Michael grew up terrified that the world was going to end. This wasn’t your typical childhood anxiety, but something he was taught while being raised in the Children of God cult. Michael left the cult years ago, but now in his 30s he’s struggling to heal the scars it left on his parents and 11 siblings. How do you go on living when the world doesn’t actually come to an end? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Rebecca Stott, author of In the Days of Rain, a memoir about her childhood in a cult called the Exclusive Brethren. “Whenever I have an interview like this, I can feel the frog in my throat,” Rebecca tells us. “It’s like there’s something still censoring me...in my own head.” Rebecca knows what it’s like to feel ashamed of her childhood, but she’s also learned to find what was useful in her experience and apply it to her life today. She says Michael can do the same thing by opening himself up to his loved ones and in future relationships. 

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Forgive the Unforgivable.”

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Several months ago, Sarah told her best friend John she’s in love with him—but he doesn’t love her back. Now Sarah can’t get John out of her head, especially because they still talk all the time. How can Sarah move on from John? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and the author of Anatomy of Love, to help Sarah train her heart—and her brain—to fall out of love. The first thing Sarah needs to do, Helen says, is cut off contact with John. Every time she sees him, it reactivates her brain circuitry for romantic love. And as beautiful as their friendship may be, it’s holding Sarah back from finding her true love. 

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Propose (to a Man).”

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Age may just be a number but turning 60 is a big deal—at least, according to three listeners who recently wrote us about the challenges they’re facing in their later years. Joy can’t decide whether to retire from her job as a high school Spanish teacher. Doug is trying to figure out where to channel his energy after a career in the military. And Kim needs to find a way to support herself for the first time in her life after a devastating divorce. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Herminia Ibarra, a professor at the London Business School and author of Working Identity. Herminia has studied life transitions extensively, discovering that we make changes by running small experiments rather than taking one flying leap into the unknown. And since our identities are so closely linked to our professional life, Herminia says, it’s important to surround yourself with new people as you conduct these experiments, testing out different possible selves and imagining what new identities may be out there for you, at any age.

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Find a New Career Before It’s Too Late.”

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Chris’s childhood was defined by the Pentecostal church, where his father is a minister and his siblings are following the same path. But when Chris went to college, his views on the church changed, and now at age 23, he no longer identifies as religious. That’s caused a major rift with his parents, and Chris can’t stand the tension anymore. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Patricia Lockwood, a poet and writer who chronicled her own experience leaving the church in her memoir Priestdaddy. Raised in a strict Catholic family with a father for a priest (thanks to a rare loophole), Patricia thought she was done with religion by the time she was in her early 30s. But when an unexpected financial crisis prompted her and her husband to move back in with her parents, Patricia learned a new way to bridge the gap between them. Reflecting on your shared values, Patricia says, is key to connecting with your parents, even if you’re still leaving their religion behind. 

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships.”

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Ever since Casey’s husband had his identity stolen, Casey hasn’t been able to relax. She spends late nights and weekends obsessively checking their family bank accounts and scouring the web for information on the thieves who live just 15 minutes from her house. The police told Casey that an arrest is unlikely, so how can she find closure and move on with her life? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Abby Ellin, journalist and the author of Duped, who experienced a personal betrayal of her own—almost marrying a con man. Abby shares what she learned about getting over a breach of trust when there's no resolution in sight. The bottom line: You have to create your own kind of closure. Don’t let the thief steal any more of your time. 

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Get Away With Murder.”

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Juliet knows she’s one of the best tennis players in her community league, but whenever she gets on the court, she’s paralyzed by self-consciousness. Did the crowd notice how bad that shot was? With all eyes on her, Juliet keeps bungling big points and losing matches she should win. On this episode of How To!, new host David Epstein brings on Sian Beilock, president of Barnard College and the author of Choke, to walk us through the science of why sometimes we play our worst when it matters the most. For Juliet to ace her game, Sian says, she needs to practice being self-conscious and then learn to push past it. It’s all too common for women to shy away from natural competition for fear of “not being nice,” but playing to win doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk—advice that applies to Juliet’s life off the court as well. 

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Perform Under Pressure.”

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Samantha Power knows what it’s like to arrive in Washington, D.C. and feel a little lost—literally. She once couldn't find the oval office. But more than that, as a Pulitzer Prize-winning human rights activist and former UN Ambassador under President Barack Obama, Samantha had to learn to balance her beliefs with actually getting things done. On this episode of How To!, Samantha, the author of The Education of an Idealist and President Joe Biden’s pick for a post on the National Security Council, gives advice to new Congresswoman Marilyn Strickland, a Democrat from Washington. Marilyn has big plans for her first term in Washington, but isn’t sure how to navigate this fraught period of American politics. In this conversation, the two women discuss how to stay true to your ideals and still make a difference, while sharing lessons in leadership that all of us can use.

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Survive a Public Shaming with Katie Hill.”

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Here at How To! headquarters, we give and receive a lot of good advice. This year we learned how to talk politics without wrecking relationships, lose weight and keep it off, confront a crazy neighbor, and even survive a shark attack. As 2020 draws to a close and we look ahead to the New Year, the How To! team comes together to round up our favorite advice of the year. We talk about how we applied that advice to our own lives, share some surprising updates from folks who were on the show, and give a behind-the-scenes look at how the podcast is made each week. 

Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.

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Are you sick of sourdough? Stress-baking the same chocolate chip cookies every week? Our listener Daniel understands—he’s been baking like crazy during this pandemic, but is feeling tired and uninspired lately. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Claire Saffitz, pastry chef, beloved host of Bon Appétit’s “Gourmet Makes” series, and author of the new cookbook Dessert Person, to hack Daniel’s kitchen pantry and find new ways to use familiar ingredients. As Claire and Daniel make miso buttermilk biscuits together over Zoom, Claire not only shares tips for all the amateur chefs out there, but also opens up about how baking helped her learn to manage her anxiety and adapt to difficult situations. These days, we need the biscuits and the lessons. Check out the full recipe. 

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Cook One Perfect Meal.”

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Erin thinks her dog Chief has the most embarrassing habit—he keeps eating her daughters’ underwear. This has happened several times, resulting in multiple costly surgeries. If she can't put a stop to it, it could eventually kill Chief. How can she get her dog to behave and, more importantly, get her teenage daughters to put their underwear in the hamper? On this episode of How To!, Jenny Slate, comedian, actress, and author of Little Weirds, opens up about the time her dog ate something he shouldn't have—and let’s just say it’s worse than underwear. But Jenny adores dogs and believes they have something important to teach us. You have to accept your loved ones’ limitations, Jenny says, and when problems arise, tailor your solution to what suits them best—advice that applies to both dogs and teenagers.

If you liked this episode, check out “How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor with Tig Notaro.”

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