Marriage and Martinis

Trigger warning: this episode discusses different types of discipline. Please take care if this is a topic which is sensitive to you. 

This might be the most sensitive topic in Danielle and Adam's current relationship. Having a high schooler, middle schooler, and elementary schooler is tricky in terms of navigating the subject of discipline, and Danielle and Adam are hoping to improve their current strategies. Exploring discipline in the households in which they grew up, in the schools they attended, and their overall current practices, they are attempting to get to the bottom of this issue before it becomes even more of a problem between them. While Danielle and Adam both know they are raising empathetic, compassionate humans, they worry that they're not doing enough to really emphasize the importance of responsibility. 

Don't forget to head to marriageandmartinis.com and sign up for the "Friday Five" emails to get this episode's supplementary "Date Night Questions." 

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New York Times' Bestselling author, Jancee Dunn, joins Danielle and Adam to discuss her ideas about "The Mental Load" and how her marriage almost ended after the birth of her first child. Using "escapism" to deal with an overwhelming and stressful situation, Jancee's husband left her with the bulk of the parenting responsibilities from day one, causing an enormous amount of friction to occur within their otherwise strong and wonderful marriage. Determined to resolve the issue and figure out a more balanced set of parenting tasks, Jancee went full force into research mode, talking to experts, therapists, and even a hostage negotiator to figure out how to overcome this enormous hurdle. How could they communicate their needs more effectively? How could they stop fighting in front of their child? How could they get back to being the loving, connected couple they once were? Jancee is both hilarious and relatable while telling all about her experience with what so many couples go through after kids. Her honesty is refreshing, and fits in perfectly on Marriage and Martinis.

How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids

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It's been over twenty years since Danielle and Adam were in the dating game. They asked millennial reality star (Bravo's "Summer House") and stand-up comic, Hannah Berner, to fill them in on everything they're missing. Danielle and Adam quickly find out they are way too old, exhausted, and lame to partake in the single lifestyle of today. Hannah very patiently explains apps like Tinder and Hinge, and hilariously breaks down some of the worst dates and relationships she's ever had (don't listen around the kids). Danielle has to refrain from being the big sister/mom advice-giver and just listen as Hannah details some of her most awkward and questionable moments trying to find a life partner. Adam feels as though he's being spoken to in a different language (what's an "eskimo sister," anyway?) with all the lingo that Hannah introduces to them. Danielle and Adam learned a lot (maybe too much) this episode and had so much fun with Hannah as she talked to them about trying to date and balance her life as an up-and-coming "entrepreneurial powerhouse." 

Don't forget to sign up for the "Friday-Five" at marriageandmartinis.com to get this week's supplemental "Date Night Questions." 

Check out Hannah on this season of Summer House in Bravo and find out more about her at hannahberner.com

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These days it can be overwhelming to figure out exactly what terms like "self-care" and "wellness" actually mean. Do self-care and health have to align? Has the wellness industry gotten completely out of hand? What are Adam and Danielle's thoughts about incorporating self-care into their everyday lives? What "wellness" products has Danielle bought over the years that Adam has thought were completely ridiculous? This is definitely not your average conversation on these topics, and their opinions probably would not parallel those of most doctors and therapists who discuss forms of self-care and wellness, but it is definitely an honest take on the subject. As confusing as these subjects are, Adam and Danielle are just trying to make sense of it all as regular people who want to live their best life without getting sucked in to the trends and fads that oftentimes sway people into believing there's a "magical" solution to so many of our problems.

Sign up for the "Friday Five" emails on marriageandmartinis.com to get this week's "Date Night Questions" associated with this episode.

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Danielle and Adam delve more deeply into their discussion with their special guests (Danielle's parents) during this episode, including a lightening round of listener questions. How was Linda so confident with her laid back parenting style? What was her parenting philosophy when she took Danielle to see an R rated movie at three years old? What does Danielle still remember her mom telling her about sex as a teenager? About what issue did the couple most commonly fight? How did Ron's arduous, high-stress career affect his role as a spouse and what did he learn over the years concerning "taking work home?" What was a time during their marriage when they almost didn't last? How would they sum up the secrets to it all in just a few sentences? And the most commonly asked question of all: is sex still a priority after almost sixty years together?

