Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE 

00:00 Intro 

05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 

06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 

08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)

14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 

16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 

18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative

20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 

23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts

23:49 the Gottman institute 

24:44 Confrontation don’ts

26:14 Confrontation dos

26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships

26:53 Bids for attention

27:59 Soft startups 

29:08 Repair attempts

32:09 Lightning round recap

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE 

• ​ ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)
• ​ ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)
• ​ ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)
• ​ ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)
• ​ ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999)

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