What happens when compassion, science, and family come together to reshape the way we understand addiction?

In this powerful episode, I talk with Dr. Carrie Wilkens co-founder of the Center for Motivation and Change (CMC) and co-author of Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change.

We talk about the origins of CMC and how that created a blueprint that challenged the “tough love” approach so many families have been told is their only option. Together, we explore what has changed in addiction science over the past decade, what remains misunderstood, and how kindness continues to transform lives.

You’ll hear us dig into:

• What’s new in the 10th Anniversary Edition of Beyond Addiction—and how the science has evolved in the last decade.

• Why relapse doesn’t erase progress and how parents can reframe it in ways that bring more peace of mind.

• The harmful oversimplification of “choice” in addiction and how to think about it in a more accurate and compassionate way.

• How parents can move beyond the paralyzing fear of “enabling” and make decisions that truly serve their family.

This is a conversation filled with wisdom, validation, and forward-looking hope for families who want a different path. One based on connection, science, and love.

CMC Resources and Links:

Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change (10th Anniversary Edition) https://cmcffc.org/resources/books-and-workbooks

Support the Center for Motivation and Change: https://motivationandchange.com https://cmcffc.org/ways-to-give

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

Boundaries That Create Connection Masterclass

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/boundaries-that-create-connection-masterclass/

How to leave a podcast review

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5xkPZM8mj-E

Heather talks with author Jackie Jackson about her new book, Holistic Trauma Healing: Strategies to Integrate the Body, Mind, and Spirit. Jackie shares her personal journey and what she’s learned about healing beyond traditional approaches and integrating different healing modalities.

You’ll hear:

• How trauma shows up in everyday ways like anxiety, people-pleasing, and exhaustion.

• Why healing the body is just as important as healing the mind.

• What post-traumatic growth and emotional resilience can look like.

This conversation is both heartfelt and practical, offering encouragement, wisdom, and gentle guidance for anyone navigating their own path of healing.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

How to leave a podcast review

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5xkPZM8mj-E

Connect with Jackie

Website: jacquelinejackson.net

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0738779555

Download her free parent guide

https://www.jacquelinejackson.net/podcast-landing-page

When you’re parenting a child who struggles with substances, it can feel like you don’t have a choice. The options in front of you often feel terrible, and the weight of helplessness colors everything.

I know this firsthand—during the years of my daughter Helanna’s substance use, I felt like my life was completely at the effect of hers. Without a sense of agency, everything felt horrific, like there was no “in-between”—just unbearable.

But the truth is even when you don’t like your options, you are still choosing. And recognizing that changes everything. It shifts you from powerless to empowered. It brings back agency, softens the edges of the pain, and helps you move forward instead of feeling consumed by chaos.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why it feels like you don’t have a choice (and the real difference between “I don’t like my choices” and “I don’t have choices”).

• How every decision has both a cost and a benefit—and how naming those trade-offs can ease resentment and regret.

• The concept of choice stacking.

• Why waiting for certainty keeps you stuck, and how clarity actually comes after you decide.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, powerless, or waiting for your child to change before you can breathe again, this episode will help you take your power back in a compassionate, grounded way.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

How to leave a podcast review

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5xkPZM8mj-E

Guest Colleen Freeland opens up about her 20-year struggle with daily drinking, even while maintaining what looked like a “perfect” high-achieving life. She shares the pivotal moment when she realized alcohol wasn’t the real problem—it was what she believed about herself—and that what she truly needed was to do less, not more.

That insight led her to create a whole new approach to change. In this episode, Colleen explains why emotional sobriety matters more than willpower, why drinking less doesn’t mean giving up joy, and how she helps women cut back by up to 80% with tools that calm the nervous system and rebuild self-trust.

This is not another story about “just quitting.” Colleen shows why emotional sobriety is the missing piece for so many women, how cutting back can feel empowering, and what it really means to get happy, not sober.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in shame, perfectionism, or the belief that alcohol is the only problem—you’ll walk away from this conversation with hope, clarity, and a whole new way to think about change.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

Boundaries That Create Connection Masterclass

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/boundaries-that-create-connection-masterclass/

How to leave a podcast review

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5xkPZM8mj-E

Connect with Colleen Freeland

https://emotionalsobrietycoaching.com/

https://www.tiktok.com/@hangoverwhisperer

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/its-not-about-the-alcohol/id1654335817

You’re told to “hold them accountable” but what if that’s not moving them toward change? Heather shares the science behind why constant confrontation often creates more shame, hiding, and resistance. She offers a clear two-step framework to help you shift perspective and use a balanced approach that’s proven to increase motivation. This isn’t about ignoring reality, it’s about using strategies that actually work, and it can completely change how your child responds to you.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

Boundaries That Create Connection Masterclass

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/boundaries-that-create-connection-masterclass/

How to leave a podcast review

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5xkPZM8mj-E

In this heartfelt conversation, Heather sits down with Pam Lanhart from Thrive Family Recovery Resources to explore how to keep living with purpose, joy, and connection when life throws everything at you—family challenges, health scares, and the unpredictable ups and downs of a child struggling with substance use.

