Hi, Fam!

How would you rate your relationship with your partner? Is it everything you dreamed of having? Or are you planning your escape?

Whether you're miserable or fairly satisfied with your partnership, I'm here to tell you that it's possible to have the relationship you've always wanted, EVEN if you're ready to throw in the towel.

In this episode we're going to discuss the 5 rungs of the "Partnership Ladder", how you can assess where you're at in 3 key areas of your relationship, and the mindset shift that needs to occur in order to climb the ladder.

[05:16] Divorce/breaking up can often be avoided with intentional work on our part.

[08:07] Let's switch from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset regarding our relationship.

[13:29] Key area number 1: Teamwork.

[15:11] Key area number 2: Parenting styles.

[16:56] Key area number 3: Connection.

[18:09] The 5-step "Partnership Ladder."

[18:50] Rung 1: It's miserable.

[21:28] Rung 2: It's stressful.

[22:21] Rung 3: It's manageable.

[24:49] Rung 4: It's satisfying.

[26:22] Rung 5: It's blissful.

[32:54] The places where we have the least amount of energy and capacity are often the places that need it most.

[33:26] Our partnership influences every other area of our lives (for better or worse).

[36:53] Life isn't a fairytale. It won't end happily ever after by chance. It's takes work! But it is possible.

It's important to assess where we are in each key area, and commit to getting to the next rung in at least 1 key area. If you adopt a growth mindset and put in the work, you'll be well on your way to having the relationship you've always wanted!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• My new eBook, The Ten Zen Secrets Of Persuasion.

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/52

Would you like to know one thing you can do today to radically change your relationship with your partner?

Do you want to take your relationship to the next level? Instead of just treating symptoms and avoiding pain, can you work on improving your relationship into "peak performance" and make it the best it can be? And is it worth that level of effort?

Yes and yes!

In this episode we'll discuss how we hold the power to make this kind of change in our relationships, and the choice is ours.

[06:46] What I learned from HypnoBirthing (and how it can improve our relationships).

[11:39] We get to choose the story we tell ourselves, good or bad.

[15:54] This is a key way to create power in our relationships

[17:01] What words are you currently using to describe your partner?

[18:09] Speaking poorly of others is very damaging.

[19:16] Before we speak, ask ourselves these questions.

[20:07] The power of not gossiping.

[21:35] If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it behind their back.

[24:36] Drop the negative labels and words we use for our partner and relationship.

[25:57] Use "I" statements.

[27:09] Refrain from using hyperboles (exaggerations).

We hold the power. We can choose to flip the switch, to focus on the positive instead of the negative. We can change the words we speak over our relationships, and in the process, change those relationships. The choice is ours!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Our course Parent In Love

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/51

We've all inherited a blueprint for relationships from our parents, whether we've acknowledged it or not. And unless we examine it further, we're destined to have the same relationship as our parents.

Some of us may have been blessed with a great model for how to properly treat others, communicate, and resolve conflicts. But many were not so blessed, and even if you were, there are likely things about your parent's relationship that you would do differently.

In this episode we're going to discuss the process of examining our parent's relationship and how we can create the relationship and family we've always wanted (plus set up our kids for relational success!).

[02:52] Ask yourself: Do I want my parent's relationship?

[04:48] Our parent's relationship formed a sub-conscious blueprint for our own relationships.

[07:07] If we don't address it, we're likely to repeat it.

[08:35] Or we reject it completely and try to do the exact opposite.

[11:08] Our kids learn how to interact with others from the way they see us interact with our partner.

[15:26] Pick the best from our parent's marriage, and find alternatives for the rest.

[17:57] Look at your parent's marriage with an external, objective viewpoint.

[19:46] Envision the relationship and family you want to create.

[22:27] Develop the skills necessary to make our dream a reality and start making small changes to our thoughts, words, and actions.

We owe it to ourselves and our children (and their children!) to put in the work to create the marriage and family of our dreams. There will be a cascading effect that will change generations.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Our course, Parent In Love
• Episode 14 (You are your kid's curriculum)

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/50

Do you or have you ever felt stuck in your marriage or serious relationship? Are you caught up in the day-to-day activities, wondering where the passion and excitement went? If so, you're not alone. But it doesn't have to stay that way! It's up to us to choose what we want and make it happen.

[02:32] So many marriages and relationships around us are failing.

[03:57] Even those that don't end in divorce seem to be full of conflict or complacency.

[05:38] If you're feeling stuck or stagnant in your relationship, you're not alone. And there's something you can do about it.

[06:53] Most of our relationships are limited only by our imagination.

[08:31] Some conflict is natural and expected. But how we handle it makes all the difference.

[09:26] When you argue for your limits, you get to keep them.

[10:04] You cannot solve a problem from the same level at which it was created.

[10:40] Don't fall into the Disney Princess trap. Wake up!

[12:12] We get to create the relationship and family that we want.

[14:24] Don't let resistance or limiting beliefs prevent you from creating the relationship of your dreams.

[17:30] Our marriage could become the greatest source of healing and meaning in our lives.

It takes a lot of effort...but we've already put in tremendous effort to organize as a family. Why not put in the next level of effort and make it great?

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/49

Should you tell your kids the truth about Santa or the tooth fairy? How about the "Elf On The Shelf"? I get asked questions about these and other traditions on a regular basis, and I thought I would round up some of my favorite conversations regarding these in this special holiday episode.

[3:03] Some TPJ updates!

[11:06] Should we tell our kids the truth about Santa?

[11:59] I feel strongly that everything I tell my kids should be 100% the truth.

[13:18] You don't have to bring it up, but if they ask, be honest.

[13:41] Soon your kids may ask you about serious matters, and they should not have any doubt that you're being honest with them.

[15:08] Don't avoid the game or ritual; but consider being 100% honest about it if your children ask if it's real.

[16:58] My thoughts on the "Elf On The Shelf" tradition.

[19:27] When children melt down, it's because there's an unmet need or our expectation isn't developmentally appropriate.

[22:44] Our role isn't to manipulate our children into good behavior.

[23:30] This actually teaches them to only behave when they're being watched, and doesn't teach them empathy.

[27:03] How you can make it fun without the manipulation.

[29:56] A letter to our families.

[30:02] We may not like or approve of everything our family does, and they may not agree with the way we do things (or don't do things).

[30:40] Let's reframe; they often do the things they do or say the things they say because they care about us!

[31:02] Let's try to model what it looks like to be loving and accepting, even when people disagree with us.

[31:28] We shouldn't let little annoyances come between us and the people we love (and who love us).

[31:55] Let's focus on the gift of spending time together.

When you approach these issues with the mindset of a conscious and peaceful parent, you'll find ways to enjoy the holidays and their traditions without the sometimes negative and harmful effects they may otherwise bring.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• Should You Tell the TRUTH about Santa?
• STOP! Elf on a Shelf
• Dear Family, A Letter For The Holidays

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/48

In this episode you'll get to listen in on a conversation I had with Rachel Rainbolt from Sage Parenting. Rachel is a coach, writer, podcaster, and advocate of all things gentle parenting, natural homeschooling, and simple living.

We know you'll get a lot out of this conversation with two mommas who don't always get it right, who sometimes lose their cools or get overwhelmed, but always try to do what's best for their ever-changing children and families.

[4:13] Find the overlap between your child's needs and your concerns and collaborate with them to find a solution that addresses both.

[5:02] Example of overlap.

[6:30] "It feels really great to treat children like actual human beings, deserving of respect, and honoring our own needs and feelings in the process."

[6:59] Some mistakenly believe this only works for older kids.

[8:18] Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations or have this "template" we try to use. We need to keep our expectations aligned with each unique, individual child.

[10:48] Have grace for yourself...we're not all born as great parents. It takes effort and work.

[11:23] Narrate out loud what's going through your head.

[11:36] We all lose it sometimes. Model what it looks like to ask forgiveness and make repairs.

[13:55] Get yourself out of that fight, flight, or freeze response so you can think and respond instead of reacting.

[14:48] Rachel's approach to homeschooling.

[16:17] Started out in public school, but it didn't feel right.

[18:27] This is how children naturally learn and develop.

[22:16] When you hold space for your child's preferences & desires, they'll do the same for you.

