In this episode we dive into the habits of physical health that have been slowly but surely building in our lives over the past couple years. We share our journey about pain felt when one spouse is pursuing fitness and the other doesn't want to join. We also talk about ways to create life-long habits of health.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Jenna and I had a few therapy sessions which help shed some light on the triggers that came up in our last hard conversation. We begin to unpack those in this episode. It's not all resolved but we're still moving forward. Little bits of better over a long period of time.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode Jenna and Aaron share their recent conflict that is still not fully resolved, though they are staying connected in the midst of it. This conflict has surfaced many times throughout their marriage: Jenna feels lonely with the household chores, as well as family responsibilities and family connection; Aaron feels sad and fearful that he will never be able to do enough to help Jenna feel different.

This episode is a recap of how the recent series of conversations went. The connection was maintained throughout those conversations, even in the midst of the pain, because they chose to listen and not defend, pulling on their "They can be sad and it doesn't mean I'm bad," and "I can be sad and it doesn't mean they're bad," ideas.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Have you ever felt like you've "failed" at vacationing? Like the very thing you've been looking forward to for so long winds up disappointing or becoming even more disconnecting than normal life? Jenna and I (Aaron), have been here countless times in our decade and a half of marriage and in this episode we talk about what we've learned over that time that has helped shape our vacations into times of rest, rejuvination and reconnection.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode, Jenna and I (Aaron) invited our besties Eli Leedy and Michelle Thompson. This is our first interview with a non-couple. Eli is single (as of the release date......ladies) and Michelle is married. We've got at least 10 years of history with each of them individually and we've each experienced our share of highs and lows. 

In this episode we answer these questions:

• What's a painful situation we've had to navigate?
• What is something we've had to grow in as friends?
• What role does this friendship play in your life? What needs does our friendship not fill for you?

The wisdom and wit of these two is fantastic and we had so much fun in this conversation. Enjoy!

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

I don't believe we have any children listening to our podcast, so I think it's safe to say, you are an adult and you fall into one of these categories:

• You have great friends and would love to sustain them
• You don't currently have many friends and want more
• You have friends but would love more depth/time/fun

In this episode Jenna and I (Aaron) talk about our journey of navigating friendships in adulthood. This is a time in our lives when it requires a lot of intentionality to start, build and maintain good, deep friendships. We don't naturally see them everyday at school, we have jobs and a family and we are super busy. So what do we do to build them and what do we do to strengthen them? That's what we'll be hitting on in this episode.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode, Jenna shares what it's like having ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) and how the differences in her how brain works affects her ability to perceive time, the way she stores and retrieves information and how it affects her ability to focus. Aaron talks about what it's like being married to someone with ADHD and how to navigate it with grace.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

As we began to practice vulnerably sharing our hearts with each other, we found that we often ran into trouble when the listener would get defensive. So we started asking ourselves, what is it about the way I'm sharing my feelings that puts them on the defense?
We found defensiveness shows up strongest for these reasons:

1. Sometimes our "feelings" (read: emotions), are really disguised opinions, judgments or blame. For example, "I feel disrespected" is first of all, not an emotion at all, but a passive way of saying, "You disrespected me." Disrespecting someone is not as much as action as it is an intention of the heart. Of course someone would get defensive hearing that.
2. Even when we managed to perfectly Connection Code our way through the vulnerable share and use one of the 8 core emotions, we as the listener had to train ourselves with the new belief that, "I can connect with their 'sad' and it doesn't mean I'm bad." Basically that my spouse can be hurt by me or be in emotional pain because of me and it doesn't actually mean that I've done something wrong. Necessarily paired with this is the belief that we began training ourselves to take on as the speaker, which is, "I can be sad and it doesn't mean they are bad." My pain does not equal the guilt of another.
3. Finally, the heart of this episode. Because I'm feeling pain (read: sad, hurt, anger, fear, lonely, guilt or shame) that was triggered by my spouse, I'm going to share it with them, as I've learned holding it in breeds disconnection. However, I am not going to share this with them with the expectation/requirement that they apologize for causing me pain, nor am I going to expect/require they change their behavior.

This is where it's easy to lose people. "What do you mean they don't need to apologize?" I'm not actually suggesting there isn't something to apologize for. What I'm suggesting is that our attempts at vulnerability turn into subtle attempts at control when we follow our emotions with the expectation or requirement that the listener admit their guilt by saying, "I was wrong, forgive me." Furthermore, to require that someone change their behavior in order for me to be okay (read: not sad anymore, not alone anymore, not fearful anymore), is classically called co-dependence.

The good news is that hearing our spouse show up in true vulnerability inspires us to action. True vulnerability is the expression of our emotions that invites another to simply be with us in it. It's the act of getting known, not making demands. That place is one where we invite others to show up as the best version of themselves. It's from that place that the heart of our spouse gets

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Stacey Cook took Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course last semester and joins us with her husband to talk about the life change both she and he have experienced as a result of implementing (keyword) the tools learned from the course. In this episode you'll hear them talk about:

• the transformation of debunking the all-or-nothing mentality
• the power of processing emotion with regularity
• how someone who is already disciplined and structure can find new life and connection using relational habits

The Cooks also share with us how they started implementing the "That's What She Said" tool from episode 18 and what it did for their relationship.

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron talk about the nuances of defensiveness when two people are communicating pain. The biggest struggle in learning to express emotion on a regular basis has been the defensiveness that inevitably arises as the result of our partner sharing pain that we caused. Aaron shares that playing the role of the victim typically results in defensiveness that is blaming. "If I feel sad, then that means you are bad/guilty/wrong/etc." Jenna shares that playing the role of the rescuer typically results in defensiveness that is internally focused shame. "If you feel sad, then that means I am bad/guilty/wrong/etc."

They share the pathway to changing this unhelpful dynamic in bringing awareness to our styles of relating and then practicing through repetition, "I can connect to their sad and it doesn't mean I'm bad," or "I can be sad and it doesn't mean they are bad."

Please rate, review & share the podcast!

For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Jenna and Aaron, join the waitlist for Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course and check out Aaron's new book Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn. Aaron also run's online small groups for men wanting to get connected, pursue growth and walk in sexual wholeness.

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn