Pure Desire Podcast

In this honest and compassionate conversation, we explore the hidden struggles pastors often face—and why many suffer in silence. Our guest, Cal Rychener, unpacks the key barriers that keep church leaders from seeking help, including fear, shame, and unrealistic expectations. We look at the dangerous impact unaddressed struggles can have on both the pastor and the church, and the steps leadership can take to build a culture of proactive care and support. 

Through real-life stories of pastors who finally reached out, we see the power of grace, community, and trusted resources—like those from Pure Desire—to bring healing and restoration. This episode also casts a hopeful vision for what a truly healthy church looks like: one that cares well for its leaders. 

If you’re a pastor, church staff member, or simply someone who wants to support your leaders better, this conversation offers both challenge and encouragement.

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In this special episode, Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson sit down to share the heart behind their new book, Hope, Healing, and Freedom. Written from their own journeys through pornography addiction and betrayal trauma, this book offers a deeply personal yet practical roadmap toward lasting recovery.

They discuss why telling their story together matters, the reasons pornography has become such a widespread issue—even in the church—and how common misconceptions continue to keep people stuck in silence. Nick and Ashley unpack key concepts like connection vs. sobriety, the impact of betrayal trauma, and why quitting porn requires more than just willpower.

With insights from both biblical truth and brain science, they highlight the kind of support and understanding both strugglers and spouses truly need. Whether you're on the road to recovery or walking with someone who is, this conversation offers powerful encouragement, real hope, and a vision for true freedom.

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In this vital and eye-opening episode, we speak with Hannah Ashwell from QuitPorn Faith about the complex, often misunderstood topic of sex addiction within the Church—especially when it involves individuals who have offended or are at risk of offending. Hannah shares the most common misconceptions churches hold and how these can hinder true healing and safety.

We explore how faith communities can create cultures of openness and accountability while implementing essential safeguarding protocols to protect everyone. Drawing from real-world experience, Hannah offers insight into how churches can balance grace with responsibility, and restoration with necessary boundaries. From practical next steps when someone discloses illegal behavior to examples of churches walking this difficult path well, this conversation provides both courage and clarity.

For leaders who feel overwhelmed by the weight of these issues, Hannah offers hope: with the right tools and heart posture, churches can be places of redemption and protection.

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In the raw aftermath of betrayal, survival mode often takes over—leaving clarity and stability out of reach. In this episode, Eileen Fagan shares the three critical tools every betrayed spouse needs to integrate quickly in the early days post-discovery. We explore why these tools matter, what “integration” looks like when trauma is fresh, and how they can offer safety and emotional grounding even when everything feels shattered. 

Eileen addresses common misunderstandings about a betrayed partner’s immediate needs and gently walks us through how these tools can shift someone from panic or paralysis to empowerment and self-regulation. We also discuss common barriers to using the tools, how to layer them with care, and the difference they make long-term.

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The day of discovery—when a partner finds out their spouse has been viewing porn—can feel like emotional devastation. In this powerful episode, we dive into the six most important steps betrayed partners should take in the aftermath, including reaching out for support, setting healthy boundaries, and allowing space for emotional chaos. 

Our guest, Heather Kolb, sheds light on why the pain of discovery runs so deep, how to create a Safety Action Plan, and how betrayed partners can seek truth and healing without falling into shame or isolation. We also explore why rushing to reconciliation may do more harm than good and what to do when the struggling spouse refuses to seek help. 

Whether you're in the early stages of betrayal trauma or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation offers grounding guidance, honest insight, and hope for healing. You are not alone, and your healing matters—starting today.

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The first 60 days after discovery or disclosure are some of the most overwhelming—and critical—moments in the recovery journey. In this episode, we unpack why this window matters so much and how to navigate it with clarity and purpose. 

Our guest and clinician for Pure Desire, Josh Andrew, shares the top three tools every individual should begin using right away: the Recovery Action Plan, the Escape Plan, and the Three Circles. You'll learn how these tools help calm the chaos, provide direction, and interrupt destructive patterns before they take over. We walk through practical first steps for each, offering guidance that’s simple, actionable, and effective—even in crisis. 

Whether you’re just starting recovery or supporting someone who is, this episode offers hope and structure for the days ahead.

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Getting caught looking at porn can be an emotionally overwhelming experience, filled with shame, confusion, and fear. In this episode, we sit down with Jason Karsten to explore the six most crucial steps someone should take immediately after discovery—from seeking support and establishing boundaries to giving themselves grace and beginning the healing process. Jason shares practical advice on taking responsibility without being consumed by shame, the importance of honesty and transparency, and how to shift the focus from just managing behavior to pursuing true inner transformation. We also discuss the power of creating healthy boundaries that foster growth rather than punishment, and why rushing your partner toward forgiveness may backfire. Whether you’re just beginning your recovery or helping someone else walk through it, this episode offers clear, compassionate guidance for navigating the difficult—but hopeful—path ahead. Healing is possible, and this conversation is a powerful first step toward lasting change.

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In this episode, Debby Flanagan shares valuable insight into what comes after the first year of recovery—a season often marked by both growth and new challenges. As the initial intensity of group begins to settle, many wonder: What’s next? Debby offers guidance on how to discern the right next step—whether it’s repeating a group, starting a new workbook, or stepping into leadership. She unpacks what it means to have a long-term vision for recovery while remaining grounded in the present moment. 

You’ll hear about the shifting dynamics of recovery in Year 2 and beyond, the potential for plateau, and how to reignite momentum when things feel stale. Debby also emphasizes the ongoing importance of community, intentional relationships, and practical ways to keep your recovery work fresh and meaningful. 

Whether you're stepping into your second year or helping someone else navigate theirs, this episode is packed with wisdom to help you stay committed, energized, and hopeful for the road ahead.

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In this insightful episode, Tyler Chinchen unpacks the importance of knowing when group alone isn’t enough—and how seeking additional support can actually deepen the healing process. While recovery groups offer connection, structure, and hope, some seasons call for more personalized help.

Tyler shares the key signs that someone might benefit from working with a counselor, coach, spiritual director, or mentor—and breaks down the unique role each plays in the journey toward freedom. We also explore how to avoid becoming overly dependent on advice and instead take ownership of our healing. If you’ve ever felt ashamed or unsure about needing “extra help,” this conversation brings clarity, encouragement, and a fresh perspective.

Tyler also offers guidance for group leaders and members on how to support others in taking that next step, with compassion and healthy boundaries. 

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In this honest and hope-filled episode, Ashley Jameson shares wisdom from her own recovery journey and years of walking with others through the group process. Together, we explore the reality that healing in a group isn’t a straight line—it’s filled with both highs and lows. 

Ashley highlights the moments that bring encouragement and motivation, as well as the common challenges that can cause doubt or discouragement. She offers practical insight for staying engaged when things feel slow, painful, or uncertain—and reminds us why honesty and consistency are so essential to long-term growth. Through powerful stories of breakthrough and perseverance, Ashley paints a picture of what’s possible when we don’t give up. 

Whether you're in a tough season or supporting someone who is, this conversation is a timely reminder: you’re not alone, and the process is worth it.

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