[25:09] Some parents need a little more structure around their child's education, and that's ok. Find a balance.

[26:52] Relax on the timelines of what they're supposed to learn. don't need to push things so early.

[31:30] Rachel's approach with screens at home.

[32:52] Don't fear technology. Screens are like a tool or part of the environment.

[37:38] We're all unique, and you have to do what works best for your family.

[40:59] What is the bucket system?

[45:02] Rachel's approach to minimalism and simple living.

[45:32] We all need to simplify our lives to give us space to work on the things that are most meaningful.

[47:28] Involve your children in conversations about finances.

[50:13] You can bring your kids into money conversations without adding the burdensome or stressful elements of your financial situation.

[53:39] Many necessary life skills aren't learned in school.

[58:17] Keep a list of things that each child wants. As holidays or birthdays approach, revisit the list and ask if there's anything they no longer want.

[58:43] Give things away to other families/children and allow your children to see the positive effect it has on that family.

If you make it a priority to discover and honor your child's preferences & desires, you'll find that they'll do the same for you and it will completely change the dynamics of your family!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• Rachel's website, Sage Parenting
• @SageParenting on IG
• Free to Learn by Peter Gray
• The Opposite Of Spoiled by Ron Lieber

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/47

The holidays are often a mixed bag of emotions. It can be a privilege to have family and friends to meet up with during the holidays. But for many of us it's a season of stress and frustration...especially when you do things differently from the norm, like peaceful & conscious parenting.

[4:34] The stress and anxiety can become "normal" for us if we don't do something about it.

[6:50] We shouldn't let differences and minor issues damage our relationships.

[9:58] Tip #1: Your breath.

[13:38] Tip #2: Visualization.

[17:40] Tip #3: Focus on the good, not the bad. "Energy flows where attention goes." -Tony Robbins

[22:53] Remember this season is temporary!

[23:51] You are the main leader and influence in your children's life.

[24:56] Being with diverse groups of people will broaden their horizons and capacity!

[25:58] Take breaks.

[27:55] Channel your inner "peaceful ninja".

We can't avoid some of the more unpleasant aspects of gathering with family over the holiday season, but we can use these tools to reduce the stress and anxiety that normally come with this time of year. Let's use our breath to stay calm, our bubble to keep criticisms or judgments from bothering us, and focus only on the good during this holiday season.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• Byron Katie's book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
• Byron Katie's website, The Work.

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/46

In this special bonus episode of the Parenting Junkie Show, I interview Tosha Schore, whose mission is to create a more peaceful world one sweet boy at a time. Tosha helps parents who have young boys who are struggling with aggression issues, helping change their behavior without using punishment or harshness.

This episode will be helpful even if you don't have boys. You no doubt have boys in your life in some way (nephews, friends of your kids, etc.) and you'll learn about what we need to change regarding the way we treat boys in our culture.

[3:46] We have an opportunity to bring more peace to the world by changing how we parent/treat boys.

[11:12] Men often tamp down their boy's feelings to help them avoid the shame they experienced as a child.

[13:08] The way to "fix it" is not by shaming parents or the boys.

[15:32] Parents get scared; men don't want their boys to be shamed like they were, and women are often triggered by past trauma.

[16:03] First we have to heal ourselves and work on our own triggers.

[17:18] We often believe a fallacy that if they behave "properly," then they get our love and affection. We need to flip that around.

[22:23] Move in close and try to be playful about it.

[23:39] It's not about teaching them what's ok and what's not...they know.

[27:46] Kids often will say or do things that are contrary to what they really want or need.

[30:34] Your body/physical touch is a parenting tool.

[31:55] Setting limits is extremely important for the well-being of you and your family.

[33:52] Limits will shine a light on the area(s) your kid's struggle with.

[37:17] Limits can (and should) be set with love.

[38:25] We often subconsciously expect kids to love the limits we set...but they won't. You have to get comfortable with the fact that they won't like it.

[40:33] Why do we do things that don't work over and over, expecting them to suddenly start working?

[42:53] Being playful and silly is a great way to diffuse tense situations.

[43:28] Once a child feels seen and connected, he wants to cooperate.

