Hi, Fam!

Are your kids ever on the receiving end of name-calling? Do they get their feelings hurt by other kids, and you find yourself struggling with how to deal with it or help them through it?

In this episode we'll dive into some ways you can help your children become healthy and strong individuals by coaching them through the friction and conflict they're bound to experience throughout their childhood.

[3:11] Name calling and hurt feelings are par for the course and aren't as bad as you might think.

[4:54] Our natural tendency is to be empathetic and protective...but sometimes we overprotect.

[6:59] Being overprotective can make our children feel incapable of handling conflict.

[8:04] We also don't want to just brush it off as no big deal.

[9:40] There will be times when you need to involve other people (parents, teachers, etc.).

[10:41] Not every single conflict between kids is "bullying" or "unsafe."[12:47] We need to experience friction & conflict in childhood to help us learn how to deal with it.

[18:22] The 3 "un-truths" explored in The Coddling of the American Mind.

[20:09] Give a little bit of empathy, but mostly focus on coaching them.

[21:52] The untruth of fragility.

[24:09] The untruth of emotional reasoning.

[30:52] The untruth of us vs. them.

Let's do our best to reframe the conflicts our children experience as opportunities to coach them and help them develop into healthy and strong people who can handle whatever life throws at them.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• Book The Coddling of the American Mind
• https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events/

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/44

Consumption...gifts...toys. If you're like me, you live in a society where materialism and the availability of toys and "stuff" is overwhelming, you likely struggle with the desire for "more" vs. minimalism and mindful consumption.

In this episode we discuss how we can be eco-conscious when it comes to gifts and the holidays.

[3:33] The deck is stacked against us when it comes to consumption and materialism...especially in the U.S.

[6:29] The real issue is with our own internal struggles with mindful consumption.

[6:42] We also need to give ourselves the grace and freedom to live a joy-filled life.

[8:12] The world (and our children) needs less consumption.

[15:29] Idea #1: Adopt an animal from a shelter.

[16:48] Idea #2: An experience.

[18:20] Idea #3: Second hand (used) items.

[19:58] Idea #4: Long lasting/high quality toys.

[21:40] Idea #5: Digital gifts.

In the end what makes the biggest impact is minimizing and making special occasions less about "stuff" and more about what really matters.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events/

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/43

In this episode I interview Julie Bogart (author of the incredible book The Brave Learner and founder of https://bravewriter.com)! Join us as we discuss ideas for making learning fun and how you are responsible for your child's education even if you don't homeschool.

[6:53] "How you relate to your child around their education is the key to successful growth of their love of learning."

[10:47] We can partner with our children to give them an education that they enjoy and gives them a hunger for learning.

[13:13] Bring play and enchantment into learning instead of forcing kids to leave play to do hard work.

[15:59] Whether we homeschool or not, an involved parent leads to the best outcomes for our child's education.

[19:15] The more we support our children, the sooner they choose to try on their own.

[19:36] We need to provide the corresponding level of support to the presenting need.

[22:34] Sometimes the teacher is the leader, sometimes the child is.

[32:56] Don't miss out on opportunities for your child to learn how to teach, even if it means you have to play a game you don't particularly enjoy (Pokémon anyone?? 😂 )

[34:49] Learning is invisible to parents (you can't see in their head) so we often seek "paper and pencil" for reassurance that learning is occuring.

[38:35] Kids are constantly pay attention and learning...but what they're paying attention to doesn't always register in our minds as learning, according to traditional academics.

[39:04] The best approach to screen time (spoiler alert; there isn't one).

[45:58] We all struggle at times, but we shouldn't stay there. No one can live in "struggle" long-term. There needs to be a pivot; we need to find a way to move forward, out of the struggle.

[47:12] The way to move forward is subjective, not prescriptive. It depends on the needs of our individual families and what's best in each season.

[49:20] "Liberation comes when you take back your right to explore as many options as necessary to find today's right fit for you and your family."

Whether we homeschool or not, we are ultimately responsible for our children's education and need to be as involved as possible to fuel their love for learning.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• Julie's book The Brave Learner
• https://thebravelearner.com/ (be sure to download the free companion guide from this website!)
• https://bravewriter.com/
• Julie's podcast & blog info
• @JulieBraveWriter

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/42

Do your children lie to you? Or if they're too young, are you worried they will in the future? I get questions about lying quite often, and in this episode we're going to talk about why children lie and what we can do about it.

[4:13] Lying is a natural part of a child's development.

[5:45] Younger kids sometimes don't differentiate between reality and their imagination.

[8:04] They start using their imagination to attempt to alter reality.

[9:27] They start to lie because they're aware of what we want to hear or to avoid trouble.

[14:58] Let's try to be less offended and angry when our children lie. It's part of growing up and it's going to happen.

