Hello my dears,
Its been over two weeks since finally the daily panic attacks have stopped and normalcy is beginning to return. I experienced a civilian trauma that I had been able to dodge until the beginning of this year. Now I have experienced every civilian trauma and only the war ones remain - which I REALLY hope I can avoid. Either way it had a significant impact - to put it mildly. But one step at a time. For now its time to breathe again.

But it leads us to the question that so often pops up: Why do these things keep happening to me?
A question many of you most likely asked yourself - somehow these things seem to keep targeting you.
The answer is sadly simple: It is a viscous circle, because people have the tendency to kick down, you can’t really easily shake things off anymore and less support from society and/or your social circle.

You are the limping member of the herd - so to speak. You attract predators, as they always look for the easiest way, and get little support, because people can gain little from you. And since there is little to gain from you - there is no harm in kicking your direction. What are you going to do about it? In my experience most people are fair weather friends - and should have an according place in your life. Once you have success again - they will come back. 

Lastly your limping makes you more prone to error and further injury, because you can’t properly catch yourself and have a weak footing. And since you are more likely kicked than helped - you are held to a higher scrutiny than everyone else. Your best protection - sadly - is that people don’t know you are limping. Which is why I always recommend to hide, because people like to view themselves as more supportive than they actually are. I also recommend to remember it all - for when you are in power and when you choose your inner circle. Hopefully soon.

Take care and stay safe

Johanna

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