September 02, 2025

How to Feel More Understood, Valued and Secure in Your Relationships with Alain de Botton #574

2 hours 3 minutes

We live in a culture that often celebrates the ‘perfect’ relationship

but does little to prepare us for the reality of long-term commitment. Modern life is filled with idealised images of love and marriage – but the truth, as this week’s returning guest suggests, is far more human, messy and ultimately hopeful.

I’m delighted to welcome Alain de Botton back to the podcast. Alain is

an author, internationally acclaimed philosopher and founder of The School of Life, a hugely popular education and wellness organisation that provides guidance on how to achieve happiness and fulfilment. His latest book, ‘From Trauma to Healing: How to Locate, Process and Recover From Psychological Wounds’ helps us understand what trauma is, how it affects us and what we can do about it.

During this incredible conversation, we discuss:

Why the idea that we will “marry the right person” sets us up for disappointment

How our childhood experiences shape who we’re drawn to as adults

The hidden cost of perfectionism in relationships

The cultural myths about soulmates, instant understanding and effortless romance, and how these ideas can undermine lasting love

How unprocessed trauma can resurface in our closest relationships, and why learning to communicate our needs is an essential skill

The surprising role that distance, independence and time apart can play in sustaining desire and intimacy

There’s something deeply reassuring in knowing that love doesn’t have to look like the stories we grew up with. And by letting go of these cultural myths and by embracing each other’s flaws, we improve not only our relationships, but also how happy and contented we feel. I hope

you enjoy listening.

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Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/574

DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

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By Dr Rangan Chatterjee: GP & Author

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