The word libido can make it seem like desire is predetermined and out of our control—we either have it or we don't. In reality, desire is remarkably fluid—shaped by the meanings we attach to sex, our sense of self, and the kind of relationship we’re stepping into. 

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why podcast to discuss libido and sexual desire. They explore how biology, medications, aging, stress, and hormones can influence our sexual desire—but emphasize that the meanings we carry about sex, marriage, duty, and self-worth are usually the most powerful drivers of all.

Dr. Finlayson-Fife also responds to three common scenarios:

a husband who uses data and calendars to justify his sexual entitlement

a man who responds to sexual differences with persistent whining

a mother overwhelmed by young children who feels too “touched out” for sex

In each example, she offers insight into how shifting the underlying meaning—not just the behavior—can help couples create a more grounded and mutually satisfying sexual dynamic.