Mint Arrow Messages

The theme of distraction keeps popping up for me, and specifically how distraction can keep us from doing the most important things. So today we’re talking about some of the ways to combat this, how to identify it in your life, and where you’ll find the best solution that’s exactly meant for you.

Time Stamps:

[00:24] - Corrine explains why “distraction” is this episode’s theme. It started with reading a book.

[03:23] - Satan wants you to waste your time.

[05:54] - Corrine keeps feeling nudges about writing a book. How does she plan to pursue it?

[08:20] - Neil says this lesson did not leave his mind when thinking of how people spend time.

[11:20] - “Favorable conditions never come.”

[13:29] - There’s a difference between “people who surf” and surfers.

[15:41] - God will bring the miracles you need.

[18:20] - Sometimes there does need to be a sacrifice or a trade off. The situation depends on how you prioritize your efforts.

[19:50] - Neil thinks about how faith and personal agency relates to opportunities.

[21:58] - When the distractions are drowning out the true purpose, it’s time to simplify your plan.

[24:28] - Corrine reminds everyone to not get distracted by an obsession with accomplishment. You still need to live a full life.

[27:23] - Why is it so easy to waste time?

[29:27] - How can your identity be a distraction?

[32:16] - Corrine explores legacy and how people live out their purpose on Earth.

[34:49] - You don’t need to use your time perfectly, but small adjustments can help you use it more effectively.

[37:14] - Corrine and Neil refocus on the core reason Satan wants you.

[39:27] - If you’re not sure what to do with your time, ask Heavenly Father.

Supporting Resources:

“The Infinite Atonement” Book by Tad R. Callister 

“Becoming Exemplary Latter-day Saints” Talk by Russell M. Nelson

“Of Things That Matter Most” Talk by Dieter F Uchtdorf

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We’re back with a BONUS episode from our friend Henry Ammar. His original episode was so good and I didn’t feel like we could cut anything out of it, so we made a part 2 where he was able to answer some of the questions that came in on Instagram stories after people watched his TEDx talk. This episode is packed with even deeper dives into what healthy boundaries look like and how to apply them in your life.

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Time Stamps:

[01:43] - Henry Ammar returns for a BONUS Q&A! First Question: How do you create a boundary without feeling guilt?

[04:00] - Henry goes through an exercise to discover your perspective of boundaries and start to heal it.

[06:58] - What’s the best way to establish new boundaries after many years in a relationship?

[09:42] - How do you avoid hurting feelings when you want more space from people you love?

[11:47] - How can you set boundaries when you must balance a caretaker role with your own life? PART 1

[14:19] - How can you set boundaries when you must balance a caretaker role with your own life? PART 2

[15:51] - How do you set boundaries when married or in a serious relationship to an addict? PART 1

[17:26] - How do you set boundaries when married or in a serious relationship to an addict? PART 2

[20:18] - Henry encourages people to get familiar with understanding how to heal trauma and how people cope on different levels.

[22:08] - How can you get involved in Henry’s mastermind? It’ll give you tools you will use for the rest of your life.

[23:43] - Thank you Henry, and thank you for listening!

Supporting Resources:

Henry’s Ted Talk on boundaries

Henry’s IG @henryammar

Website

Henry’s podcast “Making it Happen with Henry Ammar” 

Previous Episode

Episode 191: How to Create Love-Based Boundaries with Henry Ammar

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Henry Ammar is a Human Behavior and Subconscious Reprogramming Expert who hosts the Podcast, “Making It Happen with Henry Ammar.” The podcast has ranked #1 in the Training Category and #6 in the Education Category on the iTunes Charts.

As a keynote speaker and empowerment and transformation expert, he has positively impacted people across the globe, speaking to audiences as big as 35,000+ people at a time. Henry is also published in Forbes.

In his professional career, Henry began in music and has performed on a Grammy Award-winning album and traveled the world sharing the stage with legends. He has also overseen the investment and management of over $2 billion dollars in real estate. Recently Henry gave a TEDx talk entitled What Porcupines Teach Us About Boundaries, and as a follow-up I asked him if he would be willing to come on my podcast and further expound on his thoughts on this topic and he graciously agreed. It was honestly so good that we ended up splitting the episode into 2 parts - the second part is a Q&A so watch for that coming soon! And I hope you enjoy this episode as thoroughly as I did.

Time Stamps:

[01:24] - How did Henry find his approach to boundaries?

[03:56] - Henry explains the sweet spot of boundaries using the porcupine example. 

[05:27] - What is the difference between Love-based boundaries vs Fear-based boundaries? Why is it important to discern the two?

[08:19] - Henry explains the loving version of self-awareness.

[10:53] - Why is it important to understand and communicate your values? PART 1

[13:24] - Why is it important to understand and communicate your values? PART 2

[15:07] - Be intentional about who has access to your inner circle. You don’t have to let everyone in.

[17:44] - “You can’t fully give or receive love if you don’t feel safe.”

[20:42] - Henry talks about triggers, dysregulation, and confrontation when setting boundaries.

[23:47] - Stay present enough to communicate your boundaries so you can protect your best self.

[25:34] - Listen to your feelings to ask yourself better questions about your boundaries.

[28:15] - Does visualizing and rehearsing your boundaries help? PART 1

[30:05] - Does visualizing and rehearsing your boundaries help? PART 2

[31:46] - Henry shares the usual reactions people have to new boundaries and how to work through the resistance when it’s worth it.

[34:26] - Sometimes people test your boundaries to see if you’re serious.

[36:55] - Here are 3 FUNDAMENTALS to help your personal growth and boundaries.

[39:35] - Henry describes the loop that people find themselves in and tips to break onto a new path.

[42:17] - “Whatever you choose, I will be okay because now I’m doing the work for me.”

[44:12] - Compassion and boundaries go together.

[46:38] - What boundaries need to be set?

[49:26] - Sometimes you need to excuse yourself.

[51:08] - When do you know it’s time to put people in an outer circle?

[53:49] - How can we deal with loved ones who do not manage their past traumas well?

[55:24] - Boundaries are flexible.

[57:43] - “There is absolute hope.”

[59:31] - Henry closes the show by appreciating and recognizing Corinne and Neil.

Supporting Resources:

Henry’s Ted Talk on boundaries

Henry’s IG @henryammar

Website

Henry’s podcast “Making it Happen with Henry Ammar”

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Kelsie Hancock is a photographer, travel blogger and resident of San Diego, CA and was commissioned as an officer in the United States Marine Corps in 2015. She was sent to a few different states, but ultimately found herself on Camp Pendleton in San Diego, CA. Kelsie was a communications officer and served on active duty for 4 years. While stationed on Pendelton, she reconnected with a guy she knew from college (Norwich University in Vermont) Nicholas Losapio, also a Captain in the Marine Corps, and an MV-22 Osprey pilot. Nick was the love of Kelsie's life. They dated for several months and then moved into their first apartment together in September 2020, and got engaged on January 16, 2021, in Mammoth Lakes, CA. Their wedding date was set for August 4, 2022 in San Diego.

On June 8, 2022, Nick was flying a routine training flight near El Centro, CA with his co-pilot and 3 other crew members. It was a typical day at the office for him. A Weapons and Tactics Instructor (WTI), which can easily be described as the equivalent of Top Gun, and one of the most experienced and well-versed Osprey pilots on the West Coast, if not the entire Marine Corps, Nick’s plane went down due to reasons still under investigation. He and the 4 other Marines on the plane perished in the mishap.

Kelsie's whole world was turned upside down as she lost her best friend and love of her life. Today Kelsie and I talk all about her story of meeting and falling in love with Nick, what happened on June 8 when Nick passed away, and what life has been like for her since. We also talk about the personal mission she feels called to be on to help other people who are in similar circumstances as she was when Nick passed, as a loved one but not yet a spouse of someone who passed away in active duty. Kelsie is working hard to keep her home and keep her life together, and her story really touched my heart. The gofundme that her friends created has been "the biggest blessing of all" since Nick's passing, and if you'd like to donate you can do that through the link in today's show notes.

Time Stamps:

[02:18] - Kelsie Hancock talks about growing up in Southern Maryland.

[04:18] - How did Kelsie end up in San Diego?

[06:54] - Kelsie recalls the camping trip where she bonded with Nick.

[09:05] - Why does Kelsie say her date with Nick was the best date ever?

[11:20] - Kelsie talks about starting a blog and other life milestones after fulfilling her service.

[13:42] - What is it like to be in a relationship with someone who is deployed?

[16:18] - What does Kelsie remember about her engagement to Nick?

[18:48] - Did the engagement go as planned? Kelsie tells the story of tacos, guacamole, and a missing ring.

[21:44] - Kelsie shares her memory of June 8, 2022.

[24:43] - A partner who motivates you to be a better version of yourself. 

[26:47] - Does Kelsie blame God?

