Why is Travis Kelce the most famous player in the NFL? How much should you miss booze during Dry January? Where can you get away from everything? Should you trust anyone with really nice teeth? Plus: dorky cussing, human fists, Big Masseuse, 16-beers-deep Chris Cote, and a casual aside about allegedly murdering your roommate.

Further reading:

Kicking the Habit (Slate)

The People Who Brought You Travis Kelce (The New York Times)

They Sold Everything to Go on a 3-Year Cruise. How It All Unraveled. (The New York Times)

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/17UhD1blqNE

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Underground in a Bond-esque bunker. Inside a private club with a league commissioner. Across the table from an executive with a parrot on his shoulder. And, finally, at the courthouse for a global legal drama centered around "a corrupt organization" operating "outside the law": This is how Pablo's boss at Meadowlark Media — and the former president of ESPN — went from a high-stakes, handshake deal... to a knock on the door from the feds... to becoming a government witness. Also: the future of the World Cup, and yachts. Lots and lots of yachts.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Gwo4X8XTAVw

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They were raised to chug whipping cream and turn every meal into an all-you-can-eat buffet. But somehow, America’s most popular New Year’s resolution is most embodied by the extreme transformation of none other than offensive linemen. In retirement, these pioneers of gluttony have reverse-engineered themselves physically but also evolved mentally. And as former 315-pounder Mike Golic Jr. peels away the layers beyond the six-pack, with reflections from former colleagues Joe Thomas and Nick Hardwick, he reveals that sustainable personal change goes way beyond the weight.

(If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.)

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/hl8b1iYP5c8

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As the Denver Broncos crumble all around Russell Wilson, the superstar quarterback has never been more fascinating. Or more unknowable. But Nate Tice was Wilson’s backup, roommate, and occasional speechwriter at the University of Wisconsin. And to hear these college confessions — about a shirt-tucked, Timberlake-loving try-hard, who is possibly from outer space — is to finally understand the weirdest athlete on Planet Earth.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This year, Emmy-winning screenwriter Cord Jefferson (Watchmen, Succession, The Good Place, Master of None) has become a major Oscar contender for his directorial debut movie, American Fiction. So we wanted to ask Cord the truth about awards, competitiveness, race, external validation, and happiness. Also, the Men In Black soundtrack.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/4O3jaJ1TN94

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may remember him as the paternity-test king of fever-pitch daytime television. But this renaissance man has seen it all — the JFK assassination, Waco, a woman who's afraid of aluminum foil — and he has emerged an optimist. Climb into your TV for wisdom on courage, vulnerability, and reassurance from the OG who held up Pro Bowlers at practice... and introduced the world to Cotton Ball Man.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pablo only understands the true meaning of making this show, not the holiday season. So the ghosts of Christmas break pay him a visit, to pay it forward with recommendations for reality shows and Christmas songs, plus an important investigation into the truth about Santa Claus. May bonus content bless you, everyone.

PTFO-approved xmas playlists:

Charlotte Wilder's Christmas-Song Christmas Songs

Cortes's Holiday Mix

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DlGMJ4GO7Oo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse" is the PTFO Movie of the Year™ but how does all this comic-book content feel so new, when constraint is supposed to be the mother of creativity? Also: Will Marvel explain away Jonathan Majors? Can you actually draft an all-white Pro Bowl roster, with so much "reverse racism" against cornerbacks? And how can we all be a little nicer next year?

Further content:

"I'm sick of average white guys commenting on football...." (@R_Mendenhall)

The Spider-Man Problem (Planet Money)

Marvel, Disney drop actor Jonathan Majors after he's convicted of assaulting his former girlfriend (AP)

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/4hiz7wbx6ws

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may remember Smush Parker from his very public, lopsided beef with the late Kobe Bryant, but there is so much more to the arc of Smush's life story — from being a toddler raised inside "The Cage," in New York City, to bringing up the ball right before "The Malice at the Palace" began. And now, it turns out, Smush Parker is committed to another shocking quest: become the fourth former NBA player, ever, to become an NBA referee.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ZWFEMq7prXc

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the afterlife sounded like a pro wrestler? Does Vivek Ramaswamy have the nuts for a pay-per-view debate with Pablo? And how the hell do you get out of a gym membership? Plus: enormous dildos, dong tennis, cock-adjacent merch, Harry Houdini's quads, and several special ringside appearances.

Further reading:

NJ Bill Would Allow Consumers to Cancel Gym Memberships Online and Easily (Asbury Park Press)

Using A.I. to Talk to the Dead (The New York Times)

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-SwgmSvrpwU

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices