Based on recent experience, David Waldman has been tapped to set up the Zoom on future secret White House meetings.

You might have heard that our nation’s safety is in the hands of the worst group of fuckups imaginable. That’s a fact made more obvious by inviting the editor in chief of The Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg, to a war planning meeting being held via a chat group on the Signal app, second only to Mar-a-Lago as a go-to espionage destination spot. Steve Witkoff took advantage of the Kremlin’s free Wi-Fi service. Joe Kent took time from hunting antifa and BLM to join the chat.

But, her emails? Democrats want heads to roll. Republicans explain that the truth is, that these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand, and request a moment or a few days of silence while they notify the next of kin. 

Meanwhile, Donald K. Trump and the Paul, Weiss law firm pioneer a new form of agreement in which each side signs off on the version that they like the best. Eagle Ed Martin, who wants to jail women for abortions, free Jan 6 insurrectionists, and stop the steal of his own 2010 election, is honored to just have an ass so big to kiss as the head of the Office of Management and Budget.

David Waldman introduces KITM listeners to the Smooth Sound of Zoom™.

Greg Dworkin watches America circle the drain, while helping us locate the stopper.

Donald K. Trump, modest as he is, isn’t taking credit for invoking the Alien Enemies Act.  “Many do not know this, but John Adams was a president who signed things, and we have been hearing many good things about him lately.”, Donald will soon say, or he’ll just say “Lil’ Marco did it.”, which he already is saying. Either way Trump checks off another day of telling you and Judge James Boasberg something, which is good enough for him, probably not for Boasberg. Meanwhile, El Salvador remains Rubio’s quick-stop low-cost disappearing headquarters.

In comparison, the Paul, Weiss firm are Trump’s dream of what a law firm should be, backing off of him, and giving him money. Paul, Weiss chair Brad Karp complains that after years of “dishing it out”, “taking it” feels surprisingly harsh, but if Brad thinks it’s all behind him, he doesn’t know how much is left to be inserted.

Who knew that Republicans also received Social Security? DOGE is having a hard time finding any fraud there, but of course, that isn’t the point. Most people would prefer that their airliner didn’t crash, but here we are.

Trump picks Boeing over Lockheed because they’ll name their next fighter after him. Now they need to find pilots small enough for that “cockpit”. Most countries sure won’t be shopping USA for weapons.

Usha Vance is heading to Greenland, and already they aren’t thankful. 

Columbia, the gem of kowtowing universities, is sending $400 million dollars to soothe Trump’s pain from a deal he blew 25 years ago. 

Scott Turner follows in the footsteps of OJ Simpson and Rosie Greer as a football player hoping that 70’s casting decisions work out for him. (Yes, you can follow M. Nolan Gray on Blue Sky.)

David Waldman has so much crazy, so little time!

Drug use and undisclosed ties to foreign agents used to make it difficult to obtain security clearance, back before the Trump administration thought to offer affordable leasing.  Now the Pentagon is happy to invite Elon Musk to talk over war plans against China! Oh wait, Elon said I should be arrested for telling you that. Donald K. Trump says I’m fake news and has booked me a flight to El Salvador... I better type quicker. Musk has big investments in China, so maybe he’ll Starlink those missiles away… On the other hand, those investments are drying up, therefore it might be a good time for a nuclear market adjustment.

Trump and Musk want to outlaw judges who rule against them and pay off the ones that let them win. What’s wrong with that? Trump hates that people think that these are “conservative” judges… what have they done for him lately?

No more warrants to enter homes, or due process to process suspects means that any suspicious, or even aggravatingly inconvenient behavior can be delt with efficiently. Bad guys, whomever that might be deemed at the moment, won’t be able to hide behind “laws” to escape justice.

Well, once MAGA understands this, they’ll… do nothing, because their face will be a small price to pay if the leopard eats your face. The only bums in danger of being thrown out are the Democrats.

On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin turn it all the way up to 11… sometimes on purpose! 

Great news everyone! Kamala Harris did not “lose”! Now if only our present-day vibes could just recall those “quotation marks”, this whole nation would be one big California… but without the unnecessary regulations, with more government spending… but without government overspending. No more poor, therefore no more aid…

More Republicans are voicing voters' remorse… more Democrats also.

Today a handful of people stand in the way of a perfect world. A French scientist was denied entry into the US for disliking the Trump administration’s research policy. A Canadian actress asked too many questions at the border and was imprisoned for weeks. And over two hundred members of the MS-13 gang… oh sorry, those folks were the first Trump administration scary gang affiliated with El Salvador, the country which is now the hero of the second Trump administration… Two hundred members of the new scary gang were shipped to El Salvador, give or take an undisclosed number of just regular guys like you and me. 

