Marriage Lab

I don't believe we have any children listening to our podcast, so I think it's safe to say, you are an adult and you fall into one of these categories:

• You have great friends and would love to sustain them
• You don't currently have many friends and want more
• You have friends but would love more depth/time/fun

In this episode Jenna and I (Aaron) talk about our journey of navigating friendships in adulthood. This is a time in our lives when it requires a lot of intentionality to start, build and maintain good, deep friendships. We don't naturally see them everyday at school, we have jobs and a family and we are super busy. So what do we do to build them and what do we do to strengthen them? That's what we'll be hitting on in this episode.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode, Jenna shares what it's like having ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) and how the differences in her how brain works affects her ability to perceive time, the way she stores and retrieves information and how it affects her ability to focus. Aaron talks about what it's like being married to someone with ADHD and how to navigate it with grace.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

As we began to practice vulnerably sharing our hearts with each other, we found that we often ran into trouble when the listener would get defensive. So we started asking ourselves, what is it about the way I'm sharing my feelings that puts them on the defense?
We found defensiveness shows up strongest for these reasons:

1. Sometimes our "feelings" (read: emotions), are really disguised opinions, judgments or blame. For example, "I feel disrespected" is first of all, not an emotion at all, but a passive way of saying, "You disrespected me." Disrespecting someone is not as much as action as it is an intention of the heart. Of course someone would get defensive hearing that.
2. Even when we managed to perfectly Connection Code our way through the vulnerable share and use one of the 8 core emotions, we as the listener had to train ourselves with the new belief that, "I can connect with their 'sad' and it doesn't mean I'm bad." Basically that my spouse can be hurt by me or be in emotional pain because of me and it doesn't actually mean that I've done something wrong. Necessarily paired with this is the belief that we began training ourselves to take on as the speaker, which is, "I can be sad and it doesn't mean they are bad." My pain does not equal the guilt of another.
3. Finally, the heart of this episode. Because I'm feeling pain (read: sad, hurt, anger, fear, lonely, guilt or shame) that was triggered by my spouse, I'm going to share it with them, as I've learned holding it in breeds disconnection. However, I am not going to share this with them with the expectation/requirement that they apologize for causing me pain, nor am I going to expect/require they change their behavior.

This is where it's easy to lose people. "What do you mean they don't need to apologize?" I'm not actually suggesting there isn't something to apologize for. What I'm suggesting is that our attempts at vulnerability turn into subtle attempts at control when we follow our emotions with the expectation or requirement that the listener admit their guilt by saying, "I was wrong, forgive me." Furthermore, to require that someone change their behavior in order for me to be okay (read: not sad anymore, not alone anymore, not fearful anymore), is classically called co-dependence.

The good news is that hearing our spouse show up in true vulnerability inspires us to action. True vulnerability is the expression of our emotions that invites another to simply be with us in it. It's the act of getting known, not making demands. That place is one where we invite others to show up as the best version of themselves. It's from that place that the heart of our spouse gets to become their most authentic, creative, curious, compassionate and intentional selves. Quite the opposite when they are on the defensive.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Stacey Cook took Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course last semester and joins us with her husband to talk about the life change both she and he have experienced as a result of implementing (keyword) the tools learned from the course. In this episode you'll hear them talk about:

• the transformation of debunking the all-or-nothing mentality
• the power of processing emotion with regularity
• how someone who is already disciplined and structure can find new life and connection using relational habits

The Cooks also share with us how they started implementing the "That's What She Said" tool from episode 18 and what it did for their relationship.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron talk about the nuances of defensiveness when two people are communicating pain. The biggest struggle in learning to express emotion on a regular basis has been the defensiveness that inevitably arises as the result of our partner sharing pain that we caused. Aaron shares that playing the role of the victim typically results in defensiveness that is blaming. "If I feel sad, then that means you are bad/guilty/wrong/etc." Jenna shares that playing the role of the rescuer typically results in defensiveness that is internally focused shame. "If you feel sad, then that means I am bad/guilty/wrong/etc."

