After living in a suburb for most of my life, when I moved to a major U.S. city the first thing I noticed was the feces. At first I assumed it was dog poop, but my naivety didn’t last long.

One day I saw a homeless man waddling towards me at a fast speed while holding his ass cheeks. He turned into an alley and took a shit. As I passed him, there was a moment where our eyes met. He sheepishly averted his gaze.

The next day I walked to the same place. There are a number of businesses on both sides of the street that probably all have bathrooms. I walked into each of them to investigate.

In a coffee shop, I saw a homeless woman ask the barista if she could use the bathroom. “Sorry, that bathroom is for customers only.” I waited five minutes and [...]

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Outline:

(01:18) I receive more compliments from homeless people compared to the women I go on dates with

(02:41) Is that guy dead?

(03:59) Who's giving Brazilian waxes to the homeless?

(04:36) Crazy people talk to themselves because no one else will

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First published:

Source:

Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.