It's All About Connection! NVC With Dr. B!

Mournings and Celebrations are a way of talking about things that have occurred while keeping our language judgment free.

NVC groups tend to use this kind of language during check in and check outs to help people talk about the NVC process while using the NVC process.  We go more into detail about what this means in this episode. 

Some folks really struggle with the concepts of Mourings and Celebrations, so we provide several examples throughout the recording.

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
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Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

• Dr. B discusses why she thinks making this "simple" distinction, between thoughts and feelings,  in our communication can bring about more peace in our world.
• It's important to practice in neutral situations to form a habit that can show up in the midst of conflict and help the conflict end in greater connection.
• Stating thoughts as thoughts, as opposed to couching them in feelings, provides more accountability and clarity for all involved in the communication.

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

In this Episode, you will learn about the various components of The Bigbie Method (TBM):

1. The Intro Course  - a foundational course to learn the basics of Nonviolent Communication
2. The Empathy Gym - a membership style gym where you workout your empathy and NVC muscles instead of biceps.  "Just sit and click" and let your NVC skills come to life in your daily life.
3. The TBM Certification process - for people interested in making this your life's work.  Not everyone will qualify to do this work in schools and organizations but TBM will need help in scaling up to the level necessary in this world.  The Intro Course and Empathy Gym are helpful enough in that they will make a difference in how you move in  your world.  But, some may be interested and asked to help further the mission of TBM to Operationalize Peace and join the TBM team of Certified Guides.

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

In this Episode, we share the following information

1. What is The Bigbie Method?
2. How did The Bigbie Method come to be?
3. A little about the Community Connections Restorative Justice Program that was the "testing ground" for The Bigbie Method.
4. The various services provided by The Bigbie Method
5. Information on the upcoming Intro to NVC course offered by The Bigbie Method (learn.thebigbiemethod.com)

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

Here are some of the questions answered on this episode.

1. What do you do when you have to have a difficult conversation with your child?  Heather and Dr. B roleplay a situation between mom and 9-year old.
2. Where do feelings guesses fit into the empathy process?
3. Does taking feelings guesses when in jackal talk help you or someone move more towards understanding their needs?

Listen in to find out!

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

• "Would you say one of our greatest freedoms is in our ability to choose how we react to things? ."  (00:43.2)
• "How did you get involved and what kind of an impact or what changes have you seen since you've been using NVC? "  (05:28:7)
• "...if you're speaking in observational terms, then you have a common place to start the conversation, you're not getting caught up in judgments that start the conversation about on the wrong foot. So that's all true, but what we're talking about here is the other real huge benefit of being able to distinguish between observations and evaluations has to do with what kind of internal space, what kind of internal environment do you end up cultivating for yourself when you're operating in evaluation internally, and especially if you don't even realize you're doing it. It just adds a whole level of suffering that is not necessary, "  (08:15:7)
• "Which of your relationships has transformed the most?"  (09:42:1)
• "You know what I realized recently, someone was telling me about a conflict and I gave them the option of responding with empathy or giving advice, and they chose giving advice, and I find that more often than not, people who aren't  well-versed in NVC will always choose advice."  (11:04:5)
• "Do you think there is such a thing as perfectionism and NVC... Have you trained people? And people get really bogged down in the details of getting it right yet." (17:14:4)

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

• "Jackaling is using the language of blame as opposed to Nonviolent Communication which is known as Giraffe language, the giraffe is the symbol of NVC."  (00:23.7)
• " Sometimes it's painful to be in jack mode, but I also want people to note that the jackal can be very productive... Can be actually very helpful. We should embrace our jackals."  (03:32:7)
• "Can you just stay with that? The pain of it [your jackal]. The frustration with it. Can you meet that need? So to speak, not meeting it, by having it be handled in that moment, having it have expressed outwardly towards it, when I'm saying, meet your own need, you're meeting it fully embracing, oh, that's what all this energy is inside."  (05:43:0)
• "I do think there is something to jackaling with awareness."  It can be productive.  (08:15:2)
• "Learn to love our jackals, love the jackal. Don't jackal to someone directly, jackal away, jackal fully have an awareness that you are jacking when you're jackaling."  (10:31:0)

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

• WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking or What Am I Thinking?  (01:14.4)
• "There's nothing passive about the WAIT process." (03:12.4)
• "Sometimes you're just like, you're at your wits end. You don't care anymore, you have no capacity to try to hear or take guesses about what's going on with the other, and that's when you go on and wait, and that's when you might wanna do some things, to be able to gain that capacity back to be able to gain some level of compassion for what is happening with the other person, and that's where the enemy image thing comes in." (5:08.7)
• This is the point where we start to explain the Enemy Image Process.  (06:50.1)

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
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• And I do wanna go back to the first part of the role play when you didn't wanna go into any of the strategies with me, like the conversation... couldn't go any further. It was too triggering, and I want our listeners to know that probably what I would do in a couple of days before I met with Heather again would be that I... would I be in what's called WAIT.  We've talked about that in previous episodes. WAIT stands for, Why am I talking? Or what am I thinking? Wait is an active time in normal communication, it's not just a cooling down time, at least for the person that's applying the NVC process, (13:17:3)
• There's more to this than what actually happens in the back and forth part of the conversation, there's a lot of work that can be done outside of the conversation in service to the connection in the conversation. (14:30:8)
• Okay, so we're going to just do a little debrief for a minute or two (15:16:4)

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com

Show Less

• How do we tackle racism? That is a big question. That's a very big question, and my answer might not be something that people want to hear, but the first thing that comes to my mind is, can we stop calling it racism .  (01.57)
• The main point here is, if you really want to enact change, which is I think what the caller said, she wants to enact change, it starts with yourself, start to pay attention where you are having some evaluative language, also if you're so upset, it's a huge indication that you are needing empathy. (03:54.0)
• There seems to be this idea that if you're not actively disagreeing with someone, then you are allowing... If you're passive, then you are permissive... Yeah, I think there are a lot of people that believe that. And yet, if you are actively saying something back to somebody in a moment like that, you're not getting heard anyways, you're not penetrating in that moment.  ((07:04:1)
• Discussion of the paradox of intolerance (10:41.4)

Additional Resources:

• Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod
• Twitter: @TheBigbieMethod
• Instagram: @thebigbiemethod
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc
• YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/channel

Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value!

The Bigbie Method website: 
https://www.thebigbiemethod.com