[16:11] We really don't value the truth as much as we say or think we do. We lie to ourselves and others frequently.

[18:55] We even lie to our children.

[22:03] We often lie to protect ourselves.

[22:37] Our kids lie to us because they think we can't handle the truth.

[23:25] We need to model honesty.

[25:22] Let's show our kids that we value honesty over smooth sailing (and keep calm when they tell us the truth).

[26:03] When they do lie, it's important to guide them back to honesty without shaming and punishing them.

[30:56] There's a powerful link between truth and trust, and it goes both ways (our trust in them, and their trust in us).

[34:25] We can respond playfully and calmly when we catch our children lying.

This will set a foundation for connection with our kids, creating trustworthy and truthful relationships for years to come.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & resources mentioned:

• https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/41

Does it frustrate you when you ask your children to do something, and they don't do it? Do your kids ever tune you out or not hear you when you're trying to talk to them? Do they ever dig in their heels or do the opposite of what you're asking them to do? Doesn't it just drive you CRAZY sometimes?? Or is it just me?

In this episode we're going to talk about why children don't "listen" and what we can do to improve the odds they'll cooperate and comply with our requests more often.

• [3:56] The term "listen" has become a euphemism for "obey."
• [7:05] Let's aim for this instead of obedience.
• [9:40] There are times when we need our children to comply with a request.
• [10:38] There are many reasons why kids...even you and me...don't listen.
• [13:09] They might be busy or in "flow."
• [13:56] They might have a more pressing need.
• [16:04] Don't have what they need (tools, skills, etc.) to fulfill a request.
• [17:03] They might not understand what we're asking.
• [18:24] They don't want to do what we've asked them to do.
• [20:39] Hunter Clarke-Fields explains how we're often the ones not listening.
• [24:31] How do we make ourselves heard? There has to be some friction that breaks their concentration.
• [26:39] Go down to their level, make eye contact, and speak calmly, clearly, and in a way they can understand.
• [28:15] If you're interrupting them, let them know when they can get back to what they were doing.
• [30:47] Sometimes you will still have to follow through and help them.
• [32:38] Minimize the number of requests we make and only request things that are really important.
• [34:36] We must model listening by listening to them (as much as possible).

We won't (and can't) do all of these things perfectly every single time, but it's something to work toward.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources Mentioned:

• Why obedience is NOT my goal
• Obedience vs. Respect
• Hunter Clarke-Fields

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/40

Is the battle over your children's screen time a constant source of frustration (and tantrums!)? Are you concerned they're spending too much time on screens and that it might be unhealthy and even stunting their mental, social, and physical development?

🙋🏽 I'm right there with you.

In this episode I talk with Dr. Alok Kanojia (a world-class addiction psychiatrist and reformed gamer) and his wife Kruti about gaming and screen time, breaking down the intricacies and nuances that will help each of us address the issue in our own families.

[3:05] What is Healthy Gamer?

[7:16] It's challenging to balance children's screen time without isolating them from their friends and community.

[8:48] If it causes a problem in a major area of life (mental, social, physical, etc.), then it is a problem.

[11:04] Reframe conversations with our children about video games/screen time and avoid being antagonistic.

[12:00] Consider having weekly check-ins where you discuss gaming & screen time with your child, creating a sense of shared responsibility and goals.

[13:27] Figure out what type of gamer our children are (do they like to build & create vs. high intensity and competition). It will help us find offline activities that they'll be interested in.

[16:40] What's a healthy amount of game/screen time?

[19:30] Research indicates that violence in games doesn't increase violence in real life. The communities that form around games are more concerning than the games themselves.

[20:10] Move away from headsets to speakers so we can hear what our children are hearing when they play (especially any conversation that's happening with other people in the game).

[21:43] Watch for when our children have that blank stare/zoned out look. That's a good time to transition to something else.

[22:18] Watch out for dopamine burnout. That's when addiction can set in, and may require more direct intervention.

[24:00] How do we set healthy boundaries and expectations?

[27:20] Find other ways for children to enjoy the characters and stories they love (soundtracks, short stories, etc.).

[29:47] Kids who gravitate toward games are often intelligent and are seeking ways to be challenged.

[32:52] Should we limit screen time? There's no one-size-fits-all.

[34:32] We're trying to model and teach our children restraint, not restriction.

In the end, we need to trust our parental intuition to determine what's right for our families. And we need to have grace for ourselves as we try things and figure out what works best for each unique child.

To find out more about Dr. Alok and Kruti Kanojia's work, head over to https://www.healthygamer.gg/.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/39

Have you ever seen a parent who really knows how to connect with kids? I think we all know someone who knows how to get them laughing and win them over with ease. One who can speak to kids at their level, calm them down when they get a little crazy or help them feel better when they're upset.

My brother is like this and it's amazing to watch him in action. I wish it came as naturally to me as it does to him. Can you relate?

