Firefighters are often told to leave the job at work. But what if the job is not something you can just turn off?

In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Scott Hewlett of Multiple Calls Podcast to talk about the expectations placed on firefighters and their families, and why the idea of switching work off at home does not reflect the reality of first responder life. Scott shares why being a firefighter is not just a job but an extension of who someone already is, and how asking them to shut that part down at home can quietly erode connection and authenticity.

They discuss how work and home life inevitably affect each other, the resentment that builds from unspoken expectations, and the damage caused by keeping score instead of building agreements. The conversation explores emotional regulation, capacity, and why both partners need permission to be tired, overwhelmed, and human without judgment.

Scott also speaks openly about mental health in the fire service and the pressure men feel to be better firefighters, partners, and parents.

This episode is for firefighter families who are tired of pretending work and home exist in separate worlds and who want to build a relationship rooted in honesty, compassion, and being on the same team.

Learn more about Scott:

website: https://www.multiplecalls.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/multiplecallspodcast/

email: [email protected]

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Expectations at Work and Home

00:56 The Unique Mindset of First Responders

04:46 Understanding the Impact of Work on Home Life

08:41 Communication and Unmet Expectations

12:48 The Importance of Emotional Expression

17:47 Managing Mental Health as a First Responder

20:53 Creating a Safe Space in Relationships

22:55 Emotional Release and Trust in Relationships

25:07 Changing Perspectives on Mental Health

27:01 Navigating Gender Roles in Modern Parenting

29:50 The Reality of Work-Life Balance

33:12 Finding Fulfillment in Family Life

35:56 Collaborative Solutions for Family Dynamics

In this conversation, Chelsi and Samantha discuss the complexities of being in a dual first responder relationship, particularly focusing on the challenges of balancing work and family life. They explore the emotional toll of the job, the importance of communication, and the need for mental health support.

Samantha shares her experiences as a paramedic and fire wife, detailing the struggles of managing schedules, raising children with special needs, and the impact of mental health on their family dynamics. They also touch on the evolving culture within the first responder community and the significance of finding support and understanding from peers.

Chapters:

00:00 – Intro: Dual First Responders at Home

What it means to be a first responder married to a first responder.

03:00 – How the Job Shapes Family Life

Schedules, stress, and entering first responder life together.

07:45 – When There Is No Off-Duty Parent

Managing a household when both parents are on shift.

12:30 – The Invisible Mental Load

The work no one sees but someone always carries.

17:15 – Mandatory Overtime and Unpredictability

How mandos disrupt routines and parenting.

22:00 – Becoming the Default Parent

Why one partner often absorbs more at home by necessity.

26:40 – Parenting During Fire Season

How fire season changes everything.

31:20 – Neurodivergent Parenting

Supporting kids with additional needs in a high-stress home.

36:10 – Marriage Under Pressure

Communication, exhaustion, and staying connected.

40:45 – Acceptance vs Resentment

Living with the reality of the job.

45:30 – What Actually Helps

Support systems, boundaries, and realistic expectations.

49:30 – Final Takeaways

What dual first responder families should know.

Grief shows up in first responder families in more ways than we often realize.

In this episode, Chelsi talks with licensed marriage and family therapist Destiny Morris about grief, trauma, and mental health through the lens of fire and first responder life. They discuss how unprocessed grief builds over time, how trauma from the job impacts both partners, and why emotional overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout are common in first responder families. Destiny also explains EMDR therapy in approachable terms and shares practical tools for nervous system regulation and emotional support.

This conversation offers compassion, clarity, and reassurance for anyone navigating the unseen emotional weight that fire life brings home.

Course for Female First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/female-first-responder-course

Course for Partners of First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/fire-season-survival-partners-1

More about Destiny:

instagram: https://www.instagram.com/on_being_resilient/

website: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/

Chapters:

1. Introduction to Grief and Mental Health- 00:00:00
2. Understanding EMDR Therapy- 00:10:00
3. Challenges of Female First Responders- 00:20:00
4. Masculine and Feminine Energy in First Responders- 00:30:00
5. Coping with Grief and Trauma- 00:40:00
6. The Impact of the Holidays on Grief- 00:50:00
7. Self-Care and Emotional Regulation- 01:00:00
8. Therapy and Healing Strategies- 01:10:00

Fire family life stretches every system in the home. In this conversation, Chelsi sits down with Fair Play facilitator and family coach Lori Sugarman-Li to talk about what it really takes to keep a household running when a first responder is gone for days at a time.

Lori explains how the Fair Play method helps families name the invisible labor that often falls on the partner at home and create real equity by shifting from “helping” to full task ownership. She shares how laying all one hundred Fair Play cards on the table can be a wake up call for couples, revealing the depth of the unseen work that keeps a family functioning. Together, Chelsi and Lori explore how first responder families can use this system to rebalance the load, reduce resentment, and build a stronger sense of partnership even across long stretches apart.

They talk honestly about managing the daily grind while carrying the emotional weight of worry, how to divide tasks when one partner works 48s, 72s, or multi week deployments, and why remote responsibilities like scheduling appointments, renewing prescriptions, or managing school logistics can be owned by the firefighter even when they are out on the line. Chelsi shares examples from her own home, including meal planning, reintegration after shift, and the quiet calibration that happens when both partners check in about their capacity before reconnecting as a family.

This episode also explores what happens when kids gain agency in the home, how handing off tasks builds confidence and academic success, and why lowering the bar during fire season is not failure but survival. Lori and Chelsi remind listeners that family wellness begins with clear values, open conversations, and the freedom to build a home that reflects who you are, not who you think you should be.

This is a practical and emotional guide for every fire family that has ever tried to keep the wheels turning while one partner is away serving the public. It is a reminder that you can evolve your systems at any point and that real partnership is built through language, boundaries, and shared ownership of the life you are creating together.

Connect with Laurie

website: http://www.ourhomeourpride.com

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ourhomeourpride

Buy Laurie's Children's Book: https://ourhomeourpride.com/my-childrens-book

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lori-sugarman-li-50592911/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Fair Play in Relationships

03:00 Understanding the Fair Play Method

05:49 Task Ownership and Family Dynamics

09:04 The Importance of Emotional Labor

11:45 Empowering Children Through Agency

14:51 Creating a Supportive Family Environment

17:58 Balancing Responsibilities in First Responder Families

21:03 Communicating Needs and Family Values

23:31 The Delicate Dance of Marriage

24:37 Lowering Standards for Family Well-being

27:40 Understanding Core Values in Family Dynamics

30:16 Evolving Family Roles and Expectations

35:19 Empowering Children Through Responsibility

38:50 The Importance of Communication and Change

Fire season is supposed to be in the summer, but in 2025 it showed up in January. ..

In this episode, Chelsi talks with fire wife and corporate finance professional Jenna Partlow about what really happens at home when everything catches fire at once.

Jenna shares how her husband was sent to the Palisades and Eaton Fires for more than two weeks, right over their son’s birthday and their anniversary, while she was recovering from pneumonia and trying to manage work, parenting, and nonstop questions from people who do not understand fire life. She talks about the emotional math of being the one everyone contacts for updates, the pressure to reassure people when she has no information herself, and the shock of having a wildfire close enough that her kids could see the flames from their dinner table.

Chelsi and Jenna dig into the invisible labor of fire families, the expectations placed on firewives to make everything look effortless, and the guilt that shows up when you want a break as soon as he walks through the door. They talk about letting go of timelines, adjusting expectations, and why real community matters when the days stretch into weeks and nothing is certain.

This episode is for every fire spouse who has ever carried the weight of the house, the kids, the schedule, the emotions, and the unknowns and still tried to make the birthday special while ash falls from the sky. It is a reminder that being strong does not mean being silent. It means not doing this life alone.

find Jenna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennacpartlow/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Fire Wife Life

02:53 Balancing Work and Family

05:54 Navigating Expectations in Fire Life

08:46 Community Support and Resilience

11:49 Coping with Fire Season Challenges

14:42 The Role of Communication in Relationships

17:50 Media Representation of Fire Families

20:46 Personal Growth and Self-Care

23:38 Advice for New Fire Spouses

In this episode, Chelsi talks with Amy Motroni, author of Genius Mom Hacks and mom of four, about how to create systems that make motherhood feel lighter and homes run smoother.

Amy shares her story of going from overwhelmed and exhausted to organized and at peace by focusing on routines that actually work in real life, not perfection or Pinterest standards. She explains simple habits that reduce stress, how to involve kids in daily tasks, and why progress matters more than perfection.

Together, they talk about mom guilt, teamwork in the home, and the difference between surviving and actually enjoying your family. This conversation is full of practical ideas and gentle reminders that you cannot do everything, but you can build a rhythm that works for you.

Follow Amy

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geniusmomhacks/

Get the book Genius Mom Hacks

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Amy Matroni and Her Journey

02:55 The Overwhelming Reality of Motherhood

05:44 The Power of Effective Routines

08:24 Morning Routines: Setting the Tone for the Day

10:53 Evening Routines: Ending the Day Right

13:43 Involving Kids in Household Routines

16:20 Creating a Teamwork Environment at Home

19:03 The Importance of Presence in Parenting

21:16 Changing the Narrative of Motherhood

22:25 Where to Find Amy Matroni and Her Resources

28:05 Outro.mp4

In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Rachael Choate, a life coach, mom of three, and LA County fire wife, to talk about the moments we don’t usually say out loud. The mom rage. The messy reintegration. The mental load of fire family life.

Rachael opens up about what it’s like raising three young kids while her husband works 24-hour shifts, how they’ve learned to communicate through exhaustion, and why the chaos when he comes home can feel harder than when he’s gone. Together, they explore the stories we tell ourselves about what our spouses are thinking, the guilt that follows when we lose our cool, and the small shifts that make a big difference in connection and patience.

This conversation is honest, comforting, and a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re just tired, and you’re doing better than you think.

