Perfectionism Rewired

Tactical "stop it" approaches to self-comparison DO NOT WORK for perfectionists. Find out WHY along with the hidden costs of comparing yourself, why the approach you’ve taken to stopping self-comparison hasn't worked, what you actually need to do and scientifically what causes perfectionists to have an even harder time than non-perfectionistic people in rewiring this habit. 

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire

00:00-Why self comparison tactics fail perfectionists
01:41-The hidden costs of comparing yourself
06:31-Recognize self comparison as a type of self punishment.
10:11-Why intellect isn't enough to rewire perfectionist tendencies
12:13-Developing skill sets over gathering knowledge
15:00-Why it's scientifically harder for perfectionists to stop unhealthy self-comparison
16:08-Acceptance vs. judgment in rewiring perfectionism
18:00-What Silver vs. bronze medalists show us about comparing yourself to others
21:30-Choosing growth over fear of failure

• Perfect Start Introductory Session Single Coaching Session
• Comparing Yourself (pt.1) Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 245
• Discovering Your Hidden Motivators Perfectionism Rewired  Ep. 80
• Intrinsic Motivational Patterns Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 66

Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000138  

Sirois, F.M., Monforton, J. and Simpson, M. (2010) "If Only I Had Done Better": Perfectionism and the Functionality of Counterfactual Thinking. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 36 (12). 1675 - 1692. ISSN 0146-1672 https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167210387614

Stoeber, J., & Diedenhofen, B. (2017). Multidimensional perfectionism and counterfactual thinking: Some think upward, others downward. Personality and Individual Differences, 119, 118–121. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.07.009

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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Comparing yourself all the time? Tired of feeling like you never quite measure up...no matter how much you accomplish? It's not just YOU! Discover the sneaky specific ways self-comparison shows up for perfectionists, the difference between self-awareness + self-coaching, why self-comparison is not your fault but is your responsibility to change.  

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire

00:00-How you can stop comparing yourself to others
02:32-The Annoying Problem with Surface-Level Self Comparison Tips
03:46-Self Awareness vs. Self Coaching: What's the Difference?
05:34-Dangers of DIY Approaches to Rewiring Perfectionism
07:25-Why “How To Stop COmparing Yourself To Others” tips backfire for perfectionists
12:10-Comparing Insides to Outsides Never Adds Up
14:13-Moving the goalposts
17:49-Punishment vs. Discipline: Changing Behaviors without Pain
19:31-Understanding the Why Behind Your Perfectionistic Tendencies

• Perfect Start Introductory Session Single Coaching Session
• Be Proud of Yourself Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 237
• Chasing Validation Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 236
• Proving Yourself At Work Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 232

McCarthy, P. A., Meyer, T., Back, M. D., & Morina, N. (2023). How we compare: A new approach to assess aspects of the comparison process for appearance-based standards and their associations with individual differences in wellbeing and personality measures. PLOS ONE, 18(1), e0280072–e0280072. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0280072

White, J. B., Langer, E. J., Yariv, L., & Welch, J. C. (2006). Frequent Social Comparisons and Destructive Emotions and Behaviors: The Dark Side of Social Comparisons. Journal of Adult Development, 13(1), 36–44. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-006-9005-0

Zhou, Y., Yang, Y., Jiang, H., & Guo, C. (2025). Self-comparison versus social-comparison: The impact of imperfection on executive function in perfectionists. Personality and Individual Differences, 234, 112965. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2024.112965

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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Tired of getting tangled in your own words? Overcomplicating it? Asking "Does that make sense?" at the end of every sentence? Discover why you can't stop talking (even though you REALLY want to), the science behind overexplaining for perfectionists, how overexplaining is harmful to your health mentally, emotionally and physically, and why its a coping skill you want to retire ASAP.

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

00:00-Understanding the Science Behind Overexplaining
02:24-Why Perfectionists Are More Likely To Overexplain
05:18-Control Tactics and Overexplaining
08:46-Self Worth vs. Self Esteem
12:32-The Emotional Charge Behind Overexplaining
14:02-Toll of Overexplaining on Mental + Physical Health
16:18-How Interoception Kills The Need To Overexplain
20:39-TRUTH BOOTH What Overexplaining Really Is
22:33-Steps to Resilience and Reducing Overexplaining

• Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 Private Coaching
• Impeccable Boundaries Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 239
• Care-ing vs Carrying Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 202
• Interoception + Self-Regulation Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 194
• Inner Critic Be-Gone Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 212
• Emotional Overexplaining Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 173
• Proving Yourself At Work Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 232

Barrett, L. F., & Simmons, W. K. (2015). Interoceptive predictions in the brain. Nature Reviews. Neuroscience, 16(7), 419–429. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3950

‌Price, C. J., & Hooven, C. (2018). Interoceptive Awareness Skills for Emotion Regulation: Theory and Approach of Mindful Awareness in Body-Oriented Therapy (MABT). Frontiers in Psychology, 9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00798

Ventura-Bort, C., Wendt, J., & Mathias Weymar. (2021). The Role of Interoceptive Sensibility and Emotional Conceptualization for the Experience of Emotions. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.712418

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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Craving Certainty? Need to be absolutely 100% sure before making a move? You’re not alone. In this episode, I unravel why the struggle of dealing with uncertainty holds high performance perfectionists back, how to recognize uncertainty avoidance in your own life and tools to take control of the fear, uncertainty and doubt (so it stops controlling you!). Discover practical strategies to break free from the cage of high uncertainty avoidance and gain the confidence to move forward, before every detail is known.

Ready to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to create? Waiting for the right time won't get you there. Uncover how to joyfully play in the arena of your life by rewiring your perfectionistic tendencies inside  Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching, designed exclusively for perfectionists and gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

00:00-High Uncertainty Avoidance

00:40-What Perfectionists ARE Secretly in Control Of

01:36-Why Perfectionists Crave Certainty

02:21-Examples of Uncertainty

03:39-The Myth of Ironclad Certainty

04:47-Uncertainty Tolerance is a Learnable Skill

05:34-Making Good Decisions

06:50-Moving Forward Even When You Don't Know The Outcome

07:27-Rewiring Perfectionism from the Inside Out

• Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 Private Coaching
• Impeccable Boundaries Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 239
• Fixed Mindset Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 234
• Unlearning Learned Helplessness Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 202

Citations/Sources:

• Anderson, E. C., R. Nicholas Carleton, Diefenbach, M., & Paul. (2019). The Relationship Between Uncertainty and Affect. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02504
• Reis-Dennis, S., Gerrity, M. S., & Geller, G. (2021). Tolerance for Uncertainty and Professional Development: a Normative Analysis. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 36(8), 2408–2413. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11606-020-06538-y
• Seif, M. N., & Winston, S. M. (2019). Needing to Know For Sure: A CBT-Based Guide to Overcoming Compulsive Checking and Reassurance Seeking . New Harbinger Publications.

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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Are You Waiting for the Right Time? It’s time to stop waiting for the perfect time. Feeling 100% ready (or whatever ideal set of conditions you’ve been waiting for) is an illusion that keeps you from taking charge of your life right now. Learn how to recognize if you’re giving your power over to ideal circumstances and how to take control. 

Ready to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to create? Waiting for the right time won't get you there. Uncover how to joyfully play in the arena of your life by rewiring your perfectionistic tendencies inside  Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching that gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

• Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 Private Coaching
• Impeccable Boundaries Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 239
• Fixed Mindset Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 234
• Unlearning Learned Helplessness Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 202

Citations/Sources:

• Leclerc, F., Schmitt, B. H., & Dube, L. (1995). Waiting Time and Decision Making: Is Time like Money? Journal of Consumer Research, 22(1), 110–110. https://doi.org/10.1086/209439
• ‌Osuna, E. E. (1985). The psychological cost of waiting. Journal of Mathematical Psychology, 29(1), 82–105. https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-2496(85)90020-3

Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Ever wish you had more confidence?  Too many driven perfectionists wait for more confidence before making bold moves, mistaking insecurity for preparation. But waiting is killing your confidence slowly. 'm clearing up all the  confusion around getting more confidence so you can stop waiting for it to show up and giving you the exact formula  to get more confidence today!

Ready to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to create? Waiting for more confidence on the sidelines won't get you there. Uncover how to joyfully play in the arena of your life by rewiring your perfectionistic tendencies inside  Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching that gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

• Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 Private Coaching
• Impeccable Boundaries Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 239
• Fixed Mindset Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 234
• Unlearning Learned Helplessness Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 202

Citations/Sources:

• Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.84.2.191
• Katie Stringer Lucero, & Chen, P. (2020). What Do Reinforcement and Confidence Have to Do with It? A Systematic Pathway Analysis of Knowledge, Competence, Confidence, and Intention to Change. Journal of European CME, 9(1), 1834759–1834759. https://doi.org/10.1080/21614083.2020.1834759
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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

 Lifelong learner but not taking bold action? I used to wait for more time, more confidence, more certainty, more information, more money and more support. Then I’d get MORE of what I was waiting for….and still find excuses to keep waiting. Until one day I quit waiting for more. Find out why perfectionists love to wait for more, precisely how this keeps you stuck and what happens IRL when perfectionists stop waiting for more information. 

Ready to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to create? Waiting for more on the sidelines won't get you there. Uncover how to joyfully play in the arena of your life by rewiring your perfectionistic tendencies inside  Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching that gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 Private Coaching

Fixed Mindset Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 234

Unlearning Learned Helplessness Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 202

6 Self-Sabotaging Patterns Perfectionists Unknowingly Nurture Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 215

The Sneaky High Performance Habit Holding You Back Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 140

Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Imagine feeling empowered, calm and grounded. You trust yourself. The incessant judgey voice in your head has been replaced with a witty, encouraging narrator. Your relationships built on truth. You say no to stuff you don’t want to do, without explanation. You take care of yourself FIRST. You've upgraded from exhausted to excited. Want that to be your reality? It starts with Impeccable Boundaries. Listen to learn how to create your own Impeccable Boundaries

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

Listen to the full episode to hear:

- Can impeccable boundaries actually exist in relationships with unconditional love?

- Impeccable Boundary vs Ineffective Boundary

- how do you actually go about creating impeccable boundaries

- Why it's more challenging for a perfectionistic person to have impeccable boundaries.

- Perks  of impeccable boundaries

- How who/what hurts you, can't heal you

Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 Private Coaching

More You Control, Less Powerful You Feel Perfectionism Optimized Ep. 196

Care-ing vs Carrying Perfectionism Optimized Ep. 202

Everything You Need To Know About Self-Regulation As A Perfectionist Perfectionism Optimized Ep. 194 

Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Just as you finally get everything under control, life throws you ANOTHER curve ball. Seems like no matter what you do, you never get a moment of peace bc It’s Always Something. Discover exactly how to break down the elusive barriers that perpetually seem to get in the way of perfectionists and equip you with practical tools to let go of the chaos so you can navigate life’s unexpected twists without getting overwhelmed. 

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, PRESENCE with your family or turning down the volume on self-criticism, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How where you source your confidence from determines how well you adapt to life's surprises
• Why resourcing yourself mentally, emotionally + physically enables you  to handle unexpected challenges like a pro
• The secret to stop feeling like everything is always on your shoulders (this is way better than deep breaths)

Neuroplasticity (Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 178)

Perfectionism Optimized 1-1 Private Coaching

Citations/Sources:

• Green, C. S., & Bavelier, D. (2008). Exercising your brain: A review of human brain plasticity and training-induced learning. Psychology and Aging, 23(4), 692–701. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014345
• Kummer, K., Mattes, A. & Stahl, J. Do perfectionists show negative, repetitive thoughts facing uncertain situations?. Curr Psychol (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-023-04409-3‌
• Levine, S. (2003). Psychological and social aspects of resilience: a synthesis of risks and resources. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 5(3), 273–280. https://doi.org/10.31887/dcns.2003.5.3/slevine

Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

Discover why being proud of yourself is a mission critical skill for all perfectionists and how to rewire your brain to see your value. Un-learn the misconceptions currently getting in the way of you being proud of you and how to exit the inadequacy cycle. Thinking I don't have anything to be proud of? I'm giving you 5 reasons that you can be proud of yourself + the tool I use everyday to be proud of myself NO MATTER HAT I have or haven't accomplished.

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, PRESENCE with your family or turning down the volume on self-criticism, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/optimized

00:00-Perfectionists + Valuing Yourself Beyond Achievements

01:52-Upgrading From "Being Successful to Be Proud Of You"

03:15-Why being proud is USEFUL SKILL for perfectionists

04:57-Living a life stuck in inadequacy

06:03-Fear of Losing Motivation if Proud Now

07:48-Finding something to be proud of: $3,000,000 challenge

08:31-Attaching productivity to proud aka POISON

09:50-Passive failing vs. active failing

11:17-Feeling proud without eradicating negative emotions

12:56-Shrinking the part of your brain that triggers stress

SOURCES REFERENCED In Ep. 237

• Fischer, J. (2012). Being Proud and Feeling Proud: Character, Emotion, and the Moral Psychology of Personal Ideals. The Journal of Value Inquiry, 46(2), 209–222. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10790-012-9337-x
• Neff, K. D. (2009). The Role of Self-Compassion in Development: A Healthier Way to Relate to Oneself. Human Development, 52(4), 211–214. https://doi.org/10.1159/000215071
• Nepon, T. (2024). Perfectionism, Self-Image Goals and Compassionate Goals in Health and Mental Health: A Longitudinal Analysis - Taryn Nepon, Gordon L. Flett, Paul L. Hewitt, 2024. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/07342829241239997

Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.