My Delight with Sarah Bartel

What about having sex during your period (as a married Catholic woman)? What are some things to think about? There are no moral prohibitions to this in the Catholic faith. Different NFP methods may have guidance around avoiding period sex if you're trying to avoid pregnancy. Some women may just avoid it because they assume it's yucky, but in this episode, Sarah challenges this thought. It is beautiful to be a woman, and having a period is part of the goodness of God's plan in creating women. 

Sarah shares practical tips, as well as a book consideration for hormonal health, Hormone Intelligence by Aviva Romm.

Related: On the Dignity and Vocation of Women, by St. John Paul II (1988)

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Are quick lovemaking sessions (less than 20-30 min or so) a good idea in your Catholic marriage, or not? In this episode, Sarah offers some cautionary and probing questions meant to identify if quickies are helping build your unity and connection or if they're reinforcing bad habits in your love life. She draws on quotes from Church documents to identify some principles to help you discern whether they're serving the highest goals of marriage.

While the Catholic Church does not offer specific guidelines or rules about how long lovemaking sessions should be, in most cases, Sarah personally recommends against quickies. God created female sexuality to normally require much more time per lovemaking session in order to operate well and thrive. Some circumstances in which quickies might be a good idea are treated in this episode.

Catholic Church documents referenced in this episode:

Catechism of the Catholic Church, par. 2361

"Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."

Humanae Vitae, par. 17

"Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection."

Casti Connubi, par. 23

"This conjugal faith, however, which is most aptly called by St. Augustine the "faith of chastity" blooms more freely, more beautifully and more nobly, when it is rooted in that more excellent soil, the love of husband and wife which pervades all the duties of married life and holds pride of place in Christian marriage. For matrimonial faith demands that husband and wife be joined in an especially holy and pure love, not as adulterers love each other, but as Christ loved the Church. This precept the Apostle laid down when he said: "Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the Church,"[24] that Church which of a truth He embraced with a boundless love not for the sake of His own advantage, but seeking only the good of His Spouse.[25] The love, then, of which We are speaking is not that based on the passing lust of the moment nor does it consist in pleasing words only, but in the deep attachment of the heart which is expressed in action, since love is proved by deeds.[26] This outward expression of love in the home demands not only mutual help but must go further; must have as its primary purpose that man and wife help each other day by day in forming and perfecting themselves in the interior life, so that through their partnership in life they may advance ever more and more in virtue, and above all that they may grow in true love toward God and their neighbor..."

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

What gets you in the mood? That's an accelerator. What are you libido-killers? Those are your breaks. In this episode, Sarah describes common brakes and accelerators for women.  She shares some ideas for how to learn what your own personal brakes and accelerators are, and suggests how you can use this knowledge in order to optimize your love life in your marriage.

Resources mentioned in this episode.

Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski (a book by a secular researcher on female sexuality0

"Libido Killer" by Holderness Family Music (a humorous video, G-rated and safe for work)

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

How grave do your reasons need to be to use NFP to avoid pregancy? 

The precise language the Church uses in Humanae Vitae discussing the kinds of reasons legitimating using NFP actually refers to "just reasons," "serious reasons," or "well-grounded reasons." The phrase "grave reason" is a mistranslation which gives the misleading impression that you have to be practically on death's doorstep or so broke you're eating dirt in order to use NFP to avoid. 

In this episode, Sarah looks at the categories of reasons Humanae vitae mentions, and offers some specific examples. 

She also recommends a way to pray together as husband and wife to get on the same page about your intention to avoid or try to achieve pregnancy.

Resources mentioned in the show:

Humanae vitae

Everyday in Love

"How to Talk about the Use and Abuse of Natural Family Planning and the Importance of Accuracy in Translation and Description," academic article by Kevin E. Miller in the Linacre Quarterly

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Can you use NFP with a contraceptive mentality? Is this something to beware of? 

No.

Sarah debunks the false worry that NFP users need to watch out for using NFP with a contraceptive mentality.

She looks at the origin of the phrase in magisterial Catholic documents in its context to discover what the "contraceptive mentality" actually refers to, and points to additional references.

References for This Episode:

Magisterial Catholic Church Documents:

Humanae vitae

Familiaris consortio (1981, St. John Paul II)

Gaudium et spes (Vatican II, read esp. paragraphs 48-52 for beautiful teachings on marriage)

The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality (1995, Pontifical Council for the Family)

Other References:

"NFP: The Myth of the Contraceptive Mentality," article by Fr. Ryan Erlenbush

"That Pesky 'Contraceptive Mentality,'" blog post by Christina Valenzuela of Pearl & Thistle

The Contraceptive Mentality is Real, But It's Probably Not What You Think, blog post by Simcha Fisher. 

"How to Talk about the Use and Abuse of Natural Family Planning and the Importance of Accuracy in Translation and Description," academic article by Kevin E. Miller in the Linacre Quarterly

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

What is this idea of marital debt? Where is it in the Catechism, or in other official magisterial Church documents? (Hint: It's not actually there!) What does a belief in marital debt do to a married Catholic or Christian woman?

