If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My group was excruciating tonight—hearing others’ victories while I’m drowning in pain felt unbearable. I’m exhausted from picking myself back up after every setback, asking why healing comes easily for some but not for us. I know God has a plan, but it still hurts. What should I do when group becomes too painful—should I push through, even when my heart isn't in it? 
• I have a question for you in regard to rebuilding intimacy and trust. My husband has involved himself in behaviors that I find repulsive. He has apparently spent time at home wearing my under clothes for arousal, he has masturbated and interacted with our cat during those times, and also taken pictures of himself in his boxers on and sends that to hook up sites. I find these activities gross and disgusting—they are triggers to my being intimate with him. How do I overcome this?
• Last October, my husband confessed to years of porn use, shattering me emotionally and worsening my physical health. Since then, I’ve battled fear, grief, insecurity, and disconnection from myself and my role as a mom. He’s six months sober, but I feel broken and alone without a support group. Will this fear and pain ever pass—and how can I stop living in constant emotional defense?

Why Do I Need Group When It's Not My Fault - Blog

7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• In the new edition of Betrayal & Beyond you took out the part about "forgiving yourself." I am happy you did because I don't agree with that concept. I believe in God's forgiveness, but I wonder why you decided to take that part out of the new edition?
• Each time my husband relapses, I feel completely lost—especially now, four years in, after his first relapse in a long time. The longer the gap, the more painful it is, because I start to feel safe again. Could you create an episode I can return to during a relapse—something grounding, calming, and full of direction when I can't think clearly?
• I live in a small town with limited support and feel stuck in my healing. After nearly a year of counseling—and no full disclosure—I’m still facing lies and secrecy in my marriage. My husband refuses individual counseling, and our marriage counseling ended. I’ve considered separation or divorce. What resources or next steps would you suggest for someone in my situation, especially regarding boundaries?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]
We can’t wait to hear from you!

Episode 239

Episode 276

Episode 370

Episode 388

Andrea Rogers | Suddenly Single

Kim Petroni

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• As my husband and I walk through recovery—he’s in Seven Pillars, I’m in Betrayal & Beyond—I’m nearing the end of my group and preparing for full disclosure. I wish there were clear resources to help our Christian parents, including my retired pastor father-in-law, understand sex addiction and how to support us. Could you create an episode specifically for parents of adult children in recovery?
• I'm navigating a delicate situation with my 16-year-old daughter and a male youth group leader. He has been texting her personal prayers and has crossed boundaries, despite our requests for him to stop. My concern is whether this relationship is appropriate, as it feels like he’s overstepping. We're meeting with him and church leadership soon, and I’m wondering what questions to ask and how to handle this in a God-honoring way. I'm also healing from my own betrayal trauma and struggling with how to approach this situation without letting past wounds cloud my judgment. Would love any advice.
• My husband and I are celebrating 25 years in August, but my recovery has been a rollercoaster since discovering his porn addiction 15 months ago. We’ve planned an anniversary trip, but I’m struggling to book it. Part of me thinks it could be healing, but I’m afraid it might end up being a painful reminder. How long into recovery is it safe to take an extended vacation?

Girl Talk

SI 101

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m 26, single, and struggling with porn addiction. While I have filters in place, I’ve turned to sexually explicit romance books as a substitute. It feels less harmful since the characters aren't real, but I know it still impacts me. Can reading these books damage my future relationships, or will marriage truly make the cravings disappear?  
• I'm 46, still single, and always thought I’d be married by now. Over the years, I’ve felt disappointed, but that hasn’t stopped my natural sexual desire. Learning about my body through self-pleasure has helped me grow in confidence and body acceptance. Is it okay to self-pleasure while waiting for a future partner, and can it actually prepare me for a healthy sex life in marriage?
• I'm in my 40s, and don't struggle with fantasy, however, in the last year I have noticed that I'm struggling with masturbating at specific times of the month. It seems like this is related to hormonal changes. Even though I'm not thinking about anything specific or watching anything inappropriate, I still get filled with shame when I lose the battle. What should I do?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• During our full disclosure, my husband confessed to having fantasies about my young adult daughter. She is his step-daughter and he did not raise her. He then confessed that he is aroused by most developed females. I suppose my question is this: is there really hope that his arousal template can change and our marriage can survive and thrive? I am scared to stay in this marriage and circle the drain for years. I am scared I will never feel safe around any other females, including my own daughter. 
• After years of struggling, including a particularly destructive 2023–2024, my husband claims to have maintained five months of sobriety following a brief relapse. Yet he’s not active in a men’s group or recovery program and only recently resumed counseling. Can long-term sobriety truly begin without consistent support, especially after a lifetime of addiction and minimal accountability?
• I struggle with unmet expectations after years of addiction and my own enabling. My husband’s emotional affair lasted months, with multiple other women involved. He now says he wants change—for himself—and is more present with our kids. But I’m exhausted doing the work alone while he remains passive in recovery. Am I asking too much to want true partnership and understanding in this healing process?

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• How does one communicate needs in a marriage when one partner is stuck in the shame spiral of addiction? My husband gets defensive when I express my needs, which deepens my emotional wounds. How can I safely share my feelings and build trust and intimacy when he reacts this way?
• Could you talk more about spiritual bypass? It seems like people sometimes use faith or spiritual practices to avoid addressing deeper emotional or relational issues. How can we recognize spiritual bypassing, and how can it be harmful to personal healing or relationships? I’d love to hear more on this topic.
• I would like to hear more about self-esteem or self-love in healing. For the betrayed partner, working on self-esteem has been foundational to my healing and my husband's. Yet, church and Christian writers often reject the concept, especially in women's ministry. Why is there fear of elevating oneself in this context?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]

We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Our sex life confuses me. My husband expects me to engage instantly, even after disconnection, yet refuses intimacy unless I’m fully enthusiastic. I’m willing, even when not interested, but he won’t proceed unless I’m all in. We feel like we live separate lives—could that be affecting our intimacy?
• My sex-addicted husband won’t have sex, even after 5 months sober. He avoids it, can't perform without porn or escorts, and even Viagra isn’t reliable. I try, I’m willing, but he pulls away. What now? Will we just become roommates? Can he heal? Do I accept a sexless marriage?
• Could you discuss how to navigate touch in a relationship after betrayal? My husband, currently separated and sleeping on the couch, doesn’t understand why I can’t stand being touched—even a hug. His touch feels like “taking” from me, and I feel gross when I don’t desire it. How can we address this?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at  [email protected]

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If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After 29 years, my husband had an affair, quit his job, filed for divorce, and left—refusing counseling or reconciliation. I still love him and believe in restoration, but he’s enamored with someone else. Am I pitiful for hoping? How do I find peace when my ex husband shows no remorse?
• I’m at the end of my rope. After 37 years of porn use, my husband is only in Seven Pillars because I gave an ultimatum. He shows no real desire to change. How is Betrayal & Beyond helpful when there’s no true repentance? Are these resources only for willing spouses?
• After 42 years of marriage, my husband changed after retirement. We stopped having sex early, and he turned to porn. Now, he lies, denies, and gaslights me, even after attending groups. At 76, I wonder if he truly wants change. Should I stay or separate? Any advice?

PD Podcast w/ Andrea Rogers

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If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- My husband has nearly 9 months of sobriety. He finished Seven Pillars and now attends a men's group for ongoing support, but he's growing tired of the 30-minute drive. How much sobriety and healing should he have before stepping away from group? When is it okay to stop?

- Most resources address wives betrayed by porn or affairs—but what about the wife who realizes she is where her husband acts out? What if she’s both his sex drug and dealer, yet he refuses to see it and blames her lack of desire, ignoring his pressure and coercion?

- PLEASE, PLEASE DO MORE ABOUT HUSBANDS ACTING OUT WITH PROSTITUTES. That’s what my husband did for years and I’m so beyond broken. I can’t find a lot of info on acting out with sex workers. They were younger than my daughter and I don’t know how to handle it. 💔

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I recently joined Pure Desire. Is it okay for a woman to discuss with her pastor her sexual issues with her husband in their home? What responsibility does the pastor have in this situation? In what environment should he accept this responsibility and offer guidance? 
• I'm a therapist with a newly married client who struggles with low sexual desire despite loving his wife. He abstained before marriage, avoids porn, and they share affection and closeness. He's confused by his lack of drive. What might be causing this, and how can I support him?
• If a person is on the fence about whether to join a group (either B&B or Seven Pillars), what advice, guidance, or encouragement would you give regarding making that decision? As a group leader, I question whether a couple can find true healing, have a thriving marriage, and be great parents without either joining a group or seeking professional help.

Send us your questions to [email protected]

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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