Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

• I’m close to completing the Betrayal & Beyond group but it doesn’t seem like our group will continue to interact much after the group ends. I am only 6 months into this journey and still feel like I need the support of a group (especially since no one in my real life knows about this issue). If the recovery process is 3-5 years, what do y’all recommend for continued connection after Betrayal & Beyond? Are there effective ways to try to get our current group to keep connecting? How can I keep building the support I need in my recovery (beyond individual therapy which I do already)?
• My husband and I interact with other couples who've been through Betrayal & Beyond, Conquer Series, Seven Pillars, marriage counseling, etc. What can I say to the betrayed wives who don't want to let go of the anger, or they don't want to forgive their husband? Most husbands are actively trying to stay sober, but the wives feel like they are entitled to stay bitter. My healing journey is a success, because my husband's recovery is a success. My husband says his recovery is a success because my healing is a success. How do I share this with wives with sensitivity, but not come off as holier than thou?
• How do I help the women in my group who are already divorced? Do you have much in the way of resources for them?

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Help Them Heal Book

Unraveled

Divorce Care

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions: 

• I feel rage every time I have sex with my husband. I am angry about how he took advantage of me all these years by having sex with himself and stealing my sex. I do NOT want him to feel any pleasure because he has already stolen enough pleasure for a lifetime through abusive behaviors. How can I possibly move forward in this relationship? And I’m a woman who likes sex.
• I am severely unattracted to my husband. He has acted out for our entire marriage, lying about it and pretending to be someone different. He walks around fantasizing that some woman will save him because he is so insecure. I am attracted to men with emotional and spiritual maturity, and a strength that comes from their inner being. Now I just see him as a nerdy teenage boy and I don’t know how to move past this. What should I do?
• Since my husband stepped into recovery, he is entirely different sexually. He used to never arrive during intercourse and now he climaxes so abruptly. This makes me angry. I confronted him numerous times during our marriage about his sexual issues in bed and he always lied and gaslit me about it. Now, our sexual relationship is totally different and I’m angry about it. How am I supposed to forgive 14 years of his lying, manipulating, and behaving like a child?

Full Episode On Youtube

Shelia Wray Gregoire Courses

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• I'm in a Betrayal & Beyond group and it's been great for healing BUT my question is, where do I fit in as the girlfriend? How do I approach a Safety Action Plan when I'm not a spouse and don't really know about relapses or anything in that space?
• We just had our 31st anniversary—second one since disclosure. It was rather miserable for me and I felt myself pulling away and closing down, preventing connection. I can’t reflect and enjoy the memory of our day without feeling like all the memories are tainted and full of lies. Do you have any strategies to have these dates, anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, ect., come without all the pain and negative emotions associated with them?
• Can a marriage be healed and restored if both spouses are not doing a Pure Desire group? My husband is doing SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) and I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group. It would be nice to be doing something that has similar language and would help him understand my betrayal trauma better. Do I need to let it go and realize we will be working on our recovery/healing with different resources?

Full Episode On Youtube 

All Pure Desire Tools

Help Her Heal

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband has cancer and is unable to have an erection without viagra. He's offered to help me achieve orgasm in other ways, but this feels selfish. What do I do?
• How do you deal with your sex drive after your spouse dies? You ladies talked about prior marriages but does it work the same way with the death of a spouse?
• How can you make talking about sex with your spouse more comfortable? Right now it just seems very awkward and uncomfortable bringing it up, so neither of us really talk about our needs.

Full Episode On Youtube

Sheila Wray Gregoire's Courses

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Email us your questions! - [email protected] Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

• In porn/sex addiction recovery resources, most of them seem to recommend a celibacy period of at least 90 days. My husband, who is a recovering porn addict, uses 1 Corinthians 7:5 to say that is unbiblical, saying that if we "deprive each other" then we will be more likely to fall into temptation. If the celibacy period is truly something that is worth doing to speed up recovery, how do I combat that argument about him saying it is unbiblical?
• What about if my husband relapses during those 90 days? What if we give in and have sex during those 90 days? For both of those prior questions, does this mean that the 90 days should start over?
• What changes happen in the brain due to an abstinence period? Will those changes only happen if someone chooses to do an abstinence period?

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Cleaning Up The Mental Mess

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• What do I do if my boundaries are not honored and my spouse continues to gaslight me and make me feel like the mean one?
• What is the best way to come up with boundaries and what are some good boundaries?
• We have been doing "recovery" for 6 years now. My husband cannot go more than 6 months white knuckling sobriety before diving back into addiction—then lying and telling me he’s sober. I’ve tried setting boundaries and consequences, but nothing sticks. I need help.

Watch Full Episode On Youtube

Recovery Action Plan Podcast Episode

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• How do I stop thinking about the prostitutes my husband was with when he and I have sex? How do I get my head sorted out?
• Do you ever get to the point where your spouse's past with a prostitute doesn't bother you or will you always experience triggers?
• What happens when a partner’s porn and sex addiction ends up rearing its ugly head in the marital bedroom?

The Resolution For Women

Free Counseling Consultation

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband is in a Pure Desire group but does the bare minimum. He says he’s sober and offended that I don’t trust him. He says he will always resent me for asking for a polygraph. Should my husband’s attitude toward me change with recovery?
• Is it an unrealistic expectation that my husband wouldn't fantasize about other women?
• Will my husband always be a sex addict and want his addiction more than me?

Listen Now!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• How do I process my own betrayal from his porn addiction and abusing my daughters and their friends?
• How do I reconcile with my daughter, who was sexually abused by her dad, whom I'm still married to?
• We have not resumed anything sexual, hardly even touching, as we work with a coach on building intimacy emotionally and spiritually in our relationship. I realized recently that I feel like it will be betraying my daughters to enter a sexual relationship with my husband again. Is it possible to recover and heal from all of this?

Full Episode on Youtube

Betrayal & Beyond

Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships

Authentically You

Free Counseling Consultation

Seven Pillars

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group and my husband is in a Seven Pillars group. We are working through this painful process. I’m curious about what specifically men are seeking out that they are not being provided with by their partners? Are we talking about specific acts, positions, role playing? I would love to understand what makes pornography better than me.  
• Part of my addicted spouse’s acting out is using me for sex. When it appears he’s doing work, and sex is back in the picture, he goes to cruise control and stops doing his recovery work. Then I feel unsafe and uncared for and used, and he gets upset, and the cycle starts all over again. What would you advise?
• Although my husband is not engaging in porn or masturbation, he does engage in “flashes” and fantasy while having sex with me. He says this is not breaking his sobriety, and according to our counselor it is. I feel violated, used, and betrayed. Can you help me understand more about the issues of “flashes” and fantasy?

Full Episode On Youtube

Betrayal & Beyond

Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships

Authentically You

Seven Pillars

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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