[29:45] - God sees the big picture. Kelsie explains her thoughts on trusting the larger plan God has.

[31:19] - Kelsie shares what sign she repeatedly sees that reminds her everything will be okay.

[34:14] - Kelsie plans to start a foundation to support spouses of service members.

[37:14] - Which resources would Kelsie like to offer at her future foundation?

[39:15] - What are the immediate needs of grieving spouses?

[42:14] - Don’t forget to spend quality time with the people you love.

Supporting Resources:

Instagram @its.kelsiemarie

Kelsie’s photography page 

Donate to the Gofundme account setup for Kelsie

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Florida specializing in anxiety, burnout, perfectionism and trauma. She particularly enjoys helping anxious overachievers experience greater ease by finding worth in being, not just doing.

Dr. Rubenstein is the Chief Wellness Adviser for Misfits Gaming Group, a global esports and entertainment leader, building thoughtfully tailored programs from the ground up for its competitive teams, its content creators, and all staff to boost productivity and strengthen the culture of the organization. She lives in South Florida with her husband and two young kids. I found Carolyn on Instagram earlier this year and have LOVED following along with all of her incredibly helpful content that not only really resonates with me and my very apt-to-burnout lifestyle, but I love that all of her posts give actionable takeaways that have honestly made my life better! She and I get to talk all about anxiety, burnout, perfectionism and building self-esteem today and I think you're going to absolutely LOVE this episode.

Time Stamps:

[00:59] - Dr. Carolyn Rubenstein’s passion to help people starts from her childhood. What happened?

[03:12] - Dr. Rubenstein shares the two lessons she learned in college that transformed how she viewed the medical world.

[05:41] - How can people recognize that they have anxiety?

[07:15] - Dr. Rubenstein shares the first steps to address anxiety and create a little separation from the feeling.

[10:10] - How can parents notice and speak about anxiety with their children?

[13:04] - Dr. Rubenstein shares how kids can have conversations around intense or ambiguous feelings like anxiety.

[15:13] - Return your focus to you and check in with yourself.

[17:50] - These are signs that you may have burnout or be on the path to burnout.

[20:15] - To move away from burnout, first identify what in your life is draining you.

[22:58] - You can have routines and mini routines for when you need to regroup yourself.

[25:01] - What does Dr. Rubenstein think about self-care?

[27:11] - Create a self-care menu of activities that bring you peace.

[29:53] - Corrine and Dr. Rubenstein share what’s part of their self-care menu.

[31:52] - What are signs of perfectionism?

[34:50] - Dr. Rubenstein talks about whether perfectionism comes from internal pressure or external pressure.

[36:28] - How can someone build healthy confidence? How can this be done with children?

[39:28] - Help children see themselves as the multifaceted person they are.

[41:19] - Dr. Rubenstein encourages you to trust yourself and your ability to handle hard moments.

Supporting Resources:

Carolyn’s website

Carolyn’s Instagram @carolynrubensteinphd

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

One of the most frequently asked questions in my DMs these days goes something like this: “So many of my friends or family are leaving the church. What do I do or how do I respond?” This really is a hard thing if you love your church as much as we do, but the way you respond is extremely important in doing exactly what we feel called to do as members of any church that worships God, which is to show love and kindness. Today we're going through a few key things that will help you navigate situations when people you love leave church, or leave their faith.

Time Stamps:

[00:40] - Corrine says she keeps seeing this question lately about friends and family leaving the church.

[03:23] - We cannot force matters of the heart.

[06:13] - Let people have their own agency.

[08:49] - Do people who leave the church expect you to reach out? (Hint: Sometimes.)

[11:29] - Neil brings up how we can show unconditional love towards our family and friends who leave the church.

[14:05] - “Just listen.”

[16:46] - Corrine talks about how we’re all in need of God equally.

[18:21] - What do you do when your spouse is leaning away from the church?

[19:51] - Neil says you don’t carry the burden of convincing people to come back.

[21:48] - Always make people feel welcomed for whenever they decide to return.

[24:48] - When it’s time, people will make a change on their own. Don’t be afraid to offer a simple invitation.

[27:38] - “Is this the right time?”

[30:28] - Our ability to extend a hand to others is powerful.

[32:07] - “All of us are free to choose.”

