Before you became a parent, how did you envision the way you and your partner would handle parenting responsibilities? Was a vision of "equal partnership" for household and parenting tasks a part of this? To what extent does the actual division of labor match your vision or expectations? If you’re like most families, there is a notable gap between expectations and reality, and that may be fine with you – or not!

 

Clinical psychologist and author Darcy Lockman, motivated in part by personal experience, has delved deeply into this topic. She brings what she has learned to this fascinating and important conversation with Marti & Erin. She explores assumptions about hormones and of parenting, cultural trends in intensive mothering, peaks and plateaus in active fathering and the often invisible work of the “mental load” of parenting. Most of all, Darcy urges couples to talk together about how they want to parent, especially before becoming parents. But, as Marti & Erin note, if you didn’t start then, start now!

 

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED A SENSE OF INEQUALITY OR EQUAL PARTNERSHIP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Make time to reflect (alone and/or with your partner) on how you share the responsibilities of parenting, both the visible and invisible tasks this week’s guest talked about. How do you feel about the equality of how the work is being done? How do you handle those feelings? What would you want to change and how could you begin with small steps, showing respect and sensitivity to your partner’s perceptions and feelings?

 

WANT TO LEARN MORE?

❉ ALL THE RAGE: MOTHERS, FATHERS, AND THE MYTH OF EQUAL PARTNERSHIP. Learn more about Darcy Lockman's book!

❉ TO OFTEN, WORKING MOTHERS DO FAR MORE OF THE CHILDCARE THAN THEIR HUSBANDS. Check out this article by Darcy Lockman for TIME.

❉ DON'T BE GRATEFUL THAT DAD DOES HIS SHARE. Check out this article by Darcy Lockman for The Atlantic. 

❉ DADS MATTER: THE ROLE OF THE FATHER IN CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND WHAT MOMS CAN DO TO HELP DADS SUCCEED. Check out this  Andre Dukes of the Northside Achievement Zone in Minneapolis, joins Marti & Erin to discuss the role of the father in child development, the benefits of father involvement throughout a child’s life and what we all can do to help men be the dads their children need.