Why Time Out is Bogus

In this episode, I discuss time-out; the punishment that many of us have used to replace spanking. We are often misguided to believe that it’s this progressive humane improvement when it’s potentially just as damaging emotionally as spanking is physically.

I know many parents are simply looking for resources to teach their kids the difference between right and wrong. The punishment model has rarely been questioned in years past and yet, all the researchers and experts tell us that it’s ineffective. It accomplishes the opposite of what we want - stronger connections with our kids and effective measures for teaching appropriate behavior. Punishments like time out and spanking are divisive, polarizing and teach our kids not to trust us.

One of my favorite new quotes that I coined recently is, “We don’t own our kids. Owning people is called slavery...not childhood.” Slavery is illegal. Our kids are little people.

Our job is to teach, guide and keep our little people safe. Punishment does not teach anything other than teaching our kids to lie to us and become sneaky when doing things that will result in a punishment. When we punish our kids rather than having productive communication, we teach them not to trust us.

The research and child development experts report that kids under the age of 12 do not change their future behavior based on punishment. They are actually incapable of doing so.

The REAL way we teach kids appropriate behavior is by establishing rules, repeating them often and following through consistently. When the rules are broken, we teach them how to become calm and calmly discuss the situation. When everyone is calm, we empathize and find out what’s underneath the misbehavior. Then we state the rules, set a boundary and possibly enforce a logical and related consequence. We follow through consistently.

This is the recipe that leads to changing the convos in your home even when your kids are behaving like total turkeys. Your welcome.

Topics covered:

• "Why time out needs a time-out" article in Psychology Today

• Wikipedia definition of time-out:  Time-out (also known as social exclusion) is a form of behavioral modification that involves temporarily separating a person from an environment where unacceptable behavior has occurred.

• Punishment defined:the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.

• Dr. Ross Greene  

• The Calm Down Corner: A time-out alternative

 

Get my book!

Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book

Thanks for listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!

 

Subscribe to the podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.

 

Leave us an iTunes review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.