In this episode, we're talking about what playful parenting is, why it works, and how you can incorporate it into your life right now.

• [4:48] Playfulness is a superpower when it comes to interacting with children.
• [6:58] Responding to a situation playfully not only calms our children down but also calms ourselves down.
• [8:16] Play is how children learn, communicate feelings, connect with others, and deal with stressful situations.
• [9:45] Playfulness can help children express complex emotions.
• [11:05] Children can learn how to overcome fear when we role-play and teach them how to "talk" to fear.
• [11:55] Teach them to overcome shyness.
• [12:36] Teach them about diversity and being kind to people who are different.
• [13:21] Prepare them for a difficult situation, like going to the doctor.
• [15:25] Help them learn how to deal with sibling rivalry.
• [17:06] Use play to get their cooperation and diffuse power struggles...like when you're in a rush to go somewhere and your child is moving very slowly.
• [18:49] Become contrary and silly about something you want them to do (like washing their hands with soap).
• [20:14] When they're resisting you, try the "full agreement" game.
• [22:25] Additional ideas

Playful parenting has so much potential to transform life with your children. All it takes is a little imagination and a good dose of silliness!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/38

In this episode I talk about the reality that as our children grow into adulthood, they may "veer off" the path that we hoped for them. Have you ever worried about that? Have you thought about how you may feel if they turn out to be different than the person you wanted them to be? How would you handle it if you're disappointed about who they become?

• [4:25] We have a lot of influence in their early years.
• [5:51] Then there are the teenage years…
• [6:58] We want our children to be able to think for themselves, but we also don't want them to make "bad" decisions.
• [8:39] What's our long term vision for our relationship with our children?
• [10:30] We need to start accepting them for who they are.
• [12:36] What I mean by acceptance (and what it's not).
• [16:35] How can we not only accept who they are today, but also who our children will become?
• [18:21] What are some of those things you think you wouldn't be able to accept or tolerate?
• [19:49] Not accepting our children may result in losing our relationship with them.
• [23:38] Not accepting our children may cause them to lose relationship with themselves.
• [25:32] Let's not let our own agenda for our children overpower our unconditional love for them.
• [27:12] Tolerance isn't enough. We must accept, love, and celebrate who they are (and who they're becoming).
• [29:30] The byproduct of this level of acceptance will be more influence.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resource

• Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/37

In this episode we're going to talk about religious practices, faith, and religious communities. People often ask me about how they can combine their passion and commitment to parenting from a loving and respectful place with their commitment to their faith (which might be based on a type of rewards system itself!) It's a tough but important question to answer. And this doesn't apply to just organized religion; it's applicable to any sort of belief system or way of life (like veganism, atheism, or any of the other "isms").

• [4:08] How do we get our children to adopt our belief system without controlling or manipulating?
• [6:20] Dr. Shefali shares her thoughts on religion and parenting.
• [11:44] Those raised in a religious home often feel obligated to "carry the torch".
• [15:15] Any religion, belief, or way of life can come from a place of love or fear.
• [16:59] Trying to force others into our beliefs is a sign of insecurity.
• [18:09] Others raised in a religious home completely abandon their faith as they come of age.
• [19:25] It doesn't have to be "all-or-nothing". We can throw out what doesn't serve us and keep what does.
• [23:06] Use critical thinking and discernment.
• [24:34] Check our motives; are we doing (or not doing) something because we're afraid of what others might think or say?
• [26:22] Do our beliefs make us separatists?
• [27:41] Is there duality in our beliefs?
• [29:41] We should share our beliefs with our children and give them space to explore and make their own interpretations.
• [30:15] Instead of forcing, controlling, or manipulating religious activity, let's inspire it.
• [33:20] Try to create positive interactions. Make the positive to negative ratio 5:1.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & Resources

• Gottman Institute article
• Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/36

In this episode we'll discuss spirituality in parenting, regardless of one's religion.

• [6:50] Are religious people happier?
• [8:29] Organized religions often facilitate social ties and community.
• [10:15] Religious people create time to pursue spiritual feelings and emotions.
• [13:25] We can harness these same feelings and emotions in our parenting.
• [14:58] If you're curious about my personal spirituality…
• [17:50] Parenting itself is an act of spirituality.
• [18:21] Gratitude
• [21:13] Giving
• [24:45] Create a gateway to your emotions and spirituality and make it part of your day-to-day life.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Links & Resources

• Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/35
• Quote from Brené Brown at 4:50: "Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives." This definition was first published in The Gifts of Imperfection. For some people, that power greater than us is God; for others, it's fishing. Some are reminded of our inextricable connection by faith; others by expressions of shared humanity. Some find that religion is the best expression of inextricable human connection that is guided by love and compassion, and others believe that no entity has done more to corrode that connection than organized religion."