[44:57] If you're uncomfortable with aggressive play, step outside your comfort zone and experiment with allowing it.

[51:56] What about aggressive video games?

[53:09] Do what's best for you and your family (even if "all their friends" play a certain game and you feel uncomfortable with it).

[55:04] Be interested in what your kids are interested in and learn about the games they're playing.

[55:28] Tech should stay in a family space (i.e. not in a bedroom).

[56:01] If something interferes with their wellbeing, you may need to set limits around that activity. And experiment with limits and adjust as necessary.

[58:50] Behavior doesn't equal identity.

If we consistently step toward our boys when they act up and focus on building connection, we'll start to see the aggressive behaviors "peel off" (like layers of an onion). Remember, your sweet boy is in there regardless of current behavior

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• Tosha's book Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges
• Tosha's website
• Tosha's Facebook Page
• Tosha's course "Out With Aggression"

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/podcast_type/tosha-schore

Do your children ever act entitled or ungrateful? Mine do, and it's a major trigger for me. While I don't want to deprive my children of abundance, safety, joy, experiences and some material things, I don't want to raise entitled and ungrateful children (who will turn into entitled and ungrateful adults)! So what are we to do??

That's what we're talking about in today's episode.

[3:59] How entitled are our kids? We can use these questions as a gauge.

[6:36] If our children are acting entitled, what do we do? Getting angry or yelling makes it worse.

[7:28] Giving in makes it worse too.

[11:02] My aim isn't to give my kids a fairy tale existence.

[17:24] It's a gradual learning curve.

[19:48] Entitlement isn't about having "the thing"; it's about the attitude toward having "the thing".

[20:06] The opposite of entitlement isn't deprivation; the opposite of entitlement is gratitude.

[21:34] Practical step #1 to decreasing our children's entitlement: Restrain our overprotective instincts.

[24:30] Practical step #2: Help them frame frustrations within a broader perspective.

[26:59] Practical step #3: We should avoid bribing our children or paying them for chores.

[28:29] Practical step #4: Stop doing things for your children that they can do for themselves.

[30:27] Practical step #5: Practice gratitude regularly.

[33:07] Practical step #6: Give our children perspective by sharing how difficult things are/were for other people.

The opposite of entitlement is gratitude, and the route to gratitude is perspective. We need to remind ourselves of how good we have it and stop taking it for granted.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• Next Bliss Retreat
• Empathic Limits Course
• Amy McCready's book "The Me, Me, Me Epidemic"
• Peaceful Parenting Doesn't Work?!
• Allowance and Chores
• 10 Tips for Teaching Gratitude

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/45

We all want what's best for our children, but sometimes we can be a little too protective, do too much for them, and expect too little from them.

In this interview with Becki Biermaier, who has experienced more than her share of challenges as a little person, we discuss what parents can do to help their children develop resilience and overcome the challenges they face in life.

[8:05] Pity is disempowering. "Until a child knows they can't, they think they can."

[9:46] Boundaries and expectations.

[11:43] Allow our children to experience discomfort and challenges

[13:46] Celebrate progress instead of complaining that our children need our help to complete a task.

[15:00] "What kids need the most is to do things for themselves, with you telling them they can."

[16:51] Build margin into our schedule so we can slow down and let our children try things on their own.

[18:09] Help younger children by promoting their independence and helping them learn that every choice has a result.

[21:05] Elementary school age: teach them to brainstorm strategies and think through "if/then" scenarios (and to regroup when they fail or face challenges).

[23:00] Middle schoolers; reinforce the idea that their decisions impact their results.

[23:40] Even though they resist it, middle schoolers need more of your time.

[25:20] High school; they do more on their own and need a safe space to come to you with questions and issues.

[28:15] Overcoming bullying or getting picked on.

[31:02] Overcoming learning or social disabilities and challenges.

[37:18] Partner with your child's teachers & school administration.

I think we'll find that as we expect more from our children, build in more time to let them try things on their own, celebrate their wins, and help them regroup after failures, they'll develop resilience and overcome any challenges that come their way!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• Becki's email address: [email protected]
• Becki's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTG10qvgLMRSoB9OIc6xNxA

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/podcast_type/becki-biermaier/