Supporting Resources:

“Preparing the Heart” talk by H. Burke Peterson

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dr. Richard K. Hada graduated from the Arizona School of Dentistry and Oral Health where he excelled in general and special needs dentistry. His love of general dentistry has afforded him to further his career by studying the latest in Cosmetic Dentistry, Implantology (dental implants), and Endodontics (root canals). He not only happens to be our dentist but he also did an incredible job with veneers on my teeth a few years ago, and then on Neil's teeth just this past year.

Dr. Hada and his wife have two girls and two boys. He is an active member of his church and community. In his free time, he loves to play sports, surf, and do woodworking projects. But what really impresses both Neil and me is the incredible company culture he's built in his dentistry practice at Hada Family Dental. His google and yelp reviews accurately reflect just how many raving fans he has here in south Orange County, but you can also really feel that whenever you walk into his practice. Everything is beautifully decorated, his office staff is extremely efficient and friendly, and he's somehow made even people who hate going to the dentist love visiting his office. Today Rich teaches us about how he created such a tight knit culture in his office and what he's done to create a radically unified team at Hada Family Dental and the exact practices you can apply to whatever work or leadership opportunities that you personally have too.

Veneer Giveaway! Go to @doctor.hada or @corrinestokoe on Instagram for details on entering the giveaway.

Time Stamps:

[01:37] - Dr. Hada first chipped his tooth in third grade.

[03:33] - Who convinced Dr. Hada to be a dentist?

[05:06] - How is Dr. Hada so happy as a dentist? He talks about why his passion for dentistry feels fulfilling.

[07:20] - Dr. Hada explains the philosophy of his work culture at the practice.

[09:10] - Always deliver an exceptional experience and invest in your team.

[11:44] - Dr. Hada’s warmth is the same no matter where he’s at.

[14:08] - Dr. Hada creates an environment where people are happy to come to work. How does he build a work culture?

[16:01] - Dr. Hada shares a team building exercise that he admires.

[18:58] - This work culture habit is inspired by Dr. Hada’s wife.

[21:47] - Here’s how you can get a free consultation with Dr. Hada.

[24:00] - Dr. Hada treats his team to tacos for lunch. What’s the significance?

[26:18] - Be a team player and have each other’s backs.

[28:47] - Optimize and be scrappy.

[31:22] - Dr. Hada talks about creating raving fans for the dentist practice. What’s the story behind it?

[33:52] - Dr. Hada is grateful for all the people who rock the Hada Family Dental merch.

[35:04] - Corrine mentions how Dr. Hada helped the dental journey of her and Neil.

[36:41] - Why are veneers useful in dental health?

[38:50] - There’s something that holds people back when they are not comfortable with their smile.

[41:37] - “The more you give. The more you live.”

[43:19] - Thank you Dr. Hada, and thank you for listening!

Supporting Resources:

Hada Family Dental website

Dr. Hada’s Instagram @doctor.hada 

Veneer Giveaway! Go to @doctor.hada or @corrinestokoe on Instagram for details on entering the giveaway.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I get some variation of the question, “How do I know if it's right to marry someone who's an addict?” frequently in either my emails or DMs. And it's a great question! Today Neil and I are going to share our experience of knowing it was right to get married and how we landed on that decision, and how YOU can determine this for yourself as well. If this message resonates with you (or any other episode we've shared) we would love it if you'd leave us a review! And if you know someone who could benefit from this podcast episode or another, please share it with them. Thanks so much for being here. We love and appreciate you.

Time Stamps:

[00:44] - Here’s the definition of “addict” used in this episode.

[03:35] - How did Corrine and Neil’s relationship start?

[05:47] - Corrine recalls the Christmas season their relationship broke off.

[07:38] - Corrine shares what she thought after Neil told her about his addiction.

[09:36] - Neil shares what he thought after telling Corrine about his addiction.

[11:04] - What foundational traits matter in a long-term relationship?

[13:04] - Corrine had to let go of the “Rescuer” mentality.

[16:04] - Don’t chase people off the cliff.

[17:49] - Corrine and Neil talk about the “Rescuer” dynamic compared to classic fairy tales.

[19:36] - How did Corrine and Neil figure out if they should get married?

[22:12] - Everyone is imperfect.

[24:29] - Corrine recalls a slip Neil had during their engagement.

[26:54] - Corrine warns people to pay attention to spiritual promptings on relationships.

[28:33] - Neil talks about the difference between challenges and signs to let go.

[31:11] - What did Corrine’s parents think of her relationship with Neil? Has anything changed?

[33:55] - Not a perfect marriage, but an incredible marriage.

[35:54] - Strengthen your spiritual Wi-Fi.

[38:32] - Have the courage to do what God tells you to do.

[40:43] - The person experiencing the addiction must be willing to pursue recovery. PART 1

[42:16] - The person experiencing the addiction must be willing to pursue recovery. PART 2

[44:31] - Recovery is a step by step journey.

[46:57] - This is a lesson that applies with any marriage.

[48:30] - Choosing to walk through life together.

Supporting Resources:

“I Decided to Marry a Recovering Pornography Addict” Corrine’s article for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

“Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence” Talk by Jeffrey R. Holland

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have you ever caught yourself either invalidating your own suffering, saying something like “I shouldn't be complaining because so-and-so has it so much worse,” or thinking or even saying, “Oh yeah well, did you go through this? I didn't think so! I had it so much worse than you,” kind of like the classic fable of parents who walked home from school a mile in the snow with no shoes, and uphill both ways?! Well today we're going to talk about this idea of comparative suffering, that either you're bad because you're complaining when you haven't suffered enough to qualify to complain or feel sad, OR, you think someone else shouldn't complain because you've had it worse. Both lead to unhappiness, and both are destructive. So we’ll unpack this idea of comparative suffering and also provide 3 antidotes that will help you to overcome this kind of thinking and instead live in peace and joy and abundance, even through challenging times.

Time Stamps:

[01:02] - Corrine gives an update on her bed rest. She talks about a community she found.

[03:43] - What happened after a community member compared her suffering to her friends?

[05:27] - What is comparative suffering?

[08:17] - Allow suffering to pass through.

[10:05] - People aren’t thinking about you as much as you think.

[12:54] - What other people think of you is none of your business.

[14:23] - Even the smallest things need care and attention.

[17:06] - Corrine explores how pride can show up in comparative suffering. 

[19:57] - Be careful not to fall into the trap of pride, ego, and entitlement. 

[21:50] - Neil talks about how suffering is relative to the person.

[24:20] - It’s nice to have someone empathize with your suffering.

[27:07] - Corrine shares how freeing it felt to move on from things that hurt her in the past.

[28:56] - Suffering is part of divine design. Heavenly Father knows the nuance of what we go through. 

[31:03] - Neil talks about how prayer can bring relief in the midst of suffering.

[33:20] - How can you use gratitude to give yourself a wider perspective?

[36:15] - Each day is miraculous.

Supporting Resources:

“But for a Small Moment” Talk by Neal A. Maxwell

“Beware of Pride” Talk by Ezra Taft Benson

Gratitude quote by Melody Beattie 

John 14:24-27 Scripture about the comforter

Alma 7:11-12 Christ knows how to succor us in our infirmities

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather Avis is the founder of The Lucky Few, a New York Times best-selling author, podcaster and a Down syndrome advocate, working to create a more inclusive world where everyone belongs. For more than a decade, she has led this effort by shouting worth, shifting narratives, and reimagining what it looks like when we embrace our differences. Heather just released her 3rd book called Everyone Belongs, a children’s book that teaches kids about being loving and inclusive especially to those who have disabilities. Heather patiently and graciously talked through all my questions about what it's like to be a mom of kids who have Down syndrome and gave beautiful advice on how we can teach our kids to be more inclusive and why she believes it starts with our kids. I learned so much from this interview and was left feeling so uplifted and I know you will too.

Time Stamps:

[00:59] - Heather Avis talks about The Lucky Few and where the phrase comes from.

[02:22] - How can we tell a “truer story” about Down syndrome?

[05:19] - Who is Heather’s “Scariest and Best Yes”?

[07:04] - “You can’t know what you don’t know.”

[09:27] - When speaking about people outside of our own community, we should get our cues from that community.

[12:17] - Heather shares the spark she felt the moment she read this email from a social worker.

[14:54] - What was it like to finally complete the adoption?

[16:39] - How did Heather’s family react to the decision?

[19:22] - Heather talks about dealing with society systems that try to put a limit on who her children are as people.

[21:04] - Every person is already valuable, even when in pursuit of better.

[24:02] - What made Heather decide to say “yes” to another baby diagnosed with Down syndrome?

[26:50] - Parenting is one step at a time for every parent.

[28:11] - Everyone belongs.

[30:56] - Heather shares examples of how parents can have open conversations with their kids around disability and differences.

[33:47] - You are equipped to handle your journey, and there is a community here to help you.

[36:14] - “Exactly who you are is exactly who we pick.”

Supporting Resources:

Heather’s Website: Heatheravis.com

“Everyone Belongs” Book by Heather Avis

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.