Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

As someone who speaks openly about dating, I get a lot of people sliding into my DMs either asking where all of the single Godly guys are or complaining that chivalry is dead. So I am going to do a deep dive on the topic.

Full disclosure: this episode was supposed to be with a guest, but about an hour before our scheduled interview the guest reached out and explained that they felt our messages were out of alignment. I wanted to share this with you because I believe that The Refined Collective is a place where we don’t have to agree. We aren’t meant to live in an echo chamber. We can build bridges with people who don’t believe the things we believe. It’s healthy and okay to not have the same views on everything. You are welcome here regardless of what you do or do not believe. I have open arms for you.

 

What comes to mind when you think of chivalry?

• Jane Austen (I’m partial to the Keira Knightley Pride & Prejudice)
• Dropping the hanky, whether that means literally dropping the hanky or swooning (anyone else watching Bridgerton on Netflix?) 
• Dropping the hanky looks different in 2021, but there are still ways to give a guy the green light to pursue you.
• Back to Bridgerton, women (teenage girls, really) were held to a different standard than the men when it came to marriage (and pretty much everything else too).

 

Things to consider:

• When was the last time you experienced chivalry?
• As women, are we giving mixed messages?

 

How can we encourage chivalry 

1. Invitation vs. Demand.
2. Verbal affirmation.
3. Thank you goes a long way.
4. Ask for support.
5. Lead with vulnerability.

 

Resources

• Check out the episode I did with Kait Warman all about dropping the hanky here.
• Are you interested in an Ask Kat series on the podcast? Email questions you want Kat to answer on air to [email protected]. The questions can be about anything and everything!

 

I was tired of hearing male pastors preach about waiting until marriage for sex when they had gotten married in their early 20s and had no idea what it was really like to date in today’s culture! I wanted to hear from someone in my shoes— so I wrote a book! It’s called Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex and it’s coming out in April 2021! Head over to bit.ly/kat-sexless to pre-order now! Then email [email protected] so I can send you some free resources as a thank you!

 

To honor Black History Month, I am spending time this month talking about companies and organizations that I love that are run and founded by Black men and women. This week, I want to share about the Equal Justice Initiative, a private nonprofit organization that provides legal representation to people who have been illegally convicted, unfairly sentenced, or abused in state jails and prisons. They challenge the death penalty and excessive punishment and provide re-entry assistance to formerly incarcerated people. Go to EJI.org to find out how you can get involved.

 

For $5/month, you can get access to exclusive video content for Patreon subscribers. Like… how to answer the question “why are you still single?” How to know if your standards are too high. And an update on my dating life. YUP! There will be a new video every week just for Patreon subscribers. Don’t miss out! Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to learn more and sign up!

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