My Delight with Sarah Bartel

If you want a good foundation in your marriage for those problem-solving, conflict-solving, tension-resolving conversations, you need to build rapport and connection first with AWE:

Affection

Warmth 

Encouragement

This concept is developed in Jim Burns' book Creating and Intimate Marriage: Rekindle Romance through Affection, Warmth, and Encouragement.

In this episode, you'll learn examples for how to pour in more AWE in your marriage with affirmation and gratitude, non-sexual touch, and rooting for each other.

If you want to learn more little things you can do with great love to build up your marriage, check out the Little Way of Marriage, the free online Catholic workshop Sarah and Nathan Bartel created for their CanaFeast ministry. 

Find it at www.littlewayofmarriage.com. 🌹

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Is it sinful for a wife to withhold sex when she's upset at her husband? Is it unfair if they've planned to make love, but then he does something to upset her, so she doesn't want to anymore?

The truth is, emotional connection is the foundation for good lovemaking in marriage. If a wife is upset, she is not in a good place to make love. She shouldn't try to force her body to communicate a closeness, connection, and intimacy that her heart doesn't feel. 

If a wife is not experiencing physical and emotional equilibrium, the husband must respect that and surround her with care and affection, as Humanae vitae says when it warns that practices such as birth control which lead to an entitled attitude towards sex are dangerous because a husband "may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection." (Humanae vita, 17).

To talk about "withholding" sex implies an entitled attitude. Sex is not something husbands and wives are entitled to in marriage--even if there is a common expectation that sex is part of marriage. 

The Catholic Church does not teach that it is a sin for a wife to decline lovemaking in any circumstances. She is always free to do so. Husbands are also always free to decline. 

It is possible that a wife may use lovemaking in a manipulative manner to try to control her husband's behavior, but this is objectifying herself, and she shouldn't do that. 

Instead, a wife should use words to explain why she is upset, and the couple should repair the relationship. Then, they can celebrate that repair with lovemaking... when it's the right time.

A couple may need to increase their marriage skills in order to be able to have good, honest dialogue and get equipped to navigate good repair conversations. If they can tend their emotional connection, they'll be in a good place to celebrate that with their physical intimacy. 

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Here's the episode with all the things married women wish someone had told them when they first got married.

Maybe you've been married a while, and no one ever told you. It's not too late to learn!

Maybe you're a newlywed, or about to get married. You're in a great place to learn good habits early, before you settle into practices in your marriage that work against good lovemaking--practices that are unhelpful, harmful, or even sinful.

If you want help unpacking these Ten Truths further, you can learn more in The Wedding Night and Beyond: The Catholic Bride's Guide to Sex in Marriage. This is good for engaged women, newlyweds, AND wives married decades who never learned all this at the beginning (which, let's be honest, is probably most women!).

https://canafeast.com/weddingnight

Other resources mentioned in this episode

The Catechism of the Catholic Church  2363

The Ohnut by the Pelvic People (device to reduce penetration depth to prevent pain)

The Obligation Sex Series by Sheila Gregoire (excellent blog article series by an Evangelical Christian author/speaker)

A Closer Look at Sexual Coercion (straightforward article on a hotline website)

My Delight podcast episode "Marital Debt is Not Church Teaching"

My Delight podcast episode "What is Sexual Coercion?"

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Your brain is your most important sexual organ.

As you go through your days, weeks, months, and years, you need to make space in your brain for relaxation, creativity, fun, and pleasure... if you want to have those in lovemaking.

You have to learn to periodically value other things more than productivity.

-Connection

-Rest

-Play

-Delight

A woman in a chronic stress state is not going to be able to enjoy sex very much. 

In this episode, Sarah shares some examples for how you can slow down and connect with yourself ....and with your husband!... in order to create the foundation you need for good lovemaking. 

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

When Megan Gephart first signed up for the My Delight course, her husband was deployed. She and her husband were both active duty military, and they wouldn't be together for months, but she was decided to use the time while he was away to start work on herself before.

Years later, Megan is still seeing the fruits unfold in her marriage. 

She shares her story of the tremendous changes she made.

🍍 She decided not to push through pain any more--and to finally talk to her husband about it.

🍓 She realized her pleasure mattered just as much as her husband's--which led to even more more honest, open communication than she'd ever had before in her marriage.

🍇 Now creating time to be together is a big priority. Hear the story of the weekend getaway that was like "heaven on earth"--though events, tensions, a nursing infant, and a big NFP decision leading up to the weekend could have derailed it.  

🫐 She went from avoiding intimacy and avoiding non-sexual touch to finding her way to turn towards and actively choose connection. 

🍒 Listen to Meghan share the genius shift her therapist suggested that is helping non-sexual touch go SO much better in her marriage now!

Megan and her husband are now preparing a new adventure with military orders to Germany. She shares how they are being intentional about preparing for this new adventure (and all the packing and tasks leading up to it), while continuing to communicate closely about prioritizing their marriage, improving their love life ever more, and preparing for the years when they'll be that loving, affectionate silver-haired older couple sitting on their porch swing!

Follow Megan Gephart's work supporting Catholic women entrepreneurs and professionals with coaching for strategy, operations, and sustainable growth at Apostolic Fruit. 

She also co-hosts the Apostolic Fruit podcast with her business partner, Anna Saucier.

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Most marriages have one spouse who is more interested in sex, and another who is less interested. This is desire difference. While this is normal--most marriages have a desire difference one way or another--it causes a lot of tension in marriages.

Sarah brings on her husband, Nathan, to talk about understanding desire difference from a husband's point of view at a deeper level. Beyond just physical libido, he shares about the yearning for connection with their wives he hears from men he's worked with who have the higher desire. He also shares what it's like for the husband who has the lower desire.

Understanding is key, and so are actionable skills that couples can use to help navigate the different factors at work.

Sarah and Nathan point some paths forward to creating more connection--including not making sex the only source of connection in the marriage. 

They discuss the importance of recognizing the wife's mental load, and how the wife and husband can work with that. 

Affirmation and gratitude, non-sexual touch, empathy, and curiousity all help husbands and wives grow closer, feel seen, feel like they matter to the other, and grow in their unity and emotional connection.

Catholic husbands interested in Nathan's free Desires Differences workshop can join here through March 12th. Replays of past calls are available.

Desires Differences Workshop:

https://canafeast.com/desire

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

When we fast, we can expect a pattern of five spiritual attacks--whether the fast is from food, behaviors like scrolling, people-pleasing, or other comforts.

The enemy works in our false attachments: to things, to false gods, and to false comforts. He likes to get us to put something above God in our life, and that creates disorder.

Fasting restores order.

It puts God back as the center of our life.

Of course the enemy will pursue our soul when we do this. 

Learn his tactics, learn that this is normal (you are not failing), and then learn how to gently and lovingly restore proper order after an attack. 

Denise Jelinek joins Sarah to break down the play book for each of these five attacks... and shares what to do about them.

They touch on authentic self-care and tie it all in to 

Join Denise in fasting from the scale and finding peace with food this Lent in her beautiful and deeply transformative 63 Surrendered Program! 

Ash Wednesday Sale: Get it for $1 a day (coupon code: Lent63)

Join here: https://weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com/

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

It's almost Lent! Listen to the voice of the Lord speak:

"I will lead her into the desert, and there I will speak to her heart." Hos 2:14

So many good Catholic married women feel like there's a desert of some kind in their love life. Maybe it's a libido desert, or a postpartum desert, or a menopause desert. Maybe it's the ache of not feeling as desired by your husband as you'd like. Maybe lovemaking just feels humdrum and routine So many different kinds of deserts!

The scriptures can renew our minds and bring supernatural inspiration. In this episode, Sarah shares three lessons from the Song of Songs to help guide your love life. As she reads this scripture through the lens of a Catholic sex and marriage coach, she sees:

1. The Bride's body image is very positive!

2. Great use of words and talking between the Bridegroom and the Bride. More Catholic couples should be talking about their love life with each other and talking while making love. You have a love story. Keep telling the story!

3. Use all 5 senses. The Song of Songs uses vivid language for all five senses. How can you incorporate and highlight the sense of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing in different ways to enliven your time coming together? 

Sarah shares just a few examples of ideas in this episode, but more is available in her Bloom in the Desert virtual retreat happening Feb. 18-24. It's free! Learn more from the Song of Songs to inspire your love life, do fun homework, win prizes, enjoy a safe Catholic community of sisters in Christ all committed to growing together. 

Enroll here:

https://canafeast.com/desertbloom

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Making you feel guilty for saying "no."

Wearing you down with asking over and over.

You just want to get some sleep... the babies will be up at 5 am, so you just give in to get it over with.

...These are all examples of sexual coercion, which is a form of emotional abuse. 

Sarah is joined by Jenny DuBay, a certified trauma-informed Catholic coach, certified deconstructing gaslighting specialist, and certified narcissistic abuse specialist to talk about sexual coercion in marriage and the importance of consent to sex in Catholic marriage.

Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to be constantly sexually available. 

That's not the teaching of the Catholic Church, and Jenny uses her theology degree and deep knowledge of TOB and Church teaching to dive into this topic.

Listen in if you want to hear about the many different forms sexual coercion can take in Catholic marriage... and what to do about it.

Get Jenny's DuBay's book Don't Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic's Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse (EnRoute Books and Media, 2024)

Learn more about Jenny at

https://www.jennydubay.com

and learn more about healthy relationships in the articles on her SubStack at:

https://www.createsoulspace.org/

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

How does nutrition impact our hormones for libido and perimenopause thriving? 

Sarah is joined by Catholic nutritionist Rita Johnson of the Health and Hormones podcast to chat about how what you eat can impact your libido and perimenopause hormones. 

Along the way they chat about the power of dreaming, mindset shifts, and four high-protein breakfast ideas to anchor your blood sugar and set you up for a stable day... the kind of day more likely to leave with with some extra energy for intimacy at the end of it, if you want!

You can find Rita at https://healthandhormones.org.

Interested in the 5-day Perimenopause Workshop that Rita, Sarah, and other Catholic experts are offering Jan. 26-30? All sessions will be recorded so you can catch the replays. Walk away with a workbook full of practical strategies.

https://healthandhormones.org/perimenopause-workshop 

Want Rita's free handout on hormone health?

https://birdsend.page/forms/9473/cDk9YT4KSn

 🔥 Free Guide to 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit for Improving Intimacy for Catholic Wives 

https://canafeast.com/MyDelight-9-Skills

🤔 What is Allowed for Catholics in the Bedroom? Find out in the 19-page "What's Allowed List" ($10)

https://canafeast.com/mydelight-whatsallowed

Support the show

Want to learn 10 Truths for Good Sex for Catholic Wives? 

Free "10 Truths" download.

https://canafeast.com/10truths

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)