Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Friendship Advice for Kids (K-8)

Ep. 68 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Avoiding the demand-withdraw pattern

Maya wonders how to handle a friend who runs away and ignores her.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Have you ever been in a situation like Maya’s, where someone was running away from you? Have you ever run away from someone? What happened? 

- Why does Dr. Friendtastic suggest NOT chasing a friend who is running away (unless it’s a fun game of tag!)? (Hint: What should you look for in a friendship?)

- Why do you think kids sometimes avoid discussing problems? How might that hurt a friendship? What could friends do to make problem discussions easier? (Hint: What are things you could say or avoid saying to make a conflict less painful?)

- Why might it be a good idea for the person who is LEAST wrong to apologize first?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 32 - Tara, Age 12: Friend is pulling away https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-32-tara

Ep. 45 - Reid, Age 5: Gets angry at classmates https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/reid-age-5-gets-angry-at-classmates

Ep. 60 - Henry, Age 8: Friends invited but not him https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-drfriendtastic-ep60-henry-age-8

Ep. 67 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Peer pressure vs. peer influence

Paul asks how to find the right friends to surround himself with.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- What are some ways that you’ve been influenced by your friends? Do you think that influence has been positive (good for you) or negative (bad for you)? Why? 

- Have you ever been in a situation where a friend tried to pressure you to do something you didn't want to do? What happened?

- What three words would you use to describe the five (or so) friends you spend the most time with? Do you think those three words also describe you? Why or why not?

- Dr. Friendtastic said, “However your friends might influence or even pressure you, you’re in charge of deciding what’s the right thing for you to do.” What does that mean?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 16 - Sam, Age 13: Joining a new group of friends https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-16-sam

Ep. 36 - Ann, Age 9: Dealing with peer pressure https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ann-age-9-dealing-with-peer-pressure

Ep. 43 - Beatrix, Age 8: Friend cut her hair! https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/beatrix-age-8-friend-cuts-her-hair

Ep. 66 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: What’s behind a friend wanting to control you?

Adeline wishes her friends would invite her to play during recess, but she doesn’t have to wait for an invitation.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Have you ever had a controlling friend? If so, why do you think your friend was trying to control you? How did you handle it?

- Has anyone ever told you that you were being bossy or controlling? If so, what happened? What are some signs that you might be pushing a friend too hard and need to stop?

- Rigid thinkers tend to believe that there is “one right way” to do things. How could that hurt a friendship? (Hint: How might a friend feel if they want to do things differently?)

- What does it mean to “agree to disagree”? Why is it sometimes good to do this in a friendship?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 60 - Henry, Age 8: Friends invited but not him https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-drfriendtastic-ep60-henry-age-8

Ep. 39 - Maya, Age 8: Replaced by a friend's new friend https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/maya-age-8-replaced-by-a-friends

Ep. 26 - Abigail, Age 10: Friendship doesn't have to be all or nothing https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-26-abigail

Ep. 65 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: What’s behind a friend wanting to control you?

Bridget wonders how to deal with a friend who is being controlling.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Have you ever had a controlling friend? If so, why do you think your friend was trying to control you? How did you handle it?

- Has anyone ever told you that you were being bossy or controlling? If so, what happened? What are some signs that you might be pushing a friend too hard and need to stop?

- Rigid thinkers tend to believe that there is “one right way” to do things. How could that hurt a friendship? (Hint: How might a friend feel if they want to do things differently?)

- What does it mean to “agree to disagree”? Why is it sometimes good to do this in a friendship?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 59 - Jessie, Age 13: Get rid of toxic friends? https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep59-jessie-age-13

Ep. 18 - Kai, Age 9: Building great leadership skills https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-18-kai

Ep. 41 - Tessa, Age 9: Friends won't listen to stop or no https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/tessa-age-9-boundaries

Ep. 64 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Building real connections to make friends.

Blake wants to know how to make friends with kids who have different interests than he does.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- What interest or activity do you enjoy that has helped you (or could help you) make friends?

- Why is pretending to be interested in something when you’re not a bad strategy for trying to make friends? (Hint: How might other kids react when they find out that you’re just pretending to be interested?)

- Have you ever picked up a new interest or activity because a friend likes it? What happened? 

- If you want to pick up a new interest, why is it a good idea to try to learn about it a bit on your own, instead of just asking people about it?

What is the difference between being friendly versus being friends with someone

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 15 - Evie, Age 9: What is a close friend? https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-15-evie

Ep. 49 - Charlotte, Age 8: Feeling different and rejected https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/charlotte-age-8-feeling-different

Ep. 35 - Ryan, Age 11: Peers put down his interestshttps://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/ryan-age-11-peers-put-down-his-interests

Ep. 63 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Dealing with being excluded.

Rosie wonders why her friend doesn’t want her to play with anyone else, and what she can do about it.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why do you think kids sometimes have trouble sharing a friend with other friends? 

- Have you ever been in a situation like Rosie’s, either as the friend who didn’t want to share a friend or the friend who wanted to play with other kids? What happened? How did you handle it?

- Why is it a good idea to try to imagine why a friend might be doing what they’re doing, especially when we don’t like what they’re doing? (Hint: How are you likely to feel and act toward the friend when you can understand their perspective?)

- Would you respond differently to hearing “I like you, AND I want to play with other friends” versus “I like you, BUT I want to play with other friends”? Why or why not?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 13 - Mara, Age 9: Friend doesn't want her to have other friends

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-13-mara

Ep. 16 - Sam, Age 13: Joining a new group of friends 

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-16-sam

Ep. 26 - Abigail, Age 10: Friendship doesn't have to be all or nothing

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-26-abigail

Ep. 62 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: How to forgive friends who have hurt us.

When a friend says or does something that hurts us, it’s easy to get stuck in self-righteous bitterness and resentment. But for our own sake, as much as theirs, we need to find ways to forgive them and move past those unavoidable friendship rough spots.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Think of a time when you’ve forgiven someone for doing something that hurt or upset you. What happened? Why did you decide to forgive them?

Dr. Friendtastic said, “Holding onto bitterness and resentment hurts us more than anyone else.” What does that mean?

How is forgiving someone different than letting someone be mean to you? (Hint: It has to do with how you think about them and what you say to them.)

One of the forgiveness guidelines Dr. Friendtastic mentioned is: If it happened more than a month ago, definitely let it go! Do you agree with that guideline? Why or why not? 

Why is it sometimes easier to forgive other people than to forgive ourselves?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 59 - Jessie, Age 13: Get rid of toxic friends? https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep59-jessie-age-13

Ep. 43 - Beatrix, Age 8: Friend cut her hair! https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/beatrix-age-8-friend-cuts-her-hair

Ep. 14 - Rowan, Age 12: Feeling guilty, wanting to make up with a friend https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-14-rowan

Ep. 61 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Dealing with being excluded.

Brothers and sisters can be a lot of fun, but sometimes they’re hard to live with. Lucy wants to know how to fight less with your brother.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why do you think it’s sometimes harder for kids to get along with a sibling than a friend?

- When a kid does something that annoys us, it’s tempting to do the same thing–or something worse–right back to them. Why is this usually not a good idea? (HINT: Why do both kids lose in a “contest” of who can be meanest?)

- Dr. Friendtastic said “If you’ve asked a sibling [or other kid] to stop two times, and they haven’t listened, they’re probably not going to listen,” so your goal should shift “to taking care of yourself.” How could you do that?

- Do you think it’s easiest to be an only child, an oldest sibling, a youngest sibling, or a middle sibling? Why?

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 30 - Michael, Age 10: Why do some kids push others around?

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-30-michael

Ep. 31 - Mila, Age 10: When someone tries to be annoying

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/kids-ask-dr-friendtastic-ep-31-mila

Ep. 40 - Vihan, Age 6: Friendly brother also acts wild

https://drfriendtastic.substack.com/p/vihaan-age-6-friendly-brother-acts-wild

Ep. 60 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Dealing with being excluded.

What should Henry do when a kid invites his friends to play but not him?

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Why do you think kids sometimes exclude other kids?

- Have you ever felt excluded? What happened? How did you respond?

- Why is it not a good idea to beg or bribe another kid to include you?

- What do you think of the rule “You can’t say someone can’t play”? Are there any situations where it’s OK to exclude someone? What could you do if someone was wrecking the game, being too rough, or refusing to follow the rules? How could you handle it if lots of kids wanted to play a game that’s only for a few people?

- Being “the boss” can be fun and exciting. What could someone do to be a “good boss” or a true leader? (Hint: What could a leader do or not do to make the people who are getting directions feel good?)

*** You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 4 - Thomas, Age 13: One friend feels left out

Ep. 8 - Blake, Age 11: Excluded by friends

Ep. 39 - Maya, Age 8: Replaced by a friend’s new friend

Ep. 59 - Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic: Dumping a friend or working things out by changing the dance.

Jessie wants to get out of some painful relationships.

Scroll down for discussion questions.

Would YOUR KID like to be featured on the podcast?

SUBMIT A QUESTION TO DR. FRIENDTASTIC at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

For an easy-to-read TRANSCRIPT, go to: https://DrFriendtastic.com/podcast/

Like the podcast? Check out my books and webinars at https://EileenKennedyMoore.com.

Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER, https://DrFriendtastic.substack.com, to get podcast episodes sent to your email plus posts for parents.

*** DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

- Have you ever wanted to end a friendship? What happened?

- In your own words, how would you explain this comment from Dr. Friendtastic? “I don’t believe people can be poison [toxic]. What I do believe is that sometimes people get into patterns of interacting that are hurtful for one or both of them.”

- How is a friendship like an old-fashioned dance, where people hold onto each other? What are some ways you could change a friendship dance if you didn’t like what was happening?

- Why is it not a good idea to suddenly stop talking to a friend, with no explanation?