles of Motivational Interviewing (04:50)
• Directive vs. Motivational Communications Styles (06:46)
• Emotions in Financial Planning (11:15)
• The Importance of Trust in Financial Advising (36:14)
• The Stages of Change in Motivational Interviewing (40:54)
• Further Benefits of Motivational Interviewing (43:51)

Resources:

• MICenterForChange.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“When you can have someone who's not your partner point out to you what’s [actually] going on, man, you get to wake up, and it's really more fun when you’re awake.” -Reagan

What if our deepest emotional patterns are secretly sabotaging our financial stability? Join our host Ed Coambs for a poignant conversation with his clients Reagan and Elle Pugh, a dynamic couple dedicated to navigating the complexities of personal and relational development.

They unravel their journey of self-discovery and relationship enhancement through the transformative power of the Enneagram, illuminating how understanding these patterns has reshaped their approach to life and finances. Their candid discussions provide valuable insights into overcoming ingrained behaviors and fostering transparent, growth-oriented financial conversations.

To truly achieve financial intimacy, couples must navigate the emotional undercurrents that often accompany money matters. Reagan and Elle’s experience offers a masterclass in transforming these sensitive conversations into opportunities for growth and connection.

By working with Ed and his therapy-informed approaches, and fostering open communication, Reagan and Elle illustrate how to make financial discussions both enjoyable and productive. Don’t miss this episode of Healthy Love and Money which explores the profound impact of financial collaboration and the strides towards creating a shared vision of abundance.

Key Topics:

• Elle and Reagan’s Journey with Money and Personal Growth (00:00)
• The Role of Therapy and the Enneagram in Their Relationship (04:25)
• Reagan’s Book “Too Emotional” and Its Journey (06:01)
• Financial Struggles and Overcoming Debt (16:01)
• The Importance of a Guide in the Financial Journey (21:17)
• Emotions and Financial Decisions (22:26)
• The Role of Play and Celebration in Financial Health (41:04)
• Final Thoughts on Financial Intimacy (46:04)

Resources:

• BeyondYourType.co
• TooEmotionalBook.com

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“Being a practicing financial planner does not absolve me from, you know, silly attachments that don't make financial sense.”

What does it take to foster true financial intimacy in a relationship? Listen in as our host Ed Coambs unravels the journey of Joey Loss, a fellow financial planner, and Elizabeth Loss, who works in the nonprofit sector, as they navigate the complexities of financial harmony. From their early days of dating to their recent marriage and the birth of their daughter, their story is a testament to the power of mutual respect, open communication, and shared values.

In this episode, Joey and Elizabeth open up about the pivotal moments that shaped their financial partnership. They recount how even their first date watching a Jacksonville Jaguars game subtly set the stage for future money conversations. From Joey’s leap into entrepreneurship to the emotional decision to sell the cherished Jeep, the couple candidly discusses how they merged their financial lives. Their approach to financial planning has been both incremental and organic, allowing them to manage significant transitions without losing sight of their relational harmony.

What makes their story truly inspiring is how they balance living for today with saving for the future. Joey and Elizabeth share heartfelt anecdotes about valuing experiences over material possessions, the importance of investing in relationships, and maintaining financial transparency. As they reflect on their journey, they offer invaluable insights for couples looking to deepen their financial intimacy and foster a stronger, more understanding relationship. Tune in to learn how you can apply these principles to your own life and set the foundation for a financially harmonious partnership.

Key Topics:

• How Joey and Elizabeth met and Their Story (02:28)
• First Major Financial Conversions and Navigating Transitions (07:04)
• Balancing Financial Security and Relational Experiences (18:07)
• The Role of Emotional Attachment in Financial Decisions (30:38)
• Building Financial Intimacy (38:44)
• Joey’s and Elizabeth’s Future Aspirations (39:00)

Resources:

• Flow Financial
• Wealth Unplugged Podcast

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.

“I think that we focus on these metrics that don't mean anything. My metric is, am I able to travel the way I want? And I have the numbers for that.”

On this episode of the Healthy Love and Money, our host Ed Coambs welcomes Vonmarie Thomas, a passionate bookkeeper and accountant who turned her fascination with clean financial management into a thriving career. Vonmarie takes us on a journey, sharing her admiration for Warren Buffett and the invaluable lessons learned from her family's financial struggles and triumphs after emigrating from the Dominican Republic. Her story is not just about numbers; it's a tribute to resilience and the inspiration to help others achieve financial peace.

Money and emotions often go hand in hand, especially when it comes to taxes. Vonmarie emphasizes the importance of providing comfort and practical advice to clients who feel overwhelmed. Through relatable anecdotes and solid guidance, Ed and Vonmarie explore how addressing financial concerns, no matter how delayed, can unlock new freedoms and empower individuals to pursue their life goals. The conversation aims to demystify financial crises, showing that they are often more manageable than they appear.

From making timely tax payments to avoiding all-or-nothing thinking, Vonmarie's insights are a treasure trove for anyone looking to understand their financial standing better. Ed and Vonmarie highlight the indispensable role of bookkeepers and accountants, demonstrating how their expertise can convert financial chaos into clarity and organization, ultimately contributing to both personal and business success.

Key Topics:

• Vonmarie’s Journey into Bookkeeping and Accounting (01:24)
• Challenges and Solutions in Bookkeeping (03:49)
• Organizing Financial Records and Staying on Top of Bookkeeping (16:16)
• Overcoming Financial Anxiety and Celebrating Small Wins (19:15)
• The Importance of Estimated Tax Payments (23:43)
• Financial Transparency in Relationships (33:02)
• Wrap-Up and Working with Vonmarie (35:51)

Resources:

• Vonmarie on LinkedIn
• Vonmarie on Instagram

Connect With Healthy Love and Money:

1.  Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call About Therapy-Informed Financial Planning™.
2.  Learn about your money and attachment style with this short Attachment Style Quiz.
3.  Buy the Double Award Winning Book: The Healthy Love and Money Way. 
4.  Hit Follow on Your Favorite Podcast Player To Get the Latest Episodes.