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We cringe even as we write this title. Should we use the word "downshift"? Is that a betrayal of generations of feminists who fought for our right to equal opportunity in the classroom and workplace? To current and future women who work so hard for their place in society? Should we use a more neutral word like "renegotiate" instead? But at the exact same time, the question is so obvious to any mom who lives between the paid working world and the child-rearing world. We downshift/change/renegotiate our careers (or don't) because of financial considerations, the emotional weight of going either way and the power that is lost or gained. 

For the three of us, we are seeing it happen to mom friends all around us. Quietly shifting to something less than full-time. Moving to a related but lower-stress field. Leaving the industry altogether and building something more flexible and maybe more personally meaningful. But it doesn't mean that these women aren't working. On the contrary, many are working more than ever across family and outside of family. At the same time, the specter of expectations of still contributing half of the family income still hangs over many of us. We process it out loud on this second episode of our series.

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Oh boy we're on a roll with the sticky topics so many of us deal with but are rarely spoken of in polite company. In this new series, we're talking about Power and Money in Marriage. When women did not have equal access to education, financial products or job opportunities, having a lopsided balance of power with your husband was pretty typical, even predictable. But as Millennial women who often outshined our male peers in academic achievement, could run our own financial lives and careers, and was brought up on the 90's slogan of "you can have it all"... what happens if you decide you maybe can't have it all actually (at least not at once) and take a step back your career (and earning power) to focus on motherhood? What are the emotions associated with that? (for us: a curious mix of guilt, shame, self-doubt mixed with deep conviction) What are the social costs? ("I'm a full-time mom" is not often the strongest opener at a mixer) What are the costs to your power in your relationship? What are the financial costs? In true MMM style, we romp through it all.

**Special note to our listeners** Love the show? Help us keep the conversation going! Become a paid subscriber through our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Substack.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Your contributions help us continue to make content on issues related to the Asian-American, immigrant, modern parent experience. THANK YOU to our super awesome listeners who have already signed up!

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Are you a mommy dictator, loosey goose or leader? Are we over-doing the "gentle parenting" and we will end up with teenagers who want awards for just wiping their own butts? Or are we really engaging in age-appropriate expectations that will result in secure, happy, and of course, successful adult children who will want to hang out with us when we're old? Timeouts for your kid. Timeout for mommy. Timers. Countdowns. Tagging in/out with your partner. Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive. We talk about all the things related to discipline, trying to get the desired behavior from your child, how hard to push them and what else we're trying to balance at the same time.

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Mom, what happens to you and me when we die? Mom, what is God? Mom, why do you go to temple and Daddy doesn't? Mom, why do bad things happen?

In this final episode of our Faith & Spirituality series, we turn our discussion from the spiritual/religious aspects of our childhoods to those of our relationships with our spouses and kiddos. Do you and your spouse share a common spiritual/ religious worldview or not? How has that played out in the early days of your relationship versus now? How does that impact how you raise your children? How are you answering questions from your kids that broach on the spiritual, metaphysical and moral? How does faith, uncertainty and community play out in those conversations?

We will be the first to say we don't have clean answers to any of these questions. But we share the messy, honest view of how our own situations have played out in the hope that it sparks a connection, new questions and fresh energy.

**Special note to our listeners**

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As a kid, religious stuff can be kind of weird. You're told God might send you to hell, you're forced to sit for hours chanting things that you don't understand, you feel like if you have questions or doubts you are a bad person. Yet for some of us, they also simultaneously offered us a lifeline - a deep community (however flawed), a place to share our gifts, hope of a greater power and goodness, somewhere to turn to when we were at the end of our rope.

In this episode, we have a frank conversation about the good, the bad, the weird, the confusing and the beautiful of our religious upbringings. For better or for worse, these experiences were some of the most formative parts of our childhood and we feel people don't talk about it enough. We try to bring our curiosity and honesty to an in-depth look at how we experienced religion and spirituality in our families of origin.

**Special note to our listeners**

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We know, we're potentially opening up a can of worms with this new series on Faith & Spirituality. Religion, spirituality, faith, worldview, whatever you might call it - it is usually a very private matter in the United States and one that can be full of judgment. At the same time, it is something that informs our values, our choices and how we parent. So in keeping with our style, we decided to dive headlong into it. We aim to speak honestly from our personal experience, based on the mutual trust we have among the three of us and our listeners. We are not aiming to "convert" anyone to our viewpoint but to give visibility to this intimate but very central part of our lived experience.

In this episode, we speak with Kristin Lee, a Chinese-American physician, mom, wife and author of We Mend With Gold- An Immigrant Daughter's Reckoning with American Christianity. She talks about the deep joys as well as the misgivings she experienced growing up in the Asian-American church, and the questions that she wrestled with as a young adult. We also discuss the relationship between the white American church and more marginalized Christian voices and how mending those often fractured relationships can lead to a more healthy, beautiful and authentic faith community.

