This week on Mystery Crate, commenters call Chris Cote skinny so he celebrates by eating like crap. Zas has microplastics in his balls and we get a newly minted, Cote's New Ass Story of the Day to pair with Zas's Old Ass Story of the Day.

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On today’s episode of Mystery Crate, things go completely off the rails…

We start with a very heated debate about tuna (yes… tuna), somehow transition into Masters menus, Larry Bird stories, and then—out of nowhere—Rose takes us on a LIVE tour of Guatemala City 🇬🇹… all the way to an Applebee’s.

Along the way:

-Tuna takes get way too serious

-The Masters menu turns into a full breakdown 🍽️

-Zas delivers another legendary old-school story

-Rose proves Guatemala is VERY real… with a full field trip

-And yes… we end at Applebee’s

This episode is pure chaos—in the best way.

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Things got completely out of hand on this episode of Mystery Crate.
We kick things off with the murder of the cold open, followed by a wild negotiation over $200, an original song debut, and then… absolute chaos.
The main event: a 2v2 trivia showdown featuring buzzers, confusion, cheating accusations, and zero organization. What should’ve been simple turned into one of the most chaotic games we’ve ever played.
Plus:
-Debut of “Every Rose Has a Luis”
-Millennial movie trivia (that no one could follow)
-Controversial buzzer rules
-Indiana Jones debate gets weird
-$100K hot dog eating hypothetical
Safe to say… this one spirals.

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On today’s episode of Mystery Crate, we officially enter a new era… and it immediately goes off the rails.
We debut our first official game from the new team draft format — Roy vs Tony in a head-to-head “name the category” battle — and let’s just say… rules were broken, arguments were made, and chaos followed.
Plus
-March Madness bets get settled
-Jeremy checks in LIVE from the Marlins ballpark food tasting
-Old Ass Story Time returns… with a twist
-And we wrap it all up with a VERY heated fast food tier list
Who won the first game? Honestly… depends who you ask.

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On today’s episode of Mystery Crate, we attempt the impossible: win $1 billion with a perfect March Madness bracket… by letting Rose make every pick with pure vibes and almost no college basketball knowledge.
Before that, Zaz’s Old-Ass Story Time takes us back to one of the most iconic moments in college basketball history: Christian Laettner’s legendary shot against Kentucky in 1992. Then the crew debates and tiers some of the greatest college basketball players of all time, argues over Duke guys, and somehow turns the bracket challenge into absolute chaos.
Also in the mix: late arrivals, rescued dogs, random school loyalty, accidental upsets, and the long-awaited Mystery Crate / Shipping Container team draft finally starts to take shape.

In this episode:

A very normal, very serious sports show.

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Today on Mystery Crate, we’ve got a loaded show.
Zas debuts Big Ass Story Time with an emotional trip back to Magic Johnson’s unforgettable 1992 NBA All-Star Game moment. Jeremy finally gets the floor to defend his Bam Adebayo superstar take after Bam’s wild 83-point performance sparks chaos, conspiracy theories, and plenty of hater energy.
Then the crew dives into a Quentin Tarantino tier list, arguing over where classics like Pulp Fiction, Inglourious Basterds, Django Unchained, Kill Bill, and more actually belong. Plus: Jess has thoughts, Jeremy tells a Broadway story involving Daniel Radcliffe, Roy recaps losing to a bunch of children in barbecue, and the whole show somehow becomes exactly what Mystery Crate should be: loud, chaotic, and ridiculous.
Featuring:
-Zas’ Big/Old  Ass Story Time
-Jeremy defending Bam Adebayo
-Quentin Tarantino movie tier rankings
-Roy’s Key West barbecue recap
-Jess, naturally, having something to say

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A new era of Mystery Crate officially begins — and it starts the only way we know how: arguing about the cold open, bullying each other’s “sexy voice,” and accidentally creating a year-long competition that will absolutely ruin friendships.
In this episode, we introduce Zas Storytime (Z-Storytime?), where Zas takes us back to old sports lore — including the day Glenn Rice dropped 56 and Zas basically chose basketball over Passover (no regrets). Then it gets even weirder: the infamous Bar Mitzvah shirt story (and the hunt for the legendary tank top continues).
Plus: Punch the Monkey returns to the group chat thanks to a wild Christian Bale clip, the crew debates WWE and Elimination Chamber, and someone makes the case that Tom Brady vs Logan Paul might actually be a thing (Vegas energy!).
And because the internet demanded it: we break down the viral McDonald’s CEO vs Burger King CEO burger bite videos — including the most timid bite in fast-food history and why calling a burger an “excellent product” is a red flag.
Finally, the big moment: we pick captains for the brand-new Mystery Crate team competition — a season-long format with drafts, trades, and enough petty scorekeeping to power the show for months.

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On this episode of Mystery Crate, things spiral immediately.
Mike Fuentes attempts to defeat Chris Cote by taking on the 6 McDonald’s cheeseburger challenge — can he actually finish six McDonald’s cheeseburgers in one sitting? From there, the show derails into a full-blown argument about the Renaissance Festival (Ren Faire) — is dressing up medieval and drinking all day harmless fun, or is it officially “dorky”? The crew debates nerd vs dork culture, tailgates vs Ren Fests, and whether calling something “dorky” is secretly an insult.
We also:
-Try beef bacon and compare it to pork bacon (yes, this gets serious)
-Debate Game of Thrones vs Lord of the Rings
-Pitch a George R.R. Martin hot tub sitcom theory about why he hasn’t finished Game Of Thrones
-React to viral AI LeBron James videos
-Develop a brand-new fear of sinkholes in Florida
-Talk Knight of the Seven Kingdoms and the future of the Game of Thrones universe

If you’re here for fast food challenges, fantasy book conspiracies, Ren Faire arguments, or pure Mystery Crate nonsense — this episode has all of it.

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GREG COTE IS HERE on Mystery Crate — and we put him to work immediately: a full-on Frank’s RedHot taste test (original, buffalo, garlic parm, pineapple Hawaiian, ghost pepper ranch, spicy maple and more) to rank his top 3 hot sauces like it’s a “Hot Ones” episode… but with chips and a very loud front-chewer.
We also revisit Greg’s Love Guru moment from last week (yes, that advice), debate how many days is too long for a cruise, swap casino stories (including the infamous “caramel popcorn vape” incident), and somehow end up inventing a Toyota wave while arguing about waving etiquette, bike helmets, and why small talk ruins your whole day.

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Chris Cote attempts the ultimate McDonald’s cheeseburger challenge — how many plain McDonald’s cheeseburgers can he eat in one show? We set the over/under at 5.5 burgers, the burgers hit the table, and Chris hits the wall (with the mic paying the price).
Then we jump into the viral ChatGPT celebrity parents trend and let AI pick our “celebrity mom and dad”… and it gets WEIRD (Roy gets an all-time pairing, Jess gets absolutely robbed, and everyone’s face gets “AI’d” into chaos). Plus: Winter Olympics talk, curling discourse, the “quad god” figure skating hype, and the crew realizing AI fake videos are getting too real to spot.
If you’re into food challenges, McDonald’s, AI trends, and chaotic sports-adjacent conversations… this one’s for you.
Subscribe for more Mystery Crate: new episodes, dumb debates, and challenges that should not be attempted during the workday.

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