Follow Rachael: https://www.instagram.com/rachaelchoate_/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Mom Rage and Family Life

05:20 Navigating the Firefighter's Academy and Early Marriage

11:07 Reintegration Challenges and Communication Strategies

19:25 Understanding Emotional Needs and Decompression

20:21 Navigating Life as a Fire Wife

21:36 The Importance of Vulnerability in Community

22:33 Understanding Murphy's Law and Mom Guilt

23:31 The Challenges of Planning in a Firefighter Family

24:53 Normalizing the Chaos of Family Dynamics

28:00 Addressing Mom Rage and Emotional Overload

31:18 Finding Grace in Parenting Challenges

35:36 Resources for Fire Wives and Moms

In this episode, Wren from Emergency Momagement shares her story of growing up in a law enforcement family, marrying into the fire service, and becoming a mom in the middle of it all. Together, Chelsi and Wren talk about what life in the fire service really looks like—from the rough start of fire academy days to the realities of raising kids while their spouses are gone for long shifts or wildland assignments.

They unpack the differences between police and fire culture, the importance of building a strong support system, and how therapy, communication, and community can hold a marriage together when the job takes so much. Through honest stories and plenty of humor, they talk about postpartum struggles, resilience, and what it means to keep showing up even when the sirens never seem to stop.

Learn more about Emergency Momagement:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emergencymomagement/

Website: https://www.emergencymomagement.com/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to First Responder Life

01:15 Growing Up as a First Responder Kid

03:27 Marrying into the Fire Service

05:32 Differences Between Law Enforcement and Fire Service

10:04 Navigating Fire Academy Life

15:03 Adjusting to Life After Fire Academy

19:50 The Challenges of Parenting in Fire Life

24:36 Building a Support System

29:14 The Importance of Community

34:21 Facing the Challenges of Retirement

38:05 Tools for Managing Fire Family Life

44:18 The Journey to Parenthood

48:33 Postpartum Challenges and Support

53:34 Maintaining Relationships in Fire Life

01:01:01 Navigating Family Dynamics During Crisis

01:03:48 Communication Breakdowns and Therapy

01:06:06 Children's Perspectives on Firefighting

01:07:53 Career Choices and Family Legacy

01:09:06 The Impact of Parenting on Future Generations

01:10:11 Comparing Firefighting and Military Family Dynamics

01:11:21 Understanding Post-Deployment Family Integration

01:14:29 The Challenges of Parenting in the Fire Service

01:23:50 Emergency Management and Community Preparedness

01:27:16 The Journey of Emergency Momagement

In this conversation, Chelsi and Dr. Christy DeLeon discuss the unique challenges faced by fire wives, including the dynamics of intimacy, communication, and parenting. They explore the importance of emotional trust in relationships and the need for open conversations about mental health. Dr. DeLeon introduces The Ignited Community, a supportive network for fire wives, aimed at providing resources and fostering connections among those navigating similar experiences.

Follow Dr. Kristy DeLeon and Learn More About The Ignited Community: https://www.instagram.com/theignitedcommunity/

Chapters

00:00 The Journey of a Fire Wife

07:53 Navigating Parenthood and Relationships

14:46 The Role of a Therapist in Relationships

17:46 Understanding Intimacy Issues in Fire Relationships

19:02 Understanding Trust and Emotional Connection

20:39 Bridging the Gap in Relationships

23:09 The Importance of Sacrifice in Marriage

24:19 Communication and Understanding Needs

26:26 Navigating Life After Shifts

29:07 Preventing Crisis in Relationships

30:03 Introducing the Ignited Community

35:20 Addressing Trauma Exposure in Relationships

38:10 Encouragement for Seeking Help

In this conversation, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish discusses her new book, 'You, Your Husband and His Mother,' focusing on the dynamics of mother-in-law relationships, the importance of setting boundaries, and effective communication in marriage. She emphasizes the need for couples to work together to navigate family expectations, especially during holidays, and the significance of empowering children to set their own boundaries. The discussion also highlights the role of shared rituals in strengthening relationships and the importance of agency in family dynamics.

More about Dr. Tracy:

Website: https://drtracyd.com/

Instgram: https://www.instagram.com/drtracyd/

Book: You, Your Husband, and His Mother

Podcast: Dear Dr. Tracy

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to the Book and Author

02:08 The Dynamics of Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships

04:19 Navigating Communication During Stressful Situations

06:02 Understanding Family Dynamics and Patterns

10:07 Setting Boundaries with In-Laws

12:11 The Importance of Open Communication in Relationships

17:52 Empowering Children to Set Boundaries

21:14 The Role of Therapy in Strengthening Relationships

25:58 Finding Connection Amidst Parenting Challenges

27:16 The Importance of Connection in Relationships

29:11 Creating Rituals for Togetherness

32:23 Navigating Challenges as a Team

35:44 Building a Strong Foundation for Resilience

40:40 Modeling Healthy Relationships for Children

43:43 Taking Agency in Family Dynamics

45:13 Celebrating Holidays as a First Responder Family