Who’d guess that the chief judge of the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, a bipartisan appointee with a three-decade career in Washington, would turn out to be a such a Radical Left Lunatic? It seems that crazy judges keep popping up, the more Trump clamps down. Soon he’ll realize that they really aren’t that well-armed. When DOGE took down the U.S. Institute of Peace, they had plenty of guns and badges, so they didn’t need no stinking laws.

After fentanyl becomes a 'Weapon of Mass Destruction”, Mexico and Canada will become Iraq.

It’s all computer! It’s taken a week, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have almost completed KITM’s incomprehensibly complex and possibly hazardous transition from “Skype” over to “Zoom” voice over internet protocol telephony technologies. Without alert tones, Greg can finally enter conversations through his preferred “jump scare” technique.

The constitutional crisis just over the horizon has now arrived. Officially, we are still at the “Wait, what?” stage, but this administration plans to repeat it again and louder until they are completely understood. Donald K. Trump plans to deliver dozens of RSVPs to the Supreme court, inviting them over to his side of the Rubicon.

If only we could just cross into Canada and buy enough beer and donuts to fix this thing that we’re going to do to them.  Seriously, if they can do it to a young, pretty, lawyered up white woman, just think of what they can do to you.

Days of simple heists over, DOGE thugs screwed sharper hobnails into their jackboots in order to kick the doors in over at the U.S. Institute of Peace. Presently we are at the “he said, she said” in the case, but you know the deal with this administration and paperwork...

“Trump won’t win the election, he’s focusing only on his base while Biden… Harris…” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “If only Democrats could capture the white uneducated” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “Now, Democrats should embrace the most effective means of targeted disinformation yet invented and….” (Yet invented, that is.)

But, hey! Trump’s poll numbers are sagging… not even 100 days in. (and maybe 100 days before independent polling becomes illegal) So, it just goes to show you, Chuck Schumer really has got a handle on this thing. Therefore, it is imperative that we focus upon… The JFK assassination documents have been released! Let’s all go over to X.com and talk about it!

David Waldman returns to the mound at KITM Stadium, pitching for the US Liberals, down by… a lot, in what feels like a pretty late inning.

Hundreds of alleged Venezuelan gang members were flown to El Salvador, that is, they are alleged to be gang members, purported to be Venezuelan, maybe they weren’t US citizens, possibly weren’t just a guy with a beef with an ICE agent, who probably isn’t affiliated with an opposing gang. Sure, it seems like a constitutional crisis, but isn’t everything? The White House asks the judge, “You mad, bro?” then demands his impeachment.

It’s just another example of the USA’s new sense of humor, like the plan to make Canada our northern Puerto Rico. Blaming Canada is easy, which is why we do it. Canadian soldiers, however, aren’t insects to swat away. They do seem to have a lot of tanks, missiles, jets, bullets and about four times the shared border of, say, Ukraine and Russia.

Trump rehires while Elon fires as their madcap hijinks continue. DOGE makes an armed raid upon the offices of the U.S. Institute of Peace. Staff inside did stand their ground for a while but really missed a chance at creating a quite ironic Castle Doctrine case. I have personally predicted a standoff between U.S. Marshals and Secret Service for almost a decade now and continue to be incorrect. (As of 2:56 EST)

Oklahoma social studies classes will teach about ‘discrepancies’ in the 2020 election. The President of the United States teaches that there are no discrepancies. There are no longer non-white soldiers in American history… at least, no famous ones. Pentagon leaker Jack Teixeira hopes that Trump will assign him to a new reality.

David Waldman returns for yet another week of driving the snakes out, today solo, as Greg Dworkin is on assignment.

Chuck Schumer’s book tour is not off to a great start, although he could’ve sold plenty of copies to throw at the target on his dunk tank. Listen, plenty of calculation went into these CR votes, by plenty of calculating Democrats, calculating the perfect number of days before their elections before becoming too “anti-Trump” Democrats. It’s just pragmatic to allow Donald K. Trump to be a little bit of a dictator for about 6 or 9 more months to allow campaign donations to build. It’s how the game is played.

Donald, however, is not the pragmatic sort. “Dictator” is the only game he’s playing. Rules are for suckers… Ok, rules are also good for the LULZ. Take the 1798 Alien Enemies Act, please. Trump will tell you… Well, Trump will tell you anything, that’s irrelevant. The next step, was when a judge then called bullshit and blocked the order. Trump then did it anyhow, as his lawyers invoked the ”fingers in the ears shouting, “la la la” defense”. Hundreds of men were then shanghaied to El Salvador. No one can prove that they were gang members. No one can prove that they were not citizens. There is no way to know if they will ever be seen again. It is much easier to disappear to El Salvador than Guantanamo, so if you soon find yourself with a bag on your head, riding in a van, chances are that’s your destination. A valid visa and a judge’s order couldn’t stop kidney transplant specialist Dr. Rasha Alawieh’s deportation. Wishful thinking couldn’t stop Trump voter Bradley Bartell’s wife from be taken away by ICE.