Marriage and Martinis is so lucky to have such an experienced couple who has stood the test of time come on as guests. Thank you to all our listeners who sent messages and kind comments about these episodes. They are near and dear to Adam and Danielle's heart and they think everyone can benefit from listening to a couple who has shown teamwork, compromise, gratitude, and generosity to one another for six decades together.

To get the supplemental questions for this episode, head to: https://www.marriageandmartinis.com/post/the-friday-five-2-07-20

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Danielle and Adam are so excited to bring you this special episode (the first of two parts), with Danielle's parents, who have been married almost 55 years. Starting at the very beginning, they discuss dating in the late 1950s and how much different it was (do they wish Tinder had been around then?). Going steady, "pinning" ceremonies, and getting married while still in college are all things so many couples of today know so little about. Were they worried about Ron possibly getting drafted for Vietnam? Did Linda feel like she put her own life on hold so her husband could become a doctor? How hard was it to have a long distance relationship without cell phones and texting? Plus, did people really wait til marriage to have sex? This conversation covers so much about the 50s, 60s and 70s. Don't forget to check back next Monday when they release Part Two of this fun and insightful discussion, which will cover parenting and growing older together. 

Don't forget to sign up for the "Friday Five" on marriageandmartinis.com to get each week's famous "Date Night Questions." This week's will accompany this episode and hopefully inspire others to ask their older relatives more questions about growing up in a different era. Make sure you're following @marriageandmartinis on Instagram to see pictures related to this episode.

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"A Marriage Story" is up for tons of awards this year, including best picture. Adam and Danielle wanted to release a bonus episode discussing the movie because it delves into a process so seldom seen and dissected. Whether or not a person loves the movie, it definitely offers a ton of interesting details concerning why so many couples enter into a separation with good intentions and the desire to remain friends, only to be miserable and spiteful by the end. In this episode, the two break down the film's background, characters, and pivotal scenes. As a couple who has not faced divorce on a technical level, but has come close to separation more than once, looking in on this process from the outside opened their eyes to so many aspects about which they never before know. Some questions explored in this episode are:

Too often does too much go unsaid in a marriage?

Could Charlie and Nicole's Marriage have been saved?

Was Nicole fighting dirty or just doing what she thought was best for her and her son?

Why do two obviously good and caring parents suddenly get treated like a possibly unfit mother and father just because they're entering into a separation?

For more on this episode and the "Date Night Questions," head to marriageandmartinis.com/blog

Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.

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Everything surrounding divorce and blending families can be messy, chaotic, and traumatic for everyone involved if people don't know the healthiest ways to go about this process. Naja Hall is a leading coach, mentor, and podcaster whose goal is to help families through these transitions in the smoothest way possible. She talks to Danielle all about the negative stigmas associated with being stepparents, her own experience as a stepmom of three children, whether it's possible to actually have an amicable divorce, and so much more. She also helps those of us who have friends and families facing these situations know the most effective ways to be there for them. Even if you have never been through a separation and don't ever plan on blending your family, there is still so much to learn in this episode. It's also an awesome episode to share with anyone who might need some more support going through these events. 

Get the "date night questions" that go along with this episode here:

https://www.marriageandmartinis.com/post/the-friday-five-1-24-20

Naja Hall:

Najahall.com

Check out her facebook groups VIP Stepmom and Blended and Black for more support and expertise on this subject.

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Janet Allison is a teacher, mentor, coach and advocate who has made it her life's mission to help boys reach their full potential with the support of parents and teachers. We talk all about communication, shame, gender roles, ensuring boys are active participants in their own households one day and so much more. Whether you're raising boys inside your own home or are an influence in the life of young men to any degree, this episode is definitely worth a listen, and worth sending to anyone who has an impact on boys today.

Janet Allison:

boysalive.com

Podcast: On Boys

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This week, Danielle and Adam are breaking down all things vasectomy related. From stats about vasectomies to the reason why Danielle still wanted Adam to get a vasectomy even though she was going in for a c-section and could have gotten her tubes tied simultaneously. Why are men oftentimes so hesitant about getting the procedure done? Is it really reversible? What were Adam's pre-conceived notions about getting it done verses his thoughts after having gone through with it? Even if you or your partner or not considering getting a vasectomy, this episode will still entertain, inform and give you plenty of subject matter for some good discussion among friends.

Purchase the Date Night Questions Experience paperback book here. Use code "MNMPODCAST" for 15% off.

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