Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m reentering dating after ending a relationship with a man who had unresolved pornography struggles and resisted accountability. Now seeking a God-honoring, healthy marriage, I’m wondering how to graciously approach conversations about sexual history and porn use when dating. What level of recovery should be present before considering a relationship safe and spiritually healthy?
• My question is about dating someone who has disclosed that he has a porn and masturbation addiction. We are older and both divorced. He has been open and honest about it. He’s in counseling and wants victory. Part of me wants to run the other way and sever the relationship; part of me wants to wait and see what happens. Am I delusional to think the relationship could work?
• It feels rare to find women who still practice abstinence, even among Christians. Many seem to be sexually active outside of marriage or already have children. With today’s culture and values shifting, especially among attractive women, I wonder—do women who value abstinence and wait for marriage still exist in this day and age? Where are they?

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- My husband confessed to porn, chat rooms, and video calls, but I’ve discovered more he hasn’t admitted. I’m now in a group and writing a Safety Action Plan, but how do you create one when trust is completely broken? If there are consequences, won’t he just hide relapses better? How do I protect myself when honesty feels impossible and I’m afraid to stay—or leave?

- Since D-Day last August, I’ve learned my husband was unfaithful throughout our 25+ year relationship—porn, affairs, sexting, even acting out on vacations and anniversaries. Though we’re in recovery groups, I feel like my entire life has been a lie. Every memory feels shattered. We haven’t told our friends and family. I feel trapped and alone. How do I move forward when even the good moments are so deeply tainted?

- Two years into our healing journey, I still struggle to feel safe with the man who betrayed me. Sex feels like sleeping with the enemy, and early on, he got support while I was left traumatized and alone. Disclosure came months after discovery, deepening the pain. I’m starting Betrayal & Beyond soon—how do I begin to feel secure and whole again?a

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Previous Episodes Mentioned:
Episode 25
Episode 34

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I grew up in the church and always thought wanting sex, or enjoying it, made me less godly. Now I’m married, and feel so much confusion and guilt about what I should want. How has culture and religion shaped the way I view desire, and how do I know what’s actually true? Every time I try to explore my sexuality, I get hit with this wave of shame, like I’m doing something wrong. I want to be curious without feeling gross or guilty. How can I do that in a way that feels healthy and grounded?
• I will try to apply the practice of 2 Corinthians 10:5, “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ,” and do all the right things, but then I end up caving and going out with friends and hooking up with someone. I feel like a crazy person and a fraud. I can’t imagine if my church or family ever found out. Why are biblical truths not working for me? I feel like a terrible Christian because Jesus isn’t enough. Am I even saved?
• I don’t know how I got here, but I now find myself struggling with porn and masturbation. It started with a TV series a friend recommended that had tons of sex scenes, and somehow led to me seeking out more through pornography. I can’t believe this “man’s struggle” is now something I can’t break free of. How can I tell my husband about my porn use without it blowing up?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Girl Talk

FASTER Scale

Crash Site Analysis Podcast Episode

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband is making great progress in his recovery, attending group sessions and trauma counseling, but I’m struggling to catch up. I’ve had trouble finding a counselor and don’t have a group, though we both attended an intensive. He sometimes dismisses my concerns, like he did with his mom, and it’s making me hesitant about a trip we have planned. Should I push through and go, or is it okay to honor my feelings and hesitation?
• My husband denies being addicted to pornography, despite struggling with it since he was 17. Although he’s made progress, I feel like we’re stuck in a cycle where he’s unable to handle my pain because of his own. We’ve tried counseling, but he often complains, and we can’t seem to talk about past issues without him getting angry or emotionally distant. I’m tired of accommodating without change, and I feel alone in my pain. What can I do to break this cycle and deepen our emotional connection?
• My husband is doing well in recovery, but I’m struggling to move forward. It’s been almost three years since d-day, and while he’s committed to change, I can’t shake the fear of being hurt again. I don’t know if I love him anymore and worry that staying might worsen my health. Should I keep trying, or is it time to let go for my own well-being?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Gaslighting Episode

Gaslighting PD Podcast Episode

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If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My group was excruciating tonight—hearing others’ victories while I’m drowning in pain felt unbearable. I’m exhausted from picking myself back up after every setback, asking why healing comes easily for some but not for us. I know God has a plan, but it still hurts. What should I do when group becomes too painful—should I push through, even when my heart isn't in it? 
• I have a question for you in regard to rebuilding intimacy and trust. My husband has involved himself in behaviors that I find repulsive. He has apparently spent time at home wearing my under clothes for arousal, he has masturbated and interacted with our cat during those times, and also taken pictures of himself in his boxers on and sends that to hook up sites. I find these activities gross and disgusting—they are triggers to my being intimate with him. How do I overcome this?
• Last October, my husband confessed to years of porn use, shattering me emotionally and worsening my physical health. Since then, I’ve battled fear, grief, insecurity, and disconnection from myself and my role as a mom. He’s six months sober, but I feel broken and alone without a support group. Will this fear and pain ever pass—and how can I stop living in constant emotional defense?