Welcome to Advanced Civics with Professor David Waldman. David’s been teaching this course since about the turn of the century, yet it seems as if there is always more to learn. Heck, I’ve been held back over this last decade, and I still don’t quite get it.

Basically, the Senate is voting on the 2025 budget because maybe that’s better than not voting on it? Voting for it would piss off Elon Musk, but voting against it would piss off Donald K. Trump. It’s a quandary! Luckily for Senate Democrats, they have valiant leader Chuck Schumer, Donald’s newest best buddy, ready to push those glasses down to the end of his nose and… look into this. Whether Chuck’s decision is horrible/wise or horrible-wise he’ll be hearing all about it at his series of upcoming townhall meetings that he probably still believes are a “book tour”.

Jon Ossoff and Reverend Raphael Warnock voted NO! Yay! But on what, and to what end? This is where it gets weedy. David tells us about clotures, the process of invoking clotures, and… how to check for ripeness? For those whom precedents take precedence, there are the Antideficiency Act, and its preceding precedent, the Feed and Forage Act.

Remember, for every Stalin, Mao and Hitler, there are millions, each with the power to fix everything at any time. That is why tyrants consolidate corrupt power and eliminate human rights at every opportunity.

Hey, at least the sound system was working today, when Greg Dworkin dropped by with his Raft o’ Stories!

Senate Dems are wrestling with the question of whether they should screw up, or do the right thing. Sounds easy! But it never really is, even if we think we know the right answer. (And the biggest union representing federal workers just happens to agree, too.) But time’s running out to unify behind a single, coherent position (if there is one). And the one thing nobody expected has just happened: House Republicans had unified!

Hey, by the way, have we misunderstood—or just been too credulous—in accepting the characterization of Trump as “transactional?” That might not be quite right. Or even right at all. We do know that he sucks for the economy, though. Even though we’re also not supposed to think of the “stonk” market as the economy. The thing is, Trump thinks he can move seamlessly from “I’ll fix it on Day One,” to “You knew you were signing up for pain.”

Tesla hatred is purifying hatred. Even if you don’t believe Trump actually bought one.

I have some bad news for you. The DOGE weirdos do not live their “efficiency” mission. It turns out that Elon, who claims that working nights and weekends is a “super power,” is mostly just doing what your kids are doing with their nights and weekends: playing video games. But in a very billionaire-y way, I’m sure! Not to worry, though. He’s got a high-priced consultant to help him buy big TVs to use as gaming monitors. Hope that didn’t get installed at government expense! Ha ha! (It probably did.)

Meanwhile, over at OPM, where the job is to kick everybody else out of their jobs, the agency spokesperson has been—efficiently, no doubt—moonlighting as an Instagram fashion influencer. To be fair, it’s not clear that she actually influences anybody. But the real point is that she’s doing it from the office. On your time, and your dime.

And just to give you one more thing to think worry about, if the DOGE kids actually do succeed in selling off government office buildings, what’s gonna happen to the artwork? Yes, there’s artwork! And some of it is pretty valuable! And there are a bunch of grubby billionaires with light fingers in town!

That’s the last time KITM hires that local kid “Big Balls” to do IT work. Yesterday’s show file wasn’t recorded… which one could only wish happened to the first 15 minutes of today’s show as David Waldman on-the-fly set up the KITM VoIP connection to Greg Dworkin.

It’s the economy, stupid, and no one could possibly handle it more stupidly than Donald K. Trump. Inflation was lower than expected in February… remember February? That was so long ago. Trump’s own advisors are terrified because they see what’s coming. Americans are finally getting the picture, as if that really matters. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick hasn’t yet seen the underside of the bus but can tell you that it’s a wonderful place to be.

Go see Crazy Don for crazy deals! Right behind the White House just off Pennsylvania Avenue!

Green card holder, American spouse, kid on the way, Mahmoud Khali was disappeared after using his Constitutional rights in a politically incorrect (for March 2025) manner. Columbia, gem of private higher education, did exactly what Trump wanted, therefore their future destruction as an example will be doubly satisfying. Ohio, for one, welcomes their anti-DEI overlords to all of their 14 public universities and 23 public colleges. Georgetown University, in Washington DC, sees diversity, equity, and inclusion as part of their compliance to a higher authority… the Constitution.

Greenland’s election was between 6 parties, 5 who want independence from Denmark, 6 who want independence from Trump.

The US closed its eyes to Ukraine intelligence, encouraging the Five Eyes intelligence alliance to become the Four Eyes intelligence group, which does sound more intelligent. 

House Gops sent their unclean CR to the Senate. Let’s see if Dems can keep from being weenies over there now.

Walt Nauta should be in jail, so of course he’s on the U.S. Navy’s board of visitors. Trump communications chief McLaurine Pinover defended DOGE Layoffs while efficiently modelling cute outfits.