It’s no surprise that divorcing couples deal with strong emotions. And yet, we know that our brains work best when we’re in the Calm Zone. So, how do we manage the feelings of anxiety, anger or sadness that come up in the divorce process? How do we bring ourselves back to that quiet, problem-solving mode so that we can divorce with dignity?

Dr. Susan Heitler is a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of anxiety, depression, anger and marital difficulties. Educated at Harvard and NYU, Dr. Heitler is the author of several books, including Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More and The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage. She is often called upon to present training workshops for therapists around the world, and Dr. Heitler’s work has been featured in Men’s Health, Woman’s World, Parenting and Psychology Today, among many other media outlets.

On this episode, Dr. Heitler joins Katherine to share her Bump Theory of dealing with life’s challenges and walk us through the five possible reactions to a difficult situation like divorce. She explains why our brains don’t work under the influence of strong emotions and describes how to navigate the anxiety that comes when we’re facing the unknown. Listen in to understand Dr. Heitler’s Best Possible Light exercise for reframing shame and learn how to alleviate anger, anxiety and depression—without pills!

Topics Covered

Why our brains don’t work under the influence of strong emotions

The 5 reactions to challenging situations in Dr. Heitler’s Bump Theory

1. Finding solutions

2. Fight

3. Fold

4. Freeze

5. Flee

The consequences of anger, depression, anxiety and avoidance

How to navigate the anxiety of changes associated with divorce

The interventions for divorcing couples at Prescriptions Without Pills

Dr. Heitler’s Best Possible Light exercise for reframing shame

Why couples considering divorce should find a good therapist

Dr. Heitler’s take on narcissism, sociopathy and personality disorder

Connect with Dr. Susan Heitler

Prescriptions Without Pills: https://prescriptionswithoutpills.com/

Therapy Help: https://www.therapyhelp.com/

Dr. Heitler on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Prescriptions Without Pills: For Relief from Depression, Anger, Anxiety and More by Susan Heitler PhD: https://www.amazon.com/Prescriptions-Without-Pills-Depression-Anxiety/dp/1630478105

Bump Theory: https://societyforpsychotherapy.org/bump-theory/

Power of Two: https://www.poweroftwomarriage.com/

The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage by Susan Heitler PhD: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Two-Secrets-Strong-Marriage/dp/1572240598?ie=UTF8&keywords=power%20of%20two%20dr.%20heitler&qid=1462300056&ref_=sr_1_fkmr0_2&sr=8-2-fkmr0

Marriage Story: https://www.netflix.com/title/80223779