Highly Sensitive, Happily Married

098  Your values are a huge factor in your marriage happiness and fulfillment. 

Unfortunately, it's all too  easy to not be very conscious of what our values actually are, if the ones we live by currently are serving us, what we want our values to be, or if we ourselves are living out values that serve us well in our marriage (often, instead we can fall into noticing where our partner isn’t living our values). 

But when you do some work around your core values in relationship you will have a lot more power to make your marriage one you feel so good about.

 So in this episode, we take a look at:

• Why your values matter 
  
  
• The negative impact on our relationships and happiness when we don't get clear about and take responsibility for living our own values–and so by accident live out values that don't serve us or our marriage. 
  
  
• WHO needs to live your values for your marriage thrive.
  
  
• Where to focus when it comes to infusing your marriage with your values.
  
  
• What to know if your partner's values and your own are different

Then we go through a whole process (and I point you to a worksheet I made for you to support this process) to help you bring your top core values alive in your marriage for a more loving, fulfilling, joyful marriage.

If you listen in and implement what I share today, not only will you alleviate a lot of  unnecessary discord, but you will be leading the way to a culture of respect, love, and integrity-- and more of all the things you truly value as an HSP-- right into the heart of your relationship.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
Get the free PDF worksheet: YOUR CORE VALUES IN MARRIAGE: A Process To Help You Choose And Live Your Highest Values Into Your Relationship
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097  Your wants and needs can be met in your relationship–even if they aren’t right now. Last episode we clarified the difference between want and a need– and it is required listening before diving into this one. 

In this episode, we look more in depth at getting your WANTS met in your relationship (think of it as part 2 on fulfilling your wants and needs in your marriage).

You’ll come away knowing the top 2 things you need to really understand to get your wants and needs met, what a Non-Negotiable Want is, and why self-worth (or being important to yourself) is an essential part of having your wants fulfilled.

In this episode, you’ll also actually develop more self-worth and clarity on what your personal non-negotiable wants are–so you can call them into your life.

I illustrate all of it with a very personal example from a hard time my husband and I went through this summer––and share what I did to make it so we came out stronger than ever, so now I’m not just getting my needs met, but my wants, as well! 

Listen in to find out how you can, too!

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
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096  In the world of relationship improvement, “needs” gets used a whole lot! If you are using it in your own mind or saying it to your partner a lot, it makes sense...you were taught to.

But often when we say needs what we are really talking about is a want. We get these two terms mixed up–and it’s not good for our own emotional well-being, or our marriage, leading to all sorts of power struggles, feelings of resentment, disappointment, and helplessness to make things good between you.

 In fact, having confusion about the difference–and where our needs and wants get met– can be the downfall of many relationships that would otherwise thrive. 

So today we are going to bust some of this confusion apart and get you some real clarity about the difference between wants and needs in your marriage. 

We will also dive into where your true power is to get your emotional needs met–and some of the specific differences you might,  as a highly sensitive women,  have to address  around this–so you can have agency over your experience in your relationship–and a better marriage for the rest of your life!

What I share today may challenge what you’ve been taught and believed up until now, but it will change everything in your marriage for the better. 

If you want a light, loving, connected marriage, where you actually enjoy your partner and feel consistently secure and fulfilled , then this is essential listening for you. 

Dig in.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES
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095   It’s a rare Highly Sensitive Person that enjoys conflict – most of us are pretty averse to it! 

Because it’s uncomfortable! Lots of big feelings can come up. It can bring old stuff up from the past…and you can go into fight or flight or freeze mode. When it's happening, it can even feel like things are going to fall apart between you and your husband. So I get it if you tend to want to avoid it at all costs.

But, rather than helping you avoid conflict or have peace in your marriage, being averse to conflict actually leads to MORE conflict — both internally and between you and your significant other— and less closeness and connection overtime.

You can feel so much more comfort and ease when it comes to conflict—and this doesn't mean you will have more of them in your life! You will actually have less conflicts and issues in your marriage, as you will see today.

In this episode I share all about:

• Why and how conflict aversion makes our experience of conflict worse and more damaging to your relationship
  
  
• Why conflict is harder as an HSP
  
  
• My own bad experience and healing journey around conflict  
  
  
• and the 5 steps you can take to actually create so much more comfort with conflict, so it can HELP your marriage instead of hurting it.

This episode is essential listening if you want your experience of conflict to be so much easier, so conflicts can stop being bigger problems than they need to be, and you can turn conflicts into conversations that actually lead to solutions and feeling closer with your partner and like a team in life together. 

Dive in.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES
Links mentioned:
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094   As highly sensitive women, we tend to be pretty conscientious and pretty great at caring about others.

But sometimes we care about and do so much for others that we overlook caring for ourselves.

I call this Overcare–when you meet others' needs at your own expense–and I see it all the time in marriages…

While it’s well-intentioned, overcare is detrimental to not just you, but to your marriage and your significant other (and even your kids). It leads to resentment, an ongoing sense of burden, and the fun and lightheartedness leaking away in your marriage.

In this episode, we look at:

• why Overcare is so common for HSP women,
  
  
• where it comes from, 
  
  
• what it looks like and how to spot it, 
  
  
• what you can do to start shifting this long held pattern, so you can feel more connected, nourished, and light in your marriage, and just generally make things so much better in your life.

Ever felt like your needs aren’t being met? Then this is a MUST listen episode! 

