Mamma mia! We’ve got-a some-a sleepy pasta for-a you to taste-a this-a week! In our latest, much-awaited installment of PORCH CLASSICS, we’re handing the reins to Producer Ben, who has chosen to spotlight a forgotten comedy about “the world’s horniest pizza man who cannot die.” Lawrence Kasdan’s I LOVE YOU TO DEATH is a feast of bizarre performances (Italian-face Kevin Kline, Serb-face Joan Plowright, Stoner-face William Hurt) and tonal miscalculations. All this to say - it’s a very FUN movie to talk about.



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I Love You to Death

Not just another bad movie podcast, Blank Check reviews directors' complete filmographies episode to episode. Specifically, the auteurs whose early successes afforded them the rare ‘blank check’ from Hollywood to produce passion projects. Each new miniseries, hosts Griffin Newman and David Sims delve into the works of film’s most outsized personalities in painstakingly hilarious detail. Produced by Ben Hosley.

Society & Culture

Personal Journals

History

Philosophy

Places & Travel

TV & Film

Comedy

Film Reviews

Our McTiernan series concludes with 2003’s BASIC - a film that Griffin thinks should instead be titled “COMPLICATED” - get it? Because there are so many plot twists?? The great BenDavid Grabinski joins us to chat about John Travolta’s run of big, skeezy characters post-FACE/OFF, McTiernan’s ultimate Achilles heel (getting too confident in his ability to fix impossible movies), the screenwriting career of studio wunderkind James Vanderbilt, and the truly terrible acting of Giovanni Ribisi. Plus, the return of Journalist Eddie Brock, our pitches for different versions of CHANGING LANES (which they should remake every five years), and our final McT filmography rankings.


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Basic with BenDavid Grabinski

Finally, we arrive at the film that helped put John McTiernan in both “director jail” and “jail jail” - the incoherent nu-metal fart that is 2002’s ROLLERBALL. Zach Cherry continues his trend of appearing on episodes covering movies that led to actual court cases, and we do our best to try to explain what happened (both on-screen and off). Why is this film set in Borat’s Kazakhstan? What was up with the extended nightvision scene? Is Griffin insane for being a Chris Kline apologist? Plus - Ben learns about the World Nomad Games of Central Asia!



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Rollerball with Zach Cherry

What if there was a 13th Warrior? What if there was a version of Beowulf so grounded in reality that the climactic battle with Grendel just kind of felt like a shrug? What if Antonio Banderas was the lead in Gladiator instead of Russell Crowe? We’re just asking questions! Filmmaker David Lowery makes his long-awaited return to the podcast to talk about John McTiernan’s Michael Crichton adaptation, a movie that should have kept the title of the original book - Eaters of the Dead. Such a sick title! Anyway, prepare yourself for plenty of Banderas talk, a loving deep-dive into the famous “Banderas learns the Viking language” scene, and a reveal of some Blank Check-related easter eggs in Lowery’s filmography (!).



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The 13th Warrior with David Lowery

A Fiji water bottle. “Sinnerman” by Nina Simone. That Magritte painting with the bowler hat. A SCINTILLATING, AGE-APPROPRIATE ROMANCE WITH TWO OF THE GREATEST HEIST SEQUENCES IN MOVIE HISTORY. We’re talking Tommy C (1999), baby! The delightful Amanda Dobbins joins us for her long-awaited Blank Check debut, and this episode is about as fun as you’d expect. Do we think this movie is better than the Norman Jewison original? Yes. Do we go long on the filmography of Rene Russo? Yes. Do we explain how Pierce Brosnan fit the Monet canvas into his briefcase? Sort of. Does Amanda know the plot of “Wicked”? Surprisingly, no!



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The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) with Amanda Dobbins

John McTiernan back with the Die Hard franchise after the spectacular flop of Last Action Hero. Bruce Willis and Samuel L Jackson back together after Pulp Fiction. Die Hard with a Vengeance is definitely part of the “we are so back” canon. Shea Serrano (who owns every McTiernan movie on VHS) joins us to chat about this explosive action threequel that features a surprising amount of New York theater actors and a bunch of childhood games and riddles. Also, you don’t need us to tell you this but - Jeremy Irons hot. Also cool.



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I Love You to Death

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