Together, Heather and Pam discuss:

•How to reclaim moments of joy without feeling like you’re betraying your child who is struggling

•Why mental and emotional health require daily, intentional “work”

•The power of routines, gratitude, and small daily practices to anchor you in the hardest seasons

•What it really means to model emotional health and resilience for your children

•How living in alignment with your values brings peace of mind, even when life feels uncertain

Pam also shares the practices that have carried her through her darkest moments, including journaling, movement, gratitude, and creating opportunities for connection and fun, reminding us that it is not only okay to be okay, it’s essential.

If you’ve ever felt like life’s waves were too relentless to find your footing, this conversation will inspire you to anchor in your own healing, reclaim the small joys, and show up in a way you can feel proud of, no matter what life brings.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

Pam's links

https://www.togetherfamilyrecovery.com/watch-the-film

https://www.thrivefrr.org/

When your child is struggling with substance use, it can feel like every interaction is high-stakes. You want to help, but even well-meaning conversations can backfire. That’s why today’s episode is all about a simple but powerful tool: The Connection Bank Account.

You’ll learn:

• What the Connection Bank Account is and how it works

• Why connection is your most effective parenting tool

• Real-life examples of deposits and withdrawals

• What to do when your balance is low

• A small challenge you can take on today to start building connection

Whether your relationship with your child feels strong or strained, this concept can help you create more safety, trust, and influence - one small deposit at a time.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

In this heart-opening conversation, Heather is joined by Debby Kerr-Henry who is the sponsor of The Unlimited Gavel Club, a Toastmasters group where approximately 60 incarcerated men learn to write, speak, debate, and reclaim their sense of purpose. In this episode,Debby shares why she believes their stories - especially about substance use and recovery - belong in the conversation far beyond prison walls.

Together, Heather and Debby explore:

•What it’s like inside an incentivized prison and how The Unlimited Gavel Club works.

•Who these men are beyond their sentences and the humanity and hope they bring to their work.

•Why voices we often ignore hold vital wisdom about substance use, resilience, and change.

This episode is an invitation to challenge stigma, open your heart, and discover how healing is possible in places you might never expect.

Join the Free Virtual Event: Living Beyond Our Walls: Substance Use Presentations with Testimonials and Q&A.

Featuring the men of The Unlimited Gavel Club at Tomoka Correctional Institution.

Open to anyone impacted by substance use or curious to learn.

Register here https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/EBwwNt0oRMynqiO6QhPnig

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The truth about enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

If you’ve ever decided not to give your child money and still felt like your heart was being ripped out so you said yes anyway… this episode is for you.

In this episode, I’m unpacking what really happens when we stop giving from a place of survival, and why that decision can feel so excruciating, even when we know it’s right.

Learn:

• Why saying no can feel like you're severing the last thread of connection

• What your child might be experiencing at a nervous system level when you say no

• The Survival Cycle that keeps moms stuck in guilt, resentment, and exhaustion

• And the new pattern I call the Connection Cycle that helps you relate in a way that’s aligned with true connection, love, and your values

This episode is not about judgment.

It’s not about telling you what to do.

It’s about helping you understand why it feels so hard to stop, even when you’ve already decided that giving isn’t truly helping.

And it’s about offering a new path forward where you don’t have to choose between your peace and your child.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

A New Perspective About Enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

Helanna Johnson Memorial Scholarship

https://forms.fillout.com/t/rzzgZmhYMKus

If you’ve ever felt stuck between loving your child and losing yourself, this episode will help you see that taking your life back doesn’t mean letting go. It means leading the way with compassion, clarity, and strength.

Heather shares how years of fear, guilt, and hopelessness kept her stuck — and the exact moment she found a path forward. She introduces the two-part approach that helped her feel hopeful again: healing herself first and learning the skills to support her daughter in a way that built connection.

You’ll walk away with a new perspective on what it really means to help your child — and the power you already have to change your experience, no matter what they choose.

Resources From Heather Ross Coaching

If you want answers and support to help you and your child Sign up for a 45-minute $17 Road to Recovery call with Heather using the link below.

https://heatherrosscoachingcalendar.as.me/RoadtoRecovery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

A New Perspective About Enabling - If you've ever worried about enabling, this guide is for you!

https://heatherrosscoaching.com/perspective-about-enabling/

Helanna Johnson Memorial Scholarship

https://forms.fillout.com/t/rzzgZmhYMKus