Why Do I Need Group When It's Not My Fault - Blog

7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• In the new edition of Betrayal & Beyond you took out the part about "forgiving yourself." I am happy you did because I don't agree with that concept. I believe in God's forgiveness, but I wonder why you decided to take that part out of the new edition?
• Each time my husband relapses, I feel completely lost—especially now, four years in, after his first relapse in a long time. The longer the gap, the more painful it is, because I start to feel safe again. Could you create an episode I can return to during a relapse—something grounding, calming, and full of direction when I can't think clearly?
• I live in a small town with limited support and feel stuck in my healing. After nearly a year of counseling—and no full disclosure—I’m still facing lies and secrecy in my marriage. My husband refuses individual counseling, and our marriage counseling ended. I’ve considered separation or divorce. What resources or next steps would you suggest for someone in my situation, especially regarding boundaries?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]
We can’t wait to hear from you!

Episode 239

Episode 276

Episode 370

Episode 388

Andrea Rogers | Suddenly Single

Kim Petroni

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If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• As my husband and I walk through recovery—he’s in Seven Pillars, I’m in Betrayal & Beyond—I’m nearing the end of my group and preparing for full disclosure. I wish there were clear resources to help our Christian parents, including my retired pastor father-in-law, understand sex addiction and how to support us. Could you create an episode specifically for parents of adult children in recovery?
• I'm navigating a delicate situation with my 16-year-old daughter and a male youth group leader. He has been texting her personal prayers and has crossed boundaries, despite our requests for him to stop. My concern is whether this relationship is appropriate, as it feels like he’s overstepping. We're meeting with him and church leadership soon, and I’m wondering what questions to ask and how to handle this in a God-honoring way. I'm also healing from my own betrayal trauma and struggling with how to approach this situation without letting past wounds cloud my judgment. Would love any advice.
• My husband and I are celebrating 25 years in August, but my recovery has been a rollercoaster since discovering his porn addiction 15 months ago. We’ve planned an anniversary trip, but I’m struggling to book it. Part of me thinks it could be healing, but I’m afraid it might end up being a painful reminder. How long into recovery is it safe to take an extended vacation?

Girl Talk

SI 101

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m 26, single, and struggling with porn addiction. While I have filters in place, I’ve turned to sexually explicit romance books as a substitute. It feels less harmful since the characters aren't real, but I know it still impacts me. Can reading these books damage my future relationships, or will marriage truly make the cravings disappear?  
• I'm 46, still single, and always thought I’d be married by now. Over the years, I’ve felt disappointed, but that hasn’t stopped my natural sexual desire. Learning about my body through self-pleasure has helped me grow in confidence and body acceptance. Is it okay to self-pleasure while waiting for a future partner, and can it actually prepare me for a healthy sex life in marriage?
• I'm in my 40s, and don't struggle with fantasy, however, in the last year I have noticed that I'm struggling with masturbating at specific times of the month. It seems like this is related to hormonal changes. Even though I'm not thinking about anything specific or watching anything inappropriate, I still get filled with shame when I lose the battle. What should I do?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• During our full disclosure, my husband confessed to having fantasies about my young adult daughter. She is his step-daughter and he did not raise her. He then confessed that he is aroused by most developed females. I suppose my question is this: is there really hope that his arousal template can change and our marriage can survive and thrive? I am scared to stay in this marriage and circle the drain for years. I am scared I will never feel safe around any other females, including my own daughter. 
• After years of struggling, including a particularly destructive 2023–2024, my husband claims to have maintained five months of sobriety following a brief relapse. Yet he’s not active in a men’s group or recovery program and only recently resumed counseling. Can long-term sobriety truly begin without consistent support, especially after a lifetime of addiction and minimal accountability?
• I struggle with unmet expectations after years of addiction and my own enabling. My husband’s emotional affair lasted months, with multiple other women involved. He now says he wants change—for himself—and is more present with our kids. But I’m exhausted doing the work alone while he remains passive in recovery. Am I asking too much to want true partnership and understanding in this healing process?

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• How does one communicate needs in a marriage when one partner is stuck in the shame spiral of addiction? My husband gets defensive when I express my needs, which deepens my emotional wounds. How can I safely share my feelings and build trust and intimacy when he reacts this way?
• Could you talk more about spiritual bypass? It seems like people sometimes use faith or spiritual practices to avoid addressing deeper emotional or relational issues. How can we recognize spiritual bypassing, and how can it be harmful to personal healing or relationships? I’d love to hear more on this topic.
• I would like to hear more about self-esteem or self-love in healing. For the betrayed partner, working on self-esteem has been foundational to my healing and my husband's. Yet, church and Christian writers often reject the concept, especially in women's ministry. Why is there fear of elevating oneself in this context?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]

We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

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