They share the pathway to changing this unhelpful dynamic in bringing awareness to our styles of relating and then practicing through repetition, "I can connect to their sad and it doesn't mean I'm bad," or "I can be sad and it doesn't mean they are bad."

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode we talk about the difficulty and necessity of keeping your heart soft in the middle of a hard conversation. This is one of the most difficult things to do when you are triggered, but it's the only path to connection in conflict. Jenna describes our recent car-buying experience and all of the strong emotion that arose with it and how she navigated the difficulty of it while keeping her heart soft. Aaron had his own work to do in the midst of it to keep his own heart soft.

Your situation may not have been the same but you'll probably be able to relate.  

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode, we review a tool Jenna created (and Aaron named) called That's What She Said. It's a tool for when you're dysregulated because of something your spouse said. Wives, feel free to change it to That's What He Said. Aaron shares how he used this tool a couple times recently around their sex life. You can do this by yourself (self-regulating) or with another person (co-regulating). Here is the gist of the tool. 

1. Write down what he/she actually said (the literal words).
2.  Write down what you heard them say. This is commonly referred to as the story we are telling ourselves.
3. Write down a different story that casts the other person in a positive light, giving them the benefit of the doubt and thinking the best of what they actually meant. If the literal words are unkind such as "You are the worst," then the story you are going to tell yourself in this step is how those words really aren't about you but are about pain they are experiencing.

The point of this exercise is to recognize when we are dysregulated not because of what they said but because of our imaginary ability to read someone's mind and determine their motives and hidden messages. We all think we're really good at this and some Christians may even label this as "discernment." However, the fruit of this "knowing" of ours is so full of disconnection, that we have an opportunity to question our stories and to write better ones.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

We had our friends Morgan & Chris Nicholson on to talk about how they went from a volatile first few years of marriage to a thriving couple today. They share their experience of years of disconnection and hurt and the transformation that came from bringing others into their process and taking ownership for making change within themselves individually.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

This week we interview our friends Sam & Rebecca LaRobardiere. Sam owns a local award-winning coffee shop and roastery called Theory. Rebecca is a certified Sex Coach. Both of these pursuits happened during marriage with young kids. We watched as they both pursued the dreams that were on their heart while maintaining connection with each other and as a family. As they share in this episode, it was done perfectly and they learned a lot along the way.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn.

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Danny and Sheri Silk are the creators of the organization Loving on Purpose which is a resource for people who want relationships that are full of hope, solid communication skills and ultimately a loving connection. They have classes, courses, teachings, books and resources for better marriages, parenting and relationships in general. Danny has written multiple life-changing books including Unpunishable, Culture of Honor, Loving Our Kids on Purpose, Powerful & Free, and Keep Your Love On as well as having co-authored numerous others. He and his daughter Brittany host the KYLO Show podcast, KYLO standing for Keep Your Love On. 

Danny and Sheri were pastors at Bethel church for many years and were our first introduction to what it meant to live an emotionally intelligent and relationally connected life. They were and continue to be transformational in both of our lives. Danny even wrote an endorsement for my book Numb to Known which was incredibly generous of him. Please check out their website when you get a chance LovingOnPurpose.com.

While you’re at it, check out our website ZintSquad.com, where you can find information about Jenna’s life-changing Habit Mastery Course. Every one of us has innumerable habits in our life that we’ve intentionally or unintentionally created and they are either serving us well, just getting us by or taking from us. In Jenna’s course, she uses the science of behavior change and the psychology of the mind and heart to help people build habits that not only help you build the life you didn’t know was possible but one that is sustainable. In this course, you’ll get practical tools to overcoming life-long roadblocks that have felt impossible to move past. You’ll create your own habits throughout the course guidance from Jenna herself who is the best person I know at encouraging, ideating, iterating and sustaining sustainable change. 

 They are currently in the middle of one of the 12 week courses that she offers, so if you want to get on the waitlist, go to ZintSquad.com and click on Habit Mastery Course at the top. 

While you’re there, you can book a one-on-one coaching ses

Promo Price until 9/13/26:    Wives- Click here for YOUR HALF OF THE MARRIAGE

Click here for the interest list

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAB Jenna's Summer Course Here 

>>> Become a sponsor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more. 

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn