Life in Relationship

Sharing humanity with one another

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15)

Empathy takes time Empathy takes energy Sympathy stays on the surface

The place of worth in giving empathy The place of capability in giving empathy

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. (Isaiah 53:4) Isaiah 53:1-7 - Suffering servant

Galatians 6:2-5 Independence, dependence, and interdependence

"We do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses" (Hebrews 4:15) Hebrews 4:11-16

The word of God is powerful in itself, people don't need my judgment added to it, but rather bringing empathy to the table brings Jesus into the room. Because Jesus is empathetic, I can be empathetic with His Light living in me.

Episode 12 – Grief: God of All Comfort

Intro – grief patch story from:

https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/loss-and-grief-grief-without-shame

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (ESV)

Psalm 10:14 (NIV)

God is thoughtful about our grief and holds our grief with us.

So we are: thoughtful about grief for one another, and we help one another hold the grief and the weight of that grief

Psalm 34:17-18 (NIV)

God of All Comfort = God of all losses

Exercise: write down all the losses that you've encountered personally, or those you see around them, then write the word All or God or Jesus or a favorite Bible verse over it

We have both – honor the losses and embrace the comfort

God isn't far off – He is big, but also personal

Isaiah 53:3-4

Jesus encountered his own grief and entered into other people's grief

Jesus took on the judgment of grief as well

Biblical narratives of loss:

Mary, Martha, Lazarus – loss of loved one, the experience of illness

Mary and John and the crucifixion – comfort in one another, finding a community to morn with

Joseph – loss of family, loss of freedom, loss of dreams, loss of promises, restoration

David – loss of men in battle, loss of an infant, loss of a son to betrayal

Solomon – Ecclesiastes, loss of time and opportunity, sense of hopelessness but comfort

Ruth and Naomi – widowhood, loss of livelihood, loss through moving

What loss narratives have given you comfort in Scripture?

Luke 7:11-17 (NIV)

What is loss? Gravis (Latin) to weigh down Gravare (Latin) to make heavy Grever (Old French) to burden or afflict

It's ok to ask lots of questions. It's ok to struggle. Open the Word, gather with supportive people.

What kinds of loss come to mind for you when we talk about the idea of loss and grief?

There is no rushing loss and grief. There is no hierarchy of loss or grief.

We witness to one another's struggle, and we witness His Word and what He's doing in the struggle to one another.

Your grief matters. Your grief is worthy of honor. Disenfranchised grief: https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-examples-of-disenfranchised-grief/

Honoring many different losses – sharing stories Losses not by death Dealing with shame and relief and other complicated emotions in a loss Losses with debilitating or chronic illness Losses in marriage Losses in less recognized relationships

Finding hope in the many losses: God sustains us in any loss with His strength. Growing to learn each day is a gift. Nothing can separate us from God's love. Nothing. (Romans 8) Recognizing the many losses in the Book of Job. Isaiah 61:3

This is not all we have. Jesus brings restoration.

No easy answers. We simply witness alongside one another in the many losses of life.

Find other resources in the Grief and Loss series: heidigoehmann.com https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmannwrites https://www.youtube.com/heidigoehmannwrites

2-part series –

complicated things we experience in our mental health internally complicated things we experience in our mental health externally

Blog series at heidigoehmann.com – The Many Sides of Mental Health https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/not-so-simple-the-many-sides-of-mental-health

Dualities in mental health we are covering in this series: Agency (choice) and happenstance Relationships and self-differentiation Worth and Humility Acceptance and Constant Work Microaggressions and Good Intentions Apathy and Passion Age 4 and Age 40

Making peace with a bit of mystery and the complications of life – Ephesians 1:7-9 There is always more to know, to discover, more mystery. That's a good thing of God. One day, when Jesus comes back, we will see everything more clearly. We exist in both contentment and wrestling. Again, this is a good thing of God. Without the wrestling, the stress is often increased in one way or another.

Today's dualities are highly relational dualities, often reflected in our closest relationships: Agency & Happenstance - Which does our culture lean more toward? Which do we lean more toward? How can we exist in both? - brokenness and choice - privelege and choice Relationships & Self-Differentiation - How do we understand us within our relationships with one another? How do we understand ourselves outside of our relationships with God alone? - Bowen's family systems theory - empathy v. trying to hold someone else's emotions and anxiety Microaggressions & Good Intentions - Where do we see microaggression in our midst? In what ways can we be honest and bring those to the light, so that we can have confession and forgiveness as a community and own the ways we have hurt others or devalued others? - define microaggression - being honest to cut out racism and sexism and the -isms in our midst - no matter the intention, there is a place for confession and forgiveness

The Truth about Mental Health: We all have it.

Find the whole article series: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/not-so-simple-the-many-sides-of-mental-health

2-part series – complicated things we experience in our mental health internally complicated things we experience in our mental health externally

Blog series at heidigoehmann.com – The Many Sides of Mental Health https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/not-so-simple-the-many-sides-of-mental-health

Paradox and duality and the complications of life

Mental Health brushes up against: morality lifestyle choices the weird and wildness of our bodies relationships

What dualities exist around us and in our life?

dualities of God https://heidigoehmann.com/the-mighty-and-the-mysterious

Examples of dualities in our lives

Some of the dualities of mental health: Agency (choice) and happenstance Relationships and self-differentiation Worth and Humility Acceptance and Constant Work Microaggressions and Good Intentions Apathy and Passion Age 4 and Age 40

Mental health is complicated because of internal workings and also because of external things, particularly because we exist in relationship.