To learn more about Kristin's work, check out:

Book: We Mend with Gold

IG: @ktlee.writes

Website: https://kristintlee.com/

**Special note to our listeners**

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Your pelvis. It's not something most people really think about until they have a problem with it. And often, problems start (for women at least) during pregnancy and post delivery. And it's often not just right after delivery... it can actually last years or even decades. Some of us are still experiencing pain or peeing ourselves years after our kids are born. Then you find out, actually a well-functioning pelvis is critical to having a well-functioning life. If you are peeing yourself during exercise or every time you hear running water, your life will not function well. If organs that should be inside your pelvis, are sliding out of your pelvis, your life will be impacted. If sex, walking around, picking up your child, or doing other normal things are painful, there will be costs to bear. While we can daydream about free postpartum pelvic PT being the standard of care (like it is in France), our guest Dr. Jennifer Guan talks us through the basis of pelvic health, common problems, ways to prevent injury during pregnancy and delivery, and options for care afterwards. Please note that all of our episodes are meant to be informational only and should not be taken as advice. Please consult a qualified professional to get support for your specific situation. Learn more about Dr. Guan's work at https://www.balancedynamicspt.com

Further reading:

Pelvic pain:
Pelvic Pain Explained by Elizabeth H. Akincilar and Stephanie A. Prendergast
When Sex Hurts by Andrew T. Goldstein, Caroline F. Pukall, and Irwin Goldstein
 
Postpartum:

The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson

Why Did No one Tell Me? by Emma Brockwell  

Peri-menopause/menopause:

What Fresh Hell Is This? by Heather Corinna

Menopause Manifesto by Jen Gunter

The Hormone Repair Manual by Lara Briden
 
General pelvic health:
The Vagina Bible by Jen Gunter
Floored by Sara Reardon

**Special note to our listeners**

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Are you looking around periodically these days, wondering if the heat is turned up too high? Waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and mind racing? Feeling extra brain fog, anxiety or depression? Weight creeping on but never off? It might be PERI MENOPAUSE people!

In this episode, we talk to Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su, board certified OBGYN and Chief Medical Officer for Gennev, a clinician-built menopause care platform. She explains the biological basis for perimenopause (it actually shares some similarities with being a teenager! :p), lays out the current medical guidelines for treating perimenopausal symptoms and debunks the many many myths about perimenopause treatments that are floating out there. Perimenopause is absolutely real folks and if you're starting to feel it, you're not alone. We learned that perimenopause is a pivotal time in a women's health - both from a mental health perspective (it's the time when suicide rates are the highest for women) and physical health perspective (you are laying the foundation for a healthy second half of life). So don't ignore it folks and listen!

To learn more about Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su and her work, check out:

@ovary_active on IG

https://gennev.com/

**Giveaway Alert! Keep reading for details**

In this episode, we interviewed Christine Yang Berry, creator of the multiple award-winning Jojo Chinese songs for Baby and Me musical book series. Christine created these musical books to help families introduce Mandarin to babies, toddlers, and preschoolers through singing, bonding, and everyday communication. We talk to Christine about the challenges, rewards and opportunities for raising multilingual children and what she's learned over the years about what's foundational for children to acquire multiple languages (hint: it's not flashcards or forced Saturday language school).

To celebrate the episode, we're giving away 10 copies of books 1 and 2 of the series. To enter the giveaway, please follow @modelminoritymoms and @jojo_learning on Instagram and comment the word "giveaway" on the post announcing this episode drop.

Anyone who tags a parent friend who might also want to raise a Chinese English bilingual child will also receive an additional entry in the random drawing per friend tagged. Giveaway ends March 31 2026. Winners announced in early April 2026. Jojo Learning is also offering a special discount to MMM Listeners- use the code MMMJOJO15 at this link to get 15% off your first order until September 30, 2026.This giveaway is not sponsored or endorsed by any other entity other than Jojo Learning and the Model Minority Moms podcast.

**Special note to our listeners**

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Being stereotyped as "so pretty" but having your features picked apart. Knowing two cultures but not feeling full belonging in either. People intrigued with you but also often having wildly incorrect assumptions.

In this episode, we sit down for a frank conversation with Becky White, a fashion model, voice actress and singer who is of White American and Korean descent. Becky is also the founder of the Halfie Project where she explores and archives the stories of people with mixed Korean ancestry around the world. Becky grew up as a US military kid and as a young adult, lived in South Korea for 10 years before recently settling in New York City with her husband who is of African-American and Korean descent. Among other things, we talk to her about growing up with a white father from the South and a mother who grew up in South Korea, the experience of working in the fashion modeling industry as a mixed-race person, and what she thinks is important to emphasize to the next generation of mixed-race kids.

You can learn more about Becky and her work here: IG: @thehalfieprojectIG: @rebeccarose.official

https://www.rebeccarosewhite.com/