Trauma bonding is a complex relationship where extreme emotional highs and lows are experienced. In the beginning, it often feels magical with intense love, but it can also involve criticism, manipulation, and abuse. This cycle repeats over time. When things hit rock bottom, discussions of change might occur, leading to a renewed sense of love and hope. However, these highs are short-lived, and the relationship becomes increasingly painful. People may feel numb, disconnected from reality, and lose their sense of self.

The concept of trauma here involves both "big T" traumas, such as physical abuse, and "little T" traumas, which are subtler but still damaging. These little T traumas can accumulate and cause severe distress. They might include constant criticism, belittling, threats, or emotional manipulation.

The trauma bond typically follows several stages:

1. Love Bombing: The abuser showers the victim with intense affection and promises, drawing them in.
2. Trust and Dependency: Plans for the future are made, creating a sense of security and commitment.
3. Criticism: The abuser starts criticizing the victim, eroding their self-esteem.
4. Gaslighting and Manipulation: The abuser distorts reality, making the victim doubt their perceptions and judgments.
5. Resignation of Control: The victim eventually gives up trying to assert themselves or defend against criticism.
6. Loss of Self: The victim loses their identity, trying to conform to the abuser's expectations.
7. Addiction: The victim becomes addicted to the emotional highs, hoping for a return to the initial love and passion.

Breaking free from a trauma bond can be challenging but is essential for one's well-being. Recognizing that one doesn't need to be broken before leaving such a toxic relationship is crucial. It's vital to seek support from friends, family, or professionals to regain control, heal, and rebuild a healthier sense of self.

If you're looking to improve your relationships, solve relationship problems, heal trauma bonding, or are surviving infidelity, please reach out! I'm on

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