Internal Dualities of mental health: Worth and Humility - self-esteem, Child of God identity, and The Ego Acceptance and Constant Work - living in reality but putting in some effort where we can Apathy and Passion - letting God do His work, but also being zealous in ours Age 4 and Age 40 - God sees and cares for us at every stage and knits our past, present, and future

Ephesians 4:6

The Truth about Mental health, just like every part of us is that it has many, many sides and life in relationship: it's not so simple, but wholeheartedly worthwhile

Episode 8 – Dive Deeper: Good Gifts

Happy Release Day! Happy Book Birthday!

The many things in life we would easily call good

Good = complicated

What does God say is good v. what I say is good -

heidigoehmann.com/blog/what-does-god-call-good

A Reading from Good Gifts

Addressing the concept of congruence

Study overview –

6 weeks or segments, 4 days or readings in each, average of 3 pages each

Embedded questions and discoveries with white space for thoughts and journaling

6 free videos on YouTube, about 20-25 minutes each, with discussion questions for groups

Other freebies: Prayer Walk and visual faith tools

All found at: https://heidigoehmann.com/goodgifts

What good things are you learning? What good things about God do you see in your life at present?

Episode 7 - Courage (and JOMO)

Vulnerability Recap: It chooses to see the bigger picture. It's connecting. It's a spiritual practice.

Episodes in this series: Vulnerability (and Boudaries) Lack (and Enough)

What is courage? internal processes external relational experience

Courage is relational and sacrificial. Simon Sinek: https://youtu.be/fQjnW3_78a8

Courage is vulnerable. Brene Brown: https://youtu.be/PVynHlI1fac

Courage comes from encouragement, not just mental stamina. Joshua 1:1-9 Courage isn't only from the internal sense that "we can do it!" but the external sense that we are not alone.

Courage is just as much about staying in as it is going out. - this can look big or small in our lives JOMO - finding joy in missing out ending the comparison game Isaiah 53

"When it comes to courage we tend to ask ourselves the question: What big thing am I doing? I think the real way we discern courage in our lives is really by asking the question: Where am I allowing myself to be seen?"

Find the series of articles and podcasts on vulnerability at heidigoehmann.com

Episode 6 – Lack (and Enough)

New series: Episode 5: Vulnerability (and Boundaries) Episode 6: Lack (and Enough) Episode 7: Courage (and JOMO)

What is lack?

Lack can be real, but hyperawareness creates scarcity

Where do we see it in individuals, families, and the church? (and what's the result) 1 fear and shame 2 hyperawareness and fixation v awareness of what we need 3 tucking in rather than connecting 4 never satisfied, running on empty

Lack as an individual What dynamics play into our experience of lack v enough? What areas did we experience a sense of lack in our family of origin?

Lack in community Where is lack surfacing in your church, workplace, or other organization – is creativity and/or brainstorming allowed? What has God given us here? What is it that He has given us that is enough?

What does God say about lack? Jesus in the Gospels Philippians 4:9-13 Genesis 22 Romans 3:23-25

How do we combat lack? Practice of enough – You are enough. I am enough. He is enough. Enough in Christ. Culture of gratitude – link to Peace in His Presence podcast - https://michellediercks.com/podcast/ leaning into fear and wrestling rather than pushing it away

Cow thanksgiving - sunshine and leftovers = enough

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (affiliate link)

Episode 5 – Vulnerability (and Boundaries)

New series: Episode 5: Vulnerability (and Boundaries) Episode 6: Lack (and Enough) Episode 7: Courage (and JOMO)

Vulnerability Definitions - the good, bad, and ugly

New definition: Brene Brown, Daring Greatly https://amzn.to/2pYlyE2 (affiliate link)

Vulnerability mantra or repeated phrase: "Because I love God, I love people. I will be vulnerable."

Vulnerability without grace on the return closes the relationship Vulnerability with grace = safety and growth

God the Father as the Safest Space

3 Concepts of Strength in Vulnerability Strength 1 - It chooses to see the bigger picture. Colossians 3:1-4

Strength 2 - It's connecting. 2 Corinthians 6:11-13

Strength 3 - It's a spiritual practice. Because I love God, I love people. I will be vulnerable. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Episode 4 – Mystery of Prayer

Special Guest: Michelle Diercks, Peace in His Presence Podcast

https://michellediercks.com/podcast/

Mighty and Mysterious Release episode with Heidi: http://traffic.libsyn.com/michellediercks/heidi.mp3

Colossians 3:15-17

A Reading from The Mighty and The Mysterious, pg. 179

Where do dwelling and prayer connect?

• Making time for God
• Reading the Word
• Listening to music about God
• Awareness of His presence

Bob Goff quote – Love Does

https://amzn.to/2odEwpr

Prayer and our relationship with God

Sometimes God changes us, rather than fixes things for us.

God enjoys us even when we're not enjoyable.

Prayers impact on our relationships with our family and close friendships

Colossians 1:9-11

Psalm 27:14 and connecting where God has put someone we love, even far away

The mystery and might of praying together in marriage

Friendship stamina – prayer as a response to friendship struggles

The Church and the mystery of prayer

When church is painful

The intimacy under the surface

Psalm 51

Showing one another how to pray