In this episode, Sarah tackles marital debt head-on, debunking the idea that obligation sex for wives is the teaching of the Church. She shares quotes from official church teachings and looks to a common quote from the Supplement to the Summa (not actually written by St. Thomas Aquinas, but by one of his students) that is used to support an obligation sex idea of marital debt. 

At the end of the episode, she shares additional podcasts you can listen to in order to learn more about how marital debt is not official Catholic Church teaching.

These are:

Managing Your Fertility Episodes 66-68: "Dr. Tim Pawl: Can I say No to s*x with my spouse? aka the marital debt!" 3 part series.

MissHappyCatholic: Marital Debt Deep Dive Parts 1 + 2: Facts and Fictions

Here are so more resources educating on the importance of consent to sex in Catholic marriage (free of coercion):

"A Catholic Guide to Practicing Consent in Marriage," by Grace Wojdak (from Notre Dame's Church Life Journal)

"Catholics Should Care about Sex and Consent," by Grace Wojdak (America Magazine)

"Sexual Coercion, Sacramental Marriage, and the 'Alarm Clock' Method," by Jenny DuBay (Patheos)

And this series by Evangelical Protestant author Sheila Gregoire on the harms of obligation sex and how to undo them is excellent:

"Obligation Sex Series: 10 Things to Know about Obligation Sex,' by Sheila Gregoir (BareMarriage.com)

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

How do you lovingly decline your husband's initiation of sex in a way that is still connecting and that doesn't feel like such a harsh personal rejection to him? 

In this episode, you'll learn how to put your "no" inside a Positivity Sandwich that affirms him and your desire to be connected in your relationship. 

*I address women declining husbands' initiations in this episode, but this technique is also very good for husbands to use when declining their wife's initiation, also!

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

The Abundant Catholic marriage course is on sale for 50% off (coupon code: JOY) until Thurs, June 10th in honor of the upcoming feast of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin!🌹 

Learn more at canafeast.com/abundant

Yes, life is busy... but that doesn't mean you can let your marriage stagnate on the back burner. Here are three reasons why you NEED to keep growing in your marriage and relationship skills, as well as some ideas for how to work on your marriage. 

1. Continuing education is important (and often required!) for professionals so they stay up to date and pursue excellence, whether as teachers, doctors, engineers, or accountants. In marriage, we also need continuing education! Continual growth, improvement, and change for the better is also part of the call every Christian has to continual conversion and growth in holiness. In marriage, we need to keep learning how to love better.

2.  Your kids and community deserve for your to be the best example of marriage you can be. Could you see your kids growing up and saying, "I want a marriage like my parents had?" This should be our goal!

3. Your sex life will benefit from improving your relationship skills, communication, connection, and togetherness! Sexual intimacy thrives in a marriage climate of emotional intimacy. It needs it in order to do what God designed it to do--to be a total, mutual, personal gift of self that is the physical expression of the spiritual communion of husband and wife.

Different ways to grow in your marriage can include: reading books about marriage and relationships, listening to podcasts, doing an online course, going on a marriage retreat, intentionally carving out time for each other, or going to counseling as a learning experience. 

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

In this episode, I’m joined by my husband Nathan as we share three keys to building emotional intimacy in marriage, inspired by Saints Louis and Zélie Martin.

You will hear about how this saintly couple put faith at the center of their relationship, and how they stayed connected and united to each other while honoring each other’s differences. 

We also share practical examples from our own marriage and offer a lot of encouragement along the way! 

If you want to join my husband and I for a deeper look at the spirituality of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, along with the "Little Way" of their daughter, Saint Therese of Lisieux, register for our free Little Way of Marriage workshop!

👉 Little Way of Marriage Workshop:
www.littlewayofmarriage.com

🌹 🌹 🌹

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Are you not enjoying sex in your Catholic marriage? 

I bet I know why. It's likely at least one of these top 3 reasons that come up with women all the time in my coaching.

1. Obligation sex. 

2. Not enough foreplay

3. Not enough emotional connection

Women, your enjoyment of sex matters just as much as your husband's pleasure! You are created equal. Know your worth as a woman.

Resources mentioned in this show:

Ellen Holloway's Charting Towards Intimacy podcast! 😍

Obligation Sex article series by Sheila Gregoire

A Catholic moral philosopher countering the idea of marital debt: Dr. Tim Pawls 2 part interview series on Bridget Busacker's Managing Your Fertility Podcast

Improve emotional connection with the Cana Feast Retreat Library or the Abundant course, both available on CanaFeast.com.

Or try our free Little Way of Marriage workshop to learn small things that can improve your emotional and spiritual connection in marriage.

My new sex course for Catholic engaged and newlywed women! The Wedding Night and Beyond: A Catholic Bride's Guide to Sex and Intimacy

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)