I share my own and some of my sensitive clients experiences with being enmeshed in overcare and what life is like now that they are free of it. (Hint: So much more FREE and happy–like I want you to be!) 

Listen in.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
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093  Conflict is part of marriage. But how much or how little it's a part of yours, and how hurtful or helpful it is to your marriage depends on how conflict-proof your marriage is.

It will come up LESS often, and it will even be GOOD for your marriage, instead of pulling you into a downward spiral, when your marriage is very conflict-proof. 

But what does that even mean? And how do you conflict-proof your marriage as a highly sensitive person?

Dive into this episode, and I will tell you all about it, and give you 4 keys to making your marriage super conflict-proof–even as an HSP who would prefer to not even hear the word conflict!

These 4 keys will help you as stop lots of conflicts before they even start, keep conflict from flaring up nearly as often with your husband, make conflict so much easier to navigate when it happens, and help the conflicts that do come up be beneficial to your marriage, deepening the security and love you feel together over time.

If everyone understood and LIVED these 4 keys, not only would our marriages be so much more loving and successful, but our whole world would be such a better place. I can’t wait for you to hear and implement these keys.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES
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Today I am doing something different: giving you a DIRECTORY of episodes to help you understand and work with the most influential thing in your marriage: your own brain and nervous system.

Because I want you to have the best kind of love in your marriage–and I want it to last. 

The best news is that being able to have that is in large part about what goes on in you. 

Most marriage-unhappiness actually comes from a lack of understanding of how our  brains and nervous systems work and how to be in charge of them –how to guide them in such a way that you create a much more loving relationship with your partner.

In other words, your own brain and nervous system are the biggest obstacles to the relationship you want, AND the biggest source of the love you want, as well…

… when you UNDERSTAND how they work and what they need to support them into it…

Today, in this bonus episode, I share why and how that is so, and give you a short directory of which of my podcast episodes will actually help you understand your brain and nervous system and help you begin to USE these amazingly powerful “tools” FOR the love you want in your marriage–and for a life you love. 

Dig in!

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES
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 092   You want to get through to your husband about things that matter to you in your relationship. You want his understanding, empathy, support– and more connection.

But maybe you’re frustrated, because it doesn't always go over so well when you try to communicate about it. Maybe he gets defensive, or argumentative, or shut down.

This is because you both have patterning that isn’t supportive of the best communication and easy flow of support and connection.

But that can change. You can learn to communicate in a way that is most effective at getting through to him, and opening his heart.

In this episode, I share 3 specific powerful  keys as to how you can do that, (they really work!) and help you understand why he isn’t always so good at hearing you, acting on your requests, or meeting those desires of yours (hint: it has to do with shame and conditioning that has wounded him).   

Don't miss this episode if you want to communicate in a way that touches your husband's true humanity, opens his heart, and has him hearing you —and ultimately being who he really is and who he really WANTS to be with you, the woman he loves.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES
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Today we have another special guest –my client Kathryn! In this episode she shares a bit of the story of her journey from feeling really stuck in her marriage and unhappy with herself –what we playfully called, “I suck syndrome”--to feeling much happier with herself and her marriage.

  Her story is a great example of how a highly sensitive woman– with classic HSP challenges in relationship–can really improve her marriage by working on herself. 

She illustrates how you can transform your relationship with yourself, and therefore your communication and ways of relating to your partner (and your whole life), that will lead to way more fun, connection and happiness.

We dive into: 

• What NOT loving herself looked like, felt like, and how it affected her marriage
• How things have shifted for her in terms of her emotions, her marriage, and her general enjoyment of life, now that she’s come a long way in accepting herself and bringing in more self-love.
• What she did to really improve the communication in her marriage so both her and her husband have much better conversation about the things that matter.
• How she went from being defended to being vulnerable, and how that led to more connection with her husband.
• A couple great practices that really worked for her to help her make these big changes in herself and her marriage.
• And more!

Kathryn is down to earth and has a straightforward way of articulating things that will help you get more insight into what self-love really is, what it entails to develop it, and how it will improve everything for the better in your life when you do. 

You’ll take away so much from this conversation!

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES
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Get More Free Support, Courses and Coaching HERE.

090  Once we get married, most of us stop having any goals in our marriages. This is one reason marriages often slowly get worse over time, instead of better. 

Setting marriage goals, and working towards them is a key to actually making your marriage what you want and having the experiences of love, connection, intimacy and fun you most long for. And can be done in a fun and self-honoring way.

But here's the thing: we are often (subconsciously or consciously) very resistant to setting and especially working towards goals.  

This leaves us continuing to have the same old problems in our marriages–or to them getting worse and worse over time, until we feel truly stuck in an unhappy marriage. 

But you can change that easily, by understanding:

• what goals will do for your marriage, 
• why our human brains resist them, 
• and what you can do to overcome and work with your brain –so you can start really changing things in the best of ways in your marriage.

In this episode, you’ll get a 4 step process to set your goals for your marriage and actually reach them, without letting the normal obstacles that come up get in your way (i.e lack of clarity, doubt, discomfort, fear, and our brains innate laziness). 

You don’t have to be one of the people who avoid the short-lived discomfort of working towards a goal, only to be left with a lifetime of discomfort in their marriage. No, today we get you all set up to make your marriage one of lifelong love and happiness that GROWs overtime. Don't miss this episode!

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

• Get the HSHM Podcast Map, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE. 
• Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher.
• Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

SHOW NOTES:
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